The boyfriend thing

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 10, 2014 7:35 PM GMT
    So I'm turning 22 next month and there's still no boyfriend yet, nothing, nada, not even a little fling ( note : I came out at 17) .

    It's really frustrating for me because I feel like I've done everything I possibly could.

    I've been to the gay bars, gay associations, gay meet ups, gay online dating websites ( possibly the worst way to meet guys ?!) , gay this , gay that, and I never met a guy that I have seen for more than two weeks.

    The past two years have been especially bleak. I have been with a few guys, but they were mostly just hook-ups, which can be fun at times, but mostly make me feel hollow and even lonelier.

    The thing is, I'm not even looking for a long term serious relationship. At my age, I'm just trying to find somebody I can have fun with, be intimate with ( not just sexually). But it honestly feels like it's the hardest thing in the world.

    What makes me even more frustrated at my situation is when I see all the gay people I know who are all involved or have been at some point, and are always shocked when I tell them I've practically never been in a relationship.

    So, what is it that I'm doing wrong ? Are there any other guys who are in my situation ? icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 10, 2014 7:40 PM GMT
    Saad22 saidSo I'm turning 22 next month and there's still no boyfriend yet, nothing, nada, not even a little fling ( note : I came out at 17) .

    It's really frustrating for me because I feel like I've done everything I possibly could.

    I've been to the gay bars, gay associations, gay meet ups, gay online dating websites ( possibly the worst way to meet guys ?!) , gay this , gay that, and I never met a guy that I have seen for more than two weeks.

    The past two years have been especially bleak. I have been with a few guys, but they were mostly just hook-ups, which can be fun at times, but mostly make me feel hollow and even lonelier.

    The thing is, I'm not even looking for a long term serious relationship. At my age, I'm just trying to find somebody I can have fun with, be intimate with ( not just sexually). But it honestly feels like it's the hardest thing in the world.

    What makes me even more frustrated at my situation is when I see all the gay people I know who are all involved or have been at some point, and are always shocked when I tell them I've practically never been in a relationship.

    So, what is it that I'm doing wrong ? Are there any other guys who are in my situation ? icon_smile.gif


    Some people it just doesn't happen when you're young. I'm almost 28 and i've had only the vaguest dalliances with a couple of guys and all in the last five years. Just do your own thing and you'll eventually meet a guy who likes doing it too...and wouldn't mind doing it with you icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 10, 2014 7:42 PM GMT
    Or you'll die alone like the majority of homos.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Sep 10, 2014 8:12 PM GMT
    Have you ever taken the initiative with a guy you liked? Asked him out?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 10, 2014 8:30 PM GMT
    Maybe you don't seem very approachable. Be aware of your non verbal communication when you are out
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 10, 2014 9:51 PM GMT
    "Boyfriend" is an antiquated concept that the millenial generation has rejected. Sorry.
  • Slender95

    Posts: 41

    Sep 10, 2014 10:09 PM GMT
    Have you ever tried to approach guys you really like??How good do you communicate with others??
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 10, 2014 10:11 PM GMT
    I know its what you want but having a boyfriend is that worse thing you can do to yourself at your age.

    Although I'm sure your quite capable of having a balanced and harmonious relationship and won't change too much for your BF or won't get too comfortable with him and get fat, Its just so debilitating!

    You have so much going for you right now, your at that age where you should be exercising like crazy because your body can handle it and your metabolism should be crazy so you can lose weight quick and put on muscle easily.

    use your age and just keep focussing on getting yourself unbelievably hot so you catch a really good guy
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    Sep 10, 2014 11:11 PM GMT
    Saad22 saidSo I'm turning 22 next month and there's still no boyfriend yet, nothing, nada, not even a little fling ( note : I came out at 17) .

    It's really frustrating for me because I feel like I've done everything I possibly could.

    I've been to the gay bars, gay associations, gay meet ups, gay online dating websites ( possibly the worst way to meet guys ?!) , gay this , gay that, and I never met a guy that I have seen for more than two weeks.

    The past two years have been especially bleak. I have been with a few guys, but they were mostly just hook-ups, which can be fun at times, but mostly make me feel hollow and even lonelier.

    The thing is, I'm not even looking for a long term serious relationship. At my age, I'm just trying to find somebody I can have fun with, be intimate with ( not just sexually). But it honestly feels like it's the hardest thing in the world.

    What makes me even more frustrated at my situation is when I see all the gay people I know who are all involved or have been at some point, and are always shocked when I tell them I've practically never been in a relationship.

    So, what is it that I'm doing wrong ? Are there any other guys who are in my situation ? icon_smile.gif
    well it's def not because your ugly ! U are very handsome !!!!
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Sep 11, 2014 4:12 AM GMT
    OP, I understand what you're going through. I'm in the same boat myself, only I'm going to be turning 23 in a week and haven't had a boyfriend at all.

