Balancing emotional connection and sex appeal

  • jackthejock

    Posts: 395

    Sep 24, 2014 1:54 AM GMT
    Hey,


    I dated the same guy for two years, we got along great and get each other but I've always felt him a bit lacking in the raw sex appeal department. Six months ago we broke up because he moved for work, now I've been laid off and he wants me up move and move in with him. I feel torn, sometimes I think we're perfect for one another and could imagine settling down and such. But I worry that even though I look at him as a best friend and he's my favorite person to be with it's not enough. The sex is good, we are extremely compatible in that regard but I worry about a wandering eye.


    Thoughts+
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 24, 2014 2:00 AM GMT
    jackthejock saidHey,


    I dated the same guy for two years, we got along great and get each other but I've always felt him a bit lacking in the raw sex appeal department. Six months ago we broke up because he moved for work, now I've been laid off and he wants me up move and move in with him. I feel torn, sometimes I think we're perfect for one another and could imagine settling down and such. But I worry that even though I look at him as a best friend and he's my favorite person to be with it's not enough. The sex is good, we are extremely compatible in that regard but I worry about a wandering eye.

    Thoughts+

    The wandering eye being you?

    Honestly, I don't think you should move in with him. Not under this current condition. Maybe if you got offered a job that happens to be in the same city as him. But moving in with him because you got laid off and not knowing whether you'll find a job in a new city.. No way.

    But then again, I don't know much about you and him. If you two have a good understanding of each other, then maybe it can work. But if "raw sex appeal" matters to you the most in a relationship, then I'm pretty sure you guys will end up breaking up again, but not on good terms.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 24, 2014 2:19 AM GMT
    damn, it is getting kinda sad to read these sort of posts
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 24, 2014 2:23 AM GMT
    There's always the "open relationship" option that seems to be popular these days.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 24, 2014 2:25 AM GMT
    ^
    in this particular case, it won't be an open relationship though. it'd be just a temporary thingy for OP until he finds someone who he will be into 100%. and that'd be a bad thing for OP's ex
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 24, 2014 2:28 AM GMT
    It's called "cold feet".
    Had he not asked/volunteered to let me shack up when I need a place to crash, I'd most likely still be single--almost 16 years later.

    When it comes to the physical stuff, keep communication open and never forget you're both men no matter to what "role" one of you may feel more comfortable in.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 24, 2014 3:26 AM GMT
    :S

    q-q

    My mail still goes to my ex's apartment :S

    I dunno, if you're not ready you're not ready... :s q-q

    I' think moving in with a guy you're dating or like or whatever is waaaaaaay serious...
    wandering eye or no :S

    Also
    you've gotta be careful. I've seen a lot of friends do that stuff and it ending terribly. Or persisting disastrously :S

    Better chances when is a matter of choice rather than necessity..

    Not sure what of what I say applies to you but, icon_biggrin.gif
  • Eli_jah

    Posts: 1391

    Sep 24, 2014 3:41 AM GMT
    Gay men are dreadful. You have what sounds like a generous man who loves you and wants to be with you and all you can think about is sucking some other cock. icon_rolleyes.gif

    What a dilemma...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 24, 2014 3:45 AM GMT
    ^^

    :S

    That is such an over-simplification.

    Both my parents are in divorce counseling or don't live with their current partners - its awkward

    Serious choice deserves serious consideration :S
  • Unnamed6

    Posts: 1144

    Sep 24, 2014 3:52 AM GMT
    jackthejock saidHey,


    I dated the same guy for two years, we got along great and get each other but I've always felt him a bit lacking in the raw sex appeal department. Six months ago we broke up because he moved for work, now I've been laid off and he wants me up move and move in with him. I feel torn, sometimes I think we're perfect for one another and could imagine settling down and such. But I worry that even though I look at him as a best friend and he's my favorite person to be with it's not enough. The sex is good, we are extremely compatible in that regard but I worry about a wandering eye.


    Thoughts+


    People who had lived in societies in the past never really took things as for granted than the people who live in our times. Even those who lived in slavery were generally happy when all they could expect to have and look forward to in life was that food and shelter be provided to them. Though the slave was deprived out of his personal liberty, the slave didn't feel deprived at all really since his master had defined and limited his needs to a few basic things, and by accepting this condition in life (accepting, even over time, their own status as a slave and incapacity to change that status), the slave generally had no other needs and desires. In its own ironic way, the slave was free. I wonder what could be said of you?
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1116

    Sep 24, 2014 4:16 AM GMT
    Dopeamine saidGay men are dreadful. You have what sounds like a generous man who loves you and wants to be with you and all you can think about is sucking some other cock. icon_rolleyes.gif

    What a dilemma...


    Sad, isn't it! if I ever find a lover as devoted and generous; those qualities in itself would enhance my sexual libido for him even more, for sure!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 24, 2014 5:52 AM GMT
    ^^
    Then why aren't more people flocking to sugar daddies :s

    Or do I just not see that...

    Lol

    "if a girl rubs his lamp he'll grant her wishes."

    :S

    I vote be careful ...
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1116

    Sep 24, 2014 11:21 AM GMT
    Snaz said^^
    Then why aren't more people flocking to sugar daddies :s

    Or do I just not see that...

