Ideas about love

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    Sep 07, 2014 9:57 PM GMT
    I just read this online and thought I'd share. What do you think about these?

    Tl;dr: read the whole thing!!!

    1. Love is lawless.

    There are no rules. The only rules are the ones that the two (or more) people in the relationship make up. Today, many couples share long-distance, or virtual, or polyamorous, or sexless relationships. As long as the people in the relationship are comfortable, love can have infinite faces. And the challenge is to find the rules that work for you.

    2. Love isn’t sex.

    That’s just one expression of it. Hugging is another expression. So is sharing an intimate conversation. There are many kinds of relationships and many kinds of love. All relationships — from family members to best friends to intimate lovers — have to find an expression of love that best suits that relationship. And that expression is really nobody else’s business.

    3. Love is unconditional.

    When you love someone, you love who that person is, not what that person is. Your love is not based on looks, intelligence, actions, or any one attribute. You would never reduce him or her to just one attribute. You love that person as a whole. Nothing your partner could do would make you stop loving him, even if the relationship has to end. Love is much deeper than conditions.

    4. Love isn’t dramatic.

    It doesn’t need to be analyzed and obsessed over and shared with all of your friends. It’s easy. It’s boring, in fact. It’s only interesting to the people involved. Because those are the only people who really understand what’s happening in the relationship.

    5. Love is a container for growth.

    It’s two (or more) people who are trying to grow on different but aligned tracks. It’s supportive and encouraging and honest. It’s a safe place where you try new things and expose your pains and grow in ways you never thought possible. It’s a place where you feel safe to be your true self.

    6. Love isn’t transactional.

    It’s not give-and-take. It’s not full of power dynamics or competition. There’s not a winner and a loser in love. You don’t keep score. You don’t compare. You want to boost each other up every chance you get. You recognize that either you both win, or you both lose. And love is worth that gamble.

    7. Love is adventurous.

    It’s your great adventure of life. There are high highs and low lows. There are moments where you doubt yourself. There are moments where you don’t know if you can face the next battle. It stretches you and expands you and forces you to dig up parts of yourself that you didn’t even know were in there. It’s the wildest ride you could ever imagine.

    8. Love isn’t dependent.

    Love isn’t about needing somebody because you're incomplete. Love is about recognizing that you're whole and complete on your own, but that another person makes the journey much more fun. Love isn’t about filling a hole in yourself; it’s about partnering up with somebody else to create something that’s never existed before.

    9. Love is worth fighting for.

    You have to get up and fight for your love every single day. There’s enough in this world trying to hold us back from love. You have to fight to love yourself as you are. You have to fight to love your partner. You even (or especially) have to fight to love your family. Some days love will come easy. Some days it won’t. Some days you’ll be scared or frustrated or upset. But you just have to keep getting up and fighting. Because it’s worth it.

    10. Love isn’t a choice.

    Love isn’t conscious. It’s not something you can will into your life whenever you please. It will hardly ever come when you expect it to. It will hardly ever look like you thought it would. But you’ll know it when you feel it. It’s a feeling deep inside you that you don’t want to let go of. It’s a deeper, internal yearning that supersedes all reasoning. And, against all logic, you plunge full-force into this crazy little thing called love.
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    Sep 07, 2014 10:05 PM GMT
    Enjoyed the post up until 10. It's not a choice, but it is. I found myself falling in love with someone 1000 miles away. I've been through the long distance thing and it hurts too much. I cut the relationship off.

    Harsh. I know. Hurt him one hell of a lot less than it did me.
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    Sep 08, 2014 1:08 AM GMT
    "9. Love is worth fighting for.

    You have to get up and fight for your love every single day. There’s enough in this world trying to hold us back from love. You have to fight to love yourself as you are. You have to fight to love your partner. You even (or especially) have to fight to love your family. Some days love will come easy. Some days it won’t. Some days you’ll be scared or frustrated or upset. But you just have to keep getting up and fighting. Because it’s worth it."


