friendormate saidThis question is a big deal for young gay men but means far less when you get older. I remember wondering where I fit when I was coming to terms with my sexuality in high school and college. I was a star athlete but I was also a little too pretty with my red curly hair that I didn't cut short enough. I had three older sisters which made me a bit too sensitive relative to the other boys. I see it now how young boys can appear kind of effeminate. I noticed it with my Nieces husband when they first started dating in college. Now he is a dad of two beautiful kids, in his early 30s, and there is nothing remotely effeminate about him. I look at him and I understand myself. We were both tall lanky athletes with boyish qualities when we young.
Men harden and become more rugged with age. As a result what ever effeminacy I had as a boy washed out the stereotypical masculine interest I have as an adult. I would never ever consider myself macho but I have been accused of it by gay men and jokingly by a few straights. I just love beer, sports, wild adventures and a good adrenaline rush that men are more predisposed to enjoy than women.
But to the young effeminate guys being a bit effeminate does not make you less attractive to other gay men. First you will lose many of your effeminate qualities with age. Second gay men want you to look like a jock but actually being one scares a lot of them away. A lot of gay men have control issue and the misinterpret a take charge attitude for being controlling.
I'm pretty sure this may just have been the particular case for you because it has certainly not been so for me.
To be honest, I was bullied from primary school right up through to university for being an effeminate guy.
It is the major reason why I actually actively avoid straight men because most of the hostility I've faced in my life were from straight and/or homophobic men.
I guess this is the reason why I've never related to liking straight men or wanting to be straight acting because I've always felt threatened by them.
Maybe because 'straight acting' has become the major norm for gay men, I don't really have any gay friends because if I just naturally avoid communication from straight men out of a fear of it becoming confrontational, whether it be an actual straight guy or a straight-acting gay guy (I'd never tell the difference and wouldn't spend the time to try discover it).
Over the course of time, I've not become anything macho, don't enjoy beer or any kind of alcohol, never been into sports or wild adventures, and certainly nothing of my appearance has become rugged in the slightest.
I am also quite confident that those particular things won't change. I don't see myself reaching an age where all of a sudden I like beer, watching sports, growing facial hair (trust me it's not in my genes), and whatever else 'straight-branded' interests or hobbies there are.
Overall I think this may have just been your experience.
I'm sure there will be other gay men out there who will experience something similar, but there will also certainly be other men who will be labelled 'feminine' through out their adult life.
That or I'm just a bad anomaly.