I don't want to want a man

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    Sep 16, 2014 6:08 AM GMT
    I don't even want a man anymore. I've gotten burned too much. All people do is hurt you and disappoint you. Coupled with the fact that I'm picky about what I want in a guy. I try to put up a hard exterior but there's times where the loneliness hits me and I feel vulnerable.

    I've wanted to start a family for a while. I figured I would find a partner and have biological children that we would raise together. But I'm starting to get that "I don't need a man" attitude and I figure once I'm financially well off enough I'll just have children. Giving them a good and happy life will be my fulfillment and joy in life. If a man happens to come into my life they'll have to deal with the fact that I have children or they can take a hike.

    My friend was telling me she's just developed a a little stone heart when it comes to men. She just uses them and throws them away. I wish I was more like her and not this vulnerable little thing that becomes emotionally attached and gets burned.

    What do I do about this? Should I just keep busy so I don't think about it? icon_confused.gif

    I guess I should clarify something. I've never been in a relationship. It's never gotten very far beyond guys chatting me up filling my head with illusions and then losing interest in a matter of hours or days. I've met a few guys in person but they were just after, you know.
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    Sep 16, 2014 7:22 AM GMT
    http://youtu.be/Kf1JYW1TY2o
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    Sep 16, 2014 10:53 AM GMT
    Ravensong said... the fact that I'm picky about what I want in a guy ...
    your trivial limitations prevent you from finding guys that have basic relationship skills?
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    Sep 16, 2014 11:25 AM GMT
    I'm so jealous of relationships that are so harmonious and work, its such a chore for me to maintain a loving relationship, I'm quite cut throat and have a very all or nothing approach to relationships, I wish I didn't have a cynical attitude and count every red flag I see and let them slide but I can't help it. Its like I need my other to sacrifice something for me like I'm an undated god that needs offerings.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Sep 16, 2014 12:49 PM GMT
    I guess I should be glad I'm not perfect. I am completely grateful my guy forgives my flaws and pretends to not see my weaknesses. Of course, he's got a few of his own. But it would be bad manners to ever mention them to him. Besides, I kind of like his flaws. They let me slide a bit when I fuck up.
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    Sep 16, 2014 6:32 PM GMT
    pellaz said
    Ravensong said... the fact that I'm picky about what I want in a guy ...
    your trivial limitations prevent you from finding guys that have basic relationship skills?

    Maybe, but if I decide to go with just anyone I won't feel a spark.
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    Sep 16, 2014 6:50 PM GMT
    Isn't that a little like,

    "The roads are all gravel around here so I refuse to walk anymore."

    "I've never been able to find a great job, so I'm going to quit working."

    "I've had bad experiences with friends so I'm not going to have any friends."


    A wonderful relationship doesn't happen to anyone, until it does.

    *winks*

    Had I done what you're thinking of doing, I would not have met Bill.

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    Sep 16, 2014 6:51 PM GMT


    beauty.jpg
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    Sep 16, 2014 9:19 PM GMT
    You've never been in a relationship and you're already jaded? Lol, what gives? Well I can give you a pep talk or a rosy picture of cheer up! But I am not going to do that. I think you just need to work on your attitude toward dating, sex and feelings of gay men in general. It's ok to show your vulnerable side if you're comfortable with the person. Most or all men really don't want to be with a pessimistic, mean or a jaded guy. So work more on being positive. Just some food for thoughts. (Just go out for mr. right now, not mr. right, it's ok to want sex and mess around before you settle down, think of it as a test drive before marriage.)
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    Sep 16, 2014 10:12 PM GMT
    LAXWill10 saidYou've never been in a relationship and you're already jaded? Lol, what gives? Well I can give you a pep talk or a rosy picture of cheer up! But I am not going to do that. I think you just need to work on your attitude toward dating, sex and feelings of gay men in general. It's ok to show your vulnerable side if you're comfortable with the person. Most or all men really don't want to be with a pessimistic, mean or a jaded guy. So work more on being positive. Just some food for thoughts. (Just go out for mr. right now, not mr. right, it's ok to want sex and mess around before you settle down, think of it as a test drive before marriage.)

    I'm kind of pessimistic and jaded. If some guys can't deal with that then too bad. I'm not changing my personality to please someone else. However I can be a nice, fun and funny person.
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    Sep 17, 2014 1:23 AM GMT

    "I'm kind of pessimistic and jaded. If some guys can't deal with that then too bad."

