Same-sex marriage and sharing hotel rooms on business trips

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    Sep 11, 2014 12:30 AM GMT
    Interesting topic

    http://www.bizjournals.com/columbus/how-to/human-resources/2014/09/same-sex-marriage-and-sharing-hotel-rooms.html
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    Sep 11, 2014 1:42 AM GMT
    what hell hole are they going to that dosnt have enough hotel rooms; Ferguson Missouri? I would not like to share a room with a co-worker. You see them every day in a slightly competitive environment.

    Sounds like a ploy to get her own hotel room. Hope it works for her.
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    Sep 11, 2014 2:50 AM GMT
    pellaz saidwhat hell hole are they going to that dosnt have enough hotel rooms; Ferguson Missouri? I would not like to share a room with a co-worker. You see them every day in a slightly competitive environment.

    Sounds like a ploy to get her own hotel room. Hope it works for her.


    In my former business it was always room sharing to get us all in the same facility. We never been in a place that had enough rooms.

    I never really like it but in this instance I would gone off site and paid for my own room. I thankfully had a boss who was perceptive enough to figure that was no good and move me. I hadn't said anything yet, but would have.
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    Sep 11, 2014 3:15 AM GMT
    This seems like a ploy to me to get a private room. And making it an LGBT issue has the potential to put all of us in a bad light with straights.

    This lesbian can't share a room with a man, but not with a woman, either, unless it's her own partner? Does that make LGBT a third species?

    Curiously, this question came up with us last week. My final plans for the SMART Ride were still unsettled. I wasn't sure if I'd be staying in a room at the starting point the day before with my husband, and also at the 100-mile overnight point. My option, if I can't ride a bike this year (though I'm already registered and have raised the qualifying donations), was to drive directly to Key West in our car and wait for the others.

    In that case, my husband was gonna bunk with another gay SMART Rider we both know, in separate beds, at both locations. Didn't concern me at all. And when we get down to Key West I've already reserved a 4-person suite, and this same guy and another gay friend will have the other bedroom with us, them sharing a queen bed together.

    They're cool with that, though one guy has a legally married husband who isn't coming along. As it happened I decided to tentatively remain a rider, and will be bunking with my husband throughout after all. But those other guys will still be sharing a bed in Key West in our suite, and I believe a room together at the 100-mile overnight stopover.

    I suppose men are different from women, but I just don't see this issue here. And I really don't respect people who insist on special treatment, when it comes at the inconvenience of others.
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    Sep 11, 2014 3:54 AM GMT
    freedomisntfree said
    pellaz saidwhat hell hole are they going to that dosnt have enough hotel rooms; Ferguson Missouri? I would not like to share a room with a co-worker. You see them every day in a slightly competitive environment.

    Sounds like a ploy to get her own hotel room. Hope it works for her.


    In my former business it was always room sharing to get us all in the same facility. We never been in a place that had enough rooms.

    I never really like it but in this instance I would gone off site and paid for my own room. I thankfully had a boss who was perceptive enough to figure that was no good and move me. I hadn't said anything yet, but would have.


    And the inconvenience of others and playing fair is a big deal to me. I wouldn't have insisted on a change if it would do so. I simply would have found a hotel elsewhere and paid on my own.

    Company doesn't like this a bit because there's pretty heavy drinking the first night ... me too, and I very seldom drink at all. So there's the safety aspect of everyone getting back to their room.

    another problem is that the meetings start nice and early and you're expected to be there.
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    Sep 11, 2014 4:35 AM GMT
    There are lots of times we have to make do on business trips.

    One time I was traveling with our Division Commander in his airplane, a 2-Star Major General. Along with his Chief of Staff, a full Colonel, and the Division Command Sergeant Major, the most senior enlisted person in our command. I was a lowly Major, though shortly to be promoted Lt. Colonel.

    So whoever from our HQ made the hotel reservations only got 3 rooms. Naturally the General and the Colonel had their own, leaving the Command Sergeant Major and me to bunk together. Kinda against protocol, because I was a Field Grade Officer, and not supposed to room with an enlisted soldier of any rank. Even the Geneva Convention prohibits that for POWs in confinement (I was classified Cat IV, just below General Officer).

    Yet he's the General's right-hand man, I'm not gonna make a fuss over such a technicality, and piss off The Boss. But OMG, you shoulda heard the Sergeant Major grousing!

