Will gay men

  • Matthew56

    Posts: 394

    Sep 03, 2014 11:13 AM GMT
    Ever become relationship orientated as their straight/lesbian counterparts and emphasise on monogamy than meaningless sex
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    Sep 03, 2014 11:27 AM GMT
    That question makes a lot of assumptions. Do you have any high quality research to back those assumptions up? Or is it all based off of your own experience.
    If so, I'm sorry you haven't found a solid, fulfilling relationship that is consistent with your values.
    I am in a monogamous relationship with a wonderful man with 2 beautiful babies.
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    Sep 03, 2014 12:05 PM GMT
    Matthew56 saidEver become relationship orientated as their straight/lesbian counterparts and emphasise on monogamy than meaningless sex


    A lot of the straight guys I know who are in marriages or LTR's are monogamous. But as President Carter once famously put it, they "lust in their hearts." There's an abundance of hetero cheaters' Websites out there. And you can bet your last money that their subscriber base is overwhelmingly men, the same way it is at straight clubs. (They let the ladies in for free but hit the guys with a cover charge.)

    Likely because of the primitive imperative to breed, present in all males whether straight or not, ALL MEN ARE DOGS. icon_biggrin.gif
    Our DNA conflicts with becoming relationship "orientated." When women joke about "taming" the guy who became their husband there's a kernel of truth there. So characterizing "settling down with one person" as being in the masculine domain is a joke. If the pressures from peers and society disappeared there would be a whole lot more single fellas across the board. And they'd be happier for it.
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    Sep 03, 2014 1:46 PM GMT
    THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS MEANINGLESS SEX!
  • Neurons

    Posts: 537

    Sep 03, 2014 2:03 PM GMT
    I've had nothing but meaningful relationships so maybe you're just doing something wrong and looking in the wrong places.
  • Matthew56

    Posts: 394

    Sep 03, 2014 2:07 PM GMT
    okonomiyaki said
    Matthew56 saidEver become relationship orientated as their straight/lesbian counterparts and emphasise on monogamy than meaningless sex


    A lot of the straight guys I know who are in marriages or LTR's are monogamous. But as President Carter once famously put it, they "lust in their hearts." There's an abundance of hetero cheaters' Websites out there. And you can bet your last money that their subscriber base is overwhelmingly men, the same way it is at straight clubs. (They let the ladies in for free but hit the guys with a cover charge.)

    Likely because of the primitive imperative to breed, present in all males whether straight or not, ALL MEN ARE DOGS. icon_biggrin.gif
    Our DNA conflicts with becoming relationship "orientated." When women joke about "taming" the guy who became their husband there's a kernel of truth there. So characterizing "settling down with one person" as being in the masculine domain is a joke. If the pressures from peers and society disappeared there would be a whole lot more single fellas across the board. And they'd be happier for it.


    So why do straight men have a better track record of being in monogomous stable relationships than gay men. They may check out other women but they sure are not sleeping with them
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    Sep 03, 2014 2:29 PM GMT
    Matthew56 said
    So why do straight men have a better track record of being in monogomous stable relationships than gay men. They may check out other women but they sure are not sleeping with them


    There is really no evidence to support this. Same-sex relationships have only been somewhat accepted in public for a few decades (if that), so your personal observations do not mean much.

    If there is any truth to what you are trying to argue, it would likely be because of the group or community of LGBT people you associate with. If you practically live within the gay nightlife scene, then of course you would think that.
  • Matthew56

    Posts: 394

    Sep 03, 2014 2:50 PM GMT
    go_dreaming said
    Matthew56 said
    So why do straight men have a better track record of being in monogomous stable relationships than gay men. They may check out other women but they sure are not sleeping with them


    There is really no evidence to support this. Same-sex relationships have only been somewhat accepted in public for a few decades (if that), so your personal observations do not mean much.

    If there is any truth to what you are trying to argue, it would likely be because of the group or community of LGBT people you associate with. If you practically live within the gay nightlife scene, then of course you would think that.


