The One That Got Away

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 05, 2014 10:12 AM GMT
    So a Couple months ago, this guy I used to work with at the hotel moved away after graduating from university and earning his teaching certificate, he got a job as a secondary school math teacher at a Christian school in Virginia.

    I never told him, but I really, really liked him deep down. But the problem was I genuinely couldn't figure out if he was straight or gay. He didn't mention his love life. His mannerisms seemed to suggest something leaning towards being more effeminate, "softer" subjects (Disney, worked front desk, singing, musicals, a decent sense of fashion, etc.) He's a dedicated Christian, so it made me wonder. I was too nervous to tell him out of potentially destroying the friendship we already have. He made body contact a couple of times (don't know if that counts as flirting), he was always happy to see me, just a very sweet person, made a couple comments about my appearance (like noticing I looked different, wearing different set of clothes, hair, etc.) Nothing negative of course.

    I know he's out there in his new life beginning his career, and I don't have expectations of anything happening anymore. But I just wish I could tell him how I felt. No other man has made me feel the way he made me feel. I would have been proud to take him home to my parents.

    Do I tell him? Or do I repress it and keep that from him? My friend Jackie says I should tell him. Nobody knows if he's gay or not, so I have no answer on that.

    Oh, one time during a logging conference, this lady saw me by the desk toward the back going into the office, she noted to him about "How cute I was, and that I should get together with her son." Hehehehe. I never did acknowledge clearly on that to him I was gay. But maybe he can just tell without me saying it? Still...I'm up past 3 AM thinking about this, brooding, fretting, wishing,,,
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 05, 2014 11:08 AM GMT
    If you still have a way to contact him, I think you should let him know.

    If he's as much of a friend as you say he is, he either a) already knows about you or b) will accept you regardless.

    You should be open and honest about your crush on him. Based on your description of him he'll either give you the polite "thanks, but no thanks" or it could spark enough of a conversation about who he is.

    Either way, don't go into it with the hopes of getting him to move back, that's a big thing to hope for. Just go into it with the hopes of maintaining a friendship with him, now new and improved with just a little more honesty between you.

    At the very least, it will give you some closure so you're not fretting at 3am anymore... ;-)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 05, 2014 11:22 AM GMT
    Don't live your life with regrets.

  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 875

    Sep 05, 2014 1:10 PM GMT
    Regrets are useless.

    Get in touch with this guy, and talk with him. The worst he can do is say, "Nope, thanks!"

    Do not worry/address the GAY issue at all. This usually sends less secure dudes running for the hills. And, even if he is gay, that does not go on to say that he finds ALL the other gay guys attractive. Sexual orientation does not equal highway to dating/mating.

    Where is this Bromance thing when you need it?icon_rolleyes.gif

    SC

  • Sep 05, 2014 3:42 PM GMT
    If he is a true friend, he will say what i did to my friend, No thanks, i dont like you, cant happen. =), simple, friendship still on, and its funny cuz he thinks i didnt noticed, but, yah, it happens to me now, there is a guy in my class i like, but he seems too much straight, and he avoid my eye contact with him, so i guess he is not? oh well. Anyways, tell him in person, dont text that. icon_wink.gif Is something you had been holding for long now.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11838

    Sep 05, 2014 3:53 PM GMT
    The problem with fretting about the one that got away is it blocks you mentally from going forward...These ideas and memories are blinding you from guys that might be right in front of your face now...All the best.
  • ursa_minor

    Posts: 566

    Sep 05, 2014 4:07 PM GMT
    I have confessed to most of my ex-crushes, long after the feeling has faded. They were cool about it. None turned out to be gay. And i felt relieved

    As long as you were nice with them, I see no problem at all.

    Free yourself of self doubt.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 05, 2014 4:39 PM GMT
    mybud saidThe problem with fretting about the one that got away is it blocks you mentally from going forward...These ideas and memories are blinding you from guys that might be right in front of your face now...All the best.


