Do you go out to gay bars or clubs alone?

  • McMacster

    Posts: 94

    Sep 22, 2014 2:07 PM GMT
    Hello,

    I'm really curious about gay bars & clubs. Though I have nobody to go there with, I really want to check it out.
    Of course I have some gay friends on facebook, but we aren't really friends. Some guys I never met before. I'd like to ask them out, but I'm not sure if they're cool with it. So how would you ask someone if they would go out to a club with you?

    Or do you even go out alone? So if yes, what are you doing?
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    Sep 22, 2014 2:18 PM GMT
    McMacster saidHello,

    I'm really curious about gay bars & clubs. Though I have nobody to go there with, I really want to check it out.
    Of course I have some gay friends on facebook, but we aren't really friends. Some guys I never met before. I'd like to ask them out, but I'm not sure if they're cool with it. So how would you ask someone if they would go out to a club with you?

    Or do you even go out alone? So if yes, what are you doing?


    Not now. When I was single and traveling for my job I would once in a while. Never been a huge fan.
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    Sep 22, 2014 2:26 PM GMT
    I did go to a gay bar alone , no other options . In the closet sucks !
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    Sep 22, 2014 2:34 PM GMT
    McMacster saidHello,

    I'm really curious about gay bars & clubs. Though I have nobody to go there with, I really want to check it out.
    Of course I have some gay friends on facebook, but we aren't really friends. Some guys I never met before. I'd like to ask them out, but I'm not sure if they're cool with it. So how would you ask someone if they would go out to a club with you?

    Or do you even go out alone? So if yes, what are you doing?


    Just go by yourself and see what its like, people will want to talk to you if you smile and project a positive presence. You can't fake it though you need to be thankful and happy that you're surrounded by interesting people like you for the first time in your life and people will respond to that energy. thats what happened to be when I went out to the gay clubs by myself when I was young. I lived alone in the city and went out id be like an ADHD kid running a muck and smiling all the time.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Sep 22, 2014 4:33 PM GMT
    McMacster saidHello,

    I'm really curious about gay bars & clubs. Though I have nobody to go there with, I really want to check it out.
    Of course I have some gay friends on facebook, but we aren't really friends. Some guys I never met before. I'd like to ask them out, but I'm not sure if they're cool with it. So how would you ask someone if they would go out to a club with you?

    Or do you even go out alone? So if yes, what are you doing?

    How about asking one gay Facebook friend if he'd like to go bar-hopping one night? That's how you meet people. You can't always be passive.
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    Sep 22, 2014 7:20 PM GMT
    Go and try it. You may meet someone you can talk to (or more).. If not, the worst thing can happen is you going home with one more bad experience. No worries, they won't bite, at least not all of them icon_wink.gif
  • Svnw688

    Posts: 3350

    Sep 22, 2014 7:29 PM GMT
    God yes. When I was in law school I'd either be out with straight friends at straight bars, or I'd be going off alone to the gay bars/clubs.

    Straight people don't really go out alone. That's considered weird, odd and creepy. Unless maybe it's a dive-bar during happy hour.

    Gay people go out alone all the time. I've gone out for almost 9 years in a row in cities across the country (LA, NYC, SOBE, Philly, Raleigh, etc) and about 20% of guys show up alone at drag show / piano bar type places, and in large dance clubs as many as 33% of the guys enter alone. Fewer leave alone, obviously.

    In LGBT bars/clubs it's really not considered weird at all. In fact, if you're young and/or cute (don't call me shallow, I'm simply telling the facts of life for how society will perceive a person) then you'll make friends REALLY quickly. My first night in a new city/bar used to go something like this:

    (1). Get ready while I pregame with a few beers or mixed drinks.

    (2). Walk or get a taxi to the bar/club. Do not drunk drive.

