Being made fun of for being gay, what do you do?

  • BLucky

    Posts: 26

    Sep 22, 2014 2:57 AM GMT
    I am an average acting guy, I think. I don't advertise my sexuality, etc., but I have at times had people make comments towards me or teased me. I don't always know how to react to this, as it usually takes me by surprise how hurtful and rude people are. What have you done, or would you do when people do this to you?
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    Sep 22, 2014 3:05 AM GMT
    I personally think it bothers aggressors more if you do not respond AT ALL to their attempts to belittle you. Don't even flinch and they will be left feeling powerless. If they physically attack you then defend yourself.
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    Sep 22, 2014 3:12 AM GMT
    I never let the comments of others bother me. I know what I am, and I'm okay with that.. therefore, I could care less what you call me - slut, faggot, whore, gay ass fudge packer, etc.
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    Sep 22, 2014 3:15 AM GMT
    I try to ignore it. It's their own ignorance and I shouldn't let it get to me. I am who I am, if they don't like it, it's their own problem.
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    Sep 22, 2014 4:19 AM GMT
    BLucky saidI am an average acting guy, I think. I don't advertise my sexuality, etc., but I have at times had people make comments towards me or teased me. I don't always know how to react to this, as it usually takes me by surprise how hurtful and rude people are. What have you done, or would you do when people do this to you?


    how do they know if you don't advertise? are you sending out more signals than you realize?
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    Sep 22, 2014 4:33 AM GMT
    JackBoneTX said
    BLucky saidI am an average acting guy, I think. I don't advertise my sexuality, etc., but I have at times had people make comments towards me or teased me. I don't always know how to react to this, as it usually takes me by surprise how hurtful and rude people are. What have you done, or would you do when people do this to you?


    how do they know if you don't advertise? are you sending out more signals than you realize?


    The guy can send out all the signals he wants to. It doesn't give anyone the right to put him down.
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    Sep 22, 2014 4:41 AM GMT
    Hell, if you have an on-line profile, anyone who cares to know, knows. Plus: Small Town Gossip.
    WTF. They all got old and fat. And they still remember the time I turned around and decked one of them* in 7th grade.
    Everyone is very polite.

    * #sigh#... or maybe it was one of their parents.
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    Sep 22, 2014 4:47 AM GMT
    mindgarden saidHell, if you have an on-line profile, anyone who cares to know, knows. Plus: Small Town Gossip.
    WTF. They all got old and fat. And they still remember the time I turned around and decked one of them in 7th grade.
    Everyone is very polite.


    My confrontation occurred in 5th grade. Nothing but the utmost respect all the way through high school. Amazing what a punch to the gut will do.
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    Sep 22, 2014 4:52 AM GMT
    bon_pan saidThe guy can send out all the signals he wants to. It doesn't give anyone the right to put him down.


    i didn't even allude to that being my opinion (nor is it).
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    Sep 22, 2014 5:10 AM GMT
    How I respond really depends upon the situation and the type of comment which has been made.

    Generally, I ignore ignorant irrelevant people who make rude comments.

    However, there are some situations where I will call the "bully" out (because that's what they are). I was bullied when I was a teenager growing up in Fort Lauderdale and I do not tolerate bullying of me or of anybody else especially anybody younger or smaller. Maybe this skill has come with age, but I can very quickly turn the tables on a bully and put them on the defensive if necessary.

    As kind, loving, and forgiving as I may normally be, I can also cut a soul with sharp words slung off of my tongue. Leaving a bully publicly shamed, naked of their false superiority, and exposed for what they really are. It's especially nice when after you "bully back" that you can actually drive them off sometimes running away from you.

    If there is a physical threat, I can ever so deftly place an arm, a hand, or other body part in a position where with just a bit more force we will all enjoy a sound like cracking pottery. I am also prepared to ever so delicately and swiftly rip a windpipe from somebody's throat (It's all in how you point, insert, curl your fingers and PULL in one quick and efficient move). But I would only do these things if reasonable force was required to respond to a reasonable threat.

    Also, remember that knives and guns beat out muscles. Don't take foolish chances. Consider buying and learning how to use a gun. Get a concealed carry permit.

    In the end, be strong, confident, and proud of who you are and what you are. Be ready to defend yourself against bullies wherever they may rear their ugly heads.
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    Sep 22, 2014 5:19 AM GMT
    bon_pan said
    mindgarden saidHell, if you have an on-line profile, anyone who cares to know, knows. Plus: Small Town Gossip.
    WTF. They all got old and fat. And they still remember the time I turned around and decked one of them in 7th grade.
    Everyone is very polite.


    My confrontation occurred in 5th grade. Nothing but the utmost respect all the way through high school. Amazing what a punch to the gut will do.


    My confrontation with the bully happened in the 7th grade. They called me fag, cocksucker, chink, four-eyes, and all of the usual epithets. One of them approached me and physically knocked off my glasses. I started screaming and wildly swinging my flute case around like a bat until all of a sudden the case stopped in mid-air with the sounds of a crack and a scream. I managed to make contact with my bully's jaw and cheek. There was blood everywhere. Everybody at the bus stop stepped back as I yelled "Where are my glasses!? Who has my glasses!? A friend said she had my glasses. She gave them to me. I put them on and got to see the damage I had done to my bully. He was on the ground with a couple of people attending to him. He was bleeding and wailing in pain.

    There was an investigation. I was warned not to hit anybody again with my flute case. The bully was warned to stay away from me. All of the bullies stayed away from me the rest of middle school. I may have been a skinny, flute-playing, soon to be cocksucking fag, but I was a dangerous, skinny, flute-playing soon to be cocksucking fag.
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    Sep 22, 2014 5:32 AM GMT
    Fortunately, I did not use my flute case!
    (hehe.. first clue... But really, my Aunt used to play the flute, so there was one in the family, for free. It could have been a sousaphone for all the choice that I had.)
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    Sep 22, 2014 11:24 AM GMT
    Being fem since I was very little, I've pretty much grown up being made fun of about it my whole life.
    Less now in my professional life since I'm busy with work all the time.
    I've gotten angry and exchanged words back, even came to some physical blows once which ended badly because their friends end up joining in.

    The worst was when I was in primary (or elementary) school grade four. Being in a private catholic school the kids in the class were always even numbered and lined up alphabetically in two lines, girls were on the left behind the teacher and the boys on the right side behind the teacher.
    Not once or twice, but four different occasions the teacher would hear the girl lined next to me call me "gay blacky" because we were both lined up right behind the teacher.
    The first two times he didn't turn around so I just assumed he might not have heard. The last two times he did a full 360 turn, looked at me and then turned right back around as if it never happened.
    Even after the third time I still gave him the benefit of the doubt that maybe he thought he heard wrong.
    After the fourth time I refused to go to school the next day which thankfully my mother let me, but I had to go back the day after.
    I was quite darker skinned when I was young since I always liked to play outside, the funny thing is there was this other kid from Sri Lanka who was darker than me but nobody ever called him 'blacky'. Never understood why I was targeted for my skin and not others of a darker complexion than I.

    I learned very early the quickest and safest way to deal with it is just walk away straight away and if they are adamant, then just take everything they say and then walk away.
    You eventually get tired having to defend yourself so often that you learn to just take everything in your stride.
    Believe it or not, most of the time it's actually less damaging that way.
    At least nowadays that I'm older, people don't say it to my face, just under their breath which I'm happy to pretend I never heard.
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    Sep 22, 2014 11:38 AM GMT
    ^^ haha blacky!

    My teacher called me a big fat lazy blob on primary school so I picked up chairs and tables and threw them across the room in no particular direction and I injured some kids, I had a huge complex about me weight growing up I always thought I was fat but I wasn't i was just really tall and big for my age even though I was a year younger than everyone in my class.

    I remember the one time I was beat up for being gay and was helpless was from my samoan step brother who was 30 and I was 16 at the time and he was such a fresh islander cunt, he was super macho into boxing and rugby and I was a nerd who liked smoking pot so we never mixed and he knocked my lights out one night because I stood up for myself, my dad pretended he was a sleep so the next day when they were at work I packed all my stuff up and left and I smashed his TV to get even.
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    Sep 22, 2014 11:45 AM GMT
    No need to worry. Once you graduate eighth grade, it will indeed get better.
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    Sep 22, 2014 12:22 PM GMT
    It honestly depends on the situation.
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    Sep 22, 2014 12:48 PM GMT
    i have been told that i accept way more than what is actually a joke with words, i do agree that it depends who, what , where, when and why they say it though
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    Sep 22, 2014 2:01 PM GMT
    bon_pan said
    mindgarden saidHell, if you have an on-line profile, anyone who cares to know, knows. Plus: Small Town Gossip.
    WTF. They all got old and fat. And they still remember the time I turned around and decked one of them in 7th grade.
    Everyone is very polite.


    My confrontation occurred in 5th grade. Nothing but the utmost respect all the way through high school. Amazing what a punch to the gut will do.


    this.

    if you ignore it, in a way, is like you're telling them it didn't really upset you, and they'll think it's okay to do it again.

    ignoring it/shutting up should be your last option.

    even if it takes you by surprise you should respond. if you're smarter than them say something back, if you don't want to create tension, say it jokingly.

    ie: one time a girl made a joke about my dick. she said something about how small it should be. so i just looked her in the eye and said bitch you wouldn't be able to take it with all the lube in the world.

    whatever you say, the fact that you respond will make it clear that you won't let anyone take advantage of you.
  • jaroslav123

    Posts: 600

    Sep 22, 2014 2:04 PM GMT
    I use this thing called irony.

