Gay apps: don't respond, or decline interest

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 29, 2014 12:26 AM GMT
    Do we have a set proper etiquette for this? When people send you messages on the gay apps and you feel it is not a match, do we just ignore those messages and/or block if they become incessant or do we politely say "I'm not interested?

    I used to do the former but a crazy person kept sending me a message nearly every day for a couple weeks and then finally said "You know you can just say you're not interested" and I realized that probably was a more preferable solution? So I started doing that recently and while the usually response is that person blocking me (which is a-ok by me) or not responding (just as good) there have been a few "oh, thanks for letting me know" sorts of responses... but there have been a few "how dare you not be attracted to me?" sorts of responses as well. And, predictably, some responses have been akin to "you could have just not responded or blocked me!" Hmph.

    I think I would prefer the guy just letting me know we're not a match. Which would you prefer?
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    Aug 29, 2014 1:21 AM GMT
    Depends on why you use those apps. I state that I'm not looking for hookups or even a date. If someone's first message to me is sexual/flirty in nature, then I just don't respond.

    If we have some casual dialog going and he later suggest we go out, I kindly decline and let him know I'm not looking for anything more than friends at the moment.
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    Aug 29, 2014 1:25 AM GMT
    Letting me know.
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    Aug 29, 2014 1:55 AM GMT
    You can just be friends with that person. If the due insists on sending you nudes and dirty talk then block him.
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    Aug 29, 2014 2:18 AM GMT
    Isn't it better to not reply than to say "Fuck off" ?

    OP, if the guy who kept sending you messages and didn't get a clue, then he is freaking stupid.
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    Aug 29, 2014 2:26 AM GMT
    Rules of thumb....
    1) Treat others the way you want to be treated.....and 2) remember that you will NEVER make everyone happy with whatever you do or say....so make yourself happy!
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    Aug 29, 2014 5:55 PM GMT
    It's better to ignore him. If you reply, open channel of communications, two things will happen.

    . He will beg or plead to let go out.
    . He will fire insults at you. Which is uncalled for.

    Guys have done this to me in the past. Now I just ignored and blocked whoever not my cup of tea.
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    Aug 29, 2014 6:04 PM GMT
    Or they will tell you they are ok with being friends, and when you stand your ground (when you meet in real life), and they realize that's all you want, they stop talking to you or make a fight.
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    Aug 29, 2014 6:06 PM GMT
    LAXWill10 saidIt's better to ignore him. If you reply, open channel of communications, two things will happen.

    . He will beg or plead to let go out.
    . He will fire insults at you. Which is uncalled for.

    Guys have done this to me in the past. Now I just ignored and blocked whoever not my cup of tea.


    I agree. I initially ignored messages from a seemingly nice older gentleman because I thought him too old. I mean old. Next thing you know he's telling me he wants to take me on his annual trip to Italy (he's Italian) next month and included several snaps of him in his, I guess, fancy convertible Porsche...

    Maybe I'll just refer him to Cash.
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    Aug 29, 2014 6:10 PM GMT
    I just ignore and if the person persists I block.
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    Aug 29, 2014 6:14 PM GMT
    Sporty_G saidRules of thumb....
    1) Treat others the way you want to be treated.....and 2) remember that you will NEVER make everyone happy with whatever you do or say....so make yourself happy!

    Agreed
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 29, 2014 6:17 PM GMT
    If you don't want to reply, just block them. It saves you from having to worry about any of these scenarios.
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    Aug 29, 2014 6:26 PM GMT
    Sweetooth saidOr they will tell you they are ok with being friends, and when you stand your ground (when you meet in real life), and they realize that's all you want, they stop talking to you or make a fight.


    Because it's harder to take rejection in real life. Some men can't handle rejection that well. Don't meet up if you're not into it, waste of time.
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    Aug 29, 2014 6:57 PM GMT
    xrichx saidDepends on why you use those apps. I state that I'm not looking for hookups or even a date. If someone's first message to me is sexual/flirty in nature, then I just don't respond.

    If we have some casual dialog going and he later suggest we go out, I kindly decline and let him know I'm not looking for anything more than friends at the moment.


    Sporty_G saidRules of thumb....
    1) Treat others the way you want to be treated.....and 2) remember that you will NEVER make everyone happy with whatever you do or say....so make yourself happy!


    These two statements I agree with. I have been guilty of ignoring and blocking but I always end up feeling conflicted as you do.

    Like Sporty_G said, treat others the way you want to be treated. I hate being left in the dark or being blocked especially when I don't put myself out there much and I am in a very caucasian dominant area who don't find my race attractive. I've just started to be honest with people but I put it the nicest way possible. I would want someone to respect me so I respect them no matter how hard of a hit the rejection is...it builds character. Hopefully.

    xrichx actually stated what I try to do now, I give people the time of day. I'm not necessarily searching for something in particular, you never know what may come of talking to someone...everyone has something to offer and a story to share. Now unless they want sex right off the bat and send nudes right away, I find that in bad taste, then I find that not worth the time especially when I stated on my profile not to do so. Or if they are pushy about dating and hooking up after talking that is when I choose my words carefully and thoughtfully and stay honest with them.

