Locker room courtesy/etiquette question.

  • Fullhouse

    Posts: 122

    Aug 28, 2014 12:11 AM GMT
    So this happened a few days ago, but it has stuck in my mind.

    After a good workout, hot tub, and steam room time, I showered and went to the open changing area to finish drying off and change clothes. I removed my towel from my waist, and was drying off, when a little girl (probably 6-7 years old) came out of the restroom area in to the changing area. I was not the only man there, in various stages of dress/undress. I quickly covered myself, as did the other gentlemen there. The girl just stood there for what seemed like a long time (probably 30-45 seconds in reality). At least one other man entered from the shower area sans clothing or towel. With nothing to cover himself with, he had to walk right by the little girl to grab his towel from his locker. All of a sudden the girl's dad (I assume) made his way from the restroom area to the changing area. He took her by the hand and escorted her out like it was nothing.

    Keep in mind, my gym has clearly posted signs that say "no children of the opposite sex in locker room," and offers 3 small changing areas with bathrooms reserved for family use.

    I might understand if the girl was 2 or 3, but she was clearly of school age, at least.

    Does anyone else find this inappropriate or disturbing, or am I over-reacting?
  • SENCGuy1

    Posts: 247

    Aug 28, 2014 12:16 AM GMT
    It is both inappropriate or disturbing, and you are not over-reacting. It raises questions about the father's parenting skills and how sexually advanced the child was to stand there and look. If I were her father, I'd be concerned. I would talk to the father or report him. This is totally inappropriate behavior for both the child and the father.

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    Aug 28, 2014 12:20 AM GMT
    What kind of idiot would bring his daughter anywhere near a man's locker room and not be with here 100% of the time???
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    Aug 28, 2014 12:21 AM GMT
    Some school trips are supervised by women PE teachers now, who go into the men's locker rooms *shudder*
  • Fullhouse

    Posts: 122

    Aug 28, 2014 12:23 AM GMT
    Ohno saidSome school trips are supervised by women PE teachers now, who go into the men's locker rooms *shudder*


    WOW! I don't think my gym would allow that! I am of the opinion that if a field trip would involve children needing to be in a locker room, presumably to change clothes, a male sponsor should be present to supervise the boys.
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    Aug 28, 2014 12:24 AM GMT
    It is understandable to have been frustrated by the actions of the father allowing his daughter to enter the men's locker room.

    However, I thinking it may have been a possible mistake... The girl may have ran off after being told to stay in a certain spot while her dad went to use the facilities. I would count it as a one off and then consider pursuing other actions if you notice it happen again.
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    Aug 28, 2014 12:34 AM GMT
    Ohno saidSome school trips are supervised by women PE teachers now, who go into the men's locker rooms *shudder*

    I don't think field trips of either sex really need a tour of the locker room for many reasons.
    Just tell them that there are lockers in there and folks bring their clothes to change here on property.
    No kid needs to see that first hand. I think gyms are for adults and young adults.
    Not kids. There's special family gyms for that.
  • Fullhouse

    Posts: 122

    Aug 28, 2014 12:55 AM GMT
    Riko_sal saidIt is understandable to have been frustrated by the actions of the father allowing his daughter to enter the men's locker room.

    However, I thinking it may have been a possible mistake... The girl may have ran off after being told to stay in a certain spot while her dad went to use the facilities. I would count it as a one off and then consider pursuing other actions if you notice it happen again.


    Riko - I don't think she just wandered in after her father. The locker room entrance and the restroom area are at opposite ends of the changing room. I think he took her in the locker room to use the bathroom, and she wandered into the changing area while waiting on him to finish his business. Either way, she would have had to walk through the changing area.

