Moral Dilemma: When someone assumes you're straight do you ALWAYS correct them?

  • Darwin1122

    Posts: 36

    Sep 05, 2014 11:43 PM GMT
    So today I went out and bought flowers for a guy and being a convincingly straight looking guy the florist assumed they were for a girlfriend and made some remarks (e.g. oh you must really like this girl ect). I realize that variations of this kind of thing happen all the time with "straight looking" gay guys... my question is: do YOU always correct them? I mean on one hand it can seem to be more trouble than it's worth in certain situations (like my florist) but I feel like maybe on principle I SHOULD always correct them, after all, if they have a problem with me being gay that is THEIR problem. It's almost like a moral dilemma to me. icon_confused.gif
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Sep 05, 2014 11:55 PM GMT
    On the one hand, "coming out" to people you don't know or have a significant interaction with can be kind of tiring. The world is a "straight until proven otherwise" kind of place, and if they don't matter to you, why make the effort?

    However, being visible and polite and friendly AND out to everyone will change a lot of people's minds about "the gays" and make the world a better place for all of us to live in. The exception being that you'd be putting yourself in danger if you revealed your sexual orientation.
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    Sep 06, 2014 12:05 AM GMT
    I used too all the time, mostly pissed that so few do.
    As time goes on you get tired of coming out over and over again, so now I only make time to correct if it will reward me with that look of complete confusion.

    Should have seen the look on the Dental receptionist face when she finally put it together; commenting on how identical the wedding bands the two men at her counter were wearing.
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    Sep 06, 2014 12:21 AM GMT
    ooh, you're cute

    the florist was probably just talking to you trying to get tips or something.
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    Sep 06, 2014 12:22 AM GMT
    dustin_K_tx said... now I only make time to correct if it will reward me with that look of complete confusion....



    Love it.
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    Sep 06, 2014 12:25 AM GMT
    Ehhh...sometimes I do. Sometimes I don't.

    It's like when someone gets my name wrong. I just can't be bothered to correct it. Or more likely I'm too embarrassed to say anything contrary and would rather the exchange to be over as quickly as possible. icon_lol.gif
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    Sep 06, 2014 12:27 AM GMT
    I usually correct in a polite, quick way that clarifies that it's no big deal.

    In the above...something like "It's a guy but yes I do care for him very much" and a smile.

    Or, someone recently asked what kind of girl I was looking for, and I just said, "Well, it'd be a guy but..."

    I don't see it as a moral issue.
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    Sep 06, 2014 12:27 AM GMT
    Depends on if I know them. If I don't idc that much.
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    Sep 06, 2014 1:03 AM GMT
    I make that call on a case-by-case basis, myself. Once I was doing a gig, and this woman was trying to recruit me to be a bachelor date for a charity auction for women. I politely declined, but she persisted. Finally, she asked me whether I was into short women or tall women. "Neither," I replied goodnaturedly. Her reaction was kinda funny, as she was obviously a little bit embarrassed, but I just gave her a smile and a wink.

    But no, I don't think you have a moral responsibility to make a pronouncement in that kind of situation. I say, go with whatever you feel like doing in the moment.
  • chrislove923

    Posts: 19

    Sep 06, 2014 2:04 AM GMT
    Not always. I once had a lady at church ask me how my wife was doing. It caught me off guard but she said she thought I was married because she saw it on Facebook. (At the time, my FB said I was married to my female best friend lol)
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    Sep 06, 2014 2:40 AM GMT
    Why is it a moral dilemma?
  • theonewhoknoc...

