I'm lost on this one.

  • tajsreve

    Posts: 418

    Sep 18, 2014 6:28 AM GMT
    I was at the state fair... Yes, I live in Kansas. uggghhh I was with my brothers and their families. I am so out of touch with the whole closet case thing. Anyway, this guy totally scoped on me smiling. I sat down with my brothers and they were all laughing and commenting on that they had seen him when they came in and thought that I would think he was hot and they were all sure he was gay. I really thought so too after he scoped on me and smiled. So I did develop the courage to go and talk with him and he was very nice. It was really loud because it was a concert and he was the soundman. We are talking as you would typically do "ear to mouth" and the whole time we talk he presses his face to mine while talking in my ear. Long story short I tracked down his name and phone number and ended up calling him on the phone and explained that I was gay and I really wanted to ask him out. His response was... Wow! I am really flattered, but I am not gay, and I am really into girls and all that... etc etc etc.
    Seriously, My Gaydar is not that far off. But crap I am not good at the closet case thing any more. Did I handle this wrong?
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    Sep 18, 2014 8:44 AM GMT
    At least, you tried. I didn't see any wrongdoings from your side. May be he is in denial.
  • Aleco_Graves

    Posts: 708

    Sep 18, 2014 8:56 AM GMT
    You do what most cant even do... You went for it. Points in my book.
    Maybe ask him out for coffee and make him miss one of his pray away the gay sessionsicon_lol.gif

  • Sep 18, 2014 4:01 PM GMT
    nice , happens to me in my class room, but i dont have the courage to go and talk...your brave icon_cool.gif
  • twentyfourhou...

    Posts: 243

    Sep 18, 2014 4:02 PM GMT
    Your gaydar is not likely off. Had you simply asked him to meet you for a beer at a sports bar, he probably would have said ok but throw in any reference to gay.................Hell he probably would even engage in sex, as long as you ...................you get the idea.
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    Sep 18, 2014 4:55 PM GMT
    ^ I agree. Even the straights in your group picked up the vibe. He's closeted. You took a stab. Good for you. I wouldn't fret over it too much. What out and proud gay man wants a closet case anyway?
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    Sep 18, 2014 5:00 PM GMT
    Plenty of gay gay men think a date before bang bang is too much. You might have gotten a better response if you had just told him that you wanted him to suck and go. Then again wtf do I know about Kansas?
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    Sep 18, 2014 5:01 PM GMT
    twentyfourhourslater saidYour gaydar is not likely off. Had you simply asked him to meet you for a beer at a sports bar, he probably would have said ok but throw in any reference to gay.................Hell he probably would even engage in sex, as long as you ...................you get the idea.


    I wouldn't waste my time with someone so closeted, it wouldn't amount to anything.
  • tajsreve

    Posts: 418

    Sep 18, 2014 5:28 PM GMT
    It took a lot of courage to call him and just come out with it point blank. But I think the whole point was that I didn't want a closet case. I thought that if I were point blank it would eliminate the game altogether. I really hate the game of cat and mouse over whether or not someone is gay. Plus the fact I wasn't looking to have sex with someone. I guess if that was the case I could have played the game. uggghhhh Kansas is a pain in the ass in this respect.
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    Sep 18, 2014 6:04 PM GMT
    You gave up on him, right? Then you handled it perfectly.

    No need to waste time on closet cases.
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    Sep 18, 2014 6:12 PM GMT
    mayb he wasnt a closet case? hmmm mayb he was just scoping u out because u had a nice bod (str8 guys do that sometimes)? or he says he wasnt gay after u called him because he had a change of mind about u? many possible reasons i feel.. might not be because he is in the closet :s
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Sep 18, 2014 6:15 PM GMT
    keho92 saidmayb he wasnt a closet case? hmmm mayb he was just scoping u out because u had a nice bod (str8 guys do that sometimes)? or he says he wasnt gay after u called him because he had a change of mind about u? many possible reasons i feel.. might not be because he is in the closet :s

    Maybe it was something you were wearing. You sound like a stalker type from that story or just really desperateicon_idea.gif
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Sep 18, 2014 6:32 PM GMT
    How did you track down his name and number? What did you two talk about at the concert?
  • tajsreve