    I could be wrong though, she may have innocently entered on her own.
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    Aug 28, 2014 1:24 AM GMT
    My pool has a sign no girls over the age of 4 in the men's locker room.
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    Aug 28, 2014 2:38 AM GMT
    I can see why you would feel uncomfortable, and I would feel that way too. But I also think you're overreacting a bit, unless there was an orgy going on or pedophiles were looking for prey. There are nude beaches where kids wander around with their parents and no doubt get an eyeful of what is, after all, normal human anatomy. Seeing naked guys in a locker room isn't going to burn a hole in her brain. But you're right that the dad was pushing the boundaries of etiquette.
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    Aug 28, 2014 2:47 AM GMT
    Fullhouse said
    Does anyone else find this inappropriate or disturbing, or am I over-reacting?

    Yes, inappropriate. I'll give you one worse.

    I was using a YMCA mens gang shower. A doorway at one end gave access to the swimming pool.

    As I was showering, a naked man came in with his 2 naked daughters. I think they may have been about 4 and 7. I was more than a little shocked, and turned to the wall. I could see the older girl was staring at me and at some of the other naked men in the shower with us. Then they put on swimsuits and went out the pool entrance.

    Other guys told me this had happened before, and nobody liked it. A few days later I was told complaints were filed with the Y management, and the father lost his membership. Good.

    If a father wants to be naked with his daughters at home I suppose that's family business, although unless the family are all practicing nudists, including the mother, it seems very suspect to me. But please don't include ME in it. I don't want your 7-year-old daughter seeing ME naked.

    I'm not even terribly comfortable when fathers bring their young sons into the adult locker rooms for Father & Son Day, and pre-teen boys are curiously staring at my dick & balls in the sauna and shower. But GIRLS??? icon_eek.gif
  • Fullhouse

    Posts: 122

    Aug 28, 2014 2:57 AM GMT
    Sf_swimmer-

    you are completely correct! there are nude beaches where there are children, and I am sure the grow up completely well-adjusted. The difference is that everyone at a nude beach expects to be seen by men, women, and children of all ages. I, along with the others in the locker room, were not voluntary participants in the situation.

    Truly my only reaction was to cover myself, and then think about it for the next few days. I did not report the man or even mention it to the others that were present. I simply posted it here to see if it was a regular occurance at other gyms, and to see if I should possibly expect it to happen more often.

    According to popular response, it was inappropriate for the father to place his daughter or the gym-goers in that situation, and my reaction/concern was indeed appropriate.
  • Fullhouse

    Posts: 122

    Aug 28, 2014 3:02 AM GMT
    ART_Deco -

    I agree. I understand the whole father-son thing at the gym, especially when a pool is an option (which, it is at my gym).

    As far as the young boys sneaking a peek at me in the locker room or sauna, I just chalk it up to youth and curiosity. I am sure we all snuck a quick peek in that situation when we were kids. No harm, no foul.

    As for the little girl, I am still a little uncomfortable about that, no matter how comfortable her dad was with it.
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    Aug 28, 2014 3:48 AM GMT
    That's such an awkward situation. I understand if he needed to take his daughter to use the restroom, then he should have handled it better. Perhaps carry her and walk quickly into the stall and out quickly. Letting her wander out on her own for almost a minute is just terrible.
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    Aug 28, 2014 4:00 AM GMT
    Sad thought, but maybe these fathers are molesting these girls. I think it happens a lot more than we realize.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Aug 28, 2014 7:03 AM GMT
    I think you're over reacting.
    Apparently, she was just wandering around, waiting for her dad.
    I was impressed that he didn't make a big deal out of it.
  • kew1

    Posts: 1595

    Aug 28, 2014 10:49 AM GMT
    Ohno saidSome school trips are supervised by women PE teachers now, who go into the men's locker rooms *shudder*


    One of the female PE teachers used to go into the boys changing room at my school (well, it happened once when I was dressing, I heard she did it a few times).
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    Aug 28, 2014 1:40 PM GMT
    It's good for her to see penises.
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    Aug 28, 2014 3:53 PM GMT
    I do feel for single dads left in charge of their kids, but why would you bring your kid to the gym? If there is child care, it should have its own bathroom.

