Dating guys with qualities you don't like, but you like their company?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 02, 2014 6:03 AM GMT
    I'm not just talking about the physical or looks aspect about things. But, say you meet a guy off Grinder, Fakebook, or Jack'd up. Or even at a bar thru friends or something. I understand most 1st time meets with a gay guy is similar to straights meeting opposite sexes: it's going to have a 'courting' vibe to it.

    Well, I have to say there's like 3 guys I've met. Even though there's some attraction there, I know I should only be friends with these guys. 2 of the guys had roommates. I'm pushing 30 years old. I'm 27. These guys are a few years older than me, and have roommates. I'm sorry but, I just can't take someone who has a roommate seriously. I was dating this guy, and even though his roommate was a cool guy, roommate was bringing his girlfriend(s) to the house while I was trying to chill with him! There's just no reason for a guy who has a good job like these 2 guys did...and have roommates. That's just too frat-boy, co-ed for me. And all 3 guys just didn't have the same motivation for fitness as I do...and it leaves me feeling like I'm settling.

    Then...the same guy who has the straight roommate, was being all cheap with me, and I didn't like that. For my birthday, I had to buy my cake and then bring it to his house where his roommates sung happy birthday. I thought that was kinda tacky, and I told him that. So I didn't speak to him for like 2 weeks when I went away, and when his birthday came around, a mutual friend told me...but he couldn't even tell me anything or get in touch with me during the 1 week I was away. It's just real immature petty shit, that I just can't deal with. He say he want a relationship, and yadda yadda, but it didn't seem like he was trying to put forth the effort to keep it exciting.

    But, I'm the type of person that doesn't like to completely obliterate relations/friendships...so I still hang with them, but it ends up looking like I'm trying to make something out of nothing. Anyone do this sometimes?

  • Neurons

    Posts: 537

    Sep 02, 2014 2:27 PM GMT
    There are sometimes reasons why people have roommates. I think your expectations are just really high. You're saying you're dealing with petty immature shit but personally I find you being a bit petty and immature. If you didn't want to celebrate your birthday like that, call different friends up and have them buy a cake for you.

    Anyway, if you feel like you're making something out of nothing just stop talking to them. You're only wasting your time and theirs. The fact that they're not at your fitness level probably means you need to look elsewhere. I wouldn't date a guy below a PhD, met my guy in my lab. Perhaps you can search for guys closer to your fitness level and start there.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Sep 03, 2014 5:22 AM GMT
    Not really in that sense. I mean, I do have an acquintance who I ocassionally see and he's an okay guy but he's very judgmental and it makes me a little uncomfortable. Nevertheless, I still do enjoy talking with him. But yeah, I don't think it's exactly as you said.

    Anyway, about the roommate thing, I feel you're being a little harsh. Some people have roommates because they can't afford to live completely on their own so this kind of situation is a good solution and even better if they get along. Others might do it for the company. You say this guy has enough money to live on his own but maybe he just likes having company & bonds. I don't know, I just feel you're being too harsh right there. Especially in this kind of economy, it's not that strange that some people are living with roommates.

    As for the fitness part, if you really feel that way, don't be with them then. I know you said you don't want to obliterate friendships and that's cool but it sounds like you're trying to make a relationship form out of one of these friendships. If you aren't attracted to them in that way, if you can't get past it, stop contact with them and find someone "more on your level" if you will.


    And the birthday thing, again, I feel here is where your standards are too high. Unless you've known these people for a very long time, chances are that they don't know what you want. So in that case, if you know they can't afford to give you the birthday you want, you shouldn't have went to them. You should have went to your friends who know you better as they could have provided you something up to your standards.

    I'm not trying to be rude but it just seems like maybe your standards are a little too harsh with guys. Don't settle but just look in places that would have guys more of your type is all I'm saying. It'll save you and these guys time. I hope things work out.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 874

    Sep 03, 2014 6:16 AM GMT
    If you like to hang out with some people, do so. It is just hanging out. There is not much to it.

    You have an issue with those guys living with their housemates. If this happens to be a "no do" in your dating catalogue, do not date them.

    Now, if you are having your birthday, why not celebrate it at your (probably roommate-free place) with the guys you like, so that no one disturbs you and your buddies.

    It takes an effort to understand that some people have different priorities from yours. You are very keen on fitness. They are not so keen on it. No one is there to stop you from meeting and dating the guys who share your interests. It makes a lot of sense however, to develop friendships with the guys who are into different things than you are. This is where the good networking usually starts.

    SC

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 03, 2014 8:06 AM GMT
    SilverRRCloud said

    It takes an effort to understand that some people have different priorities from yours. You are very keen on fitness. They are not so keen on it. No one is there to stop you from meeting and dating the guys who share your interests. It makes a lot of sense however, to develop friendships with the guys who are into different things than you are. This is where the good networking usually starts.

    SC


    This x1000
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 03, 2014 8:09 AM GMT
    Are you dating 3 guys at the same time?
    If so that might be a problem. On the otger hand, if you're not, I kind of understand the roomate situation. They kind of become family after a while. Try thinking of the roomate as part of his extended family - that is if you decide you want to stick around and make things work.
    Good luck in whatever you decide =]
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 05, 2014 8:34 AM GMT
    Maybe he's savvier than you are. By having a roommate the rent and bills get shared and he can afford to get on the property ladder sooner. What's wrong with that?