    This struck me so deep.
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    Sep 08, 2014 8:03 AM GMT
    silver_phoenix saidLove is overrated.


    Yup!!
    The first rule I think is an example of fairy tale.
    There are rules and doing shit things in the name of love is a crap excuse.
    Someone can easily read this and think "oh yeah I do love that person, so I will fight for them even though they are already married/partnered because there are no rules in love".

    Also rule number three.
    That by far is the rule that everyone says because it sounds text book perfect but is hardly ever actually applied.
    People set a million and one rules simply on what they find attractive and that's miles before they even get to the 'love' stage of a relationship, and that's if it even gets to the relationship stage.
    Sounds great on paper, rarely ever executed.

    Rule number six.
    Tell that to a person who feels they are always putting into the relationship and not getting anything in return.
    There are many people in one-sided relationships who will use this exact rule to excuse their behaviour.
    Love is transactional because if you love someone you will give it just as much as you receive it.
    If you don't notice how much someone is putting into the relationship and committing themselves, that is a sign of a very selfish person.

    Don't even get me started on the last rule.
    That is the most exemplary pin up of fairy tale walt disney love I've ever heard.
  • starboard5

    Posts: 969

    Sep 08, 2014 1:44 PM GMT
    MartyredNeons said
    silver_phoenix saidLove is overrated.


    Yup!!
    The first rule I think is an example of fairy tale.
    There are rules and doing shit things in the name of love is a crap excuse.
    Someone can easily read this and think "oh yeah I do love that person, so I will fight for them even though they are already married/partnered because there are no rules in love".

    Also rule number three.
    That by far is the rule that everyone says because it sounds text book perfect but is hardly ever actually applied.
    People set a million and one rules simply on what they find attractive and that's miles before they even get to the 'love' stage of a relationship, and that's if it even gets to the relationship stage.
    Sounds great on paper, rarely ever executed.

    Rule number six.
    Tell that to a person who feels they are always putting into the relationship and not getting anything in return.
    There are many people in one-sided relationships who will use this exact rule to excuse their behaviour.
    Love is transactional because if you love someone you will give it just as much as you receive it.
    If you don't notice how much someone is putting into the relationship and committing themselves, that is a sign of a very selfish person.

    Don't even get me started on the last rule.
    That is the most exemplary pin up of fairy tale walt disney love I've ever heard.


    +100
    Idealism is probably more damaging to the possibility of love than anything else.
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    Sep 08, 2014 2:51 PM GMT
    starboard5 said
    MartyredNeons said
    silver_phoenix saidLove is overrated.


    Yup!!
    The first rule I think is an example of fairy tale.
    There are rules and doing shit things in the name of love is a crap excuse.
    Someone can easily read this and think "oh yeah I do love that person, so I will fight for them even though they are already married/partnered because there are no rules in love".

    Also rule number three.
    That by far is the rule that everyone says because it sounds text book perfect but is hardly ever actually applied.
    People set a million and one rules simply on what they find attractive and that's miles before they even get to the 'love' stage of a relationship, and that's if it even gets to the relationship stage.
    Sounds great on paper, rarely ever executed.

    Rule number six.
    Tell that to a person who feels they are always putting into the relationship and not getting anything in return.
    There are many people in one-sided relationships who will use this exact rule to excuse their behaviour.
    Love is transactional because if you love someone you will give it just as much as you receive it.
    If you don't notice how much someone is putting into the relationship and committing themselves, that is a sign of a very selfish person.

    Don't even get me started on the last rule.
    That is the most exemplary pin up of fairy tale walt disney love I've ever heard.


    +100
    Idealism is probably more damaging to the possibility of love than anything else.

    Thank you for injecting a dose of reality into this thread. However, I think that the author does not think about a relationship and all it's ins and outs, but just about the feeling of love itself. He doesn't advocate stealing married men or becoming doormats while being in a relationship.
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    Sep 08, 2014 5:24 PM GMT
    Love is like a lucky penny. It takes more resources to manufacture it than it's worth.