    But you just have to remember to stay positive. And just keep focusing on yourself. Within time, I'm sure you'll find a guy. but yeah, it may help that if you like a guy and get vibes he might be gay, just be upfront if you feel confident enough. I still need to do this myself but I digress, showing honesty may help a lot.

    Good luck OP!
  • theob

    Posts: 64

    Sep 11, 2014 3:43 PM GMT
    Saad22 saidSo I'm turning 22 next month and there's still no boyfriend yet, nothing, nada, not even a little fling ( note : I came out at 17) .

    It's really frustrating for me because I feel like I've done everything I possibly could.

    I've been to the gay bars, gay associations, gay meet ups, gay online dating websites ( possibly the worst way to meet guys ?!) , gay this , gay that, and I never met a guy that I have seen for more than two weeks.

    The past two years have been especially bleak. I have been with a few guys, but they were mostly just hook-ups, which can be fun at times, but mostly make me feel hollow and even lonelier.

    The thing is, I'm not even looking for a long term serious relationship. At my age, I'm just trying to find somebody I can have fun with, be intimate with ( not just sexually). But it honestly feels like it's the hardest thing in the world.

    What makes me even more frustrated at my situation is when I see all the gay people I know who are all involved or have been at some point, and are always shocked when I tell them I've practically never been in a relationship.

    So, what is it that I'm doing wrong ? Are there any other guys who are in my situation ? icon_smile.gif


    I'm in your situation. But I also just came out and have sorta been a slut because, wow, guys are hot and I can do things with them now. I'm 31.

    I think you need to look at it this way. Or rather, at least this how I've convinced myself to deal with it.

    You're a normal gay guy. You want a relationship. That probably means there are a lot of other gay guys who also want a relationship. In fact, there seems to be more relationship talk on these forums than talk of fitness goals, sex, etc. Everyone wants a boyfriend. Everyone wants to fall in love.

    You just have to be honest with yourself. Are you the reason things fizzle out and die? Do you act needy (something I'm totally guilty of 100%)? Do you avoid putting in effort where perhaps you should? Do you do the convenient thing instead of the hard thing?

    I'm in a weird spot because I'm just not attracted to a lot of the 30-somethings. But ironically, I know they're more interested in a relationship than the 20-somethings I usually end up dating / hooking up with. Nobody considers the possibility of dying alone when they're 22. It only hits you after you've been alone for a long time and just want it to stop.

    Rest assured, there are plenty of other guys out there going through the same things you're going through. Chances are, they're a bit older than you. I say give it a few years and the existential dread will kick in. Then you can snatch up that hot boyfriend.
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    Sep 11, 2014 4:30 PM GMT
    HolyHex001 saidMaybe you don't seem very approachable. Be aware of your non verbal communication when you are out


    ^^THIS. Even your profile isn't completely filled out. If you want people to be open to the possibility of a relationship with you, YOU have to be open yourself.

    Intimate relationships require a certain level of openness. I imagine you are a bit too reserved with people.

    After all, you are not a bad looking guy. You should have no trouble attracting guys.
  • Rawrdo

    Posts: 343

    Sep 11, 2014 4:50 PM GMT
    It's not about finding the right guy, it's about finding the right guy's friends. Don't remember where I heard this from, but it makes sense. So perhaps just focus on making new friends and enjoying yourself. Who knows maybe one of your new friends will introduce your future boyfriend and even if they don't at least you are having fun.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 11, 2014 5:51 PM GMT
    Ughhh but I'm terrible at networking.

    I have to do it to find a good job, now I have to do it to find a boyfriend too ?? haha
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 11, 2014 5:56 PM GMT
    [quote]
    I'm in your situation. But I also just came out and have sorta been a slut because, wow, guys are hot and I can do things with them now. I'm 31.

    I think you need to look at it this way. Or rather, at least this how I've convinced myself to deal with it.

    You're a normal gay guy. You want a relationship. That probably means there are a lot of other gay guys who also want a relationship. In fact, there seems to be more relationship talk on these forums than talk of fitness goals, sex, etc. Everyone wants a boyfriend. Everyone wants to fall in love.

    You just have to be honest with yourself. Are you the reason things fizzle out and die? Do you act needy (something I'm totally guilty of 100%)? Do you avoid putting in effort where perhaps you should? Do you do the convenient thing instead of the hard thing?

    I'm in a weird spot because I'm just not attracted to a lot of the 30-somethings. But ironically, I know they're more interested in a relationship than the 20-somethings I usually end up dating / hooking up with. Nobody considers the possibility of dying alone when they're 22. It only hits you after you've been alone for a long time and just want it to stop.

