24 year anniversary- coming out

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    Sep 19, 2014 3:43 AM GMT

    This month, Sept marks my 24th year after officially coming out, who knows if I will be around RJ for the 25th silver anniversary so I went with the 24th icon_razz.gif

    August of 1990, I was invited to a back yard toga party with straight friends. Short story, it got around that I was or might be gay and my 'secret' 4 year affair with my high school buddy was being exposed. I was uninvited to that summer toga party and banished from all my straight friends, parties, gatherings and hangouts from then on.

    I did have one separate friend in college who took me to my first gay bar in Sept 1990, the rest was history. Throughout the 80's, I didn't have sex with anyone except my secret high school boy friend and one girl friend. Once out though, horn dog took over, icon_lol.gif, I remember my first 'official' boyfriend of a year, Tom, later that same year. We spent Christmas together, baking and decorating at his apartment. Met all new people within the community.
    Time goes by..so fast

    Ode to Madge...........my first official gay dance anthem

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lTaXtWWR16A
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    Sep 19, 2014 3:57 AM GMT
    Happy Coming out Anniversary Scruffy! icon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 19, 2014 4:20 AM GMT
    andy1846 saidHappy Coming out Anniversary Scruffy! icon_biggrin.gif



    aw thx, ive been through a lot


    Here is another 1990 classic I remember burning the dance floor with, seems kind of slow now

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RLkCmq3x1AM
  • Destinharbor

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    Sep 19, 2014 5:23 AM GMT
    Happy anniversary, Scruff. It is a big deal. And nice. Some of us remember how different it was then and how much courage it asked of us to be out. Life is grand!
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    Sep 19, 2014 4:41 PM GMT
    Single?
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    Sep 19, 2014 4:51 PM GMT
    nobody_cares_joker.jpg
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    Sep 19, 2014 4:55 PM GMT
    Best wishes for more more anniversaries to come
    Cheers mate !
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    Sep 19, 2014 5:42 PM GMT
    atlanticshore saidnobody_cares_joker.jpg



    You are quite the NOOB. I care, it was a different time for gay men back then, something you NOOB wouldn't know, understand or appreciate, you think the world of gay was created in your bubble? you ungrateful child icon_lol.gif



    I will see your joker and raise you jigsaw


    images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTfzBfqrE0I_rbVkbOwgmu
    images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTiYO3nq3sjCtVhWwhgnxN
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    Sep 20, 2014 8:23 AM GMT
    oh jeez, do ppl really celebrate miniscule little things like when they come out icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Sep 20, 2014 10:52 AM GMT
    Happy 24th, hopefully your around for the 25th.
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    Sep 20, 2014 6:14 PM GMT
    Cool; you came out on Talk like a Pirate day. Did you talk like a pirate that day or like Tim Tebow?
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    Sep 20, 2014 6:20 PM GMT
    Good for you, man. Congrats!

    I don't have an exact date, but my first steps were in the latter part of 1988, so I'm lookin' at 26 years. Almost half of my life.
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    Sep 20, 2014 9:16 PM GMT
    MovingRightAlong saidGood for you, man. Congrats!

    I don't have an exact date, but my first steps were in the latter part of 1988, so I'm lookin' at 26 years. Almost half of my life.


    thx, you too

    The reason why I think its important is because I know a few still not out, living a lie or ones that came out late in life, then I look at some of todays youth who come out by the time they are 14 and in high school. It just reflecting ones life path direction could have been majorly different if I had stayed in the closet, and for me, it was the 80's that I chose to stay living a lie, I hated that era and for good reasons, as soon as the 80's departed us, 1990 seemed like the right time.
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    Sep 20, 2014 9:36 PM GMT
    CONGRATS! The happiest moment of my life was coming out. My 20th anniversary will be in March. I know the exact day, and celebrate it as my second birthday. Perhaps you do the same.
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    Sep 20, 2014 9:44 PM GMT
    Art_Deco saidCONGRATS! The happiest moment of my life was coming out. My 20th anniversary will be in March. I know the exact day, and celebrate it as my second birthday. Perhaps you do the same.


    Only 20? Thought you might have been out a bit longer

    Yeah, just the month and year though, I think it was sometime mid month

    Many cities have a color published 'gay guide' of happenings in the gay community, bars, clubs, gay friendly places to eat..etc, I still have my very first gay guide from Sept 1990 packed in a box somewhere
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    Sep 21, 2014 1:12 PM GMT
    scruffLA said
    Art_Deco saidCONGRATS! The happiest moment of my life was coming out. My 20th anniversary will be in March. I know the exact day, and celebrate it as my second birthday. Perhaps you do the same.


    Only 20? Thought you might have been out a bit longer

    Yeah, just the month and year though, I think it was sometime mid month

    Many cities have a color published 'gay guide' of happenings in the gay community, bars, clubs, gay friendly places to eat..etc, I still have my very first gay guide from Sept 1990 packed in a box somewhere


    Sort of a test of my feeble memory, but was it Damrons or something very close to that?
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    Sep 21, 2014 7:02 PM GMT
    freedomisntfree said
    scruffLA said
    Art_Deco saidCONGRATS! The happiest moment of my life was coming out. My 20th anniversary will be in March. I know the exact day, and celebrate it as my second birthday. Perhaps you do the same.