    Lol

    "if a girl rubs his lamp he'll grant her wishes."

    :S

    I vote be careful ...


    Men (gay,straight,or bi) are too immature to connect the balance between emotional and sexual stimuli. These days in particular most relationships are based on self interests, rather in being interested in someone because you value them as a person. Most men are emotionally lazy creatures.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 24, 2014 11:48 AM GMT
    dude I´m in a distance relationship and none of us have been sleeping around (something that he didn´t belive it would work on my end because I´m younger and came out late, have little experience), if there is really a strong conection you both will find a way, if you see yourself as monogonous it wont be hard (not saying it´s easy), just dont give it more than a year. as for sleeping around with other people until you both able to be together, you may end up finding someone you "like" more, remember there´s always someone more "handsome", with more money, etc, the question is, are they worth it?, also it´s always messed up, jelous and separating sex from feelings...don´t go there if you like him.
    this is something you should not ask here, you have to ask yourself and your "partner", conection and comunication is key. wish you the best =)if you both like each other don´t give up, if you want a real relationship this may be it
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1116

    Sep 24, 2014 12:18 PM GMT
    nelo27 saiddude I´m in a distance relationship and none of us have been sleeping around (something that he didn´t belive it would work on my end because I´m younger and came out late, have little experience), if there is really a strong conection you both will find a way, if you see yourself as monogonous it wont be hard (not saying it´s easy), just dont give it more than a year. as for sleeping around with other people until you both able to be together, you may end up finding someone you "like" more, remember there´s always someone more "handsome", with more money, etc, the question is, are they worth it?, also it´s always messed up, jelous and separating sex from feelings...don´t go there if you like him.
    this is something you should not ask here, you have to ask yourself and your "partner", conection and comunication is key. wish you the best =)if you both like each other don´t give up, if you want a real relationship this may be it


    ^^

    THIS!!

    In my experience when you find someone you have a strong emotional connection with, everything else is manageable, and to the very matured person, even not as important, of the things you are not comparable with your partner. For me if a partner is very much emotionally available, any incompatibilities can be work out, if you are caring and sensitive enough in bringing out the best in your partner.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 24, 2014 12:53 PM GMT
    jackthejock saidHey,


    I dated the same guy for two years, we got along great and get each other but I've always felt him a bit lacking in the raw sex appeal department. Six months ago we broke up because he moved for work, now I've been laid off and he wants me up move and move in with him. I feel torn, sometimes I think we're perfect for one another and could imagine settling down and such. But I worry that even though I look at him as a best friend and he's my favorite person to be with it's not enough. The sex is good, we are extremely compatible in that regard but I worry about a wandering eye.


    Thoughts+


    You didn't mention the most obvious thing I was thinking:
    do you love each other?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 24, 2014 4:44 PM GMT
    ^^ This. He never once mentioned the word love. That's telling.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 24, 2014 6:26 PM GMT
    You have to use your own best judgement. I wouldn't advocate just jumping the gun and moving up there. However, don't let your ego stand in the way of you being happy either.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 24, 2014 6:34 PM GMT
    honestly I don't think you're ready for a relationship if you already know you have a "wandering eye".
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Sep 24, 2014 7:02 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan said^^ This. He never once mentioned the word love. That's telling.

    Yes, this. Do you? The other thing is were you ever in lust with him? I do believe lust is a necessary component of love, at least in the early days. If you never did feel that, and you can't say you love him now, then don't move in. Contrary to some, I admire your honest questioning. Shows you respect him and care to not hurt him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 24, 2014 7:37 PM GMT
    So you're saying he's ugly.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 24, 2014 7:55 PM GMT
    I don't think you're into him that much. Well, not the sex appeal anyway. He likes you a lot obviously. I'd say don't, move on, if you're not into him 100%. Chances are you two will break up and you will move out in the future. Just my take on it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 24, 2014 9:22 PM GMT
    jackthejock saidHey,
    The sex is good, we are extremely compatible in that regard but I worry about a wandering eye.


    Thoughts+


    You should not move in with him. He deserves far better. He deserves a guy who can appreciate him for him being open hearted, generous, sincere and thoughtful.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 24, 2014 9:30 PM GMT
    LEANDRO_NJ said
    Snaz said^^
    Then why aren't more people flocking to sugar daddies :s

    Or do I just not see that...

    Lol

    "if a girl rubs his lamp he'll grant her wishes."

    :S

    I vote be careful ...


    Men (gay,straight,or bi) are too immature to connect the balance between emotional and sexual stimuli. These days in particular most relationships are based on self interests, rather in being interested in someone because you value them as a person. Most men are emotionally lazy creatures.



    q-q

    I guess I find people that try to take care of me often tend to scare me away.

    I liked my ex more before he paid for me.. When he told me he'd never pay for me :S He still won't deposit the check I sent him @-@

    I think only reason I care about that now is my cab cost as much as he spends on groceries so I'm like @-@ what :S
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 24, 2014 10:40 PM GMT
    The only I could say is ask yourself this question. When the looks fade, which they will, who are you going to want to be with?