When you start seeing someone you really like...

  • HWJ93

    Posts: 6

    Sep 06, 2014 12:49 PM GMT
    So last week tuesday eve I met this guy, we have chatted online earlier this year but it died out. We went for a movie and afterwards to his place, just hanging cuddling talking , nice stuff. No kissing nor sex involved. That friday eve we did it again, but I slept over (I know this was maybe too early but he wouldn't have asked if he did not want me to.) Really had a good time as well and next morning I left and later sent him a text saying thanks and I enjoyed it. Where he also replied that he also really liked it. We challenge each other a lot , but I think in a good way, meaning that we are testing where our boundaries are...

    In this week I asked wheter he wanted to go out again, which he said he'd like to. We went to see another movie Wednesday eve( I would've wanted to go to a restaurant or something else, but he was out with friends the previous eve and was not in the mood for restaurant food again... ) and afterwards I went to him, sharing stories and he showed me some of his travelling photos and memorabilia, which is a mutual interest since I also traveled before and enjoy traveling. Once again no kissing or anything else. He did give me a looong hug before I went home and downstairs at the door he also hugged me again.

    So I know it's early, and we're still getting to know each other but I really like him, I think he likes me too, why else would we see each other 3 times in 8 days...from what I can conclude he does not have a shortage of friends. He is really really very attractive and he knows it, I like the person inside as well though. BUT I also know that he can probably get a lot of guys if he wanted too.. he is also financially very well off considering he's still a student, where I'm also still studying, but money is something I need to budget...

    But I SUCK at this 'dating' or whatever it's called, I don't want to be clingy, but I also don't want to give the impression I'm not interested? How do you balance this, should I talk to him over texts or just leave it, should I wait for him to arrange the next time we see each other or should I ask him to do something in the coming week or weekend?

    I really am desperate for advice, I'm not very patient when I dont know if something is going in the right direction or not? I guess I should let it breathe, but when is too much and when is too little? I tend to over analise in these situations and obviously social media like fb and text message services don't help my cause...
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Sep 06, 2014 1:59 PM GMT
    It can be a little bit of a challenge and don't feel weird asking these questions. In the perfect world, a "balance" would be nice.. you asking him out part of the time and he asking you.

    It could be perceived as "clingy" if you ask him out all the time, but understand, some people aren't good at this sort of thing and don't take the initiative (they sort of expect the other guy to do it). When you don't know a new guy very well, it is very difficult to figure it all out, so my thought is, a mix of both. Don't call him all the time and once a week is probably enough for you to ask (meaning that if he doesn't ask you in the meantime, after a week, you ask him again). Evaluate all as you go along, but above all, enjoy yourself and have a good time.
    It sounds like you are doing all the right things to really get to know him and I think that's awesome.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Sep 06, 2014 2:10 PM GMT
    Trust that he likes you just as much as you like him. Gamble that this guy may, may! be your guy. Don't over-think it. Don't hold back. Keep up yor school work and outside interests and share them with him. Let him be a part of your life. Then see what happens. Let it be the best thing that has ever happened to you. You sound great.
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    Sep 06, 2014 2:15 PM GMT
    Just snog him already
  • budri7

    Posts: 20

    Sep 06, 2014 2:19 PM GMT
    i kno man get the dick up and relax, break the ice with the dick
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    Sep 06, 2014 2:58 PM GMT
    If you are a top he is waiting for you to make the first move. Go in for a loving kiss and if he responds eagerly then put your hand on his junk and then horniness will take care of the rest.
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    Sep 06, 2014 4:04 PM GMT
    You should ask him out again if he doesn't make the move after about another week. Stay in contact with casual texts in the mean time. And during this date, please kiss the boy. Please....kiss the boy.
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    Sep 06, 2014 6:14 PM GMT
    I read these cute stories of young love and the angst that some people have and I realize how forward and what a whore I am.

    I'm so ashamed.

    Not really.
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    Sep 06, 2014 7:00 PM GMT
    Super hot with plenty of options, you say?

    Tell him he's not relationship material and ignore him for not less then 2 weeks.