    (3). I'd get really nervous from the time I left my place until about 15 minutes after entering the bar. Just try to be confident, pleasant and smile. Order a drink. Take a smoke break if you smoke. Just try to not stand alone in a dark corner. Make small talk with other guys who are there alone--even if you don't want to sleep with them. First, it relaxes other people because it shows you're not shallow and will talk to anyone. Second, it will give you people to bounce around from. Before you know it, you'll have four or five people/groups that you're bouncing between. If/when you repeat, you'll find that certain people/groups are always there, and your hard work is already done. There's really nothing to it.

    Go and have fun. Just don't drunk drive.
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    Sep 22, 2014 7:32 PM GMT
    To put yourself into the right frame of mind listen to "To Speak is a Sin" by the Pet Shop Boys.
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    Sep 22, 2014 7:34 PM GMT
    Svnw688 saidGod yes. When I was in law school I'd either be out with straight friends at straight bars, or I'd be going off alone to the gay bars/clubs.

    Straight people don't really go out alone. That's considered weird, odd and creepy. Unless maybe it's a dive-bar during happy hour.

    Gay people go out alone all the time. I've gone out for almost 9 years in a row in cities across the country (LA, NYC, SOBE, Philly, Raleigh, etc) and about 20% of guys show up alone at drag show / piano bar type places, and in large dance clubs as many as 33% of the guys enter alone. Fewer leave alone, obviously.

    In LGBT bars/clubs it's really not considered weird at all. In fact, if you're young and/or cute (don't call me shallow, I'm simply telling the facts of life for how society will perceive a person) then you'll make friends REALLY quickly. My first night in a new city/bar used to go something like this:

    (1). Get ready while I pregame with a few beers or mixed drinks.

    (2). Walk or get a taxi to the bar/club. Do not drunk drive.

    (3). I'd get really nervous from the time I left my place until about 15 minutes after entering the bar. Just try to be confident, pleasant and smile. Order a drink. Take a smoke break if you smoke. Just try to not stand alone in a dark corner. Make small talk with other guys who are there alone--even if you don't want to sleep with them. First, it relaxes other people because it shows you're not shallow and will talk to anyone. Second, it will give you people to bounce around from. Before you know it, you'll have four or five people/groups that you're bouncing between. If/when you repeat, you'll find that certain people/groups are always there, and your hard work is already done. There's really nothing to it.

    Go and have fun. Just don't drunk drive.
    hi , what happens if me creepy comes and sits next to u and wants to ram u ? It happened to me , I freaked out and left
  • Svnw688

    Posts: 3350

    Sep 22, 2014 8:02 PM GMT
    @Guido4Life, nicely but forcefully say "no thank you." If you don't mind white lies, say "no thanks, I have a boyfriend." Then either way, stare him down until he becomes uneasy and walks away. If he tries to keep talking, just look unimpressed, shake your head, and don't say anything. If you continue to talk, then he'll keep talking. If you stone wall him enough, he'll lose interest. And never walk away. That shows you're non-dominant and is a form of power he has over you, plus he'll likely just follow you.

    Stand your ground, and shoot him down. Nicely at first, coldly if need be.
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    Sep 22, 2014 8:05 PM GMT
    Well not now because Im not single but I have donde that in the past (1 time when I was in another city).
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    Sep 22, 2014 8:08 PM GMT
    sounds a odd question but what do you do when you go alone ? if i did i would end up sat on my own staring into space.
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    Sep 22, 2014 8:12 PM GMT
    Bars can be dicey. But if it's a place that has dancing then at least you can listen to the music. And maybe dance with someone.
  • Aleco_Graves

    Posts: 708

    Sep 22, 2014 8:47 PM GMT
    Tell someone where you're heading, have your cellphone fully charged and call A Designated driver service (reserve a driver for whenever) and pocket only the maximum amount you want to the spend all prior to leaving.

    At the bar keep your drinks covered or in bottles if possible and keep your eyes on shady characters.

