Missing my Ex

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 25, 2014 7:13 PM GMT
    I miss my ex BF... it's been about a year now since the break up and being "friends" thing but we haven't seen each other for about 4 months. Making it worse is I'm in a gay mecca NYC and there's ton's of guys here but gay dating in NYC has a lot of challenges which is for another thread...

    IDK.. when I'm laying in bed at night I remember when he was right there next to me. I'd stroke his hair until he fell asleep sometimes and often I'd wake up with my arm around him. Going on dates has taught me it's hard to find guys like him in this city. After sex I remember the way we cuddled for a long time (and I still feel like after JO) He's was my type intelligence wise, looks, etc... and I found him almost by accident which means I'll find someone like him again or better. At least I hope so.

    Feeling worried how long I'm going to be single actually. But I'm interested in why do I miss him since he is the one who broke up with me but left the door open. I did love him and he was my very first BF so maybe that's it? If he moved on, which is very likely, reaching out to him or even texting him is eye rollingly pathetic. And a dating coach I admire (Matthew Hussey btw) has said to give yourself the respect you deserve by moving on.

    I'm still finding it hard to move on though, I'm sure others can relate.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 25, 2014 7:20 PM GMT
    Buy this:

    n4f4956700fef8.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 25, 2014 7:22 PM GMT
    I assume it's natural. Everyone reacts differently. Personally, with my last ex, I am angry and bitter, I feel like he did not deserve me. Over time, you will get over it.
  • venue35

    Posts: 4644

    Sep 25, 2014 7:26 PM GMT
    It sounds like the break up hasn't been easy for you..congrats on being so open..it's corny but true : time heals all wounds. If you still have feelings for him it's not pathetic at all to text him. It's his loss imo. But don't fret..there
    are so many fish in the sea..stay strongicon_razz.gif
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    Sep 25, 2014 9:28 PM GMT
    Erobert said
    Going on dates has taught me it's hard to find guys like him in this city. After sex I remember the way we cuddled for a long time (and I still feel like after JO) He's was my type intelligence wise, looks, etc... and I found him almost by accident which means I'll find someone like him again or better. At least I hope so.


    Right, that line there suggest you're simply not ready to date other guys at all. Take some more time off for yourself to get over the break up. it isn't easy, but as others have said, time heals all wounds.

    The last thing you want to do is start dating another guy when you're not ready. You'll both just end up getting hurt.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Sep 25, 2014 9:30 PM GMT
    Jms31 said
    Erobert said
    Going on dates has taught me it's hard to find guys like him in this city. After sex I remember the way we cuddled for a long time (and I still feel like after JO) He's was my type intelligence wise, looks, etc... and I found him almost by accident which means I'll find someone like him again or better. At least I hope so.


    Right, that line there suggest you're simply not ready to date other guys at all. Take some more time off for yourself to get over the break up. it isn't easy, but as others have said, time heals all wounds.

    The last thing you want to do is start dating another guy when you're not ready. You'll both just end up getting hurt.
    Listen to this guy
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 26, 2014 6:49 AM GMT
    You're in your twenties. I know how you feel. I can say that, because I've been in your shoes.......a number of times. We sometimes romanticize the exes, and that is natural for a lot of us when we haven't replaced them yet. Once you do replace them, exes will hopefully fade into the background and become historical footnotes. You may never forget them, but you'll not long for them anymore. Just stay busy; stay involved with people; friends; join groups of people who do things you like doing. Be upbeat and happy. Guys are attracted to that, as you know. You have good looks and a good profile with a lot of activities you're interested in. Sooner or later, you'll replace this ex and be happy again. I know. I'm living proof.
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    Sep 26, 2014 7:36 AM GMT
    ^^
    Jockbod put it very well. Don't worry about "how long you will be single." Just enjoy your life now as a single guy. Eventually, you will run into someone else that you fit with - when you are not expecting to. And, as time passes, you will be a different person, so whoever you fit with in the future wouldn't be like someone you have fit with in the past.
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    Oct 12, 2014 7:28 PM GMT
    I broke up with my boyfriend a few months ago. I had moved across the country to live with him and I thought I was going to marry him. I'm utterly destroyed by the whole thing, and a lot of days it's hard to get out of bed.