    Oh wait, did I miss the point?
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    Sep 08, 2014 9:17 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidLove is like a lucky penny. It takes more resources to manufacture it than it's worth.

    Oh wait, did I miss the point?

    Only by a couple of universes.

    Love is the best feeling in the world. A good relationship needs more than only love, but without it lots and lots of money
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    Sep 08, 2014 10:06 PM GMT
    Love is weird.
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    Sep 09, 2014 12:31 AM GMT
    Love is superficial, most of the time.
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    Sep 09, 2014 1:02 AM GMT
    Love is alive at the breakfast table every day of the week.
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    Sep 09, 2014 2:34 AM GMT
    I'm confused, what type of love is this thread about? There are many types of love.
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    Sep 09, 2014 4:44 AM GMT
    MartyredNeons said
    silver_phoenix saidLove is overrated.


    Yup!!
    The first rule I think is an example of fairy tale.
    There are rules and doing shit things in the name of love is a crap excuse.
    Someone can easily read this and think "oh yeah I do love that person, so I will fight for them even though they are already married/partnered because there are no rules in love".

    Also rule number three.
    That by far is the rule that everyone says because it sounds text book perfect but is hardly ever actually applied.
    People set a million and one rules simply on what they find attractive and that's miles before they even get to the 'love' stage of a relationship, and that's if it even gets to the relationship stage.
    Sounds great on paper, rarely ever executed.

    Rule number six.
    Tell that to a person who feels they are always putting into the relationship and not getting anything in return.
    There are many people in one-sided relationships who will use this exact rule to excuse their behaviour.
    Love is transactional because if you love someone you will give it just as much as you receive it.
    If you don't notice how much someone is putting into the relationship and committing themselves, that is a sign of a very selfish person.

    Don't even get me started on the last rule.
    That is the most exemplary pin up of fairy tale walt disney love I've ever heard.


    I love it when single people say all this stuff. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL! No wonder I don't spend much time on this site anymore.
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    Sep 09, 2014 4:45 AM GMT
    kevex saidI'm confused, what type of love is this thread about? There are many types of love.


    Guess.
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    Sep 09, 2014 5:21 AM GMT
    Whoever wrote this is an asshole.
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    Sep 09, 2014 5:50 AM GMT
    10 is evil
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    Sep 09, 2014 9:21 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    MartyredNeons said
    silver_phoenix saidLove is overrated.


    Yup!!
    The first rule I think is an example of fairy tale.
    There are rules and doing shit things in the name of love is a crap excuse.
    Someone can easily read this and think "oh yeah I do love that person, so I will fight for them even though they are already married/partnered because there are no rules in love".

    Also rule number three.
    That by far is the rule that everyone says because it sounds text book perfect but is hardly ever actually applied.
    People set a million and one rules simply on what they find attractive and that's miles before they even get to the 'love' stage of a relationship, and that's if it even gets to the relationship stage.
    Sounds great on paper, rarely ever executed.

    Rule number six.
    Tell that to a person who feels they are always putting into the relationship and not getting anything in return.
    There are many people in one-sided relationships who will use this exact rule to excuse their behaviour.
    Love is transactional because if you love someone you will give it just as much as you receive it.
    If you don't notice how much someone is putting into the relationship and committing themselves, that is a sign of a very selfish person.

    Don't even get me started on the last rule.
    That is the most exemplary pin up of fairy tale walt disney love I've ever heard.


    I love it when single people say all this stuff. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL! No wonder I don't spend much time on this site anymore.


    You laugh and scoff at me yet you haven't said anything that proves what I said otherwise.
    I mean the fact that the first rule says there are no rules in love and then proceeds to list another 9 rules, I can't help but take this from a more realistic perspective rather than idealistic one.

    Just because I'm single doesn't mean therefore I have NO clue about relationships.
    Everyday we learn things from other people without going through it ourselves, does that make the lesson less valuable?