    --Trust
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    Sep 06, 2014 7:21 PM GMT
    I think you hit the "nail on the head" when you talked about how sometimes you can overanalyze a situation. Don't let any insecurities or self-doubt affect how you approach him and how you are around him in general (don't sell yourself short).

    I think the fact that you two have been hanging out is a good place to start. Find other things to occupy your time as well because I too suck at "dating." I never know what to do or say and would always look for answers in other relationships. You are not being clingy if you indeed want to see and talk to him. It's 2014. No games. If you want to text him then text him. If you want to call him then call him. No waiting for five minutes or judging when to call next. Be yourself and hopefully you two can hit it off even more.
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    Sep 06, 2014 8:59 PM GMT
    Right now you're more into him than he is into you. That may change over time, but it sounds like he's thinking more about friend-zoning you. Have fun with him, don't get your expectations up unrealistically high, and keep meeting new people.
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    Sep 07, 2014 1:39 AM GMT
    I say take the direct route. Talk to him about it. Don't unload everything, but telling someone how you feel is the key to making relationships work. A simple "I'm really enjoying getting to know you. You're a really special guy". Once you open up, he'll feel more comfortable to open up to you.

    Many times when I've been dating, once we reach this mutual point where we both recognize and admit we're into each other, the whole thing comes a lot easier.

    Insecurities when dating are usually simply based off of lack of communication, be it verbal or physical. Some men are brought up to express attraction in different ways, or in the worst of cases, not at all. Being open requires some risk on your part, but so do all relationships.

    So talk about it. If he doesn't respond in kind, than be prepared to reconsider things.

    Avoid saying something like "I think you're the man I'm meant to be with." "I love you." "Marry me.". You're at the three day point, you're just starting to get to know him, and you probably haven't seen his flaws yet ;)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 07, 2014 10:49 AM GMT
    I am really glad people discuss things like that on here. Those of us who are terrible at dating should take notes. I sure am!
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    Sep 07, 2014 12:40 PM GMT
    RELAXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 07, 2014 1:27 PM GMT
    Relax man. Enjoy yourself. The "confusion" you're experiencing is one of the best feelings a man can have. There are no rules; no how to book. Just lust, doubt, confusion, excitement and fear. Enjoy it.
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    Sep 07, 2014 2:21 PM GMT
    JimiB saidRelax man. Enjoy yourself. The "confusion" you're experiencing is one of the best feelings a man can have. There are no rules; no how to book. Just lust, doubt, confusion, excitement and fear. Enjoy it.


    This +1
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    Sep 07, 2014 5:32 PM GMT
    sf_swimmer saidRight now you're more into him than he is into you. That may change over time, but it sounds like he's thinking more about friend-zoning you. Have fun with him, don't get your expectations up unrealistically high, and keep meeting new people.


    This is the gospel.
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    Sep 07, 2014 6:15 PM GMT
    Matt_TO83 saidI say take the direct route. Talk to him about it...

    why are you posting it here when you should be talking to him about this same stuff. Find a way that dosnt upset a good thing and tell him you want to see him more. Its a good thing dont phuck it up.

    invite him over to your house; you got work to do like:
    talk about your family life and see if his matches up to your needs
    is his politics ok with you
    does he want children but in general what are his expectations
    what are his friends about, when was his last x-bf...

    look for the good things.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 07, 2014 10:06 PM GMT
    It sounds like you really, really, really like this guy. This is probably why you are thinking about this so much and that's perfectly natural and normal. You are worrying about his judgments of you because of the way you view yourself with your weaknesses, shortcomings, dark or crazy things about you that you hide very well. But you have to remember that he is just as human as you and he also has some dark and crazy things about him and some things he is ashamed of and would not show yet. The money thing is irrelevant. You said the two of you haven't even had sex yet but he still likes to just cuddle with you and be in your presence. I could be wrong, but if you just continue doing what you are doing with him this might be your future boyfriend. One warning though, based on what I read from you here: do not follow that natural urge you usually have to sabotage good things that are happening to you. Good luck!
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3521

    Sep 08, 2014 2:35 AM GMT
    make your next date a gym date and get him naked at the very least (otherwise just fuck already)
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    Sep 08, 2014 6:33 AM GMT
    Destinharbor saidTrust that he likes you just as much as you like him. Gamble that this guy may, may! be your guy. Don't over-think it. Don't hold back. Keep up yor school work and outside interests and share them with him. Let him be a part of your life. Then see what happens. Let it be the best thing that has ever happened to you. You sound great.


