Small towns vs. Bigger Cities: Preferences.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 04, 2014 2:37 AM GMT
    So it seems through experience and travel that most guys in small towns have a more narrow preference for guys they're attracted (such as they must be white, the must be black, or they must be latino and they must be like this or act like this) to versus a guys in bigger cities that have a wider range of preferences (finds attraction in a variety of types) in a guy that they would date or sleep with, etc.

    Why do you think this is? I have heard of people being used to and around certain type of people has a lot to do with it. But is there more?

    Just curious of thoughts of others, nothing wrong with preferences because I have my own standards as well.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 04, 2014 3:06 AM GMT
    People have preferences regardless of where they live….small or big towns/cities. The only true difference between small and big cities is population size.
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    Sep 04, 2014 3:17 AM GMT
    Erik101 saidPeople have preferences regardless of where they live….small or big towns/cities. The only true difference between small and big cities is population size.


    That's obvious, I understand that people have preferences regardless of where you are. That's simple to understand and know. Yes, population does have something more to do with it. But I live in a college town that has population changes constantly and has new people coming in from all over. There's still that presence of a more general preference than people with more than bigger range of preferences. I'm shooting for a much deeper discussion.
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    Sep 04, 2014 3:23 AM GMT
    LoneStar_Ro said
    Erik101 saidPeople have preferences regardless of where they live….small or big towns/cities. The only true difference between small and big cities is population size.


    That's obvious, I understand that people have preferences regardless of where you are. That's simple to understand and know. Yes, population does have something more to do with it. But I live in a college town that has population changes constantly and has new people coming in from all over. There's still that presence of a more general preference than people with more than bigger range of preferences. I'm shooting for a much deeper discussion.


    You'll have a deeper discussion if you can explain the bold above. It doesn't make any sense.
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    Sep 04, 2014 3:27 AM GMT
    Not sure how to put it in words. Like in my town, a lot of people don't have a variety of attractions. Things are very specific. Such as one has to be only one race, must act this exact way, must be into this, etc. There's no wiggle room if you will. Does that make more sense? I don't want to be too specific.
  • Jon_Alex

    Posts: 44

    Sep 04, 2014 3:34 AM GMT
    Hmm... I live in a rural area about 30 minutes from a city and haven't really noticed this. I guess there aren't many gay people right around where I live, but it seems that gay people in general are a little more open minded partly because they have to be. Being too specific with things like ethnicity can drastically limit one's options.

    I could see this happening in a college town that was say mostly white and very young. But people change as they mature too.

    I've lived in the Bay Area, sacramento, and now a relatively rural part of the valley. One thing I've learned is that place matters less than perception. Sure, big cities are more diverse culturally... But there's also a lot of political correctness in urban areas that can make them appear more accepting than they really are.
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    Sep 04, 2014 3:55 AM GMT
    You're correct about where I am, it is very caucasian dominated area, with a latino population not far behind.

    I guess I see what you're saying. I've notice myself to open up to more possibilities but I did at one point see myself interested with a specific type of person. But now it has grown to different types of people as I have gotten older and met more people. Not too mention I was raised in a white family and I was in an international boarding school in Europe.

    I can also see "political correctness" taking affect. At a younger age and even now I find myself realizing that I don't have to live life by certain standards just because it seemed as though it was more of the norm of some sort.
  • smegnificient

    Posts: 265

    Sep 04, 2014 3:57 AM GMT
    I've been told that the bigger the city, the bigger the gay scene, the more "preferences" gays develop.

    Also just from experience, I tend to find small-town folk surprisingly progressive, whereas many big city folk are savvier in hiding their prejudices due to political correctness
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    Sep 04, 2014 3:58 AM GMT
    If anything guys in a bigger city could be pickier vs guys in a smaller town like where I live, as there isn't a whole lot to choose from so you kinda have to make do with what is here.
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    Sep 04, 2014 4:08 AM GMT
    Not fond of small towns, small houses or small minds.

    All three make Me claustrophobic.
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    Sep 04, 2014 4:10 AM GMT
    smegnificient saidI've been told that the bigger the city, the bigger the gay scene, the more "preferences" gays develop.

    Also just from experience, I tend to find small-town folk surprisingly progressive, whereas many big city folk are savvier in hiding their prejudices due to political correctness


    That is definitely something to think about. I'd prefer the small town honesty in this case. But Im not referring to this as "prejudice". Because I am sure that most would platonically give people the time of day.

    Curious though, what brings the thought, that people are more likely to hide their non-preference than find a way to try and embrace it?
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    Sep 04, 2014 4:25 AM GMT
    Cash saidNot fond of small towns, small houses or small minds.

    All three make Me claustrophobic.