    "I should have my own room! I'm THE Division Command Sergeant Major!" So he's bitching & moaning as we take our room. I felt like I was supposed to genuflect to him or something.

    But I'm determined to get through this awkwardness, because there's no choice. And he's got the General's ear more than I do. A bad word from him could sink me. Fortunately the experience didn't kill either of us. I would hope soldiers are tougher than that, even an exalted yet easily offended Command Sergeant Major E-9.

    The next day's flight nearly did kill us, however, when we ran into a vicious thunderstorm in our small twin turboprop. But that's an anecdote for another day.
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    Sep 11, 2014 4:48 AM GMT
    Art_Deco saidThere are lots of times we have to make do on business trips.

    One time I was traveling with our Division Commander in his airplane, a 2-Star Major General. Along with his Chief of Staff, a full Colonel, and the Division Command Sergeant Major, the most senior enlisted person in our command. I was a lowly Major, though shortly to be promoted Lt. Colonel.

    So whoever from our HQ made the hotel reservations only got 3 rooms. Naturally the General and the Colonel had their own, leaving the Command Sergeant Major and me to bunk together. Kinda against protocol, because I was a Field Grade Officer, and not supposed to room with an enlisted soldier of any rank. Even the Geneva Convention prohibits that for POWs in confinement (I was classified Cat IV, just below General Officer).

    Yet he's the General's right-hand man, I'm not gonna make a fuss over such a technicality, and piss off The Boss. But OMG, you shoulda heard the Sergeant Major grousing!

    "I should have my own room! I'm THE Division Command Sergeant Major!" So he's bitching & moaning as we take our room. I felt like I was supposed to genuflect to him or something

    But I'm determined to get through this awkwardness, because there's no choice. And he's got the General's ear more than I do. A bad word from him could sink me. Fortunately the experience didn't kill either of us. I would hope soldiers are tougher than that, even an exalted yet easily offended Command Sergeant Major E-9.

    The next day's flight nearly did kill us, however, when we ran into a vicious thunderstorm in our small twin turboprop. But that's an anecdote for another day.


    "however, when we ran into a vicious thunderstorm in our small twin turboprop"

    Now that I really really wouldn't like .... at ALL.
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    Sep 11, 2014 6:51 AM GMT
    freedomisntfree said
    "however, when we ran into a vicious thunderstorm in our small twin turboprop"

    Now that I really really wouldn't like .... at ALL.

    OK, you get the story...

    This small plane, I think a U-12, wasn't pressurized. So our altitude was limited. The seating configuration allowed for 4, with a 5th jump seat in the back.

    The General & I sat facing each other, across a fold-up table, virtually knee to knee, going over the material I had prepared. On the other side of the aisle was the Chief of Staff and the Command Sergeant Major, also knee to knee.

    We were told there might be turbulence, but I didn't want to take any Dramamine, because it makes me groggy, and we had Army Reserve units to immediately inspect at our destination.

    Well we hit this thunderstorm, unable to fly over it. I thought the wings were gonna rip off. The arrogant Command Sergeant Major hadn't strapped himself in tight enough, and flew up out of his seat when we hit one bad "pothole" and slammed his head against the low ceiling in this small plane, almost knocking him unconscious.

    Meanwhile I'm turning green. The General, who wasn't at all phased by any of this air turbulence, laughed and made a vomiting gesture at me.

    I said: "General, it's in your best interest not to encourage me", since I was facing him right across this small table.

    The Chief of Staff and Command Sergeant Major stared at me with stunned expressions, like I had lost my mind. NOBODY talked back to this General, nobody dared to joke with him. He had a well-earned reputation for being a holy terror, a totally mean bastard, everyone was afraid of him. He relieved commanders and staff as soon as look at them.

    And the General stared back at me for a moment, too, and then he started laughing. Only then did the CofS and CSM start laughing along, as well, knowing it was safe. Weasles.

    It cinched my position with him. I took a big chance with that little bit of impertinence, more than you may realize it was if you've never served with General Officers. But I've always been a risk taker, coupled with delivering results that made my bosses look good.