    The man I met yesterday claimed he did not really do the gay scene much
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    Sep 03, 2014 3:25 PM GMT
    Matthew56 said
    So why do straight men have a better track record of being in monogomous stable relationships than gay men. They may check out other women but they sure are not sleeping with them

    I think generally it's because there is a bit more of a natural progression in a straight relationship as opposed to a gay one.
    Most straight relationships have the natural progression in the sense that after you get married the next obvious stage is kids and a family.
    Getting to that stage instills a strong sense of commitment not just for the sake of the relationship, but for the sake of unity within the family.

    In a lot of gay relationships, kids aren't exactly the next natural phase of the relationship. Not that I'm saying gay couples don't have kids as of course we know they do but that's because they decide to adopt.
    However for a lot of other gay relationships it just stops at the 'marriage'/commitment phase.

    This is why I feel gay relationships are more prone to becoming open relationships than not because after staying at the same stage for so long the dynamic gets 'old' for them.
    So they seek open relationships as a way of changing up something that would otherwise stay the same in terms of dynamics.

    I also feel that it is the same reason why hooking up is more prevalent in the gay culture because sex is more of a commodity and less about trying to start a family.
    No offense meant but sex seems a whole lot less sacred in the gay community.

    Anyway not that I'm saying all this as fact as there is no research to corroborate this, it's just more of an observational guess.

    I remember reading a thread that had something to do about long term relationships and through the responses it seemed that the most common way someone got into a LTR was coincidental or by luck almost.
    Often they would say they originally just meant to have a one-time hook up with the guy but it just happened to turn out they liked each other. There was no initial intention of actually finding a relationship, it just happened that way.

    So far that actually seems to be the normal way in the gay community of finding a relationship.
  • Matthew56

    Posts: 394

    Sep 03, 2014 3:28 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]MartyredNeons said[/cite]
    Matthew56 said
    So why do straight men have a better track record of being in monogomous stable relationships than gay men. They may check out other women but they sure are not sleeping with them

    I think generally it's because there is a bit more of a natural progression in a straight relationship as opposed to a gay one.
    Most straight relationships have the natural progression in the sense that after you get married the next obvious stage is kids and a family.
    Getting to that stage instills a strong sense of commitment not just for the sake of the relationship, but for the sake of unity within the family.

    In a lot of gay relationships, kids aren't exactly the next natural phase of the relationship. Not that I'm saying gay couples don't have kids as of course we know they do but that's because they decide to adopt.
    However for a lot of other gay relationships it just stops at the 'marriage'/commitment phase.

    This is why I feel gay relationships are more prone to becoming open relationships than not because after staying at the same stage for so long the dynamic gets 'old' for them.
    So they seek open relationships as a way of changing up something that would otherwise stay the same in terms of dynamics.

    I also feel that it is the same reason why hooking up is more prevalent in the gay culture because sex is more of a commodity and less about trying to start a family.
    No offense meant but sex seems a whole lot less sacred in the gay community.

    Anyway not that I'm saying all this as fact as there is no research to corroborate this, it's just more of an observational guess.

    I remember reading a thread that had something to do about long term relationships and through the responses it seemed that the most common way someone got into a LTR was coincidental or by luck almost.
    Often they would say they originally just meant to have a one-time hook up with the guy but it just happened to turn out they liked each other. There was no initial intention of actually finding a relationship, it just happened that way.

    So far that actually seems to be the normal way in the gay community of finding a relationship.[/quote

    Well gay men are screwed
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    Sep 03, 2014 3:47 PM GMT
    Matthew56 said
    go_dreaming said
    Matthew56 said
    So why do straight men have a better track record of being in monogomous stable relationships than gay men. They may check out other women but they sure are not sleeping with them


    There is really no evidence to support this. Same-sex relationships have only been somewhat accepted in public for a few decades (if that), so your personal observations do not mean much.