    I feel that may be a little stereotypical. Though most are that way. I did grow up part of my life in a small town in Texas before my parents moved us to the city and I do like the sense of home small towns provide. But the town I'm in currently in California is actually quite progressive. I do agree some small towns can be as you described.
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    Sep 04, 2014 2:20 PM GMT
    Lived in small towns for the vast majority of my life. There are pros and cons to both as I see. Other places I've lived briefly are in a moderately sized city and the actual countryside. A small town is a nice average of the two. I like the quite and being able to see the horizon when outside, as well as clean fresh air. Also, I enjoy the presence of other humans, even if it is just to mix with a crowd every now and then. The main reason I am so keen on small towns is that it enables you to enjoy your privacy while at the same time getting to know the people around you at a more communal level. It's nice to be able to not worry about locking your door, what you are suppose to wear and being able to say hello to the various people you meet out and about. If I was in a big city I'd become exhausted by all the stimuli and in the countryside I'd probably become really weird without the little nudge of social pressure.
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    Sep 04, 2014 4:37 PM GMT
    I like city boys but wouldn't mind dating a cute country guy. Grr, yes I even like country music.
  • MarvelBoy23

    Posts: 279

    Sep 04, 2014 4:49 PM GMT
    I can't wait to one day live in a smaller town! I'm about 10 miles outside of Chicago now. It's too crowded for me, it's too damn expensive all for convenience. Not to mention, Illinois pretty much sucks...

    If it wasn't for my parents, I would have left long ago. My sisters can come visit wherever I may land (Washington, Colorado or New Mexico most likely), but with my parents getting up there in age, I can't bring myself to leave. I also have an incredible job that would be hard to leave at this point.

    I'd be curious to know what it's really like as a gay man living in a small town. I've pretty much been in a relationship since I came out, so I admit, I haven't had much experience with these types of dating pools, but small time living is the inevitable life for me!
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    Sep 04, 2014 4:52 PM GMT
    If you're Black or Asian you're definitely better of living somewhere is civilization.

    I will say though that cities like New York and San Francisco can be just as bad as small town USA. I would say find a college campus. College students are so young that they haven't been taught to only like a certain type of guy.
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    Sep 04, 2014 11:36 PM GMT
    DEKIRUMAN saidIf you're Black or Asian you're definitely better of living somewhere is civilization.

    I will say though that cities like New York and San Francisco can be just as bad as small town USA. I would say find a college campus. College students are so young that they haven't been taught to only like a certain type of guy.


    Everything you just mentioned is my situation. I am a college student in a small college town and the college students, me especially but opening more, with the strict preferences. But I'm not asking for advice on how to escape it I just want to hear thoughts on it.
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    Sep 04, 2014 11:36 PM GMT
    I don't think guys in small or big cities differ much in terms of their taste in men. If only 0.01% of the guys you find attractive are into you, you're obviously better off living in a big metropolis where this 0.01% amounts to some reasonable number.
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    Sep 05, 2014 2:10 AM GMT
    I don't want to go back to the small town I'm from. But it will always be home.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 05, 2014 3:33 AM GMT
    DEKIRUMAN saidIf you're Black or Asian you're definitely better of living somewhere is civilization.

    I will say though that cities like New York and San Francisco can be just as bad as small town USA. I would say find a college campus. College students are so young that they haven't been taught to only like a certain type of guy.


    Most asian americans live in California, New York and major cities. Not many of them found in say Tennessee. Most college gay guys like other frat boys or they like to date older men? Or in the closet. They're more innocent and virgins for sure. Lol
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    Sep 05, 2014 10:01 AM GMT
    Maybe the best thing would be to find a small, liberal minded town that is within a 30 to 45 minute commute to a moderate sized city. I met some really cool young professionals from Asheville, NC. They admitted that they made much lower salaries compared to if they resided in a bigger city; however their improvement in quality of life was worth the sacrifice.
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    Sep 05, 2014 10:48 PM GMT
    The smaller the town the narrower the mind.
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14305

    Sep 06, 2014 3:19 AM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidThe smaller the town the narrower the mind.
    Not necessarily. Not all small towns are narrow minded and backward. Just like not all big, major cities are progressive and accepting of others. There is good and bad everywhere in this world.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Sep 06, 2014 6:01 AM GMT
    Mmm I've been in the city for so long that I'm kind of more used to it. I would try to see what it's like in a smaller town just for the experience though I feel I'd always want to live near a bigger city.

    I'm just being honest here but due to my race, when it comes to potential dating, I feel that minorities might fair better in a place with a higher gay population. I know that not all small towns are closed minded when it comes to ethnicity in this day and age but I don't think that's very common.

    Sure, the city guys can be just as narrow-minded as small town guys but it's better to wade through large numbers of people in a metropolitan than a smaller area.

    And since I am into the art and music scene, I'd rather be near a city that actively has those events going on.