    If you can check all these off you're all set to go and have a great time! Dance your ass off! Flirt with that guy icon_wink.gif
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    Sep 22, 2014 8:57 PM GMT
    cutelad89 saidsounds a odd question but what do you do when you go alone ? if i did i would end up sat on my own staring into space.
    no 1 knows I'm gay so get it's my only option . I felt uneasy there
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    Sep 22, 2014 9:04 PM GMT
    guido4life said
    cutelad89 saidsounds a odd question but what do you do when you go alone ? if i did i would end up sat on my own staring into space.
    no 1 knows I'm gay so get it's my only option . I felt uneasy there
    You should be proud that you went on your own then ! icon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 22, 2014 9:15 PM GMT
    Svnw688 said@Guido4Life, nicely but forcefully say "no thank you." If you don't mind white lies, say "no thanks, I have a boyfriend." Then either way, stare him down until he becomes uneasy and walks away. If he tries to keep talking, just look unimpressed, shake your head, and don't say anything. If you continue to talk, then he'll keep talking. If you stone wall him enough, he'll lose interest. And never walk away. That shows you're non-dominant and is a form of power he has over you, plus he'll likely just follow you.

    Stand your ground, and shoot him down. Nicely at first, coldly if need be.


    That was good advice ...
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3534

    Sep 22, 2014 9:21 PM GMT
    join a dating site in your location, and put on your profile that you are looking for bar buddies, then hit on people to do so, if you dont want to go alone.

    make a tshirt that says, new in town, "talk to me - im fun"

    if that all fails, bring an ice breaker. buy a medium sized teddy bear and take it with you with a bow on it. carry it around...and keep scanning the bar...people will ask you about it...tell them you got stood up and not waiting anymore you will do.
  • Vivi_Carol

    Posts: 40

    Sep 22, 2014 9:41 PM GMT
    ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? POP IT
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    Sep 22, 2014 10:53 PM GMT
    Aleco_Graves saidTell someone where you're heading, have your cellphone fully charged and call A Designated driver service (reserve a driver for whenever) and pocket only the maximum amount you want to the spend all prior to leaving.

    At the bar keep your drinks covered or in bottles if possible and keep your eyes on shady characters.

    If you can check all these off you're all set to go and have a great time! Dance your ass off! Flirt with that guy icon_wink.gif

    +1
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    Sep 22, 2014 11:15 PM GMT
    I do go to bar alone. I am still getting used to how to appear more friendly. Also, I think if you are looking to meet someone, it's better to go alone rather than with a group of friends. I usually don't bother some guy if he is in a group.
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    Sep 22, 2014 11:23 PM GMT
    morphic saidI do go to bar alone. I am still getting used to how to appear more friendly. Also, I think if you are looking to meet someone, it's better to go alone rather than with a group of friends. I usually don't bother some guy if he is in a group.
    I wish I could go to the bar with u or was approached by u icon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 22, 2014 11:25 PM GMT
    Always…
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    Sep 22, 2014 11:35 PM GMT
    pazzy saideven though i haven't gone to a gay bar this year yet, i've been to in 2012 and 2013 with some people and by myself.

    i would say that the times i went by myself, they were the best. the times when i went with somebody, it wasn't okay or wasn't so good. i was able to talk with people in the bar holding causal conversations and they were friendly. we would just play pool, talk about life and etc. they weren't looking for sex or anything of that nature. never experienced the thing where guys try to get aggressive or whatever THOUGH. if they did, i didn't notice or pay attention to it.


    Pazzy did u go in NJ or NYC? I'm sorry BC I suspect we talked about this but I forget the answer icon_cry.gif
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    Sep 23, 2014 12:27 AM GMT
    Svnw688 said@Guido4Life, nicely but forcefully say "no thank you." If you don't mind white lies, say "no thanks, I have a boyfriend." Then either way, stare him down until he becomes uneasy and walks away. If he tries to keep talking, just look unimpressed, shake your head, and don't say anything. If you continue to talk, then he'll keep talking. If you stone wall him enough, he'll lose interest. And never walk away. That shows you're non-dominant and is a form of power he has over you, plus he'll likely just follow you.

    Stand your ground, and shoot him down. Nicely at first, coldly if need be.

    I learn so much from you! icon_eek.gificon_eek.gif
    Nice advice. icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif