My little brother is moving away- having a hard time dealing with it

  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    Sep 07, 2014 10:57 PM GMT
    Please read guys

    So both of my little brothers that I have been mentoring for many years are moving away. One of them actually moved 3 hrs away last month for college and the other one is moving away soon 3 hours away for a good job opportunity.

    I've been involved with both of them on a daily and/ or weekly basis for many years.... They are my little brothers, my buddies and at times like sons to me. I've done Everything from help take care of their basic needs (because their parents are absent and not good parents) to helping them graduate high school , extreme activities and just fun stuff etc. I've literally wear many hats with them and play different roles as well.

    I'm attached to both of them because I feel protective and cannot imagine not being in their day to day lives( I think that's the father side of me) and I'm absolutely crushed. Just getting emotional and having a hard time dealing with this.

    I don't want to lose my close bond with them and I don't want them to forget about me....

    Any advice or encouragement, kind of just need some people
    To vent to... Thank you guys in advance
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    Sep 07, 2014 11:02 PM GMT
    Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, Facetime, Google Hangouts..
  • comical44

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    Sep 07, 2014 11:06 PM GMT
    I know social media will keep us contacted along with phones calls and text. It's just complicated because I've been so protective and invested , maybe more than a typical brother because I've had to pick up the slack where their parents are absent. So I'm so attached and I don't want to miss out on things that go on in their lives. I'm so sad and have actually shed some tears since hearing. I don't want a bond to change
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    Sep 07, 2014 11:13 PM GMT
    I know you've posted about these "brothers" in the past, and that they aren't actually blood relatives. They're underprivileged kids that you've been mentoring right?

    I think it's time to just let them go. If they want to stay in touch, they will stay in touch. Time to move on.
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    Sep 07, 2014 11:15 PM GMT
    It's just easier said then done for me
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    Sep 08, 2014 12:39 AM GMT
    Any other advice guys?
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    Sep 08, 2014 12:43 AM GMT
    Sometimes trying to hard to stay in touch can have the opposite effect...it can repel people.

    Keep the bridges of communication open and see if they exercise them.

    Part of being a big brother / mentor is letting your little brothers / proteges experience life with independence.
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    Sep 08, 2014 12:51 AM GMT
    I agree GAMRican... They need to live and experience and grow... I think it's for me it's goin to be hard to not actually be present in their lives in person ya know. I also don't want our bond to change
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    Sep 08, 2014 1:03 AM GMT
    comical44 saidPlease read guys

    So both of my little brothers that I have been mentoring for many years are moving away. One of them actually moved 3 hrs away last month for college and the other one is moving away soon 3 hours away for a good job opportunity.

    I've been involved with both of them on a daily and/ or weekly basis for many years.... They are my little brothers, my buddies and at times like sons to me. I've done Everything from help take care of their basic needs (because their parents are absent and not good parents) to helping them graduate high school , extreme activities and just fun stuff etc. I've literally wear many hats with them and play different roles as well.

    I'm attached to both of them because I feel protective and cannot imagine not being in their day to day lives( I think that's the father side of me) and I'm absolutely crushed. Just getting emotional and having a hard time dealing with this.

    I don't want to lose my close bond with them and I don't want them to forget about me....

    Any advice or encouragement, kind of just need some people
    To vent to... Thank you guys in advance


    I AM SURPRISED TO FINALLY FIND A REAL ISSUE ON RJ besides all the fucking turntable crap around here.

    Brother, and I don't know whether you are my big one or little one... I HAVE A LOT OF EXPERIENCE IN THIS AREA. I took care of the studio rhythm guitarist for Blink182 back in the day. I KNOW what you are feeling. I have had many little brothers and what you HAVE to do is let them go because it is because of YOU that they even have the chance to pursue their dreams. I know it hurts. I have spent tens of thousands of dollars helping these kids out over the years. Just KNOW when the job is complete it is time to surrender your prize back to God again. That's the way it works because God had a PLAN for them and YOU MY FRIEND helped them get that far. But DAMN I know how it hurts. God I can't believe I am saying this but just know that God knows your love for them and in the eternity of the Universe he will allow you to cross roads with them again. And you will meet them in a coffee shop and he will show up all dressed in a nice suit and tell you "THANK YOU MY BROTHER, for helping me achieve this goal". That is the way it works. What you GIVE God will never take away from you forever I promise. When it comes to people we are all one spirit and your subconscience is very much a part of that spirit and that spirit knows everything going on inside of you right now. Let them go because deep down inside YOU KNOW this was the kind of thing you hoped they would do. ADMIT IT TO YOURSELF and then cry if you have to. It's not the end of the line... YOU ARE DOING GODS WORK!!! This is a three dimensional universe, hell maybe even four. But you GAVE unconditionally to your little brothers and I SWEAR God is smiling upon you right now because so many in this community don't know how to do that. But you know what... If it TRULY needs to happen at any moment of time, those kids will come knocking at your door someday when you need to be reminded of them most. IT'S LOVE man and it is universal. It is the only language God speaks. Been an atheist all my life but I do know the facts now. The next time you wake up and have to open that front door just remember what brought them to you the first time will bring them back again. They will FOREVER love what you have been to them. Peace my Brother and YES we are all brothers here.
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    Sep 08, 2014 1:15 AM GMT
    Wow thank you for your response , it actually made me tear up while reading it and it also made me feel good. Your take on it is so interesting and full of meaning and I'm glad you took the time to write that to me. I hope they both become huge successes but lost importantly are happy and find peace with many of the issues they have from their past... The only thing is, I do not want to run into them at a coffee shop 10 years from now I really want our close bond to never change and still be in contact and visit regularly...... And I know I wrote this before in an above comment but my main fear or sadness is " will they forget about me?"
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    Sep 08, 2014 1:25 AM GMT
    comical44 saidWow thank you for your response , it actually made me tear up while reading it and it also made me feel good. Your take on it is so interesting and full of meaning and I'm glad you took the time to write that to me. I hope they both become huge successes but lost importantly are happy and find peace with many of the issues they have from their past... The only thing is, I do not want to run into them at a coffee shop 10 years from now I really want our close bond to never change and still be in contact and visit regularly...... And I know I wrote this before in an above comment but my main fear or sadness is " will they forget about me?"