    BTW, we landed safely, did our inspection. And I got a Lt. Colonel Battalion Commander relieved of his command for incompetence. Not the first and not the last. I could also be a holy terror in my own way. But flying in rough weather was never one of my strengths.
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    Sep 11, 2014 7:00 AM GMT
    Must be a really small company with a limited budget. At all of our trade shows, each employee gets their own room. I'm guessing there must be some industry study that proved paying for extra rooms is much cheaper than dealing with HR issues and lawsuits. icon_lol.gif
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    Sep 11, 2014 1:47 PM GMT
    xrichx saidMust be a really small company with a limited budget. At all of our trade shows, each employee gets their own room. I'm guessing there must be some industry study that proved paying for extra rooms is much cheaper than dealing with HR issues and lawsuits. icon_lol.gif


    In my case? Large company with several thousand attending from all over the world.

    One of the big HR concerns is of course safety of the company employees and the motoring public to make sure no one had to drive to get back to their rooms.

    About 95% of the attendees are folks who you would see once a year at this event so folks tended to end up in the bars until late at night and this is after a two hour happy hour before dinner. Got pretty rowdy for a bunch of mostly old folks.
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    Sep 11, 2014 1:59 PM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    freedomisntfree said
    "however, when we ran into a vicious thunderstorm in our small twin turboprop"

    Now that I really really wouldn't like .... at ALL.

    OK, you get the story...

    This small plane, I think a U-12, wasn't pressurized. So our altitude was limited. The seating configuration allowed for 4, with a 5th jump seat in the back.

    The General & I sat facing each other, across a fold-up table, virtually knee to knee, going over the material I had prepared. On the other side of the aisle was the Chief of Staff and the Command Sergeant Major, also knee to knee.

    We were told there might be turbulence, but I didn't want to take any Dramamine, because it makes me groggy, and we had Army Reserve units to immediately inspect at our destination.

    Well we hit this thunderstorm, unable to fly over it. I thought the wings were gonna rip off. The arrogant Command Sergeant Major hadn't strapped himself in tight enough, and flew up out of his seat when we hit one bad "pothole" and slammed his head against the low ceiling in this small plane, almost knocking him unconscious.

    Meanwhile I'm turning green. The General, who wasn't at all phased by any of this air turbulence, laughed and made a vomiting gesture at me.

    I said: "General, it's in your best interest not to encourage me", since I was facing him right across this small table.

    The Chief of Staff and Command Sergeant Major stared at me with stunned expressions, like I had lost my mind. NOBODY talked back to this General, nobody dared to joke with him. He had a well-earned reputation for being a holy terror, a totally mean bastard, everyone was afraid of him. He relieved commanders and staff as soon as look at them.

    And the General stared back at me for a moment, too, and then he started laughing. Only then did the CofS and CSM start laughing along, as well, knowing it was safe. Weasles.

    It cinched my position with him. I took a big chance with that little bit of impertinence, more than you may realize it was if you've never served with General Officers. But I've always been a risk taker, coupled with delivering results that made my bosses look good.

    BTW, we landed safely, did our inspection. And I got a Lt. Colonel Battalion Commander relieved of his command for incompetence. Not the first and not the last. I could also be a holy terror in my own way. But flying in rough weather was never one of my strengths.


    I probably wouldn't mind as much if I was a very experienced pilot and was flying, but this sounded like it went well beyond that. I like flying just about as much as riding with someone else driving. I will get a taste of that Friday night.

    After my mom's funeral Friday and the wake I'm going up to central Michigan for a car event.

    Needless to say I haven't been sleeping well this week. It's 300+ miles each way so I'll get sleepy on the way up Friday night and will need my little concubine to drive for part of the way. Will need to do it, but don't like it.
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    Sep 11, 2014 2:10 PM GMT
    freedomisntfree said
    I probably wouldn't mind as much if I was a very experienced pilot and was flying, but this sounded like it went well beyond that. I like flying just about as much as riding with someone else driving. I will get a taste of that Friday night.

    After my mom's funeral Friday and the wake I'm going up to central Michigan for a car event.

    Needless to say I haven't been sleeping well this week. It's 300+ miles each way so I'll get sleepy on the way up Friday night and will need my little concubine to drive for part of the way. Will need to do it, but don't like it.

    My condolences about your mother. First I heard. If mentioned elsewhere on RJ I missed it.
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    Sep 11, 2014 2:16 PM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    freedomisntfree said
    I probably wouldn't mind as much if I was a very experienced pilot and was flying, but this sounded like it went well beyond that. I like flying just about as much as riding with someone else driving. I will get a taste of that Friday night.

    After my mom's funeral Friday and the wake I'm going up to central Michigan for a car event.