    Posts: 713

    Sep 06, 2014 2:43 AM GMT
    For the sake of breaking stereotypes, always correct them, cuz you know the flaming queens are out there doing the same thing even when it's redundant icon_lol.gif
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    Sep 06, 2014 3:31 AM GMT
    Do you mean before or AFTER We have slept together???

    icon_question.gif?icon_confused.gif
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    Sep 06, 2014 3:41 AM GMT
    No need to correct her at all. You could simply have said to the flower shop lady: "I think it is wonderful that your wife lets you work here. She must be very proud of the arrangements you do." I'll bet you girls had the most beautiful wedding."
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    Sep 06, 2014 3:49 AM GMT
    I've rarely encountered situations where I needed to "correct" anyone about my orientation. But when I have, dealing with an anti-gay bigot, it was delicious. icon_twisted.gif
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    Sep 06, 2014 4:12 AM GMT
    I see no need to "correct" her. She was making small talk, not advancing a position about law or ethics. Nor was she even requiring you to affirm or deny her assumption. It was a meaningless interaction in other words, and your only obligation was to be polite and perhaps smile and say have a nice day as you left.
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    Sep 06, 2014 4:17 AM GMT
    Always. This is what being "out" is all about...informing people of your orientation in very mater-of-factly kind of ways such as this. If everyone did this, we would't have to hear the queens constantly carry on about how we owe them our very lives for Stonewall. icon_confused.gif
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    Sep 06, 2014 4:45 AM GMT
    I don't if it is meaningless small talk, but I will if it is someone who is or will be a part of my life. For example, during my first semester of nursing school, I was telling my clinical instructor how my ex fractured his rib by getting kicked by a cow, and she asked, "What kind of pain medication did she get while she recovered?", I replied "He got Lortab and Ibuprophen."
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    Sep 06, 2014 6:09 AM GMT
    That depends.
    If it happens to me, usually and probably almost always I would just return a smile and leave. I'll not take/give much importance to these puny or insignificant events.

    Speaking of moral dilemma, There are much serious issues that are going on around us which requires our undivided thoughtful attention and yet many ignores them as if they were nothing.

    Well, now that you are put to think about this, what does your conscience says or telling you this very instant?
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    Sep 06, 2014 6:11 AM GMT
    I don't see why this is a moral dilemma. Why do you care what the person behind the counter thinks of you?
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Sep 06, 2014 6:18 AM GMT
    When someone assumes you're straight do you ALWAYS correct them?

    Yes!
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    Sep 06, 2014 6:24 AM GMT
    Politely, but yes. It's important for the sake of the ongoing fight for equality that people know we exist.
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    Sep 06, 2014 6:27 AM GMT
    Just get a customized credit card. icon_biggrin.gif


    Pride_CARD.com_Prepaid_Visa_thumb%5B1%5D
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    Sep 06, 2014 6:34 AM GMT
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dilemma
    A dilemma (Greek: δίλημμα "double proposition") is a problem offering two possibilities, neither of which is practically acceptable.


    On the one hand there is the matter of allowing a presumption, a wrong one, to go uncalled-out. How does that play into being out of the closet, into being the change you want see in the world, into "we are everywhere", et al. On the other hand, it really is none of their business and who is the customer to teach a lesson to the shopkeeper.

    Is it presumptuous to correct a presumption? That is a dilemma.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ethical_dilemma
    a complex situation that often involves an apparent mental conflict between moral imperatives, in which to obey one would result in transgressing another.


    Is there an imperative to be correctly identified and accepted as such? Is there an imperative to retain a sense of privacy? Is there an imperative to not interfere with another person's life? Is there an imperative to prevent someone from making a mistake that might harm you?

    This is a moral dilemma and so pretty much the same set of facts in differing contexts (depending on what lead up to the situation or the mood at the time or the way things were phrased or whatever might be anticipated) might determine alternate ways to play it.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 874

    Sep 06, 2014 6:56 AM GMT
    I rarely bother.

    The opinions of the other people who are not part of my life have never mattered to me.

    The florist woman was probably trying to be kind in a professional manner. She really does not care. Why would she?

    I remember the times when a particular chain of the hotels drilled their staff to introduce themselves at the check-in/out and ask how was day was so far?

    This really did not mean absolutely anything. It was even more stupid when I was checking out at 5am to catch an early flight, and a sleepy woman at the desk asked me, "How is your day, so far, sir?" When I started laughing, she did, tooicon_lol.gif

    SC