    Usually either dispels them or confuses them.

    Hateful comments impinged onto something so trivial (whether you like cock or cunt) should never be taken seriously.

    There's nothing logical or rational about disliking an individual because they have a cock and they like other people with cocks. That's all "homophobia" is. It's so mundane and pointless.
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    Sep 22, 2014 2:54 PM GMT
    As much as I hate this answer and hate that this is happening to you let you silence be your strength.

    If you lash out in violence or get into a verbal altercation with the people who are accost you then they have won the battle.

    Keep you peace and know that karma is a real thing and will deal with them accordingly.

    Keep your head up bro.
  • NealJohn

    Posts: 184

    Sep 22, 2014 3:24 PM GMT
    Make fun of them for being straight
  • BLucky

    Posts: 26

    Sep 22, 2014 4:53 PM GMT
    Thanks guys for your comments. Some of them were interesting, helpful and others were something else.

    "how do they know if you don't advertise? are you sending out more signals than you realize?"

    I don't know, it is possible, maybe they pick up on my vibe because I'm kind of quiet, friendly and I have female friends. I don't come across as cocky, or talk about sex, etc.

    I don't think I have a lot of stereotypical flamboyant gay mannerisms, as I find them off putting in others.

    When I was in junior high it started because I was smaller than everyone, a late bloomer and I was blonde with big green eyes. I was athletic, but I didn't like football and contact sports because I was insecure and intimidated by bigger guys that were developing.

    There was one boy that started bullying me and I was such a nice kid I just ignored it and avoided him. Other kids started doing it too, to a lesser degree and this jerk went to my High School and talked crap about me there too. Looking back I should have just punched him in his face, because he was small too. But as a kid I was nice and insecure because of my size, the gay thing, religion, and my family.

    When I got out of High School I thought it was over, but I had a manager who started talking about me to my face and behind my back. I stood up to him several times and told him what a piece of crap I thought he was in front of everyone and how I would fight if he wanted. He kept right on, so I wrote a letter to HR and told them about how he was bullying me and other people for other things. They put him on probation and he stopped doing it to my face, but he was still doing it behind my back.

    Through college I didn't have a problem with it, other than being in the closet. But in the Military a lot of guys started talking about me. I denied it and stood up to them and eventually it mostly subsided.

    I haven't had many problems since I came out. I go to straight and gay bars and I fit in pretty much everywhere. It seems like it just takes one person to start shit.

    I was at a straight country bar that I frequent recently. I had some guy make comments about me in front of my face and started acting all fruity and talking with a lisp. I looked at him and told him No to what he said, in a firm voice. I stood my ground and ignored him and he didn't know what to do and just said that was weird. I didn't want to get in a fight and get thrown out and I didn't want to put energy into it, because I don't care what he thinks. I don't know if he was just trying to be funny, or if he was putting me down, as I don't talk with a lisp and I don't act like that. I think sometimes guys are jealous and they want to put someone down who they see as better looking, or that has talent dancing, or they perceive as weaker, so it makes them feel like more of a man. I would expect this kind of behavior from a drunk, punk but when it came from an older guy who works at the place I was thrown for a loop, especially because this hasn't happened in a long time. I thought about reporting him to his manager, but I don't know if I should. I live near Ft. Lauderdale, so I'm not used to this kind of homophobia any more here.
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    Sep 22, 2014 5:18 PM GMT
    I was slightly bullied in middle school, but never for being gay. I also arguably bullied others. As an adult, no one has made any comments to my face about being gay (other than my mom).
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    Sep 22, 2014 5:26 PM GMT
    Gay slurs used to be thrown at me all the time. I blew it off until one day I got tired of it. When I finally stood up for myself, the bullying stopped. Respect was gained in the end.

    This is my take on being made fun of for being gay. There isn't a word or action that going to persuade me to be anything else. However, many people do not know their place. Teach them what it is if they're too ignorant. I have been called every name in the book through the years. Most of the times, I did nothing and that was a mistake. Do not make the same mistake. We have a right to live like this. So we suck dick...big deal lol.
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4864

    Sep 22, 2014 5:30 PM GMT
    My brother used to put me down constantly, even when we were both past 25. I finally ended it for good. We were both at my parents's house. My younger sister and some of her friends were there. "Axel" repeatedly made derogatory comments about me in front of everyone. I finally loudly said something like, "Axel, by now you should know that I am completely incompetent, always wrong, and will not change. If you were rational, you would simply accept that and not continually comment on it." That permanently stopped it.

    Another possibility that I have not tried would be to respond to inappropriate remarks by saying something like, "Perhaps we should explore why you are so interested in me and why you find that so disturbing."