    There are so many ways to learn things without having to go through them yourself, we don't have to go through WW3 just to know WW1 and WW2 was not a good thing. You don't have to actually lose a loved one to know that it would probably hurt.
    You don't HAVE to be in a relationship to understand the dynamics of one.
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    Sep 10, 2014 1:14 AM GMT
    MartyredNeons said
    meninlove said
    MartyredNeons said
    silver_phoenix saidLove is overrated.


    Yup!!
    The first rule I think is an example of fairy tale.
    There are rules and doing shit things in the name of love is a crap excuse.
    Someone can easily read this and think "oh yeah I do love that person, so I will fight for them even though they are already married/partnered because there are no rules in love".

    Also rule number three.
    That by far is the rule that everyone says because it sounds text book perfect but is hardly ever actually applied.
    People set a million and one rules simply on what they find attractive and that's miles before they even get to the 'love' stage of a relationship, and that's if it even gets to the relationship stage.
    Sounds great on paper, rarely ever executed.

    Rule number six.
    Tell that to a person who feels they are always putting into the relationship and not getting anything in return.
    There are many people in one-sided relationships who will use this exact rule to excuse their behaviour.
    Love is transactional because if you love someone you will give it just as much as you receive it.
    If you don't notice how much someone is putting into the relationship and committing themselves, that is a sign of a very selfish person.

    Don't even get me started on the last rule.
    That is the most exemplary pin up of fairy tale walt disney love I've ever heard.


    I love it when single people say all this stuff. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL! No wonder I don't spend much time on this site anymore.


    You laugh and scoff at me yet you haven't said anything that proves what I said otherwise.
    I mean the fact that the first rule says there are no rules in love and then proceeds to list another 9 rules, I can't help but take this from a more realistic perspective rather than idealistic one.

    Just because I'm single doesn't mean therefore I have NO clue about relationships.
    Everyday we learn things from other people without going through it ourselves, does that make the lesson less valuable?

    There are so many ways to learn things without having to go through them yourself, we don't have to go through WW3 just to know WW1 and WW2 was not a good thing. You don't have to actually lose a loved one to know that it would probably hurt.
    You don't HAVE to be in a relationship to understand the dynamics of one.


    I don't need to prove otherwise etc. You didn't understand the context of the first rule. *winks*
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    Sep 10, 2014 9:10 PM GMT
    some good coments I read about love, leave it here, take that for what you will

    ......


    Much in our lives is illusion... hence the title of the book that this quote came from.
    We all have our own "perceptual filter" which allows us to accept some things and ignore or deny others. This perceptual filter is the culmination of our beliefs and expectations which is formed by the totality of our life experiences. Since we all have different life experiences, we all have different beliefs and expectations which we tend to project out onto our experiences in the world. And because we believe something, that does not make it "true" in the literal sense. It is merely our perception and nothing more. Truth is truth in spite of our beliefs.
    Some believe that love is a feeling of connectedness that we often experience in the earlier stages of a significant relationship. Perhaps that includes a longing and an ache when we are not with the other. It can even include an excitement and a sense of pure joy as components of this feeling when we are with them. While many are prone to the belief that this is surely true love, it is not. It is simply a chemical reaction which goes away after a time, perhaps several years. It is during the time of decline of this chemical release that many become convinced that they are no longer "in love" with their significant other. They no longer "feel" that connection the same way that they did in the beginning and they convince themselves that they are "falling out of love." This is the point in many relationships when couples choose to separate or even divorce.
    Actually, it is not until couples have past the point of "chemical attraction" in their relationship that they have reached a space when they can truly begin to love the other for the first time. They have passed the "blind love" stage and can now commence seeing their partner clearly for the first time. You can't truly accept another if you are incapable of seeing them clearly. There is no way around this. It is a natural human process.
    Love IS unconditional acceptance.
    First, to be able to love another, you must first be able to love yourself... unconditionally. With all your faults. With all your weaknesses. With all your strengths. With all your skills. With all your bad and good habits. With all your idiosyncrasies. With all of your secrets. If you are incapable of accepting yourself, then how can you possibly accept another?
    Second, if you can love yourself, then it is possible to love another.
    A little clarity here is in order. When I say that the act of loving another is unconditional acceptance, that does not include blindly accepting all behaviors from another... we are not our behaviors... but it does include allowing them to be themselves and to make their own choices and to learn at their own pace on their journey in life. So you can love the person but you can also choose to not accept their actions. If your significant other is being abusive or in some way self-destructive, you may choose to offer help. If they refuse help from you or others and especially if their behaviors are a threat or danger to you or your family, it is always appropriate to protect yourself. But you can still love them in their process. Even if you choose to leave the relationship because they are making your life crazy, you can choose to hate the sin and not the sinner.
    If your significant other has many more faults than virtues, it may be hard to accept them unconditionally. If their virtues far outweigh their faults, then you may find it fairly easy to accept them unconditionally. If you are having a hard time understanding any of this, then you may find reading the book, A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle of value.
    Life is a journey of discovery and we're all on that journey. Please feel free to comment. We are all constantly learning from one another... and that includes me too!