    Needless to say I haven't been sleeping well this week. It's 300+ miles each way so I'll get sleepy on the way up Friday night and will need my little concubine to drive for part of the way. Will need to do it, but don't like it.

    My condolences about your mother. First I heard. If mentioned elsewhere on RJ I missed it.


    Thanks. I haven't said much about it.

    Big shock. Subarachnoid brain aneurysm hemorrhage followed by a very bad fall on the Friday before last. She passed away last Friday afternoon so I've been up to my teeth in stuff to do.
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    Sep 11, 2014 3:51 PM GMT
    If I'm expected to share living quarters with a coworker on a business trip I would let it be known I expect them to cuddle me at night.

    Seriously, I wouldn't work for a company that couldn't afford to provide all team members with separate sleeping arrangements.
  • madsexy

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    Sep 11, 2014 5:42 PM GMT
    Back to the issue presented - instead of all the off-topic CRAP - companies have always had to deal with policy versus employee issues. With same-sex marriage it seems that the company should NOT have to be accommodating because an employee's sexual preference coincides with the normal housing policy. Further the inconvenience to the other 3 women is an absurd choice. Would the company give a gay man a separate room? What about if the gay/married employee hadn't objected because she is confident that being in a room with another woman is no big deal - UNLESS SHE DOES SOMETHING that endangers her commitment to her partner - but another of the women did because she knew the married employee is gay? Could be the same for any gay man in the group who is objected to. And what if it's a state where a gay person cannot acquire a same-sex marriage but is in a committed relationship? What if an employee objected to the hotel for some socially-visible reason? This could go on forever and political correctness is just absurd when it causes disparate treatment. Clearly the sensible approach is 1) the policy is the policy; and 2) if you're not comfortable with the policy make your own accommodations. It's not the company's issue to resolve.
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    Sep 11, 2014 6:50 PM GMT
    pellaz saidwhat hell hole are they going to that dosnt have enough hotel rooms; Ferguson Missouri? I would not like to share a room with a co-worker. You see them every day in a slightly competitive environment.

    Sounds like a ploy to get her own hotel room. Hope it works for her.



    Try getting a room in SF around Folsom street Fair time.
  • waccamatt

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    Sep 11, 2014 10:16 PM GMT
    The problem is with the company making co-workers share a room; talk about a bunch of cheapskates.
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    Sep 12, 2014 2:23 AM GMT
    I've heard of a lot of companies expecting this but it was never imposed on me. A buddy and I offered to double up in exchange for staying after the meeting ended (it was at a great resort in Florida and - when you factored in the airfare saved by staying over at Sat) we ended up saving the company money. We pulled that a few times.
  • Apparition

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    Sep 12, 2014 2:42 AM GMT
    A better policy would of course to ask for volunteers to travel given the budget, ie stipend is X we will make accomodation arrangements in lieu. Dont like it dont go.
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    Sep 13, 2014 4:36 AM GMT
    The fact that Pam is gay married isn't relative. What's going on here is that Pam is asking for special treatment because she is a lesbian. First of all, I disagree with the foregone conclusion that Pam can't share a room with man. Based on that logic, Pam can't share a room with a man (str8 or gay) or a woman (str8 or lesbian), so look how well that works out for Pam! By that same logic, however, Pam shouldn't be able to use a woman's locker room or perhaps even the ladies restroom at her office, and of course it would be inappropriate for two gay men to share a room because they would be going at it all night and would therefore be worthless the next day in the meeting.

    Although it's been close to 20 years since I've done the corporate thing, I did have to travel for work and on a few occasions had to share a room. I have never not been out in the workplace, and I remember in the late 80s sharing a room with a str8 female colleague when we both worked for IBM and ended up enrolling in the same out of town training course (we also happened to be roommates/best friends). Even though she is str8 and is into men, I didn't feel uncomfortable or worry that she wanted to jump my bones. Even though we were both in our mid and late 20s, we were able to work it out because we were both grown ups.

    For the remaining occasions I had to share a room, I was paired up with either a single or married str8 man. Whether back then or in today's workplace, I simply can't imagine ever raising my hand to say that as a gay man I'm uncomfortable sharing a room with a str8 married man [because I dig guys and would want to jump his bones...or something to that effect.]

    So basically if it's not appropriate for Pam to share a room with anybody, it's not appropriate for anybody to share a room.