Age gap

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 19, 2014 8:24 PM GMT
    I am having a conundrum. Ok, so although I have always liked guys older than myself I never actually seen one on a regular basis until now.
    I am not sure what drew me to him as we are really different: he's white, in his early 40's, kind of Southern & like horseback riding whereas I am more of a city guy into electronics & trendy stuff...Anyway, my thing is we've been hanging out steadily & definitely have a connection, but I am apprehending us hanging out with each other friends and stuff.
    I noticed people staring a bit when we were getting Fro-Yo.
    My question is has any of you guys been in this situation? If yes, how did/do you handle it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 19, 2014 8:45 PM GMT
    my last couple of bf's have been much older than me;

    (22 - 50 ) then (24 - 42)

    just laff it off or just ignore it, besides its your life, if he makes u happy then it shouldn't matter. am not very touchy feely in public so i don't have an enormous amount of exp of this but just be the better man i suppose.

    you cant change what gets your turned on or who you love. just play it cool icon_biggrin.gif

    all the best to you though
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 19, 2014 8:57 PM GMT
    BillyBrown saidI am having a conundrum. Ok, so although I have always liked guys older than myself I never actually seen one on a regular basis until now.
    I am not sure what drew me to him as we are really different: he's white, in his early 40's, kind of Southern & like horseback riding whereas I am more of a city guy into electronics & trendy stuff...Anyway, my thing is we've been hanging out steadily & definitely have a connection, but I am apprehending us hanging out with each other friends and stuff.
    I noticed people staring a bit when we were getting Fro-Yo.
    My question is has any of you guys been in this situation? If yes, how did/do you handle it.


    People stare for a lot of reasons. Not necessarily negatively! They may be just looking at one of you thinking "good looking guy" and the other handsome guy...thinking.....and OH!

    Or a black woman thinking "I had to worry about white women taking away our black men, now THIS!" lol

    It's Atlanta! I'm sure most/many parts of the city are OK with it.

    If you trust and like your buddy, trust that his friends are a reflection of him. And your friends reflect your values. Even a friend who you think may have a problem with the age/race thing could learn from the two of you. You set the tone.

    I used to go out with Sean, he could have been a model. A very handsome black man. But this was in San Diego and Marin. I don't even think they looked at me lol. My friends certainly were fine with it and I never heard a disparaging comment. Relax and let it be. Anxiety can be the worst thing, especially if it's immaterial.

    Good luck and success!
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    Sep 19, 2014 10:49 PM GMT
    I know most people will say that it's fund if it feels fine, but I'd recommend very seriously that you spend a lot of time making sure that you can work things out.

    I recently ended a relationship with a 12 year gap. There's lots that you need to consider -
    - priorities can be very different at different ages
    - incomes can be very different
    - things you're into may be very different. Opera v clubbing

    Just make sure you have a plan and have thought about these things long and hard. Just the spark isn't enough.
  • chrislove923

    Posts: 19

    Sep 19, 2014 11:37 PM GMT
    In all honesty, I'd probably be one of the people who rudely stare or whisper. I just don't see what 2 people could have in common when there is a 15-20+ year age difference. It's definitely possible but perhaps I just don't understand it.
  • Melos

    Posts: 264

    Sep 20, 2014 12:36 AM GMT
    I married him just a few weeks back. We've been together over 6 years and are about 18 years apart. It really comes down to the individuals if it will work out. Robert is a child at heart and I'm an old man, so in the end it balanced out. As for friends, all of mine love him and I get along great with his. The hardest aspect for me was my parent's initial reaction to him, not so good. It took them a few years before they would even acknowledge Robert let alone have a conversation with him. Now, he's one of the family and everyone gets along great.

