Loyalty: The "unicorn" of gay relationships

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    Sep 26, 2014 8:15 PM GMT
    First of all greetings to everybody, im back on RJ because i have a reason now and im gonna hang out with u guys for a few months maybe. Hope you guys enjoy my posts and comments ^_^.
    So i was going for a smoke and as i was on my way out i just realized something very profound; nobody i know from my gay friends have ever had a relationship that didnt end up with one of them cheating.
    Im curious and i want your honest opinion guys, why do men need to cheat, i mean you chose a guy to be your bf because you like him first of all, he must be good looking for you, and if u stay a long time with him then that means he is on ur wavelengths. You start being serious and at one point when things dont go the way they should one of them cheats instead of pointing out that something is wrong. Maybe some of you will say "one of them sure has said something but the other guy didnt notice" but i seen how guys ruin perfectly good relations for a little ass or some guy who has a boner for him. Am i the only one who feels something is not ok with whats happening here? Maybe im just still to new to the gay life thing but if its always gonna end up with a bitter taste, then i dont feel any need for relationships like that.So is loyalty like a unicorn?(myth)
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    Sep 26, 2014 8:18 PM GMT
    I am not sure if I like you or not
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    Sep 26, 2014 8:24 PM GMT
    or purely and simply just hard to find and keep ?
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    Sep 26, 2014 8:28 PM GMT
    cutelad89 saidor purely and simply just hard to find and keep ?
    good point
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    Sep 26, 2014 8:29 PM GMT
    ChrisMD said
    cutelad89 saidor purely and simply just hard to find and keep ?
    good point
    Not knowing where to look and or what to accept.
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    Sep 26, 2014 8:32 PM GMT
    Bonapart saidI am not sure if I like you or not
    well lets put it this way...if ur not sure if you like someone or not will u get in a relationship with someone ur uncertain it will work out? i mean whats the point? you should just know the guy better and if ur sure he is on the same page as u then well ur good to go. But i was asking something else, why do guys cheat when things are good in there relationships....why lust for something u can get anyway from the person ur with. I mean idk besides the fact that u fuck a blond and not a brunet or a taller guy i dont really get it...
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    Sep 26, 2014 8:37 PM GMT
    cutelad89 said
    ChrisMD said
    cutelad89 saidor purely and simply just hard to find and keep ?
    good point
    Not knowing where to look and or what to accept.
    i think its more like not knowing what u have until u dont have it anymore. And this false self-appreciation some guys have thinking there gods makes them sooner or later end up alone.
    I do some modeling in my free time and as everybody knows lots of male models are gay, and most of them cant keep a relationship for a month at least and become really shallow and addicted to attention. Its really sad, having someone there for you is really important, we die alone anyway why should we be alone when we live too...
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    Sep 26, 2014 8:43 PM GMT
    ChrisMD said
    cutelad89 said
    ChrisMD said
    cutelad89 saidor purely and simply just hard to find and keep ?
    good point
    Not knowing where to look and or what to accept.
    i think its more like not knowing what u have until u dont have it anymore. And this false self-appreciation some guys have thinking there gods makes them sooner or later end up alone.
    I do some modeling in my free time and as everybody knows lots of male models are gay, and most of them cant keep a relationship for a month at least and become really shallow and addicted to attention. Its really sad, having someone there for you is really important, we die alone anyway why should we be alone when we live too...