    Wise words worth paying heed to.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 05, 2014 5:05 PM GMT
    I have learned a lot about being gay since I came out in 2010 and this scenario is very typical of gay men. Two boy friends ago... the guy actually told me later that he purposely did not look my way or talk to me when we first became aware of each other at a pool party because he was crushing on me. Had I not hit on him hard the next time I saw him we would have never had a relationship. Some gay men just have a fear of making the first move.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 05, 2014 5:24 PM GMT
    Yes, tell him. It will make you feel better and give you a feeling of closure. Then you'll be ready for the next man who sparks the same feelings in you.
  • madsexy

    Posts: 4843

    Sep 05, 2014 8:28 PM GMT
    Tell him both that you enjoyed your friendship and also that you were attracted to him - get it out of your system and MOVE ON.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 05, 2014 9:41 PM GMT
    10 posts and no Katy Perry link?!?!?.... come on people....
  • Aleco_Graves

    Posts: 708

    Sep 05, 2014 10:50 PM GMT
    TO22 said10 posts and no Katy Perry link?!?!?.... come on people....




    LET THEM EAT CAKE
  • Aleco_Graves

    Posts: 708

    Sep 05, 2014 10:55 PM GMT
    In all seriousness tell him...

    He might just turn out to be gay and with some other guy. You'll regret staying mum, and the feeling caused after that will make you feel like your being ripped apart from the inside.
  • Hammer89

    Posts: 237

    Sep 05, 2014 11:27 PM GMT
    If you feel as strongly about him as you say you do then I think it is worth the risk to tell him how you feel.

    If he is the kind of person you portray him to be, he will still be your friend no matter what happens. Things may be a little awkward for a short while but it will pass.

    You only live once and even if he shoots you down after expressing your feelings, you might(probably will) be upset. But you will be okay. Everything will be okay.

    Take a risk. You never know! He might be the man you spend the rest of your life with! It's worth the risk.

    Good Luck!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 06, 2014 12:41 AM GMT
    Just tell how him how you feel in a casual way and try to drop hints leading him into it. I mean, if he's homophobic (which I don't think he is), he might never want to talk to you again. But again, if he feels the same way or confused or into you or whatever, then it's worth the risk. Do it for you, either he likes you back or he doesn't.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 06, 2014 3:27 AM GMT
    This has never been a problem for Me. Thanks to bear traps and solidly constructed cages, no one has EVER gotten away...

    On a more serious note, take what You want and ask questions later - but be prepared for the answers.

    icon_wink.gificon_wink.gificon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 06, 2014 4:39 AM GMT
    Aleco_Graves said
    TO22 said10 posts and no Katy Perry link?!?!?.... come on people....




    LET THEM EAT CAKE


    Thanks icon_smile.gif
  • buddycat

    Posts: 1874

    Sep 06, 2014 7:58 AM GMT
    bon_pan saidDon't live your life with regrets.

    I was going to post this too.







  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 06, 2014 9:53 AM GMT
    Honestly, I wouldn't tell him how you feel until you know his orientation for sure.

    Instead of confessing your feelings first, since you're going to decide to have this talk anyway, ask him first hand what his sexual orientation is exactly.
    If he wonders why you ask, be honest and just say you couldn't put your finger on it exactly.
    I mean you did say he was a dedicated Christian (so I don't think he's gay tbh, I know some metro Christian guys) but even on this website there have been some gay men who are also Christian in faith.
    With that being said, you can tell him you thought he might have been a gay Christian.

    Wish you all the best.
  • Aleco_Graves

    Posts: 708

    Sep 06, 2014 5:17 PM GMT
    Cash saidThis has never been a problem for Me. Thanks to bear traps and solidly constructed cages, no one has EVER gotten away...

    On a more serious note, take what You want and ask questions later - but be prepared for the answers.

    icon_wink.gificon_wink.gificon_wink.gif


    Those first few lines made me shit my pants a little...

    Now on a more serious note...
    HOW DO I SIGN UP TO BE CAGED?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 07, 2014 4:27 AM GMT
    Work born relationships seldom work out, but either way now that he's where he's at, go for it and learn more about him...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 07, 2014 11:22 PM GMT
    With Christian and Muslim guys it's tricky to tell what they really want sometimes because both religions seem to have some sort of inherent bias towards gay people but most gay people will be Christian, Muslim or Jewish. Me personally, the religion thing would not be irrelevant. What does your gaydar tell you about this guy? If your gaydar says he's gay then he probably is. He's done something that you noticed that only gay guys would notice.