    Rest assured, there are plenty of other guys out there going through the same things you're going through. Chances are, they're a bit older than you. I say give it a few years and the existential dread will kick in. Then you can snatch up that hot boyfriend.[/quote]


    I just wish I could actually meet these other guys that are going through the same thing I am, possibly some cute ones ! icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 11, 2014 10:56 PM GMT
    Im in the same situation than you @Saad22. I just turned 28 and still no bf around me. Im ready to b into a relationship with a nice man but I haven't found him yet.

    Im in this website to see if i can meet at least someone to hang out but guys are rude lately, they just want sex nothing serious.
    http://b.rjstatic.com/images/icon_eek.gif




  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 12, 2014 1:47 AM GMT
    Finding a BF is 50% luck (right place, right time) and 50% being open to whatever the universe hands you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 12, 2014 7:00 AM GMT
    huhwhat saidFinding a BF is 50% luck (right place, right time) and 50% being open to whatever the universe hands you.


    And 100% communication. Which is simply being friendly and socializing with everyone. In today's social atmosphere I don't know how peeps stay single.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 12, 2014 7:19 AM GMT
    We gays are a minority. Vast majority of gays are already taken and some getting married. And most of the rest are just into hookups.
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    Sep 12, 2014 8:12 AM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle said
    Sweetooth saidOr you'll die alone like the majority of homos.


    If you look at the members profiles on this site you will see that at least 90% of the men here are single. And judging from their pics these are some of the most beautifully built and hot men.

    Why is thst the case? They either want to be single, have unrealistic expectations or are too emotionally inept to handle being in one.


    + Agree, great wisdom, here...I am including myself in having issues, and growing to overcome them...last Friday I had a date, we met through Scruff...no sex, we met half way between his city and mine at Peets (coffee shop her in the Bay Area). I found him real attractive, he was Latin like me. He is from Uruguay, been in the California for a couple of years. We met at 6:30 p.m and talked until they were closing the store and asking us to leave. I thought I had a great connection and he seemed interested in me, we chatted and laughed about our life experiences. However, when I texted him for our coffee date and that I was leaving to confirm, he told me his friend was dropping him because he did not have a car and was on his way. I thought this was a bit odd, but then he told me that he works at as a manager of the restaurant and supports his parents (sends money to them) and hence does not have a car. Anyway, we finished the date and I gave him a ride back to his place. We chatted some more and then he said he does not work Sundays or Mondays and to give him a call or text because he wanted to get together. We hugged, and that was it. He noted also he was coming out of a relationship and wanted to take it slow. On Sunday, I texted to see if he wanted to go out, he then tells me he was called in for work and that he can't. Later I texted him to see how his work day was and said he was tired and did not want to go out.

    After that he has not texted or called since Sunday, nor will I attempt to do so since if he was really interested he would definitely call and ask to get together....moral of the story the guy really was not interested in the beginning and did not have the BALLS to say so at the end of the date, some guys are just like that thinking you will go postal. I wish he would have said so instead of leading me on...but that is life. I just move on and get back on that horse, to find someone...you will too
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    Sep 12, 2014 9:38 AM GMT
    i don't think you're doing anything wrong, you're just almost 22. Lol, I was like barely out at 22. My first on-off/unofficial boyfriend was this Taiwanese guy I met when I was around 24. I met him at a bar, just keep putting yourself out there and join gay clubs, organizations...etc.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 12, 2014 9:58 AM GMT
    Relationships are a lot of work and both partners have to want it awful bad to make it work. basically your sharing your life with someone and guys are so phucking different, its hard.
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    Sep 12, 2014 11:10 AM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle said
    Sweetooth saidOr you'll die alone like the majority of homos.


    If you look at the members profiles on this site you will see that at least 90% of the men here are single. And judging from their pics these are some of the most beautifully built and hot men.

    Why is thst the case? They either want to be single, have unrealistic expectations or are too emotionally inept to handle being in one.


    Very wise man speaks the truth!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 12, 2014 1:54 PM GMT
    A lot of people are afraid to take the initiative and the first step thinking people will just come up to them and strike up conversation. If you see what you want go for it, sure you can be rejected but you'll find somebody that wont
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 12, 2014 2:05 PM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle said
    Sweetooth saidOr you'll die alone like the majority of homos.


    If you look at the members profiles on this site you will see that at least 90% of the men here are single. And judging from their pics these are some of the most beautifully built and hot men.

    Why is thst the case? They either want to be single, have unrealistic expectations or are too emotionally inept to handle being in one.


    Yep, they do not realize that as a minority they do not have THAT much choice. Coming out later than heteros decreases emotional experience too.