Is it a good idea to keep in touch with an ex, ex-fb, ex flings etc?

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    Sep 08, 2014 2:11 AM GMT
    Do any of you guys keep in touch with your ex, flings, fb or ex-bf? Is this a good idea? How do you go about engage a conversation with them after a long while? thoughts, share stories.
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    Sep 08, 2014 2:16 AM GMT
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  • Apparition

    Posts: 3529

    Sep 08, 2014 2:28 AM GMT
    I think a lot of gay guys consider their exes among their best friends.
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    Sep 08, 2014 2:52 AM GMT
    Apparition saidI think a lot of gay guys consider their exes among their best friends.


    I think it's true if the split was *amicable!
  • mcbrion

    Posts: 305

    Sep 08, 2014 10:45 AM GMT
    Yes, of course I do. Why would you not unless they treated you bad?

    Armistead Maupin was discussing, in an interview many years ago when we both lived in San Francisco, the 'scorched earth' policy: I loved you so now I hate you. I'm with him. How can you hate what you TRULY loved? Ilike most of my exes, aside from those who, over time, showed themselves to be someone other than the person they presented themselves as originally.
    I love my former dates/boyfriends for the most part. A few? Well, in those case, I didn't have my eyes open, or I'd have seen that they were inconsistent, cold, unable to share their emotions (if I want emotionally unavailable, I'll rent Dick Cheney) in a healthy way. Otherwise, I like 'em and want them as friends. Some more than others and some closer friends than others, but unless I've made some horrible error, once someone is in my heart, he stays. (Axe murderers, sociopaths excluded)
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    Sep 08, 2014 4:42 PM GMT
    Apparition saidI think a lot of gay guys consider their exes among their best friends.


    exactly what happened to me, my best friend is my ex.
  • Markoni

    Posts: 17

    Sep 08, 2014 5:59 PM GMT
    I don't know if it's a good idea, I wouldn't/can't do it. At least not in the beginning. OMG that's very complicated.

    Did he break up with you or you with him?

    I somehow wouldn't want to see anyone I was disappointed by anymore, and in case I was the one who disappointed him, I wouldn't want to open old wounds.

    I can't just stand there and laugh about something as serious as being totally let go or letting someone go, and pretend it never happened and be friends. But that's me.
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    Sep 08, 2014 6:32 PM GMT
    I've kept in touch with all my exes. One (my last) is my best friend. 2nd we were good friends, just drifted apart. 1st was a BAD breakup, but he made his amends (he's in AA, he had to sooner or later make those amends....it's part of the program!) and we met up a few years ago.

    Some friendships come out of flings.

    The underlying assumption is that you like each other. And are mature enough to move on, yet hold on to the part that was valuable.
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    Sep 08, 2014 7:26 PM GMT
    mcbrion saidYes, of course I do. Why would you not unless they treated you bad?

    Armistead Maupin was discussing, in an interview many years ago when we both lived in San Francisco, the 'scorched earth' policy: I loved you so now I hate you. I'm with him. How can you hate what you TRULY loved? Ilike most of my exes, aside from those who, over time, showed themselves to be someone other than the person they presented themselves as originally.
    I love my former dates/boyfriends for the most part. A few? Well, in those case, I didn't have my eyes open, or I'd have seen that they were inconsistent, cold, unable to share their emotions (if I want emotionally unavailable, I'll rent Dick Cheney) in a healthy way. Otherwise, I like 'em and want them as friends. Some more than others and some closer friends than others, but unless I've made some horrible error, once someone is in my heart, he stays. (Axe murderers, sociopaths excluded)


    +1
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Sep 08, 2014 7:32 PM GMT
    I don't see any reason why you should be enemies with an ex but no reason to necessarily be friends, either. One of you broke it off. One will have hurt feelings. One may have unresolved feelings. Probably better to move on for both of you. But that doesn't mean you can't be distant friends and pleasant if you run into each other. Unless, of course, there was an act of betrayal.
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    Sep 08, 2014 8:46 PM GMT
    Seriously depends on you left things/how things ended. With an ex bf...probably not. They're ex's for a reason especially if it ended bad. Being cordial is ok but I wouldn't actively seek them out.

    Same with an ex fling/fb. If it ended bad then no. If it was one those "it was fun while it lasted/ran it's course" deal then maybe. If they can be adults about then sure.
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    Sep 08, 2014 11:11 PM GMT
    mcbrion saidYes, of course I do. Why would you not unless they treated you bad?

    Armistead Maupin was discussing, in an interview many years ago when we both lived in San Francisco, the 'scorched earth' policy: I loved you so now I hate you. I'm with him. How can you hate what you TRULY loved? Ilike most of my exes, aside from those who, over time, showed themselves to be someone other than the person they presented themselves as originally.
    I love my former dates/boyfriends for the most part. A few? Well, in those case, I didn't have my eyes open, or I'd have seen that they were inconsistent, cold, unable to share their emotions (if I want emotionally unavailable, I'll rent Dick Cheney) in a healthy way. Otherwise, I like 'em and want them as friends. Some more than others and some closer friends than others, but unless I've made some horrible error, once someone is in my heart, he stays. (Axe murderers, sociopaths excluded)


    +.75 If I want emotionally available, I'll call friends a/o family, just as Mr. Cheney does his. He IS married and a father, after all, and from all appearances happily so. Or are you closer to him than they?
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    Sep 09, 2014 10:33 AM GMT
    Guy101 saidSeriously depends on you left things/how things ended. With an ex bf...probably not. They're ex's for a reason especially if it ended bad. Being cordial is ok but I wouldn't actively seek them out.

    Same with an ex fling/fb. If it ended bad then no. If it was one those "it was fun while it lasted/ran it's course" deal then maybe. If they can be adults about then sure.


    Sensible answer.icon_smile.gif