    Then really, complaining just makes you look silly, as the above is a rather self fullfilling prophesy.

    I think that what you're not getting is that it's not a matter of guys 'can't deal'. It's a matter of guys 'won't deal'. There's a difference.

    I like you, and think you, along with a great many other men, deserve wonderful love, so consider this.
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    Sep 17, 2014 1:28 AM GMT
    Dating can be scary sometimes. Also, the fact that a lot of dudes on sites like this one say very nasty things about other people's looks, is very discouraging for some.
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    Sep 17, 2014 6:30 PM GMT
    Ravensong saidI don't even want a man anymore. I've gotten burned too much. All people do is hurt you and disappoint you. Coupled with the fact that I'm picky about what I want in a guy. I try to put up a hard exterior but there's times where the loneliness hits me and I feel vulnerable.

    I've wanted to start a family for a while. I figured I would find a partner and have biological children that we would raise together. But I'm starting to get that "I don't need a man" attitude and I figure once I'm financially well off enough I'll just have children. Giving them a good and happy life will be my fulfillment and joy in life. If a man happens to come into my life they'll have to deal with the fact that I have children or they can take a hike.

    My friend was telling me she's just developed a a little stone heart when it comes to men. She just uses them and throws them away. I wish I was more like her and not this vulnerable little thing that becomes emotionally attached and gets burned.

    What do I do about this? Should I just keep busy so I don't think about it? icon_confused.gif

    I guess I should clarify something. I've never been in a relationship. It's never gotten very far beyond guys chatting me up filling my head with illusions and then losing interest in a matter of hours or days. I've met a few guys in person but they were just after, you know.


    just so i understand.......you're picky, pessimistic and jaded, and you become easily emotionally attached which inevitably feeds back into the pessimism and jadedness. you're hypercritical of people's clothing choices and "oh honey, something-negative..." is something that frequently pops into your head when you see people (from WOYM the other day). you've never been in a relationship nor do you want to. lastly, you think it's other people's problem if they don't like your negative personality traits and you won't even think of trying to modify it, not for anyone.

    BUT... you're a super nice fella! funny too!

    if you really don't want to want a man, i think the problem is going to take care of itself icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 17, 2014 6:33 PM GMT
    Ravensong said...

    Makes me think of the sign my boss had in her office.

    No-Whining-Sticker-(2146).jpg
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    Sep 17, 2014 7:11 PM GMT
    JackBoneTX said
    Ravensong saidI don't even want a man anymore. I've gotten burned too much. All people do is hurt you and disappoint you. Coupled with the fact that I'm picky about what I want in a guy. I try to put up a hard exterior but there's times where the loneliness hits me and I feel vulnerable.

    I've wanted to start a family for a while. I figured I would find a partner and have biological children that we would raise together. But I'm starting to get that "I don't need a man" attitude and I figure once I'm financially well off enough I'll just have children. Giving them a good and happy life will be my fulfillment and joy in life. If a man happens to come into my life they'll have to deal with the fact that I have children or they can take a hike.

    My friend was telling me she's just developed a a little stone heart when it comes to men. She just uses them and throws them away. I wish I was more like her and not this vulnerable little thing that becomes emotionally attached and gets burned.

    What do I do about this? Should I just keep busy so I don't think about it? icon_confused.gif

    I guess I should clarify something. I've never been in a relationship. It's never gotten very far beyond guys chatting me up filling my head with illusions and then losing interest in a matter of hours or days. I've met a few guys in person but they were just after, you know.


    just so i understand.......you're picky, pessimistic and jaded, and you become easily emotionally attached which inevitably feeds back into the pessimism and jadedness. you're hypercritical of people's clothing choices and "oh honey, something-negative..." is something that frequently pops into your head when you see people (from WOYM the other day). you've never been in a relationship nor do you want to. lastly, you think it's other people's problem if they don't like your negative personality traits and you won't even think of trying to modify it, not for anyone.