    Posts: 418

    Sep 18, 2014 6:36 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]MikemikeMike said
    Maybe it was something you were wearing. You sound like a stalker type from that story or just really desperateicon_idea.gif[/quote]

    FYI I am neither desperate or stalking. He was flirting. I just don't feel like playing a game with someone to find out if they are gay or not. I called he said no. END OF STORY.
    Not many people have the courage to come out and say I AM GAY and I think you're attractive would you like to go out?
    Since you view my behavior as negative, please don't just say that... explain Exactly how I should have gone about this. That was the whole point of the thread.
    The only way I could have done it differently that I see was to state it up front when I first met him. However, if you have any understanding about where we were. Asking someone at a State Fair around nothing but farmers if they are gay will almost invariably get a negative response. I did it this way out of respect for him. In a private conversation over the phone.
  • tajsreve

    Posts: 418

    Sep 18, 2014 6:39 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidHow did you track down his name and number? What did you two talk about at the concert?


    He was the sound man. I asked him how to contact the band for gigs. He gave me the number and I contacted the band asking for their sound mans number for a possible gig. I explained to him exactly what I did and why.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Sep 18, 2014 6:39 PM GMT
    I think that was awesome... and having been at the State Fair in Hutch many times, I know the area it probably happened.

    You did everything right and kudos for making the effort.
    Maybe your gaydar wasn't off and he just wasn't ready to admit his preference.. it could be a whole host of things.
    You showed guts and style. Nothing wrong at all.

    icon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 18, 2014 6:46 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan said....

    You did everything right and kudos for making the effort.
    Maybe your gaydar wasn't off and he just wasn't ready to admit his preference.. it could be a whole host of things.
    You showed guts and style. Nothing wrong at all.

    icon_biggrin.gif

    This
  • tajsreve

    Posts: 418

    Sep 18, 2014 6:50 PM GMT
    Thanks man. maybe you have to be from here to understand icon_confused.gif
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    Sep 18, 2014 6:58 PM GMT
    MikemikeMike said
    keho92 saidmayb he wasnt a closet case? hmmm mayb he was just scoping u out because u had a nice bod (str8 guys do that sometimes)? or he says he wasnt gay after u called him because he had a change of mind about u? many possible reasons i feel.. might not be because he is in the closet :s

    Maybe it was something you were wearing. You sound like a stalker type from that story or just really desperateicon_idea.gif


    No, he sounds like he has the balls to approach others. You obviously do not know what a stalker really sounds like.
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    Sep 18, 2014 7:11 PM GMT
    tajsreve saidHis response was... Wow! I am really flattered, but I am not gay, and I am really into girls and all that... etc etc etc.


    Give it up for the Kansas guy turning down gay dating offers with class! A true gentleman! ::Applause::

    I usually have to run when guys get all cozy and smiling like that, because eventually they wind up being the ones trying to Pop the Question:

    "Say, pal, I was wondering... have you accepted The Lord Jeebus Christ as Your Lord and Savior?" icon_eek.gificon_lol.gif

    Anyway, you did nothing wrong. Allow him to contact you and keep in touch as an acquaintance, if he so chooses.
  • tajsreve

    Posts: 418

    Sep 18, 2014 7:15 PM GMT
    Lmao... yes I have accepted Jesus Christ as my savior and I gave at church.... boy did I ever... I was raised catholic. icon_redface.gif
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    Sep 18, 2014 7:28 PM GMT
    Also, might your gaydar have been clouded a bit by your (I presume straight) brethren? Are they usually good at that sort of thing? They seemed really eager to pair you two up.
  • tajsreve

    Posts: 418

    Sep 18, 2014 7:36 PM GMT
    My brothers are a hoot. and weirdly enough as straight as they are they are usually right on target with most guys, better than me at times. We have a great time together. And no they are not usually trying to hook me up, but this guy was seriously obvious.
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    Sep 18, 2014 8:33 PM GMT
    I like the approach you gave it........great courage!!!
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    Sep 18, 2014 8:44 PM GMT
    Sounds like you handled it right ... better than most would in fact.