    Great advice +1
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    Sep 08, 2014 7:55 AM GMT
    dustin_K_tx saidSuper hot with plenty of options, you say?
    Tell him he's not relationship material and ignore him for not less then 2 weeks.
    --Trust


    Lol mind games really?

    ---EDIT---
    Just take things slow and see where it goes.
    Don't rush good things, just chill and enjoy being in this stage.
    It's nice to enjoy each others physical company with turning into sex straight away like most gay men do.
  • AWashingtonia...

    Posts: 128

    Sep 08, 2014 8:18 AM GMT
    BlkMuscleGent said
    sf_swimmer saidRight now you're more into him than he is into you. That may change over time, but it sounds like he's thinking more about friend-zoning you. Have fun with him, don't get your expectations up unrealistically high, and keep meeting new people.


    This is the gospel.


    For failure



    Along with the texas K something-or-other.


    I'm not very adept at dating, either, but these just sound like advice for disaster.

    While only he knows what he is thinking about doing, enjoy the experience, and don't become jaded. Your intuition, not cock-parts are telling you the right things to do.

    Congrats on the good experience!
  • mcbrion

    Posts: 305

    Sep 08, 2014 10:22 AM GMT
    It's. Been. 8. Days.

    it would be wise to 1), Slow Down, 2), Slow down and 3), slow down.

    As a much older guy who lived in San Francisco for 30 years, let me tell you some universal things.

    Going into a relationship fast means you're neglecting other things: hobbies, friends, etc. A human being is not a "goal" to "achieve." He's a person with feelings, ideas, philosophies (which it seems you have engaged, given that you "challenge" each other).

    Just enjoy the time with him, and for God's sake, ASK QUESTIONS. So many guys are so caught up in their own emotions, they don't even realize they're not in love with the other person: they're in love with "having someone." In order to make this real and not about 'I want him,' ask questions, the same as you would if someone offered you a new business opportunity in return for you investing $20,000.00. You'd sure ask questions about your money, right? Funny how so few guys ask questions that can hurt their heart.
    Find out about his family (close to mom, never talks to her [you'd definitely want to investigate that]), close to family in general. For those saying "lame", you're wrong. What you brought with you from youth determines who you gravitate towards - and frequently it ain't about love, and even if you CAN love, to better to know yourself - and others- when you're younger, assess, assess, assess.

    Does he ask you things about yourself? How old are you both? Forgive me, but you sound 23 or so, the way I'm reading how your compose your emails. He may be great for you, but It's. Been. 8. Days.

    This is a person you can't even truly know because you aren't asking important questions. This will also save you from making mistakes and even up in the "all men are jerks" which happens because YOU pick the wrong guys. Everyone likes to say it's the other person who's a jerk, but as a therapist friend of mine once said, "YOU picked him." A very important fact to recognize. Pick the wrong guys and it just keeps you from growing (up) . Pick the right guys and see where it takes you.
  • AWashingtonia...

    Posts: 128

    Sep 16, 2014 1:27 PM GMT
    mcbrionFunny how so few guys ask questions that can hurt their heart.
    Find out about his family (close to mom, never talks to her [you'd definitely want to investigate that]),


    If you posit that he should slow down, why is investigating how close he is to his family something you suggest in 8 days?

    If anything that seems like something to 'investigate' further down the line. Maybe that's something for the six-month mark, or so.

    Or did you mean 'inquire' or 'ask about?'

    If someone "investigated" my family life before I had know him more than two months, I'd be hesitant to continue that progression. It would seem like that person would be more interested in my family than in his and my relationship.

    Also, his age is on his profile.