    Everyone tells me it's just how it goes and I have to wait it out, but damn it's hard. icon_sad.gif
    I feel you.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Oct 12, 2014 8:07 PM GMT
    Yes, your first love is special and you will always miss him at least a little. Doesn't mean it was the best love you'll ever find, but just the guy connected to the discovery of all those wonderful feelings. But you've got to get over him enough to give someone new a chance. And pinning over him alone is counter-productive because you'll begin to romanticize him and the relationship. And then no one new will get in. My advice? Have some meaningless sex with some good guys. It will get you laughing again and also remind you that there are good guys all over the place even if this particular guy isn't THE ONE.
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    Oct 13, 2014 12:18 PM GMT
    torrentprime saidI broke up with my boyfriend a few months ago. I had moved across the country to live with him and I thought I was going to marry him. I'm utterly destroyed by the whole thing, and a lot of days it's hard to get out of bed.

    Everyone tells me it's just how it goes and I have to wait it out, but damn it's hard. icon_sad.gif
    I feel you.

    The same thing happened to me once.
    The cure was lots and lots of meaningless sex. It didn't heal the ache, at least not right away, but it sure gave me something else to think about.

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    Oct 14, 2014 3:09 AM GMT
    Sounds like you are thinking about him and somehow replacing him too much, which is normal since he broke up with you. The cure is time and getting on with your life. I'd go ahead and date if I were you, just don't look for someone to replace him. And you could text him and try to rekindle things also, but be very clear with yourself that the odds of that working are probably very low.
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    Oct 14, 2014 7:50 AM GMT
    It's a normal sentiment that you miss your ex. However, don't contact or text him. He broke up with you. He probably moved on already. You may look pathetic if you chase him now. Sorry to sound harsh, but from my experiences, once a relationship is broken. It's hard to rekindle the romance. Go out and date/sleep with someone new.
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    Oct 14, 2014 12:10 PM GMT
    sf_swimmer saidSounds like you are thinking about him and somehow replacing him too much, which is normal since he broke up with you. The cure is time and getting on with your life. I'd go ahead and date if I were you, just don't look for someone to replace him. And you could text him and try to rekindle things also, but be very clear with yourself that the odds of that working are probably very low.

    The odds of this working are practically zero. Plus it would make you seem desperate and pathetic - reinforcing his decision to dump you. Worst of all, it would keep you thinking about him.
    Try not to think about him. Fill the void with some new experiences. Travel somewhere, make new friends, start a new hobby, etc.
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    Oct 14, 2014 10:12 PM GMT
    TexDef07 said Plus it would make you seem desperate and pathetic - reinforcing his decision to dump you. Worst of all, it would keep you thinking about him.
    Try not to think about him. Fill the void with some new experiences. Travel somewhere, make new friends, start a new hobby, etc.


    I haven't beaten this one yet. He and I were/are still talking, and I miss him so bad it's impossible to resist the temptation to text him.

    On another note:
    I seriously don't know how to make new friends. I am back in my (beloved) California, but I don't know how to meet new people. I go to work, and I go home. And being that alone all the time just makes me feel more empty. It sucks.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 15, 2014 2:17 AM GMT
    torrentprime said
    I haven't beaten this one yet. He and I were/are still talking, and I miss him so bad it's impossible to resist the temptation to text him.
    I seriously don't know how to make new friends. I am back in my (beloved) California, but I don't know how to meet new people. I go to work, and I go home. And being that alone all the time just makes me feel more empty. It sucks.

    Keeping up the connection at this stage is not helpful. As long as you are talking, you are thinking about him and missing him. This won't allow space for moving on.
    Eventually you may be able to be friends again but not now.
    Meeting new people and making new friends is easier said than done but there are lots and lots of threads full of suggestions on how to do this.
    And what about travel? Go someplace you've never been but always wanted to see. New experiences will help get you moving forward instead of looking back.

  • butterwoth

    Posts: 4

    Oct 19, 2014 4:57 AM GMT
    It's been 2 years since my ex broke up with me and sometimes I miss him like we just broke up. We are both in dating someone new but there isn't one day that I don't think about him. I guess he will always have a special place in my heart.

    If he loves you he will come back, if he doesn't don't go after, you should be with someone that feels lucky to have you as a boyfriend. I know easy said than done, but thats what I tell myself.


    good luck!
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Oct 19, 2014 5:37 AM GMT
    I can't relate. I don't miss any of my past bf's ... I left them for a reason, not because they were great.