Argh why do some guys keep replying when they're not interested!?

  • theonewhoknoc...

    Posts: 715

    Sep 06, 2014 11:55 PM GMT
    If it's just one-word answers, I'd get the hint and move on, but no they keep replying, just without taking any initiative themselves. I can't tell if they're playing hard to get or just being assholes.
  • theonewhoknoc...

    Posts: 715

    Sep 07, 2014 1:26 AM GMT
    Ok, If I ask you "got plans this weekend? ;)", and you answer "yeah I do", safe to assume you're not interested?
  • theonewhoknoc...

    Posts: 715

    Sep 07, 2014 2:35 AM GMT
    ^^But that's not true either. I can't tell from the first 2 messages whether I like the person; I can only tell he is physically attractive to me.

    If I ask him if he has plans, obviously I'm at least interested enough to take initiative. Even if he's busy, the least he could do was add a "how bout you?", but preferably a "can't do, but I'm free next week!"
  • theonewhoknoc...

    Posts: 715

    Sep 07, 2014 2:45 AM GMT
    huh? You just realized I'm not talking about real life interactions? Do you do one-word replies in real life??
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    Sep 07, 2014 6:12 PM GMT
    Haha, I deal with this all the time. Some guys, when I tell them my name and ask how their weekend is, will go on about all the things they did, and stop there, without asking me anything or giving me their name. I decided to ignore one of those guys, who followed up a day later with "how's yours?" lol.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Sep 07, 2014 6:26 PM GMT
    theonewhoknocks saidIf it's just one-word answers, I'd get the hint and move on, but no they keep replying, just without taking any initiative themselves. I can't tell if they're playing hard to get or just being assholes.

    Yes
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 08, 2014 1:16 PM GMT
    AMoonHawk said
    theonewhoknocks saidIf it's just one-word answers, I'd get the hint and move on, but no they keep replying, just without taking any initiative themselves. I can't tell if they're playing hard to get or just being assholes.

    Yes


    Lol
  • BLucky

    Posts: 26

    Sep 08, 2014 4:12 PM GMT
    I agree with Pazzy. If you are interested, be direct. If you want to meet, then ask. Then you will get your answer, yes or no and then you can ask why. Are you too busy with work, or not interested in me in that way? Are you looking just to chat?

    The thing I have found is a lot of guys on here don't know how to hold a conversation, and that could be that they aren't interested, or they just don't have communication or social skills. Some people are just looking for a hook-up and not getting to know you, or date you and may be desensitized by communicating electronically with strangers.

    Making friendships on here has been challenging.
  • Olympus1991

    Posts: 46

    Sep 08, 2014 4:17 PM GMT
    gooddaytoday saidHaha, I deal with this all the time. Some guys, when I tell them my name and ask how their weekend is, will go on about all the things they did, and stop there, without asking me anything or giving me their name. I decided to ignore one of those guys, who followed up a day later with "how's yours?" lol.


    I do that :$ I always forget to ask about other people, usually because I got so excited to tell the other person what hapened to me :$
    After a while I notice that I don't get a reply back, simply because I only talk about myself. I always appologise for that.



    For the replying part. Some guys just want to be polite. ;)
  • theonewhoknoc...

    Posts: 715

    Sep 08, 2014 8:07 PM GMT
    Oh, and the worst is the guys who reply your greeting with "??" I mean, what is there to clarify lol
  • smegnificient

    Posts: 269

    Sep 08, 2014 11:01 PM GMT
    Well it depends on the quality of your messages. If you message him with a "sup", he's gonna give you a one-word reply too, no?
  • theonewhoknoc...

    Posts: 715

    Sep 08, 2014 11:37 PM GMT
    OMG

    Ok, I don't think it's unreasonable to expect something like this lol:

    wRaZHh9.jpg

    Make you own here: https://bubbl.us/mindmap
  • doriangrey77

    Posts: 22

    Sep 09, 2014 3:17 AM GMT
    If I'm reading it right, the problem I see, theonewhoknocks, is that according to your flow chart even if someone messages you with interesting content, you "ignore" him if you find some aspect about him unappealing or if he's 'not your type'.

    Really?

    That is so rude. Like, what do you seek? If it's just a shallow hookup, then at least have the decency to reply "...all I want is sex, and I think we're not a good match..." or something similar.

    I can't stand this practice of instantly 'ignoring' others, so prevalent on these sites. Don't complain about communication beefs if you're doing worse things.
  • theonewhoknoc...

    Posts: 715

    Sep 09, 2014 4:13 AM GMT
    I define an interesting comment as something barely above generic such as "hey, I love western movies too!" Unless his profile says he's looking for friends, I don't waste time getting his hopes up. People say lots of things to get in your pants these days.

    Whereas something deeper like "interesting you think such and such, but then you turn around and say such and such", technically isn't a question, but will elicit a response from me anyway.

    I don't know what's more childish, assuming that anyone who rejects your appearance is looking for sex, or thinking they should (let alone want to) shamelessly announce it just to spare your feelings.

    You can tell from other parts of the diagram that I am looking for friends too, in addition to boyfriend material (not hookups). My beef with communication is not that I'm getting ignored (at least they're upfront), but that guys are wishy washy and playing mind games.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 09, 2014 4:36 AM GMT
    If I need a flow chart to determine an appropriate response to make to OP's message and also what conclusion to draw from the OP's reaction, we are not communicating. We are playing mind games.
  • christastic

    Posts: 376

    Sep 09, 2014 4:46 AM GMT
    About time some basic rules are established!