    So true, it really is love hurts isnt it, when you have all to give and no reciprocation.
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    Sep 26, 2014 8:54 PM GMT
    There is a saying, "Everybody shows love in there own way" and most of these guys really think they have love but i cant believe you could ever love somebody if you would do something to hurt them so bad. I been fighting with the idea of why for some guys its so hard to be loyal to just your partner because honestly i find it normal to be like this, means you respect each other. The moment u do that thing or rather that guy lol, you just lost any trust or respect from your partner.
    There is a saying in Romania, "lies have little feet" meaning the truth will surface eventually and you know once u did what you did there is no going back from that....meh i think i have better luck finding a unicorn then a guy to build a life with hahaahahaha
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    Sep 26, 2014 8:58 PM GMT
    ChrisMD saidThere is a saying, "Everybody shows love in there own way" and most of these guys really think they have love but i cant believe you could ever love somebody if you would do something to hurt them so bad. I been fighting with the idea of why for some guys its so hard to be loyal to just your partner because honestly i find it normal to be like this, means you respect each other. The moment u do that thing or rather that guy lol, you just lost any trust or respect from your partner.
    There is a saying in Romania, "lies have little feet" meaning the truth will surface eventually and you know once u did what you did there is no going back from that....meh i think i have better luck finding a unicorn then a guy to build a life with hahaahahaha
    Love need attention so thats why people go to certain measures to regain what they may have lost, maybe that unicorn is something we create in our own minds as abstract.
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    Sep 26, 2014 9:02 PM GMT
    We are not happy with someone below us or even our equal. We want something better than us on the totem pole. This goes double for people who hold out too long before starting to date.
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    Sep 26, 2014 9:04 PM GMT
    Ohno saidWe are not happy with someone below us or even our equal. We want something better than us on the totem pole. This goes double for people who hold out too long before starting to date.
    Maybe that starting time isnt controlled by them and then they make the wrong decisions.
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    Sep 26, 2014 9:11 PM GMT
    cutelad89 said
    Ohno saidWe are not happy with someone below us or even our equal. We want something better than us on the totem pole. This goes double for people who hold out too long before starting to date.
    Maybe that starting time isnt controlled by them and then they make the wrong decisions.


    Yes but a good number of men lose their looks by late 20s or early 30s so you may have a choice between dating someone you don't really find attractive, or jumping on the treadmill of dating younger guys.
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    Sep 26, 2014 9:27 PM GMT
    Simply we all want that one person that will just love us as we do them, be with us and stick with us. I know i do anyway.
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    Sep 26, 2014 9:35 PM GMT
    No, you are not the only one that recognizes this. It is a SEVERE problem in the gay community. I have been abstinent from 2006 and refused to "date" a man. In all their lust as well as mine it was obvious that men having sex with men is the foundation of feelings in the gay community. Yet in the straight community men can literally fall in love with eachother and I was taught that and witnessed it throughout my life. NEVER have I found anything in comparison in the gay community except a few times. If the emotions of sex die off immediately after you have sex then you might want to question what I have just written. The worst part is MANY men in the gay community don't regard eachother as brothers even if the sex was great and they nolonger have the feeling of it anymore. In the straight world, brotherhood is not distracted by sex. You simply love your brother for who he is, what he is going through, what he tries to provide you with NON-SEXUALLY, and really just the journey you go on together. It lasts. Not saying gay people don't experience this but gay people DO most the time confuse love with sex. So does the entire human race. But gay people will put up any emotional front so long as it gets them sex until they get bored with one physical object and go out and look for more. I was guilty of that too. Gay friendships to me seem like much more of a self validation than an actual desire to love your brother. Hate to be BLUNT but I think our body organs were designed for a specific reason and I think in the gay community we are all loused up because we can't make that connection with eachother as brothers and sisters on this earth. I mean would you fuck your Dad and call it love? Would you fuck your Mom and call it love? Same thing in the gay community. Would you fuck your brother and call it love? Look at the pain involved with Bottoms... It is obvious in every porn flick you will ever see. I use to tell myself I liked it but looking back, it was purely torcher.
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    Sep 26, 2014 9:43 PM GMT
    I hate when people expect everyone and everything to be perfect. If all men cheat, doesn't that mean you also cheat as well? You are a man after all too. If you aren't perfect, why the fuck waste time looking for Mr Perfect? You can't expect a saint if you aren't a nun. Either just accept reality or stay celibate and die alone like most delusional idiots that believe in fairy tales.
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    Sep 26, 2014 9:44 PM GMT
    Jerred saidNo, you are not the only one that recognizes this. It is a SEVERE problem in the gay community. I have been abstinent from 2006 and refused to "date" a man. In all their lust as well as mine it was obvious that men having sex with men is the foundation of feelings in the gay community. Yet in the straight community men can literally fall in love with eachother and I was taught that and witnessed it throughout my life. NEVER have I found anything in comparison in the gay community except a few times. If the emotions of sex die off immediately after you have sex then you might want to question what I have just written. The worst part is MANY men in the gay community don't regard eachother as brothers even if the sex was great and they nolonger have the feeling of it anymore. In the straight world, brotherhood is not distracted by sex. You simply love your brother for who he is, what he is going through, what he tries to provide you with NON-SEXUALLY, and really just the journey you go on together. It lasts. Not saying gay people don't experience this but gay people DO most the time confuse love with sex. So does the entire human race. But gay people will put up any emotional front so long as it gets them sex until they get bored with one physical object and go out and look for more. I was guilty of that too. Gay friendships to me seem like much more of a self validation than an actual desire to love your brother. Hate to be BLUNT but I think our body organs were designed for a specific reason and I think in the gay community we are all loused up because we can't make that connection with eachother as brothers and sisters on this earth. I mean would you fuck your Dad and call it love? Would you fuck your Mom and call it love? Same thing in the gay community. Would you fuck your brother and call it love? Look at the pain involved with Bottoms... It is obvious in every porn flick you will ever see. I use to tell myself I liked it but looking back, it was purely torcher.

