Fear of Coming Out

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 14, 2009 1:23 AM GMT
    To all the people who are totally out of the closet, how did you just let go and stop fearing about being openly gay? I am open to very few people and dont have any friends or family that are also gay. Thoughts?
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    Jan 14, 2009 3:57 AM GMT
    I grew up on a ranch in Nebraska, and I know that nothing could be more natural.

    I know my parents and my family love me unconditionally.

    I'm not tainted by false belief systems.

    I realize that, in a world of 7 billion folks, it's beyond self-centric to worry about something as basic as sexuality.

    Your enemy is within. Step forward. Like yourself. It'll get better from there.
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    Jan 14, 2009 4:29 AM GMT
    I haven't come out to my family yet, but most of my friends know and I've pretty much stopped hiding it... I think once you start telling people, it gets easier. Besides it feels better when you are not in the closet, so just try it and I bet you'll like it icon_smile.gif
    Good luck
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    Jan 14, 2009 4:31 AM GMT
    Ya' like dick! Big deal!

    Next item.

    You don't have a prostate just to have a hard time peeing. Make use of the thing.
  • Hunter9

    Posts: 1039

    Jan 14, 2009 4:32 AM GMT
    i would try meeting some people that are gay, and when you realize that you are a) not alone, and b) still perfectly normal, you will feel more confident in being who you really are to others.

    still not going to be easy, but that'll make it easier.
  • JayneCobb

    Posts: 709

    Jan 14, 2009 4:35 AM GMT
    Tell one person who can't be trusted and just wait for them to out you, it will happen eventually. Trust me. icon_wink.gif
  • Aquanerd

    Posts: 845

    Jan 14, 2009 4:39 AM GMT
    I think I did it backwards. After being in the closet until my mid 30's I came out (by accident) to my entire family. Didn't come out @ work until my latest job. Now I'm coming out to my old friends "by remote" through Facebook. I haven't had one negative experience.
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    Jan 14, 2009 4:58 AM GMT
    There's only so many times you can hear your friends and family ask, "So are you seeing anyone?" and continue to be evasive. It gets ridiculous at some point.

    Eventually you realize everyone has already figured you out, they're just not going to be the one to broach the subject.
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    Jan 14, 2009 5:00 AM GMT
    It's real funny when you realize everyone already knew and the only person who gave a shit about it was yourself.
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    Jan 14, 2009 5:03 AM GMT
    My breaking point was when I realized I was living a double life. I was out to my friends and hanging out with my boyfriends family. Being in a relationship and hiding the fact that you are seeing someone is not a pleasant feeling. I finally said "Fuck It" and came out to my family. That was just less than 2 months ago. The day I told my family I remember feeling so free. No more lying, avoiding questions and keeping secrets. It feels great. When your ready to come out, you will know it.
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    Jan 14, 2009 5:05 AM GMT
    working_out_feels_awesome said i find some of the guys there kinda hot. if that makes me gay, i have no idea. i am still wrestling with what exactly it means to be gay.

    When you see those guys, do you get a boner imagining them sitting on your cock, or you on theirs? Do you feel the same way about slipping it in your girlfriend?

    If you answered YES and NO, I'm gonna say you're gay. YES and YES, you're probably bi.
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    Jan 14, 2009 5:17 AM GMT
    Texian said
    working_out_feels_awesome said i find some of the guys there kinda hot. if that makes me gay, i have no idea. i am still wrestling with what exactly it means to be gay.

    When you see those guys, do you get a boner imagining them sitting on your cock, or you on theirs? Do you feel the same way about slipping it in your girlfriend?

    If you answered YES and NO, I'm gonna say you're gay. YES and YES, you're probably bi.


    Then I'd have to say no and no icon_wink.gif
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    Jan 14, 2009 5:38 AM GMT
    It's real funny when you realize everyone already knew and the only person who gave a shit about it was yourself
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    Jan 14, 2009 5:38 AM GMT
    i know its wierd, and its saddening, but if they care enough that you are gay to act differently around you, then they arent really your friends.
    its better to just eave them behind. if they are really your friends, then they will come back and apologize. me and my best best friend lost touch when i cane out 3 years ago, and now we couldnt be closer. we didnt talk for a year and she realized that it shouldnt matter. and shes hardcore catholic.
    its hard, but honestly, your best friends will support you.
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    Jan 14, 2009 5:55 AM GMT
    Ozzipkcin, the hardest part of coming out is allowing yourself to accept who you are. Once you've made the decision then you realize that there are a lot of people that will support you and surround you with love when you do come out and they aren't the people you now know, friends and family. Then when you do come out, you find that most, if not all, of your friends and family either have figured it out or don't mind (or at least won't say anything). Most of the fear is the fear of the unknown, not being gay. Living behind a wall is just too much pressure and not fun. I'm not out to everyone, I don't think any of us are. I'm out to those with whom I chose to share, the rest don't need to know and if they do find out, who cares. I am who I am and I'm happy. Nothing wrong with that. Good luck bud....I hope it all goes well for you. I'm guessing that it will.
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    Jan 14, 2009 6:41 AM GMT
    Growing up I think my parents knew I would turn out gay. I have memories of my dad correcting some behavior and I wouldn't understand it at the time. I guess it's because of him that that people confuse me for being straight. They are both brainwashed, devout catholics who fear the sky will fall on them if their son turns out gay.