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    I whole heartedly believe there is such a thing as unconditional love. But I think that it often starts out conditional. Until we no longer possess the fear of loving in that way.
    I think it is conditional because we protect ourselves from being hurt. I think it becomes unconditional when you already realize that when that time comes, you will love them regardless of that hurt.
    I think that respect and conditional are not the same, but can share similarities. I think that love in itself is respect.
    I kind of see it as unconditional being: regardless
    and conditional as: stipulated
    I think the manner in which people choose to love is that love which they choose for themselves and that one is not necessarily better than the other.


    ______________________________________________________
    Rejection is a way out of the comfort zone
    ______________________________________________________
    Vulnerability is not a negative state. It is how we start our path.
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    Sep 10, 2014 10:58 PM GMT
    nelo27 saidsome good coments I read about love, leave it here, take that for what you will

    ......


    Much in our lives is illusion... hence the title of the book that this quote came from.
    We all have our own "perceptual filter" which allows us to accept some things and ignore or deny others. This perceptual filter is the culmination of our beliefs and expectations which is formed by the totality of our life experiences. Since we all have different life experiences, we all have different beliefs and expectations which we tend to project out onto our experiences in the world. And because we believe something, that does not make it "true" in the literal sense. It is merely our perception and nothing more. Truth is truth in spite of our beliefs.
    Some believe that love is a feeling of connectedness that we often experience in the earlier stages of a significant relationship. Perhaps that includes a longing and an ache when we are not with the other. It can even include an excitement and a sense of pure joy as components of this feeling when we are with them. While many are prone to the belief that this is surely true love, it is not. It is simply a chemical reaction which goes away after a time, perhaps several years. It is during the time of decline of this chemical release that many become convinced that they are no longer "in love" with their significant other. They no longer "feel" that connection the same way that they did in the beginning and they convince themselves that they are "falling out of love." This is the point in many relationships when couples choose to separate or even divorce.
    Actually, it is not until couples have past the point of "chemical attraction" in their relationship that they have reached a space when they can truly begin to love the other for the first time. They have passed the "blind love" stage and can now commence seeing their partner clearly for the first time. You can't truly accept another if you are incapable of seeing them clearly. There is no way around this. It is a natural human process.
    Love IS unconditional acceptance.
    First, to be able to love another, you must first be able to love yourself... unconditionally. With all your faults. With all your weaknesses. With all your strengths. With all your skills. With all your bad and good habits. With all your idiosyncrasies. With all of your secrets. If you are incapable of accepting yourself, then how can you possibly accept another?
    Second, if you can love yourself, then it is possible to love another.
    A little clarity here is in order. When I say that the act of loving another is unconditional acceptance, that does not include blindly accepting all behaviors from another... we are not our behaviors... but it does include allowing them to be themselves and to make their own choices and to learn at their own pace on their journey in life. So you can love the person but you can also choose to not accept their actions. If your significant other is being abusive or in some way self-destructive, you may choose to offer help. If they refuse help from you or others and especially if their behaviors are a threat or danger to you or your family, it is always appropriate to protect yourself. But you can still love them in their process. Even if you choose to leave the relationship because they are making your life crazy, you can choose to hate the sin and not the sinner.
    If your significant other has many more faults than virtues, it may be hard to accept them unconditionally. If their virtues far outweigh their faults, then you may find it fairly easy to accept them unconditionally. If you are having a hard time understanding any of this, then you may find reading the book, A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle of value.
    Life is a journey of discovery and we're all on that journey. Please feel free to comment. We are all constantly learning from one another... and that includes me too!

