Relationships

  • bushman

    Posts: 12

    Aug 27, 2014 10:16 PM GMT

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    Aug 27, 2014 10:21 PM GMT
    Well you didn't really explain anything icon_confused.gif
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    Aug 28, 2014 1:58 PM GMT
    You are in an open relationship, what is there to resolve? Just move on.
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    Aug 28, 2014 2:32 PM GMT
    Can you be less philosophical, and actually explain your situation?
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    Aug 28, 2014 3:48 PM GMT
    20years is a big investment so take it easy, do things right.

    for example if there is an argument about to happen tell him you love him and walk out of the room. No more argument.

    there is professional counseling:
    free at the some LGBT centers
    costy but could incorporate into a vacation to SF or NYC


    you are thinking if it is easier to judge from another angle but is it necessary to find who is at fault? could you just give it to him because you love him.

    text your partner right now and tell him you love him.
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    Aug 28, 2014 4:57 PM GMT
    It takes two people working together to make a relationship work. If one isn't being cooperative or is actively being destructive to the point that you "Under other circumstances...would have been out of the relationship ages ago" it is time to seek professional counseling or cut your losses.

    Your "ages ago" comment is telling. Seems this hasn't been a good relationship for a long time and for whatever reason you allowed it to continue.

    Seek counseling before doing anything rash.
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    Aug 28, 2014 10:10 PM GMT
    tights4me saidI would like to think that I follow and accept "most norms" in life.

    However when my mate says things and or acts with no betterment and sometimes counter-productive, what seems to me "out of the norm" I question myself and ask myself "if I am the one that's "out of the norm"? "

    This doesn't really doesn't make sense without specifics to understand what is counter-productive…or what that is with.

    For example: If counter productive is that he's cheating then yes, you're 'in the norm' but if counter productive is wanting you to be more social with him then no, 'you're not in the norm'.

    More details needed if you want real applicable answers.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Aug 29, 2014 2:31 AM GMT
    It's usually over LONG before you acknowledge that it's over.

  • metta

    Posts: 39134

    Aug 29, 2014 5:24 AM GMT
    If you want to keep the relationship, talk to him about it. Go to counseling. If you don't want the relationship, it sounds like you better making plans with him to end it.


    Will you and your partner stay together? Relationship therapists speak out
    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/3879063
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    Aug 29, 2014 5:47 AM GMT
    Blondizgd saidYou are in an open relationship, what is there to resolve? Just move on.


    No but he never said his relationship was open. Hmmm I'm still analyzing his post before I comment on it.
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    Aug 29, 2014 5:52 AM GMT
    Sweetooth saidCan you be less philosophical, and actually explain your situation?


    Philosophy is an explanation. Why do you have to analyze things based on "Does the sex feel good" or "Would he cheat on me". The details are really irrelevant. If he is on a philosophy trip let him continue on it. Guide him. I am really shocked that he has been in a GAY relationship for over twenty years. That is a first I EVER HEARD.
  • metta

    Posts: 39134

    Aug 29, 2014 6:02 AM GMT
    jerred said
    Blondizgd saidYou are in an open relationship, what is there to resolve? Just move on.


    No but he never said his relationship was open. Hmmm I'm still analyzing his post before I comment on it.


    His profile says that he is in an open relationship.
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    Aug 29, 2014 6:05 AM GMT
    tights4me saidI have been in relationship for over 20 years and as of late it seems like the rot has started to set in.

    I would like to think that I follow and accept "most norms" in life.

    However when my mate says things and or acts with no betterment and sometimes counter-productive, what seems to me "out of the norm" I question myself and ask myself "if I am the one that's "out of the norm"? "

    Under other circumstances I would have been out of the relationship ages ago, (though a few times I did attempt to dissolve the relationship).

    However the relationship has become interdependent on each other and I can see a lot of damage will be done if it is dissolved.

    Not trying to sound indecisive but what sort of benchmark do you use to confirm or deny that I am the one that's out of step?

    I ask this as its easier to judge from the outside than from within.

    Any thoughts?




    Okay, this is what I think. Relationships are about growing with eachother. There are going to be rivers to cross along the way. It really depends upon how far apart from eachother you want to go on your journey of coming back together again. But there may come a time (and I am not going to judge) when you move far apart and realize "Damn, I can't help this person anymore" or "damn this person isn't helping me help himself". In that situation I think you need to open your mind up to a future WHICH IS FRIGHTENING and maybe just relax as a single man WITHOUT jeapardizing what you have accompished so far in your life. But you have to ask yourself this one BIG thing... am I going to be taken advantage of? THEN you have to add this question... Is it okay by me right now FOR A CERTAIN TIME PERIOD to be taken advantage of? That is where it all lies ahead of you brother. I wish the best for you and congrats on over twenty years, that is really impressive in our community.
  • bushman

    Posts: 12

    Aug 29, 2014 7:14 AM GMT

  • metta

    Posts: 39134

    Aug 29, 2014 2:29 PM GMT
    tights4me said
    eb925guy said
    tights4me saidI would like to think that I follow and accept "most norms" in life.


    to demonstrate my attitude you would expect the other person to get the HINT! And act accordingly.




    I don't think that it is a good idea to play games with hints. It is obviously important to you. Be direct. Tell him what is bothering you. If you can't do that, the lack of communication is probably a death sentence to the relationship.