    If there is any truth to what you are trying to argue, it would likely be because of the group or community of LGBT people you associate with. If you practically live within the gay nightlife scene, then of course you would think that.


    The man I met yesterday claimed he did not really do the gay scene much


    Defining the "gay scene" is subjective -- the "scene" for you may not be the "scene" for someone else. In some smaller cities, there are only one, maybe two places for LGBT people to comfortably publically socialize. Some gay men never go out and socialize with other gay men in public; others ONLY socialize with gay men in public. Most people in between are somewhere in between. There are also clubs, sports groups, volunteer activities, activism, and even professional organizations for LGBT people to meet and congregate. The "scene" is what you make it.
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    Sep 03, 2014 4:49 PM GMT
    Matthew56 saidEver become relationship orientated as their straight/lesbian counterparts and emphasise on monogamy than meaningless sex

    OMG, another non-sense posting from someone who has issues with monogamy or lack of it. The world is NOT run by str8 monogamous heterosexuals that cheat on their significant others, are found in airport bathrooms and have an over 50% divorce rate. If this is what you want, go marry a woman and be monogamous.

    Gay men are much more in tune to their sexuality and desires and because of that, many have no issues with being open or monogamous depending on their relationship and the communications that go with it. These postings are getting really old. If straight couples were as open and verbal about their needs, desires, fantasies as gays are, there would be a lot less divorces.

    I don't know where you get your info (So why do straight men have a better track record of being in monogomous stable relationships than gay men.) but have you seen the divorce rate amongst married couples? Is that what you think gays want? Arrrgggghhhhh
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    Sep 03, 2014 6:04 PM GMT
    Matthew56 saidEver become relationship orientated as their straight/lesbian counterparts and emphasise on monogamy than meaningless sex


    OMG! I hope not!

    I was married for 22 years. In and out, in and out, in and out, in and out, in and out, in and out, in and out, in and out, in and out, in and out, in and out, in and out, in and out, in and out, in and out, in and out, in and out, in and out, in and out, in and out, in and out, in and out, in and out, in and out, in and out, in and out, in and out, in and out, in and out, in and out, in and out, in and out, in and out, in and out, in and out... the same goddamn vagina for 22 years! Oh! the monotony of it all!
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 875

    Sep 03, 2014 6:51 PM GMT
    Someone once wisely said that if it was as easy for straight men to go out and cruise for sex only with women, say in a park, they would have to build a highway exit to that place.icon_rolleyes.gif

    I believe that many straight men tend to be somewhat more monogamous because getting laid with another woman is not as easy (and cheap) as it is for a gay man who can choose to have a completely anonymous sex at a drop of a hat, and move on afterwards.

    Enters the idea that gay men should have "meaningful sex, and meaningful relations". Sure. There is nothing wrong with any of that.

    If this is what you want, and this is how you wish to go about it, please, by all meansicon_lol.gif No one is there to stop you!

    The truth is that many men do not need anything meaningful to have a good, fulfilling sex.

    The working theory on this subject considers the fact that the notion of "meaningful" as in being emotionally connected with someone is essentially a female, AND not a male position in this matter.

    Females tend to be hardwired in a manner which takes into the account a very high evolutionary cost of the copulation for them. (9 months of pregnancy + years of taking care of the offspring afterwards...) Once successfully impregnated a woman needs at practically a year to regain her reproductive capability.

    Men pay a very, very low evolutionary cost of the sexual intercourse. While at it, the guy is somewhat defenceless in evolutionary terms. But this is a short phase, usually lasting 15-30 minutes. Depending on his age, very short time afterwards, a male has recovered his sexual ability, and may be happy to go around spreading his seed, at the cost which is negligible to him.

    Christian heritage is heavily pro-female, and imposes female values on the general sexual discourse on the societal level, mandating monogamy, chastity in many cases, etc. Hence, the spillover into the m2m sex world which is emulating the values that are not based on the male evolutionary standing.