    I try to use the etiquette and manners I was raised with for face to face public and private interactions. I see the profiles as people not just a photo block on a phone screen. I have actually call others out who begin talking to me and stop talking to me when they loose interest without letting me know. I feel it's the least you can do.

    Too bad these apps can't have filters that work on all ends so you see who you're interested in and who's interested in your type.
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    Aug 29, 2014 7:05 PM GMT
    Sporty_G saidRules of thumb....
    1) Treat others the way you want to be treated.....and 2) remember that you will NEVER make everyone happy with whatever you do or say....so make yourself happy!


    +1

    If they send a reasonably polite inquiry, then I respond in the same manner. Even if it is to say "Sorry, but not interested."

    I will usually not respond to things like "sup". Nor will I respond to blank profiles. And no pic= no chat.

    If an otherwise blank profile decides to open a dialog by sending me a picture of their asshole(It has happened! Really? Dogs do that on the street.), then I tell them "You might want think about seeing a plastic surgeon because your face is butt-ugly." icon_biggrin.gif
  • allatonce

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    Aug 29, 2014 7:34 PM GMT
    Would probably prefer to be blocked. The worst is when a guy kind of responds to you but with one word answers. I just find it rude.
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    Aug 29, 2014 7:40 PM GMT
    allatonce saidWould probably prefer to be blocked. The worst is when a guy kind of responds to you but with one word answers. I just find it rude.


    But isn't blocking the kind of the same? I would feel getting ignored or block is worst and more rude than someone being nice enough to say their just not interested.

    I guess getting blocked is the same amount of honesty though.
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    Aug 29, 2014 7:47 PM GMT
    Ignore them. If they go crazy at you for not responding they will go crazy at you for saying you are not interested. Or, you will date them then dump them and they will get their revenge by killing your pets or setting your car on fire.

    If you don't want to ignore them, another option is to ask them if they are into something freaky that you like. If they are then it's all go for a one night stand icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 29, 2014 7:47 PM GMT
    There is no one right answer for all cases. I used to ignore people but decided that was juvenile, so then I started saying this:

    "You're a very good looking guy and I'm flattered by your interest, but I'm afraid we're not a match. I have very bizarre taste in men. :/"

    This does two things....it gives them a compliment (even if it's not sincere, they know I'm at least making an effort to be kind), and it puts the blame on me instead of their appearance. This works for me 95% of the time, but you will always get that one guy who wants to insult you even though he just got through hitting on you. I'm actually having this problem with some 19 year old asshole on here right now.
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    Aug 29, 2014 7:47 PM GMT
    LoneStar_Ro said
    allatonce saidWould probably prefer to be blocked. The worst is when a guy kind of responds to you but with one word answers. I just find it rude.


    But isn't blocking the kind of the same? I would feel getting ignored or block is worst and more rude than someone being nice enough to say their just not interested.

    I guess getting blocked is the same amount of honesty though.


    Yes, blocking is just as rude. Some guys will block after receiving a compliment. Saying thank you doesn't hurt anyone.
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    Aug 29, 2014 7:49 PM GMT
    Ohno said
    If you don't want to ignore them, another option is to ask them if they are into something freaky that you like. If they are then it's all go for a one night stand icon_twisted.gif


    qft. I've done this and it's a good idea
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    Aug 29, 2014 7:52 PM GMT
    Avsigkommen said
    Ohno said
    If you don't want to ignore them, another option is to ask them if they are into something freaky that you like. If they are then it's all go for a one night stand icon_twisted.gif


    qft. I've done this and it's a good idea


    Obviously the next day and forever after you have to ignore them anyway bahahaha icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 29, 2014 9:02 PM GMT
    Usually, I don't respond, if I am not interested.
    I expect the same, if someone is not interested in me. It doesn't really affect me in anyway.

    On the other hand, if someone seems nice, usually those who have put some effort in filling their profile, I would reply that I am not interested. Sometimes the guy would seem very nice, and I feel bit guilty for rejecting them. But then I go with the fact that how many people reject me.

    The worst thing is when someone doesn't have very clear picture, and they show interest in you. I have sometimes taken the bait, and asked for a clearer picture. Then those people get pissed if you are not interested in them
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3529

    Aug 29, 2014 9:41 PM GMT
    i always respond to direct requests so they dont have to waste their time. I usually have a novella for a profile though, so i can usually find something obscure to reject someone on other than their looks (usually smoking or not reading).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 29, 2014 9:50 PM GMT
    Whenever a guy messages me with a compliment, I will always acknowledge it because you if you don't that's just plain rude.

    However. if a guy just messages me "hi" or "hey" with no effort- they just sound bland. I either ignore the message or simply block them. Why should I use my time to reply to guys that are obviously too lazy to want to have a real conversation? In all honesty, I do not have to reply to every guy especially if your inbox is always being blown up on gay apps with loads of messages a day.

    I use to be the type of guy that would try to reply to everyone and when I would tell a guy that I'm not interested they would just verbally attack me especially older guys who think I was just being ageist when I'm not I'm just don't find some older guys attractive if there not fit or handsome.

    You cant please everyone. Just be polite to those who take the time to acknowledge you in a nice way but never feel like you have to be every guy's friend that messages you.