Lack of sex causing relationship problems

  • LuisG_82

    Posts: 37

    Sep 26, 2014 9:22 AM GMT
    Hi all,

    I have been dating a guy since 1 year ago, after a couple of months we decided to be in a relationship, everything between us is fantastic, but sex,

    Because of some healthy problems, the doctor told him to avoid sex, long story short, after 1 year, we haven't had sex. Since a couple of months ago, the doctor said, he is clean, but still no sex. We have already talked about it, but with no success.

    Right now we decided to stay apart from each other for a couple of days, I have tried not to text him, but my mind is always thinking about him.

    Even though sex is not the most important part of the relationship since it was never part of the relationship, the lack of sex has bring my drama queens days. that is one of the reasons of our problems, lack of sex from his side, drama from my side.

    He said one of the reasons of the lack of interest, is because of those drama events, and the drama events are because of the lack of sex.

    I don't know how to help him, or better said, help us, I really like him, and I don't want to lose him, but at the same time, I don't want to be in a relationship were sex isn't part of it.

    I want to control my drama events, but at the same time talk openly with him about the situation,

    I have talked with some friends, and some of them say, NEXT, others say that I am crazy, and how i can wait so long without sex,

    I don't know exactly which is the best solution, we are gonna meet in one week to see we where our thoughts. If it is better to stay apart from each other, or to give it again another try.


    What would you do?
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    Sep 26, 2014 9:53 AM GMT
    ck if your local lgbt center has free relationship counseling. The center in Denver a year ago did and really helped our relationship out. Counseling free or cost will not work if you guys will not talk about it tho.

    grown men do NOT have drama events things you do bad to other people often come back to haunt you. Dont theyicon_eek.gif
    than again
    Relationships can go wrong in big ways. It is easier to bail out the dis functional relationship than fix the it and you get to repeat the same mistake again.
    -Easy to blame, difficult to forgive.

  • LuisG_82

    Posts: 37

    Sep 26, 2014 10:45 AM GMT
    You are right, I am responsible of the drama events, and i told him, I know if you don't want to keep the relationship, I understand,

    I know that when I am angry, sometimes I say things that I feel, but I could say the same thing with some other words,

    I know he wants to make it work, he has tried that before, but you know, maybe this time is the last time, the big advantage, is that we have said this time all the things, we had put all the cards over the table, and we will see if we can understand and work together.
  • ZakSayWhat

    Posts: 573

    Sep 26, 2014 10:45 AM GMT
    I've been in a relationship for 8 months and we have never had sex and it seems to be working.
  • LuisG_82

    Posts: 37

    Sep 26, 2014 10:51 AM GMT
    I know that it can work, we have been together for almost 1 year, but I do not want a relationship without sex, and he had told me that in the last relationship that wasnt a problem,

    the lack of sex is in this relationship, first because of the illness, now because of the lack of interest, he doesnt know why, he said my reactions is one of the reasons, and stress from work is another one.

    If for you is not a problem to keep a relationship in those terms is Ok, is valid, I think every couple is different, and I also know that he is also different from my ex partners
  • ZakSayWhat

    Posts: 573

    Sep 26, 2014 10:54 AM GMT
    I don't really like sex.

    its ungodly
  • LuisG_82

    Posts: 37

    Sep 26, 2014 10:56 AM GMT
    ZakSayWhat saidI don't really like sex.

    its ungodly
    that is your point of view, and its valid. Not my case
  • ZakSayWhat

    Posts: 573

    Sep 26, 2014 10:57 AM GMT
    You should count yourself lucky you're in a r'ship. tbh
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    Sep 26, 2014 11:32 AM GMT
    Lack of relationship is causing me sex problems
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 26, 2014 12:08 PM GMT
    cutelad89 saidLack of relationship is causing me sex problems


    icon_lol.gif

    sometimes it's an ugly truth
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    Sep 26, 2014 12:14 PM GMT
    Okajuurou said
    cutelad89 saidLack of relationship is causing me sex problems


    icon_lol.gif

    sometimes it's an ugly truth

    icon_eek.gif
  • LuisG_82

    Posts: 37

    Sep 26, 2014 2:00 PM GMT
    thanks, for pointing that, it is true at least i am in a relationship.
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    Sep 26, 2014 2:09 PM GMT
    So because of a lack of sex you want to break off the relationship? He may turn out to be the best friend of your life. OR NOT. Sex is a miniscule thing once you can control it. Acknowledging another person is much more critical without it. Go in the bathroom and jerk off and then come back to him again and deal with the issue. Your mind will be much clearer to do so at that point.
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    Sep 26, 2014 2:13 PM GMT
    ZakSayWhat saidI've been in a relationship for 8 months and we have never had sex and it seems to be working.