    Again, every single male is free to embrace the notion that he wants to have meaningful sex with other men. But this is simply a personal choice, and it does not oblige any other male in particular to follow in this path.

    SC

  • buddycat

    Posts: 1874

    Sep 03, 2014 7:14 PM GMT
    You can't exactly generalize on what gay men are likely. Generally though, older gay men are more relationship oriented than younger ones. Some of the younger ones jump from one guy to the next, always finding fault. Some faults they find are warranted while others I just say you are way too picky and searching for that ideal guy.
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    Sep 03, 2014 7:56 PM GMT
    buddycat saidYou can't exactly generalize on what gay men are likely. Generally though, older gay men are more relationship oriented than younger ones. Some of the younger ones jump from one guy to the next, always finding fault. Some faults they find are warranted while others I just say you are way too picky and searching for that ideal guy.



    Relationships are fine just don't think for a moment that they are fixed and last forever.
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    Sep 03, 2014 10:45 PM GMT
    Robin Williams as comedian/POTUS candidate "Tom Dobbs" in "Man of the Year":

    "The president wants to pass an amendment banning same-sex marriage. Anyone who's been married knows its ALWAYS the same sex!"
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    Sep 04, 2014 12:21 AM GMT
    Some guys are ready for a relationship, some are just in their slut phase. Lol, why the judgmental attitude? Lol, the beauty of being gay is you don't have to conform to society's **normal attitudes or expectations. And since when do we care about Lesbians settling down ?? (lol, ok bad joke). icon_biggrin.gificon_redface.gif

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    Sep 04, 2014 1:18 AM GMT
    Very likely no. Most men are biologically driven to crave multiple partners. Women have the upper hand in straight relationships by often requiring monogamy as a condition to sex. It's thus much more often a free-for-all when two gay men get together.

    If the AIDS crises wasn't enough to change the status quo, it's hard to imagine what would.
  • waccamatt

    Posts: 1918

    Sep 04, 2014 2:37 AM GMT
    Matthew56 saidEver become relationship orientated as their straight/lesbian counterparts and emphasise on monogamy than meaningless sex


    Odd question seeing as how I know many Gay and Lesbian couples in long-term monogamous relationships. If you're only going by what you see on Grindr and Scruff, you aren't seeing most Gay people.
  • Matthew56

    Posts: 394

    Sep 04, 2014 10:31 AM GMT
    eb925guy said
    Matthew56 saidEver become relationship orientated as their straight/lesbian counterparts and emphasise on monogamy than meaningless sex

    OMG, another non-sense posting from someone who has issues with monogamy or lack of it. The world is NOT run by str8 monogamous heterosexuals that cheat on their significant others, are found in airport bathrooms and have an over 50% divorce rate. If this is what you want, go marry a woman and be monogamous.

    Gay men are much more in tune to their sexuality and desires and because of that, many have no issues with being open or monogamous depending on their relationship and the communications that go with it. These postings are getting really old. If straight couples were as open and verbal about their needs, desires, fantasies as gays are, there would be a lot less divorces.

    I don't know where you get your info (So why do straight men have a better track record of being in monogomous stable relationships than gay men.) but have you seen the divorce rate amongst married couples? Is that what you think gays want? Arrrgggghhhhh


    So why are our lesbian counterparts so much more relationship orientated it cannot be just because they are women?
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    Sep 04, 2014 2:39 PM GMT
    The day I started to focus and define my own values and choices instead of obsessing about other people is the day life got a lot easier. You might try it.

    Second, it's wrong to make vast derogatory generalizations about a group of people. It is never accurate. It borders on bigotry.

    btw, I am 10 years monogamous. And was in a half dozen LT monogamous relationships in the 25 years before that.
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    Sep 04, 2014 8:24 PM GMT
    This thread reminds me on why I stopped visiting this site.
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    Sep 05, 2014 3:53 AM GMT
    Ckfeezy saidThis thread reminds me on why I stopped visiting this site.


    Don't stop icon_sad.gif