    Trust me, I am REALLY forty three years old and have a LOT of experience in this area. Unfortunately, you may have to let them go for awhile only because they are just trying to find their way. BUT THIS IS THE GOOD NEWS I PROMISE YOU... It may take a few years but what you did they will show up at your doorstep to say "Thank YOU" I promise you that. So funny you and I know what it feels like to be a Mother right now. The brotherly love you gave will never be wasted by the universe. And you will not suffer an eternity not knowing. But for YOUR OWN SAKE AND THEIRS RIGHT NOW... Let them explore the terrain by themselves for awhile. You equipped them enough. But I SWEAR TO YOU THIS BECAUSE I GET IT BACK ALL THE TIME... They will show up at your doorstep again someday just to express the same love to you that you did to them which changed their lives. YOU ARE A MIGHTY FINE MAN WITH A HEART THAT BIG. There aren't a LOT of us on this planet. You are not alone.
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    Sep 08, 2014 1:26 AM GMT
    If only I had a protege growing up!!

    All I can say is that they won't forget about you, I am sure. Although, your relationship with them will be different and no one really knows how things will unfold, you should not worry about "them forgetting you".
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    Sep 08, 2014 1:31 AM GMT
    Thank you so much Jerred... Your words and knowledge are very moving to me... You should also be very proud of what you have done as a mentor as well... And I hope what you say is true, whether they leave and discover themselves for a little while or whether I still maintain a close friendship and communication with them while they are away, I hope that I made a difference and that they don't forget me... But most importantly ( the main reasoning behind why I did this) is that I am able
    To have a life long little brother friendship with them both. They seethe little brothers I never had ad they are also the sons I never had. My beat buds
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    Sep 08, 2014 1:34 AM GMT
    Okajuurou saidIf only I had a protege growing up!!

    All I can say is that they won't forget about you, I am sure. Although, your relationship with them will be different and no one really knows how things will unfold, you should not worry about "them forgetting you".


    I hope they don't . I understand our relationship will change over time as they grow into young men and adults but the underlying importance and closeness of our friendship is something I do not want to change
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    Sep 08, 2014 1:43 AM GMT
    comical44 saidThank you so much Jerred... Your words and knowledge are very moving to me... You should also be very proud of what you have done as a mentor as well... And I hope what you say is true, whether they leave and discover themselves for a little while or whether I still maintain a close friendship and communication with them while they are away, I hope that I made a difference and that they don't forget me... But most importantly ( the main reasoning behind why I did this) is that I am able
    To have a life long little brother friendship with them both. They seethe little brothers I never had ad they are also the sons I never had. My beat buds


    OMG, I just looked at your age and I SWEAR that was the age I got my first little brother. Didn't ask for that little shit but damn I would dive through hoops for him.

    Trust me PLEASE.... This life is a journey within journeys. THE BEST THING I EVER FOUND WAS BEING AN OLDER BROTHER. Yet I have watched some little brothers die. But you know what, it is true, they look up to us.... Guys like you and me. I can even feel the spirit sometimes of those that died. And it changes my thinking patterns in literally the course of the day. Just know the connection you made IS NOT over. But rest yourself man... I know it is hard to do that when you have REAL humanity love on your mind... But BROTHER, you HAVE to do this. I promise you they will not be taken away by life because God does have you covered on this. When GOD says I want you to do THIS, he will go "wait a minute, I need that guy in order to do it." You set the ball in motion with the love of your heart... IT ALWAYS COMES BACK AROUND. Cry it out, I know how you feel. But hopefully you will come to the conclusion that I did... WE ARE NEVER REALLY SEPARATED AS ONE SPIRIT.
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    Sep 08, 2014 1:54 AM GMT
    Thank you do much Jerred your words are really powerful to me ad would love to stay in contact.