    High school was hell with my parents but you get to that age where the only person that can really determine your life is you. For me it was 19, I moved out and it was my friends that helped me establish myself as a self-supporting citizen of society.

    I don't really talk to my parents anymore.

    But of course, this is not common. Usually your parents accept you.

    What I'm trying to say is:

    Do as you will and let the world be damned.

    If the people who are close to you cannot accept the fact that you are more than your sexual orientation, they're not really worth having in your life anyways.

    There's more to life than to worry about what others think about you.

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    Jan 14, 2009 7:24 AM GMT
    I finally realized that I had more to get out of life than the limitations the lie brought me. I realized that it didn't matter who accepted me, as long as I accepted myself. AND, I stopped thinking something was going to change - it doesn't. We're gay, it's as simple as that and you have to accept yourself and be brave enough to deal with what happens when it's out on the table for everybody to pick at. It's an odd thing to have to accept that you may be alone in all this. The best realization is that you aren't alone. You just have to accept that you'll be happy if you are, and get ready for the wonderful surprises and the joy in being this unique human being.

    Good Luck to you!!

    Big Hug!

    Jason
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    Jan 14, 2009 8:42 AM GMT
    It's like the bogeyman or monster under the bed kids are afraid of. You just have to work up the courage to look under there and see that the fear is your imagination from thinking about it too much/hard, or you saw a monster movie and believed it icon_lol.gif
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    Jan 14, 2009 10:10 AM GMT
    its really only a big of a deal as you make it up to be. coming out now is easier that it has ever been at any point in history. everybody needs to stop being such cowardly pussy bitches and come the fuck out.

    the only difficult thing about it is coming out to the people that you feel embarrassed for not having come out already. unless your friends have odd religious hang ups they aren't going to give 2 shits what you want to stick your penis into. If their reaction is poor, fuck em.

    This generation of kids out there has no excuse for not being out. Perhaps our parents generation did, but not ours.


    So, How I let go of my fear?
    Well, I met other people, one person specifically that showed me what it was like to be themselves with no apologies. I owe him a lot of what I am.

    So, if you end up reading this, thanks.

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    Jan 14, 2009 10:35 AM GMT
    I held it in until I thought I was going to brust! ...And then... I brust.


    I fell into a deep depression, at the age of 17, for hidding so long and trying to deny my sexual orientation.

    Hospitalization and all that shit after attempting suicide.


    Staying in the closet has taken 6 years of my life away from me--it took 6 years to get back on my feet. 6 years I will never get back. Most of my tradional college year were spent at home struggling to get better.

    Not to mention the x amount of years I shaved off my total life excpetancy due to immense stress and depression.




    I suggest no one make the same mistake! icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jan 14, 2009 10:38 AM GMT
    flex89 saidIt's real funny when you realize everyone already knew and the only person who gave a shit about it was yourself.


    WOW, that is sooo true! icon_lol.gif
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    Jan 14, 2009 3:33 PM GMT


    I would say there are two different streams to coming out. One is the process of getting comfortable enough in your own skin to accept yourself for who you are. The other is the event (or events) of letting other people that you're gay. If you get the process part right, then the event part is relatively risk free because whether other people like it or not or accept you or shun you, you'll be o.k. with who you are and you will find a way to withstand any hurt they cause. Of course that assumes they don't already know. In my case, I seemed to be the last person of those who know me to figure out that I'm gay.

    The analogy that I draw is to when I was a little kid and I used to think there was a monster in my closet. When I got up the courage to look I would see it was just a bunch of clothes hanging there.

    Be kind to yourself and take things at a pace that feels ok for you.

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    Jan 14, 2009 3:34 PM GMT
    when I finally realized I was simply being dishonest, and that I was really denying both myself and perhaps someone else chance to be happy, I decided to come out. One of the best decisions I ever made.
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    Jan 14, 2009 3:44 PM GMT
    flex89 saidIt's real funny when you realize everyone already knew and the only person who gave a shit about it was yourself.

    QFT although it makes you wish they would have told you.
  • Tritimium

    Posts: 261

    Jan 14, 2009 4:53 PM GMT
    Pinny said
    flex89 saidIt's real funny when you realize everyone already knew and the only person who gave a shit about it was yourself.

    QFT although it makes you wish they would have told you.


    Same here, LOL!