    I was in the mall not long ago and there was a little girl of about that age, freaking out because she didn't want to go into the men's room with her dad, but he didn't know what else to do with her. I'm guessing it was him who had to go, and not her. They probably should have gone into a restaurant or something with a smaller bathroom, but I wasn't getting in the middle of it.
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    Aug 28, 2014 4:05 PM GMT
    ShiftyJK08 said
    I was in the mall not long ago and there was a little girl of about that age, freaking out because she didn't want to go into the men's room with her dad, but he didn't know what else to do with her. I'm guessing it was him who had to go, and not her. They probably should have gone into a restaurant or something with a smaller bathroom, but I wasn't getting in the middle of it.

    Larger US shopping malls have family restrooms, a single big private lockable room, that will accommodate a parents and kids. I've also seen campground showers with the same arrangement, that I had to use with my own young sons (though rather awkwardly, I must confess). Problem with those, lots of straight adult couples will also use them together, blocking them for others you really need them, to engage in all kinds of sexy naughtiness under the water spray. icon_eek.gif
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    Aug 28, 2014 4:06 PM GMT
    I think you are overreacting a bit mate .
    There are plenty of nude beaches in the world , where children are wandering and see it all !
    I agree that it was inconsiderate for the father ,to impose that uncomfortable to the other men present in the locker-room .
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    Aug 28, 2014 4:12 PM GMT
    neffa saidI think you are overreacting a bit mate .
    There are plenty of nude beaches in the world , where children are wandering and see it all !
    I agree that it was inconsiderate for the father ,to impose that uncomfortable to the other men present in the locker-room .


    Bingo, I have no issue where everybody has opted into seeing and being seen. The issue here is that it was, erm, sprung on them.

    The female janitor/attendant at my gym, who speaks little or no English, wandered into the guy's locker room while the gym was open a while back. Hilarity ensued, she just went about her business.
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    Aug 28, 2014 4:26 PM GMT
    ShiftyJK08 said
    neffa saidI think you are overreacting a bit mate .
    There are plenty of nude beaches in the world , where children are wandering and see it all !
    I agree that it was inconsiderate for the father ,to impose that uncomfortable to the other men present in the locker-room .


    Bingo, I have no issue where everybody has opted into seeing and being seen. The issue here is that it was, erm, sprung on them.

    The female janitor/attendant at my gym, who speaks little or no English, wandered into the guy's locker room while the gym was open a while back. Hilarity ensued, she just went about her business.


    I fancy that lady , no big deal , i have seen penises before , that is what she was projecting , she definitely is cool ..lol..
  • Kwokpot

    Posts: 329

    Aug 28, 2014 5:36 PM GMT
    neffa said
    ShiftyJK08 said
    neffa saidI think you are overreacting a bit mate .
    There are plenty of nude beaches in the world , where children are wandering and see it all !
    I agree that it was inconsiderate for the father ,to impose that uncomfortable to the other men present in the locker-room .


    Bingo, I have no issue where everybody has opted into seeing and being seen. The issue here is that it was, erm, sprung on them.

    The female janitor/attendant at my gym, who speaks little or no English, wandered into the guy's locker room while the gym was open a while back. Hilarity ensued, she just went about her business.


    I fancy that lady , no big deal , i have seen penises before , that is what she was projecting , she definitely is cool ..lol..
    Definitely quite different with an adult woman than a child. In fact, it is quite common in Europe, ESECIALLY in Germany & Italy, for public toilets to have women cleaners who clean BOTH men & women facilities. 'Toilette Dame' is what they are called in German.

    Whatsmore, in Germany, many of the spa facilities are COMPLETEY CO-ED, with women and men equally naked using the steam, sauna, sun beds, showers.
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    Aug 28, 2014 5:44 PM GMT
    Who has been aggravated? How?