Regrets after mutual acknowledgement of interest

  • Benz4756

    Posts: 8

    Aug 30, 2014 4:53 PM GMT
    Should not be writing about this as gay life has progressed much better than in the 'Dark Gay Ages' and we are in 2014 yet this is reality with me. Rather shy here and even after I see a guy who I think is interested in me ( either by looking or smiling) I freak out then am prone to go home and wonder 'what if' or to revisit the store,street, supermarket, etc. with the hope that if I see the same guy again I should act on the attraction and introduce myself. Sadly I may never see that person again and when another interested guy does the same thing the cycle repeats itself. I need some help here because I am not sure if they appreciate my build or something more. I have a lot to offer a relationship and am not liking single life at all.
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    Aug 30, 2014 4:58 PM GMT
    Get used to it. Unless you man up, that will be your lot in this life.
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    Aug 30, 2014 8:08 PM GMT
    Your caution is sensible. "Mutual interest" can mean a lot of different things, and more often than not it means someone is interested in an anonymous hook-up--we're talking about gay men after all. But it sounds like you'd like something more than that, so you want to adopt a strategy that helps pinpoint the guys would be more interested in friendship or dating. About the best you can do with a chance encounter is to say hi and then make an innocuous comment like "how was your workout" (if your at the gym, for example.) Then if he reciprocates with similar small talk keep it going and see where things go. If he's more interested in a hook-up you'll probably subtly express disinterest and depart.

    The key is to know in advance what you're looking for, and then realize that taking that first step is really easy and has very little risk. And enjoy the moment and take it for what it presents itself to be without building up your expectations too quickly ... that will help you to relax.
  • Benz4756

    Posts: 8

    Aug 30, 2014 9:57 PM GMT
    Thanks for your advice. Have never looked for hookups or want any but I just 'freeze' up at that critical moment when there is obvious interest expressed by a guy.
    Work keeps me very busy and the times I perceive that I am in a possible partner-generating social setting are few. I will try your strategy and hope for the best.
    I think what I find hard to take is that I am never lacking initiative in any other aspect of life but with this important part, I am weak.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Aug 31, 2014 7:33 PM GMT
    Benz4756 saidShould not be writing about this as gay life has progressed much better than in the 'Dark Gay Ages' and we are in 2014 yet this is reality with me. Rather shy here and even after I see a guy who I think is interested in me ( either by looking or smiling) I freak out then am prone to go home and wonder 'what if' or to revisit the store,street, supermarket, etc. with the hope that if I see the same guy again I should act on the attraction and introduce myself. Sadly I may never see that person again and when another interested guy does the same thing the cycle repeats itself. I need some help here because I am not sure if they appreciate my build or something more. I have a lot to offer a relationship and am not liking single life at all.


    I understand where you're coming from as the same can happen to me and I'm kind of scared to approach guys who catch my interest. Do you have social anxiety? Because well, if that's the case, maybe you can get some medicine to help treat it and relax you. That's what I plan to do soon.

    In any case, just take this as a learning lesson.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 872

    Aug 31, 2014 8:10 PM GMT
    A good thing here may be to understand such situations as a play.

    Sure, you play to win, but you are very well aware of the fact that the other guys do, too. Which really boils down to the fact that no one knows the outcome beforehand.

    So, will yourself into overcoming your sense of shyness. You even do not have to formally introduce yourself at first. A simple comment, a situationally related question, etc, will get the ball rolling.

    Most guys are very good in signalling their interest or the lack thereof.

    Take it easy but do not slow down the process. A number of guys will expect that you/they will want more than just your usual coffee chat.

    Follow their hints. Understand that not every dude out there really wants a long romantic prelude before he goes for the test ride. If you make it difficult on them... but you are getting the picture, aren't you?icon_twisted.gif

    SC
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3525

    Aug 31, 2014 8:29 PM GMT
    luckily for you they invented the internet where you can see who is interested in you without ever having to meet, and by the time you do, you can know 90% of what you wanted to know about him.
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    Sep 01, 2014 12:12 AM GMT
    I think this is a normal feeling. I am actually a little bit shy in real life. It's a Libra's trait I guess. But yeah, when I see a guy that I like, I'm usually taken back a little bit and would start to flirt, make eye contact with him first. If there's mutual interest and he smiles back my way then sure it's on. It'd reduce a lot of unnecessary attention or un-wanted rejection. Lol, I mean, I'm sure there were guys that hit on me or tried to make eye contact in the past but I just wasn't interested. I think it's better to not flirt back if you're not into him. I'd hate to reject a dude in a public place or he do the same to me. But overall, just go with your instincts, flirting, rejection, taking risks are all part of the finding love process.
  • Benz4756

    Posts: 8

    Sep 06, 2014 3:49 AM GMT
    Thanks guys, Not sure if the anxiety is pathological and needing meds but it is a social bummer.
    Really hard if you don't know if a guy that catches my interest is gay and if I should approach him and the ones who are bold can be after just one thing.
    The Internet/social sites like Realjock does help somewhat.
  • Wendigo9

    Posts: 426

    Aug 19, 2015 1:24 AM GMT
    I feel that sometimes too, from any public place you make eye contact, a warm gentle smile, thinking "damn he's cute/handsome/hot" but too shy to make the first move. Even on here looked at once shows "maybe" or "not likely, but looked at constantly shows strong interest. Hotlisting is pretty obvious though, am I right?