    That is ironic that you started mentoring at the same age... You seem like a great guy and I'm sure your little brothers value you.

    Wen it comes to this experience, they har taught be just as much as they say I taught them. They taught me how to be selfless and someone else before myself... They also taught me how to be a father.

    They both are lite shits lol but one out of the two broa is specially a thorn in my side, such a jokester ad pain in the ass but I love him or that lol
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    Sep 08, 2014 1:59 AM GMT
    xrichx saidI know you've posted about these "brothers" in the past, and that they aren't actually blood relatives. They're underprivileged kids that you've been mentoring right?

    I think it's time to just let them go. If they want to stay in touch, they will stay in touch. Time to move on.


    They probably see him like a parent, eh, depending on the situation. His feeling are understandable and if they were raised well, they probably feel a similar way icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 08, 2014 2:01 AM GMT
    Just let them move away and be on their own, I mean, Change is inevitable in life. Change is good. Just try to keep in touch and contact with them, I mean, you can always visit them. You shouldn't hold them back. Maybe you can do the same in the future too. icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 08, 2014 2:07 AM GMT
    comical44 saidThank you do much Jerred your words are really powerful to me ad would love to stay in contact.

    That is ironic that you started mentoring at the same age... You seem like a great guy and I'm sure your little brothers value you.

    Wen it comes to this experience, they har taught be just as much as they say I taught them. They taught me how to be selfless and someone else before myself... They also taught me how to be a father.

    They both are lite shits lol but one out of the two broa is specially a thorn in my side, such a jokester ad pain in the ass but I love him or that lol


    HAHAHA

    My first little brother ever was the studio rhythm guitarist for blink182. I actually picked him up as a hitchhiker in Laguna Beach california around 1990 He was still friends with Mark the singer of the band but really they let him go because he was a heroin addict. It eventually killed him. He was in love and dating for YEARS Laura Lynn who is the daughter of Jeff Lynn of Electric Light Orchestra. Hung out with her many times.

    The way it works is this... You lift them up and let them run out and make their mistakes. Who will they turn to at that point? YOU. I promise you that. Love is a powerful thing. Just know in your sadness and the memories you hold onto this existence is a VERY long journey. Long enough they will show up at your doorstep again all bright and shiny and you will look into their eyes and have to literally get to know them all over again because what you gave them is what you ARE. We never like to know ourselves the most. Peace my man.
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    Sep 08, 2014 2:21 AM GMT
    Thank you do much guys.. Really helps me out with the sadness that comes along with it....I want them to flow their dreams and be ten times better than that parents are.....they are amazing and talented young men so far
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    Sep 08, 2014 2:22 AM GMT
    Thank you do much guys.. Really helps me out with the sadness that comes along with it....I want them to flow their dreams and be ten times better than that parents are.....they are amazing and talented young men so far
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    Sep 08, 2014 3:19 AM GMT
    OOPS one BIG correction... It wasn't 1990 it was 1999. When you get my age everything just runs together. I met him in1999 and yes he WAS the studio rhythm guitarist for the first two albums of blink182. The day he died at age 25 he had just got signed onto a show on MTV called the Hungry Punker because he was an amazing chef. I cried for weeks after finding out he died. There is one thing I remember most was when we were driving down the PCH and he told me this..."God is my Grandfather in heaven". I will carry those words to my grave.
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    Sep 08, 2014 3:39 AM GMT
    comical44 saidAny other advice guys?

    Sounds like the distress you feel is like what parents often have for their children as they grow up, and move away. Perfectly natural & normal.

    If parents can handle it, so can you. Or conversely, don't be like the parents who CAN'T handle it, and hang-on far too long. The clingy, controlling mother comes to mind.

    The guys here have given you good advice and strategies to follow. You can still be helpful, without being a hindrance to their natural development. You can stay in contact, without constricting them. Check, but don't choke. A delicate balance.
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    Sep 08, 2014 3:45 AM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    comical44 saidAny other advice guys?

    Sounds like the distress you feel is like what parents often have for their children as they grow up, and move away. Perfectly natural & normal.

    If parents can handle it, so can you. Or conversely, don't be like the parents who CAN'T handle it, and hang-on far too long. The clingy, controlling mother comes to mind.

    The guys here have given you good advice and strategies to follow. You can still be helpful, without being a hindrance to their natural development. You can stay in contact, without constricting them. Check, but don't choke. A delicate balance.


    +1... Good call.
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    Sep 08, 2014 3:50 AM GMT
    jerred saidOOPS one BIG correction... It wasn't 1990 it was 1999. When you get my age everything just runs together. I met him in1999...

    The big correction you need is to your RJ profile, which says you are 23. In 1999, when you met him, you would have been 14 or 15.

    So this pedophile was messing around with a minor? And at your advanced age of 23 "...everything just runs together" so you can't remember events from 15 years ago?

    Really? Does senility strike that early these days? Either that, or your RJ profile needs some serious revision. Not the first time your profile and your stories have suffered a major disconnect. Why don't you just revise it?