    From my experience, it is what you make of it. If you feel a strong connection with the man, give it a shot. As long as the two of you are comfortable and safe, go with it.
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    Sep 20, 2014 6:10 AM GMT
    My only question to you, because you look like a grown ass man in your pic, is why in the hell do you care what other people think about you and your love life? I guess this is really the difference between men and boys: boys still have something to prove, grown ass men don't. They have to pay bills and take care of people. Love who you want to love and do what you want to do. It does not matter what other people think. When you are dead and laying in your coffin (which is going to happen whether you accept the reality of that coming or not, lol), there will only be you laying there, not the people who have an opinion about you or who you loved or had sex with, lol. But that's just my humble opinion on your question.
  • ATLANTIS7

    Posts: 1213

    Sep 20, 2014 6:49 AM GMT
    I have always liked younger guys 24---35 as i found they keep me young and up to date with all the geeky stuff and they tell me older are more steady and less stressful.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 20, 2014 7:38 AM GMT
    BillyBrown said... but I am apprehending us hanging out with each other friends and stuff ...
    friends become less important if you guys really get together. they either work out or disappear.
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    Sep 20, 2014 3:23 PM GMT
    ignore the haters. If you like him and he likes you, that's all that matters. If your friends or his make things awkward for you two when you hang out together then you've just learned something new about your friends...
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    Sep 20, 2014 3:58 PM GMT
    I think Sitr7 (above) posed a few good questions to as yourself. I've inadvertently met and dated 2 younger guys in the last few years and vehemently fought it in my head, but sometimes you can't help who you love. Here's how I tried to view it:

    If you were on an island and in an isolated type of society where it didn't matter that you were of different ages or races, would it still feel amazing knowing and spending your time with this person? If yes, then let it ride like a normal relationship. Obviously that type of world doesn't exist, but it might help put it into perspective.

    But ask yourself those pointed questions: Are we at agreeable places in our lives and same levels of maturity? Same priorities and interests? Do you complement each other well?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 20, 2014 4:09 PM GMT
    I prefer older men as well notice the stares that you're talking about. Personally it doesn't phase me as I know what I like and that's all the really matters icon_smile.gif
  • Shaquann

    Posts: 16

    Sep 20, 2014 5:34 PM GMT
    Hmm a few things come to mind. Are they looking because of racial differences? Is he a guy that looks older than his age and together yall look. The real concern is how do u feel about him? do want to let the relationship run its course. If this is a major concern then (age) it may not last long.

    But I have dated a few younger guys, one ended quickly cause he found someone else that was younger. The other guy we were together bout a year and we lived to far apart to just ended but we still care bout each other.

    My issue is lot of younger guys are attracted to me, but I won't date younger guys again; cause we are at different places n our lives. The two I dated we are still kewl and I think its what we needed for each other at the time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 20, 2014 8:50 PM GMT
    i was 19 my ex was 27.. im 22 now but currently seeing someone that is 36 ish right now .. age is really just a number. I've met people in their 80s and they acted like kids haha.. It takes a certain type of person to see past age and be open-minded to getting to know someone beyond that. A lot of people question why younger guys like to be with older and assume their "gold diggers" or something. Which is why when i go out on dates i dont like it when guys pay for me. I can pay for myself.

    In your situation i think they just find it interesting that two people of different races with such a large age difference are together because its not commonly seen. Just do whatever you want and fck it if others stare LOL.
  • Jockasian703

    Posts: 73

    Sep 20, 2014 8:59 PM GMT
    chrislove923 saidIn all honesty, I'd probably be one of the people who rudely stare or whisper. I just don't see what 2 people could have in common when there is a 15-20+ year age difference. It's definitely possible but perhaps I just don't understand it.


    Yeah you don't understand... just be happy for others.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 20, 2014 9:46 PM GMT
    Anyone stares you put on your best gosh-golly grin, point at yer lover with yer thumb hitched backwards and say, "You should try this, it's F-U-N!"
  • Jockasian703

    Posts: 73

    Sep 20, 2014 11:46 PM GMT
    Life2Short saidignore the haters. If you like him and he likes you, that's all that matters. If your friends or his make things awkward for you two when you hang out together then you've just learned something new about your friends...


    Yes... life is too short. I didn't plan on falling in love with someone much older but it happened. Truth is, i didn't know i was in love with him until he was gone a month long for business trip. Before the trip, we were just FWB.


  • Sep 21, 2014 1:53 PM GMT
    The only man I have been with is 48. I see his friends but have only been sexual with him. I have NO problem with his age. At least he is honest with his feelings. We talk and he knows I am not ready for a steady boyfriend. We both belong to the same Health Club.
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    Sep 21, 2014 2:10 PM GMT
    sitr7 saidI know most people will say that it's fund if it feels fine, but I'd recommend very seriously that you spend a lot of time making sure that you can work things out.