    That's not a "relationship." That's called a "friendship."
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    Sep 26, 2014 2:16 PM GMT
    Jerred said... Go in the bathroom and jerk off and then come back to him again and deal with the issue. Your mind will be much clearer ...

    +1 wow; very well said
    i could think that way myself
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    Sep 26, 2014 2:17 PM GMT
    Scruffypup said
    ZakSayWhat saidI've been in a relationship for 8 months and we have never had sex and it seems to be working.


    That's not a "relationship." That's called a "friendship."


    Friendship IS a relationship. Take your meds you left brained weezil (and that is in response to your post on my other thread). I see what you are doing. I got my eye on you now. Be careful because I am wiser than you think.
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    Sep 26, 2014 5:09 PM GMT
    pellaz saidgrown men do NOT have drama events


    that's what stuck out to me too.

    i have to ask what either of you are even getting out of this relationship if there's all this drama and lack of sex.
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    Sep 26, 2014 5:31 PM GMT
    If a relationship was otherwise compatible, then finding some satisfactions, even sexual, outside of a primary relationship might not only not create more problems but can even enhance a relationship. But engaging drama within a relationship does not bode well towards that. I suspect your problems run deeper than sex.
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    Sep 26, 2014 5:54 PM GMT
    Have you considered whether he simply doesn't have the guts to break up with you officially?
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3521

    Sep 27, 2014 12:10 AM GMT
    if you go without sex for more than two months without an actual cause, break up
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    Sep 27, 2014 1:42 AM GMT
    My advise to all gay men... find someone that you not only have things in common with, but is on the same page with you sex wise.
    If you're a kinky fucker, go find someone that also has a kinky side. If you need it 5 days a week, look for someone that also loves sex as much as you. If you're not into sex, find a mate that's either over it or is asexual, like you.
    But my best advise.. Leave this lopsided house!
    It's all about balance.

    btw.. this is why so many men AND women cheat.
    Lack of good sex with their partner. Feed em' some good sex and they'll never have time to stray.
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    Sep 27, 2014 1:57 AM GMT
    Sounds like some super passive aggressive shit; friends without benefits.
    Medical, Shmedical...I had oral surgery a couple weeks ago; my hand job skills are more than appreciated.
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    Sep 27, 2014 4:48 AM GMT
    Bro, I tried to resist responding to your post question here but I apparently am unsuccessful. lol. Listen, all males in most cultures ( and this is a dirty, or not so dirty, little secret) are more paranoid about disease and whatever than females actually. From a nature point of view, you can understand it. So, I guess my final advice to you is always take precautions but enjoy sexual interaction if it is possible for you to do. Where I live currently it's not possible, so always remember there are guys in worse situations than you okay. So tell me again, what was your original question about the difficulties of your life? lol. It sounded like you were feeling sorry for yourself, or something?
  • LuisG_82

    Posts: 37

    Sep 27, 2014 6:03 AM GMT
    Thanks to all of you for your post.

    I have really considered all the things you already pointed out, I have already told him, that sex can be found in every corner, and if I dont want to have sex with other people I know pretty well how to satisfy my self, but it is not about sex, is what we call make love, to share this special time with the person you think you love. Is he just a special friend,? is he more than any other of my friends?, and maybe yes or maybe I dont want to let him go because I am afraid of being alone again and to start looking for mr perfect. But when everything else is fine, and you enjoy the time you spent with him, you know what he wants without asking (beside sex, hehehe), and sex was just a bad beginning, our situation as I already pointed out was different to each of our previous relationships. But I know if that doesn't work, it will be the best for both of us to take that decision.
  • LuisG_82

    Posts: 37

    Sep 27, 2014 6:04 AM GMT
    dustin_K_tx saidSounds like some super passive aggressive shit; friends without benefits.
    Medical, Shmedical...I had oral surgery a couple weeks ago; my hand job skills are more than appreciated.



    I havent told that to him, but to a friend of mine, I still have some other parts of my body that I can use, sometimes lying naked in bed is enough for me.