I can't really trust gay men

  • Matthew56

    Posts: 392

    Sep 03, 2014 3:09 AM GMT
    When it comes to sex and relationships I lost all trust in them in that area years ago. As I have been massively let down

    Take for instance this evening met someone on a date who I thought who was genuine as he said he was looking for relationships. So afterwards went back to his hotel and had a bit of intimate action no intercourr though and he said he was keen to meet me again on Monday. So get home to text him that I got home safely on what's app but now it seems that I am just getting ignored

    This always happen I really can't trust gay men in sex and relationships a lot of the time when they go about commitment it's just bullshit. Just be honest if you are just looking for random NSA fun then just say its easier. Instead of then just ignoring people afterwards

    Luckily I am immune to this for what gay men are notorious for and not gonna feel let down as I know what they are like in ignoring you after doing the deed
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    Sep 03, 2014 3:46 AM GMT
    icon_cry.gif
  • Matthew56

    Posts: 392

    Sep 03, 2014 3:55 AM GMT
    kevex saidicon_cry.gif


    I know but that is the reality of what a lot of gay men are like
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    Sep 03, 2014 4:17 AM GMT
    icon_sad.gif

    I'm scared of commitment too.

    I'm also scared of power dynamics :s which a lot of romantic relationships employ :s
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    Sep 03, 2014 4:20 AM GMT
    Snaz saidicon_sad.gif

    I'm scared of commitment too.

    I'm also scared of power dynamics :s which a lot of romantic relationships employ :s


    my boyfriend has a date with another guy tomorrow. He avoids telling me unless I ask... icon_sad.gif

    but, when I ask if I should send my mail elsewhere he doesn't encourage it. :s

    Life is weird - I told him he should date other people and now I'm like... Wait I don't like this..

    :s so confusing

    from that all I can say is :S maybe date other people :s
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Sep 03, 2014 5:30 AM GMT
    I'm sorry to hear that. But if you really want a relationship, you have to keep trying. Take a break if you need to but just remember, not every guy is the same. I'm sure you'll find the right guy. But yeah, as you probably heard a lot, why not try meeting guys off of apps?
  • Matthew56

    Posts: 392

    Sep 03, 2014 7:40 AM GMT
    BloodFlame saidI'm sorry to hear that. But if you really want a relationship, you have to keep trying. Take a break if you need to but just remember, not every guy is the same. I'm sure you'll find the right guy. But yeah, as you probably heard a lot, why not try meeting guys off of apps?


    It's not that I go with the sole intention of getting a bf. it's just that please gay men just be totally honest with other men if you just want meaningless one off sex do not go through the rigmarole of pretending you want a relationship. As its not really fair on other gay men who are serious about being in a committed relationship

    So just have the balls to say well I just want NSA or I am sorry but I do not think it will work out.
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    Sep 03, 2014 8:25 AM GMT
    That seems to be the the average life of a young gay man these days.
    I totally agree with you about just being upfront with what you're really looking for, that way if it isn't the same you can part ways with no hard feelings.

    Sometimes it seems fronting and acting is the gay social norm.
    The thing that I've noticed is that most of the people that seemed to have gotten into a long term committed relationship have done so by hooking up a lot, and then eventually at some point they find someone who's mutually interested in more than sex.
    Not that I'm saying that's the only way in the world of gay men, but so far it seems the most predominate way.
    The sad thing about it is you have to give all the sex first before they even consider something more from you.

    Which is why personally for me I'm happy staying single if that's how the system works.
    I understand your frustration though and if I were in your shoes it'd frustrate me a lot too.
    All I do with my time now outside of work is just fill it up with hobbies.
  • SENCGuy1

    Posts: 247

    Sep 03, 2014 10:48 AM GMT
    Matthew, it's frustrating because it seems that all the guys I meet want sex and nothing else. Even the ones who claim that want "something more" don't. Good luck and if you find the answer, post it because I'd like to know it too. And it's not just young guys...it's ALL guys.
  • Matthew56

    Posts: 392

    Sep 03, 2014 11:12 AM GMT
    SENCGuy1 saidMatthew, it's frustrating because it seems that all the guys I meet want sex and nothing else. Even the ones who claim that want "something more" don't. Good luck and if you find the answer, post it because I'd like to know it too. And it's not just young guys...it's ALL guys.