    I recently ended a relationship with a 12 year gap. There's lots that you need to consider -
    - priorities can be very different at different ages
    - incomes can be very different
    - things you're into may be very different. Opera v clubbing

    Just make sure you have a plan and have thought about these things long and hard. Just the spark isn't enough.


    So true!!
    Thank you for saying this!
    It's not 'ageist' if your priorities, interests, stages and compatibilities in life are different due to age.
    It's also wise not just to consider the start of the relationship but to have an honest think about what it might look like in the future too.
    Be respectful but also be realistic.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 21, 2014 4:25 PM GMT
    5-10 years age gap, I dated younger guys before, they weren't ready. I tend to like guys a little older than me.
  • smegnificient

    Posts: 265

    Sep 21, 2014 9:14 PM GMT
    Jockasian703 said I didn't plan on falling in love with someone much older but it happened.


    Sounds more like u wanted a white guy but settled for an old one, like many insecure minority gays lol
  • Jockasian703

    Posts: 73

    Sep 21, 2014 9:59 PM GMT
    smegnificient said
    Jockasian703 said I didn't plan on falling in love with someone much older but it happened.


    Sounds more like u wanted a white guy but settled for an old one, like many insecure minority gays lol


    You got some bulls to call me insecure... wheres your face pic. Not hiding shit and if you actually asked the story on how it happened, then you might respect how it happened.

    Get lost kid, my pictures are shown on my post... where is yours.
  • Jockasian703

    Posts: 73

    Sep 21, 2014 10:12 PM GMT
    smegnificient said
    Jockasian703 said I didn't plan on falling in love with someone much older but it happened.


    Sounds more like u wanted a white guy but settled for an old one, like many insecure minority gays lol


    Its ok kid... if you happen to find older white guys more attractive, we all on this forum will understand.

    I wonder how insecure your life is considering your in forum topics below. Don't be too quick to judge, release your feelings and let it be, you might find life to be much better.

    Are you older but prefer younger? Are you younger and prefer Older?
    An question to non white men on Sep
    Age gap on Sep 21, 2014 at 5:14 PM
    Any white guys specifically into black dudes
    Do white guys find asians attractive?
    Men Over 30 should stay out of bars/clubs!
    Why do old gays prefer minorities

    Your 19, i have nothing more to say to you youngen. Enjoy your life!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 21, 2014 11:38 PM GMT
    Jockasian703 said
    smegnificient said
    Jockasian703 said I didn't plan on falling in love with someone much older but it happened.


    Sounds more like u wanted a white guy but settled for an old one, like many insecure minority gays lol


    You got some bulls to call me insecure... wheres your face pic. Not hiding shit and if you actually asked the story on how it happened, then you might respect how it happened.

    Get lost kid, my pictures are shown on my post... where is yours.

    Ouch! It seems he touched your nerves. His comments are based on what you usually see in the gay scene, i.e. most of the time some younger asian guy with another quite older white guy. Don't tell me it's uncommon.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 22, 2014 1:04 AM GMT
    morphic said
    Jockasian703 said
    smegnificient said
    Jockasian703 said I didn't plan on falling in love with someone much older but it happened.


    Sounds more like u wanted a white guy but settled for an old one, like many insecure minority gays lol


    You got some bulls to call me insecure... wheres your face pic. Not hiding shit and if you actually asked the story on how it happened, then you might respect how it happened.

    Get lost kid, my pictures are shown on my post... where is yours.

    Ouch! It seems he touched your nerves. His comments are based on what you usually see in the gay scene, i.e. most of the time some younger asian guy with another quite older white guy. Don't tell me it's uncommon.

    Well yeah it would be a bit of a sting because it's the general assumption that the only time a white guy is into an Asian is when they are too old to attract the younger white guy they'd have originally preferred.

    In some instances that may actually be the case but it's not always. It would be frustrating though having people automatically assume that about Asian/white relationships. I don't know if that's what you thought but most people do.