    Only 20? Thought you might have been out a bit longer

    Yeah, just the month and year though, I think it was sometime mid month

    Many cities have a color published 'gay guide' of happenings in the gay community, bars, clubs, gay friendly places to eat..etc, I still have my very first gay guide from Sept 1990 packed in a box somewhere


    Sort of a test of my feeble memory, but was it Damrons or something very close to that?

    Yes. I lived in San Diego at the time and the section for it was a bit slim. I was always agog at how thick the sections for NYC and San Francisco were. At the time it seemed like there was a gay bar or baths every other block in San Francisco.

  • Sep 22, 2014 3:33 PM GMT
    scruffLA said
    This month, Sept marks my 24th year after officially coming out, who knows if I will be around RJ for the 25th silver anniversary so I went with the 24th icon_razz.gif

    August of 1990, I was invited to a back yard toga party with straight friends. Short story, it got around that I was or might be gay and my 'secret' 4 year affair with my high school buddy was being exposed. I was uninvited to that summer toga party and banished from all my straight friends, parties, gatherings and hangouts from then on.

    I did have one separate friend in college who took me to my first gay bar in Sept 1990, the rest was history. Throughout the 80's, I didn't have sex with anyone except my secret high school boy friend and one girl friend. Once out though, horn dog took over, icon_lol.gif, I remember my first 'official' boyfriend of a year, Tom, later that same year. We spent Christmas together, baking and decorating at his apartment. Met all new people within the community.
    Time goes by..so fast

    Ode to Madge...........my first official gay dance anthem

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lTaXtWWR16A



    Congrats, ScruffLA!
    We're close in time frame.
    It was October of 1989. I was in 9th grade and just turned 14. Mind you, this was before internet sites, Facebook, apps, etc. I went to the library downtown here in Duluth, went to the reference section, asked to see a Minneapolis/Saint Paul phone book and looked under 'Gay/Lesbian Services'. At 14! Found there was a newspaper down there called 'Equal Time'. I called them from the pay phone in the library and asked if they distributed it in Duluth (165 miles north). I found an alternative bookstore downtown and took a couple copies and looked at the personals. I saw someone 18 and had to write him and tell him my story. A week later I got a five page letter back and discovered he was the best person I could've found at the time. He helped me with so much at that time.

    Despite what was in the news at that time, I wasn't scared to tell my parents. My aunt is gay, and the way I grew up was...nobody ever sat me down and it was never 'I have something to tell you about your aunt'. Peggy would show up often in that VW Bus and step out with the woman she was seeing at the time, it just wasn't a big deal. But I needed to know for sure, for me, that I was gay. My parents were a little alarmed that I revealed this at 14 and asked if anything happened that I hadn't told them about (no) and after that...it was very lonely. I'm glad I came out but wasn't ready for how isolating it was to be gay in any city big or small. It meant, if you were going to live in a big, progressive gay-friendly city that you had to have lots of money, a masters degree and a solid career focus. I hated school and barely graduated. I had no money. As much as living in those places would have been fun, I knew other gay people would have rejected me for not having money, cars, nice expensive clothes, etc and I really wasn't interested in getting to know guys like that anyway. Now it's legal to get married here in Minnesota and I haven't met anyone special since 1995-96. I don't really see anything happening in that regard. At times I regret coming out because it's been a life of intense loneliness and dead ends. My pride comes in my honesty. I can be guilty of a lot of things and bad choices but being a liar is not one of them. I guess that's something to be proud of.
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    Sep 22, 2014 4:06 PM GMT
    Congratulations. Many happy out years to come.
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    Sep 22, 2014 4:53 PM GMT
    scruffLA said
    Art_Deco saidCONGRATS! The happiest moment of my life was coming out. My 20th anniversary will be in March. I know the exact day, and celebrate it as my second birthday. Perhaps you do the same.

    Only 20? Thought you might have been out a bit longer

    Yeah, just the month and year though, I think it was sometime mid month

    Many cities have a color published 'gay guide' of happenings in the gay community, bars, clubs, gay friendly places to eat..etc, I still have my very first gay guide from Sept 1990 packed in a box somewhere

    No, I'm just older overall. But I did hit the ground running, at almost 46, because I was already a "big boy" who learns quickly. And was blessed with having a great gay mentor. My shortcoming was I came out so late, but I doubt any late bloomer ever had it so good, or did it better & happier. icon_biggrin.gif

    Our own gay community has plenty of printed guides, and online, too.

    While I know the exact hour when I came out, I'm sorry to say neither of us can remember the exact day we agreed to be partners. icon_sad.gif

    We know it was the first week of August, but not the day. So we never have a specific day for our anniversry, which is now at 7.
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    Sep 22, 2014 6:46 PM GMT
    Lumpyoatmeal said
    freedomisntfree said
    scruffLA said
    Art_Deco saidCONGRATS! The happiest moment of my life was coming out. My 20th anniversary will be in March. I know the exact day, and celebrate it as my second birthday. Perhaps you do the same.


    Only 20? Thought you might have been out a bit longer

    Yeah, just the month and year though, I think it was sometime mid month

    Many cities have a color published 'gay guide' of happenings in the gay community, bars, clubs, gay friendly places to eat..etc, I still have my very first gay guide from Sept 1990 packed in a box somewhere


    Sort of a test of my feeble memory, but was it Damrons or something very close to that?

    Yes. I lived in San Diego at the time and the section for it was a bit slim. I was always agog at how thick the sections for NYC and San Francisco were. At the time it seemed like there was a gay bar or baths every other block in San Francisco.


    I think LA at that time listed something like 300+ bars. I've probably been to most over the 30 years that I was there.