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    I whole heartedly believe there is such a thing as unconditional love. But I think that it often starts out conditional. Until we no longer possess the fear of loving in that way.
    I think it is conditional because we protect ourselves from being hurt. I think it becomes unconditional when you already realize that when that time comes, you will love them regardless of that hurt.
    I think that respect and conditional are not the same, but can share similarities. I think that love in itself is respect.
    I kind of see it as unconditional being: regardless
    and conditional as: stipulated
    I think the manner in which people choose to love is that love which they choose for themselves and that one is not necessarily better than the other.


    ______________________________________________________
    Rejection is a way out of the comfort zone
    ______________________________________________________
    Vulnerability is not a negative state. It is how we start our path.



    WOW, this is something incredible and it is well written. I loved this post, really. lots of truth to be read in it, especially the part about 'subjective filter'.
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    Sep 11, 2014 8:22 AM GMT
    To what Nelo27 had posted.
    Some good points and a different perspective but one of the things I disagree with is the notion of having to love yourself before you are able to love others. I know that is untrue because I am able to do exactly opposite of that.
    I can admit that I surely don't love myself. In fact so much so that I've created habits to distract me from too much self reflection. In the midst of that however I know that I strongly love the important people in my life.
    I disagree because how much is enough? You could focus on loving yourself an entire lifetime and still not feel it's enough. What one might call a good amount of self love can feel like self loathing to another.

    I was given good advice once. When you feel down, help someone who needs it so you know that even in the midst of feeling like you're nothing, you can still offer something.
    While it's good to value yourself, I don't think it's a prerequisite to be able to express love to others.
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    Sep 13, 2014 12:43 AM GMT
    in a sense, but the point in loving yourself first is for you too remeber when to step back when loving someone else is being poison to you, like a cheating BF or a BF thats is draging you to a open relatioship or drugs or all of this, when you´re not ok with it, when you love yourself, you do whats best for you and step back, thou you still love the other and try to help him or respect his/her diferent prespectives but step away from the emotional harm is doing to you, if you dont like yourself you get dragged in it and hurt yourself because you only blindly love the other and dont respect nor love yourself to do it, its a submissive unhealthy behaviour

    sorry for the portuenglish xD
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    Sep 13, 2014 10:23 AM GMT
    It also doesn't exist.
  • mybud

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    Sep 14, 2014 5:44 AM GMT
    Love is attainable if you don't let your pride and ego get in the way....
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    Sep 15, 2014 2:35 PM GMT
    nelo27 saidin a sense, but the point in loving yourself first is for you too remeber when to step back when loving someone else is being poison to you, like a cheating BF or a BF thats is draging you to a open relatioship or drugs or all of this, when you´re not ok with it, when you love yourself, you do whats best for you and step back, thou you still love the other and try to help him or respect his/her diferent prespectives but step away from the emotional harm is doing to you, if you dont like yourself you get dragged in it and hurt yourself because you only blindly love the other and dont respect nor love yourself to do it, its a submissive unhealthy behaviour

    sorry for the portuenglish xD


    Oh okay so more along the lines of self respect rather than the sort of one way linear self love.
    That's fair and I do agree in that sense.
    If you don't have a foundation of principles, you will be swayed by anything that comes along.
    Also, your english was fine.

    teroh saidIt also doesn't exist.

    Overall though I do tend to agree with this more.
    Well not love itself as I believe it exists out there in some kind of form, but rather the notion of 'true love' or 'unconditional love'.
    Those things are what I don't believe exist naturally within people.