    BUT... you're a super nice fella! funny too!

    if you really don't want to want a man, i think the problem is going to take care of itself icon_smile.gif

    I don't see pessimism and jadedness as bad things.. Oftentimes pessimists are realists and optimists are wishful thinkers. Counter to what people think pessimism can make you happier because it causes you to plan, prepare and lower your expectations so you are not disappointed later. Jaded people are the way they are because they have experienced things in life and therefore won't get burned later. And it's not like I'm constantly all doom and gloom. I try to balance it out because that's what life is about. Although I do get moody about my life situation I do cling to hope and fight for my happiness. Me criticizing people's clothes is not something I frequently do. Isn't there something you secretly judge people about? Are you gonna tell me you never judge? At least I'm honest about it. If pessimistic and jaded Miranda from Sex and the City can find a man so can I! I just don't want to long for one now.
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    Sep 17, 2014 7:18 PM GMT
    Lumpyoatmeal said
    Ravensong said...

    Makes me think of the sign my boss had in her office.

    No-Whining-Sticker-(2146).jpg

    Well, I want ways to keep my mind busy so I don't whine if that counts for something. icon_neutral.gif
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    Sep 18, 2014 4:45 AM GMT
    kevex saidDating can be scary sometimes. Also, the fact that a lot of dudes on sites like this one say very nasty things about other people's looks, is very discouraging for some.


    Like the fact that you look like Shrek's aborted fetus. That you weigh more than the Hoover dam. You have about as much personality and charm as a genital wart. That the best part of you was spit outta your mom's mouth. That who ever created the It Gets Better campaign clearly has never met you....
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    Sep 18, 2014 11:17 AM GMT
    Ravensong said
    I'm kind of pessimistic and jaded. If some guys can't deal with that then too bad. I'm not changing my personality to please someone else. However I can be a nice, fun and funny person.

    I have to say it's big red flag for most of the guys who are serious about dating. Everyone has issues, but if the first impression which you give is that of pessimism and jadedness, you'll have hard time dating.
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    Sep 18, 2014 6:47 PM GMT
    morphic said
    Ravensong said
    I'm kind of pessimistic and jaded. If some guys can't deal with that then too bad. I'm not changing my personality to please someone else. However I can be a nice, fun and funny person.

    I have to say it's big red flag for most of the guys who are serious about dating. Everyone has issues, but if the first impression which you give is that of pessimism and jadedness, you'll have hard time dating.

    I don't give off as a first impression that I'm pessimistic and jaded. People find that out later on when I get annoyed by something lol. And they just get a laugh out of my commentary.
  • Jon_Alex

    Posts: 44

    Sep 20, 2014 11:27 PM GMT
    Don't listen to all the guys who tell you to just stop whining. That's a useless response.

    What you are saying is something that many people feel, often secretly or even subconsciously and regardless of whether they are in a relationship. You don't have to be single to question the value of certain relationships.

    Just realizing that your feelings are not abnormal should help. Others feel and think the same things. Trust me I know. Stubbornness, rejection of norms because they don't seem to fit, rationalizing a certain way of life. These are no better or worse than their opposites: conforming out of a pressure to see ones self as normal, running from ones self through constant social occupation.

    These are universal dilemmas. Perhaps you should relax a little and not be so hard on yourself. At that point, if you feel a change is needed then you can think about what things might bring about that change.
  • buddycat

    Posts: 1874

    Sep 20, 2014 11:52 PM GMT
    Didn't you hear the "Book of Mormon" song "just turn it off".
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1114

    Sep 21, 2014 2:45 AM GMT
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SWcREa7CXak

    Corazón cuando nos sentimos solos añoramos por estar acompañados,y cuando tenemos que bregar con los demás, no solo debemos tolerarlos, pero de igual aceptarlos tal y como aprendemos en aceptarnos!

    En el jardín de amor entre parejas no solo brotan flores con petamos de color de rosa; y aun si eso fuese cierto!? antes de tocarlas para oler su perfume, es muy posible y mas de cierto que sus espinas te van hacer sangrar!

    Amigo el verdadero amor no es un jardín francés; mas bien un jardín informal o salvaje! aprende en ser un explorador del amor y no un jardinero! aprecia las idiosincrasias en cada cual, como tu haz aprendido en sobrellevar las tuyas. Abrazos
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    Sep 21, 2014 5:03 PM GMT
    buddycat saidDidn't you here the "Book of Mormon" song "just turn it off".

    No but I watched it on Youtube! And icon_lol.gif

    I love a good laugh.