    The chart makes pretty decent sense to me. The pattern seems to be to show interest when interested, and non-interest when not interested; give one chance, then scale back efforts when the other guy doesn't seem interested. Grindr 101 lol.

    If it were that simple I'd prefer this over having guys send me a paragraph then answer my paragraph with "kk" lol.
  • theonewhoknoc...

    Posts: 715

    Sep 09, 2014 5:03 AM GMT
    ^^yes thank you!

    like here's my latest convo below - how the hell am I supposed to respond?:

    Me: rawr
    Him: rawr to you too icon_smile.gif
    Me: whoa u r pretty close, how's ur wknd?
    Him: I live [2 miles away] actually, but came here for drinks w/ a frd. My wknd was amazing, how was yours?
    Me: Mine was great too. I'm ____ btw
    Him: I'm ____, nice to meet you. What are you doing right now? icon_smile.gif
    Me: I'm heading out to [blablablah], because [blablablah]. Text me ########## if you wanna meet up icon_smile.gif

    4 hrs later, I see he's been online 2 hrs ago

    Me: ...or not lol
    Him: sorry?


    Wtf does it mean??
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 09, 2014 10:13 AM GMT
    theonewhoknocks said^^yes thank you!

    like here's my latest convo below - how the hell am I supposed to respond?:

    Me: rawr
    Him: rawr to you too icon_smile.gif
    Me: whoa u r pretty close, how's ur wknd?
    Him: I live [2 miles away] actually, but came here for drinks w/ a frd. My wknd was amazing, how was yours?
    Me: Mine was great too. I'm ____ btw
    Him: I'm ____, nice to meet you. What are you doing right now? icon_smile.gif
    Me: I'm heading out to [blablablah], because [blablablah]. Text me ########## if you wanna meet up icon_smile.gif

    4 hrs later, I see he's been online 2 hrs ago

    Me: ...or not lol
    Him: sorry?


    Wtf does it mean??

    move on, either he found someone better for himself or he isn't in the mood to meet RIGHT NOW.

    Unless you are looking for a fast hook-up, a bit of patience won't do much harm. It has happened to me also, more than once. Sometimes guys do get caught up with some friends etc.
    In my case, if I am interested in someone, and can't meet right now due to any circumstance, I let the guy know, and ask him if we can plan something later.
  • KittenpasteCo...

    Posts: 245

    Sep 09, 2014 12:54 PM GMT
    I usually reply to people, unless they are being creepy. Although I may not be sexually interested in the person, I do want to have a little conversation. Problem for me is that I don't like to strike up conversation, since my hobbies and interests don't usually mesh. So I keep things short until they actually decide to bring up a real topic... but they never do.
  • theonewhoknoc...

    Posts: 715

    Sep 09, 2014 6:10 PM GMT
    morphic said
    theonewhoknocks said^^yes thank you!

    like here's my latest convo below - how the hell am I supposed to respond?:

    Me: rawr
    Him: rawr to you too icon_smile.gif
    Me: whoa u r pretty close, how's ur wknd?
    Him: I live [2 miles away] actually, but came here for drinks w/ a frd. My wknd was amazing, how was yours?
    Me: Mine was great too. I'm ____ btw
    Him: I'm ____, nice to meet you. What are you doing right now? icon_smile.gif
    Me: I'm heading out to [blablablah], because [blablablah]. Text me ########## if you wanna meet up icon_smile.gif

    4 hrs later, I see he's been online 2 hrs ago

    Me: ...or not lol
    Him: sorry?


    Wtf does it mean??

    move on, either he found someone better for himself or he isn't in the mood to meet RIGHT NOW.

    Unless you are looking for a fast hook-up, a bit of patience won't do much harm. It has happened to me also, more than once. Sometimes guys do get caught up with some friends etc.
    In my case, if I am interested in someone, and can't meet right now due to any circumstance, I let the guy know, and ask him if we can plan something later.


    So you'd assume that if I ask about meeting up, it would be for sex? No wonder I'm scaring ppl away lol. I always try to meet for drinks/coffee asap since I live downtown and try to avoid wasting time (talking online only to be disappointed in person).

    Anyway I ended up replying him "lol what does that mean? I'm confused... new to grindr here hah", then he reassured me and gave me his number lol. Which is good, but he could've just texted me since he already had my number haha.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 09, 2014 6:35 PM GMT
    theonewhoknocks said

    So you'd assume that if I ask about meeting up, it would be for sex? No wonder I'm scaring ppl away lol. I always try to meet for drinks/coffee asap since I live downtown and try to avoid wasting time (talking online only to be disappointed in person).

    Anyway I ended up replying him "lol what does that mean? I'm confused... new to grindr here hah", then he reassured me and gave me his number lol. Which is good, but he could've just texted me since he already had my number haha.

    That's what the general perception is, about all these dating apps, more in the case of grindr. People do assume that you are looking for a hook-up, if you are pushing to meet right now. I also try not to have a long conversation, and if I am interested in someone, I try to meet as soon as possible. Normally, I would suggest a date and time, if it's not convenient for the other guy, then I ask him to come back to me with some time which is suitable. If later on he doesn't, I just move on, or may be in rare cases I would try once more.