How can I fully accept being gay

  • Markz0ne45

    Posts: 59

    Sep 05, 2014 4:13 PM GMT
    I'm 21 and have been having a hard time identifying sexually since I was a kid. I grew up a very oblivious person, and still am today. It's just that growing up I had an interest in boys and girls, mostly girls. But I recently had time to examine my thoughts and notice I always spent time around males and was never in tune with the girlfriends I had.

    I was more concerned about impressing men and being attracted to me, then women, as I got older. So in my late teens, I started to develop a strong guilt for my feelings towards the same sex. I have a memory, where I would always yell at my parents for calling me gay back in the early early 2000s.

    So I am beginning to come to terms that I'm not straight, but to be fully gay is just something I don't think I want to accept.So any advice would be greatly appreciated.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Sep 05, 2014 6:38 PM GMT
    Start with loving yourself first..If you do that...you'll do what's best for you...

  • Sep 06, 2014 12:19 AM GMT
    That is a question I ask myself each day.
  • Svnw688

    Posts: 3350

    Sep 09, 2014 6:22 AM GMT
    You're 21. The confusion and frustration you're experiencing is perfectly normal.

    (1). First, hardware, your brain is, literally and physically, still developing and will be doing so until you're 25 to 28. So your personality will change. I am not the same person I was when I was 21.

    (2). Second, software, society has programmed you to like and prefer a heteronormative worldview. This unintentional brainwashing is engrained in you. Think of it as jacked up software. You're system is "debugging." It's painful and hurts. Most self-actualized and happy LGBT individuals go through a similar period--whether lasting a few days, years, or the rest of their lives. Personally, my self-hate phase lasted from about the age of 20 when I fully accepted I was the "G" word until 23 or so. So 3 years. I wasn't depressed the entire time, but I wanted to be straight and tried to "will" myself straight, etc. It's hilarious in hindsight, but feels like the end of the world while you're going through it.

    Just reach out to older, well adjusted LGBT people who have been through the process so you can see there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I'd shy away from telling these troubles to kids your own age because they're in the thick of it to, and young people aren't known for being the most sensitive or well-informed when it comes to feelings and emotions. Get a boyfriend. Watch some gay films and TV shows. You'll realize life isn't over, and you can be just as happy--if not happier--as a gay man. It's corny, but true, "it gets better."