    Yep
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    Sep 03, 2014 1:23 PM GMT
    Matthew56 saidWhen it comes to sex and relationships I lost all trust in them in that area years ago. As I have been massively let down

    Take for instance this evening met someone on a date who I thought who was genuine as he said he was looking for relationships. So afterwards went back to his hotel and had a bit of intimate action no intercourr though and he said he was keen to meet me again on Monday. So get home to text him that I got home safely on what's app but now it seems that I am just getting ignored

    This always happen I really can't trust gay men in sex and relationships a lot of the time when they go about commitment it's just bullshit. Just be honest if you are just looking for random NSA fun then just say its easier. Instead of then just ignoring people afterwards

    Luckily I am immune to this for what gay men are notorious for and not gonna feel let down as I know what they are like in ignoring you after doing the deed


    Hooking up on first date seems to mean LTR is less likely, at least from what you can gather on here. I know there are exceptions; someone just chimed in that his hookup turned into a LTR on another thread yesterday.
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    Sep 03, 2014 4:43 PM GMT
    What ever happened to dating? My mother asked me once why are uou not dating several people instead of putting all your eggs in one basket one guy at a time?
    She has a point. We are trying people on. Just becouse i just met you and it was a blast and i want to see you again is not a decleration of love everlasting.
    Just enjoy the man your with, try and see him again and enjoy the journey. It may take you where you hope to go.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 872

    Sep 03, 2014 4:52 PM GMT
    It takes two to tango.

    He may have had second thoughts, and decided that he was not going to keep in touch anymore.

    He may have lied from the beginning, and was really looking for a NSA hookup.

    Why would it matter? He ain't available for communication any more.

    You move on.

    SC
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    Sep 03, 2014 5:03 PM GMT
    I agree. I know its never gonna work with them. Shall we follow use n throw? icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Sep 03, 2014 6:16 PM GMT
    SENCGuy1 saidMatthew, it's frustrating because it seems that all the guys I meet want sex and nothing else. Even the ones who claim that want "something more" don't. Good luck and if you find the answer, post it because I'd like to know it too. And it's not just young guys...it's ALL guys.


    I want this problem. Everyone I meet wants to marry me before the week's out.
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    Sep 03, 2014 6:22 PM GMT
    silver_phoenix saidSeriously what is the pointing of getting spliced besides the need for financial survival?

    If I had $10 000 000, there would be a luxury villa beach side with a stable of hot studs, who could cum and go as they pleased.icon_cool.gif

    Aussie+NRL+players+speedo+cronulla.jpg


    Will you hire me to clean the stables and pick out the boys? The ones in that pic leave a lot to be desired. You need more stringent criteria. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeze!
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    Sep 03, 2014 8:25 PM GMT
    It is easy to blame the internet for the ills of the world, but, on balance, I think it has done more to unite gay people than it has to divide them.

    P.S. I'll volunteer for 'mucking out' the stable too.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Sep 03, 2014 8:59 PM GMT
    Well all you do on RJ is complain. Maybe if you stopped being such a downer someone might want to see you a second time. Seriously, two threads a day bitching about your looks, gay guys are just awful, gay culture is awful, white guys are awful, blah, blah, blah. You are your problem. Try being fun and pleasant.
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    Sep 03, 2014 9:21 PM GMT
    Lol he's just not that into you bro. Move on and date someone else. Drop the bitter attitude, it's not pleasant to the next guy. Just saying. icon_smile.gif
  • davfit

    Posts: 309

    Sep 03, 2014 9:30 PM GMT
    I think Men are Men ...Women say the say the same thing all the time ,so Gay isn't the whole problem. Rule number one, no sex on the first date..We as gay men forget and treat our guy like a girl....its human nature ,as a man... to "get". Maybe if we remember this, we can figure out how to "Get" what we really want....hope this makes sense..
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    Sep 03, 2014 11:54 PM GMT
    Meh, relationships take work, I was with a dude for 3 years and it ended in him cheating, went all drama queen for the next 3 years after that vowing to never do relationships again but I ended up meeting someone who wasn't a complete tool and who makes me happy, it's all trial and error, I'm sure there's still someone out there you can tolerate.
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    Sep 04, 2014 12:09 AM GMT
    ^^ it's true, relationship takes a lot of work. I had a similar experience dating/bf with my ex for about almost 3 yrs (we lived together). It was such up and down. I learned to tolerate so such shit. Then one day, I sorta just snapped and just realized that **This guy is bringing out my very worst side**. A good boyfriend should do the opposite. So eventually I just became kinda distant and Cold and we finally broke up. He moved on, I moved on, both living in different towns. I mean, you learn from your past mistake/relationship. I learned that you should never compromise too much or change a 180 of who you are. The guy either loves you or he doesn't. Urg, everything happened for a reason whether it's guys, dating, a job-change. Whatever, the next person will deserve the better version of you.
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    Sep 04, 2014 12:12 AM GMT
    Your shitty attitude is creating this shitty world you live in. Of course you refuse to believe it but it's true.
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    Sep 04, 2014 7:36 AM GMT
    That's true! The majority of gay people only care about having sex. icon_sad.gif
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    Sep 04, 2014 9:38 AM GMT
    Then stop being gay