    Uhmmm i dont know about the brother thing but you pointed out something very interesting and that is the fact that we label a problem as a characteristic of a group or class...it shouldnt be ok for gay or str8 or bi to be like idk sluts when u got ur man.
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    Sep 26, 2014 9:52 PM GMT
    kevex saidI hate when people expect everyone and everything to be perfect. If all men cheat, doesn't that mean you also cheat as well? You are a man after all too. If you aren't perfect, why the fuck waste time looking for Mr Perfect? You can't expect a saint if you aren't a nun. Either just accept reality or stay celibate and die alone like most delusional idiots that believe in fairy tales.

    Well before being aggressive in the way you are now i just told you i am new in the gay world, and im not saying im looking for mr perfect because i go by the impression that you look for a guy that is equal to you and im not mr perfect (yet). I never said not having sex, never said about wanting everybody being perfect i just stated the fact that every guy i know is like cheating when they are in a relationship. I dont know all the sea of gay men as a friend said once on a post but i do know that from what i seen there are very few guys who think that being loyal is important or thinking about wanting a future with a partner, most guys are obsessed with gay bars, gay clubs, lots of sex and most of them get burn for this. We get at the hospital at least 3-4 cases of HIV per month...
    Anyway, plsease read better next time and if u dont understand exactly what im trying to point out just ask, no need to be rude! icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 26, 2014 9:52 PM GMT
    I never cheat. If I was not completely satisfied with what I have I simply break up. Otherwise I'm loyal. Maybe I'm a unicorn
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    Sep 26, 2014 9:56 PM GMT
    ChrisMD said
    Jerred saidNo, you are not the only one that recognizes this. It is a SEVERE problem in the gay community. I have been abstinent from 2006 and refused to "date" a man. In all their lust as well as mine it was obvious that men having sex with men is the foundation of feelings in the gay community. Yet in the straight community men can literally fall in love with eachother and I was taught that and witnessed it throughout my life. NEVER have I found anything in comparison in the gay community except a few times. If the emotions of sex die off immediately after you have sex then you might want to question what I have just written. The worst part is MANY men in the gay community don't regard eachother as brothers even if the sex was great and they nolonger have the feeling of it anymore. In the straight world, brotherhood is not distracted by sex. You simply love your brother for who he is, what he is going through, what he tries to provide you with NON-SEXUALLY, and really just the journey you go on together. It lasts. Not saying gay people don't experience this but gay people DO most the time confuse love with sex. So does the entire human race. But gay people will put up any emotional front so long as it gets them sex until they get bored with one physical object and go out and look for more. I was guilty of that too. Gay friendships to me seem like much more of a self validation than an actual desire to love your brother. Hate to be BLUNT but I think our body organs were designed for a specific reason and I think in the gay community we are all loused up because we can't make that connection with eachother as brothers and sisters on this earth. I mean would you fuck your Dad and call it love? Would you fuck your Mom and call it love? Same thing in the gay community. Would you fuck your brother and call it love? Look at the pain involved with Bottoms... It is obvious in every porn flick you will ever see. I use to tell myself I liked it but looking back, it was purely torcher.

    Uhmmm i dont know about the brother thing but you pointed out something very interesting and that is the fact that we label a problem as a characteristic of a group or class...it shouldnt be ok for gay or str8 or bi to be like idk sluts when u got ur man.


    Brotherhood is a KEY word. I NEVER found it in the gay community and I looked for it. But there is always this separation from eachother in the gay community because of sexual attraction. IT IS COMPLETELY DISTRACTING. You can tell when another guy doesn't want your brotherhood because he doesn't find you attractive. IT IS SO COMMON IN THE GAY COMMUNITY. In the straight world, I am ashamed of it but my lifelong friends are extremely good looking and I will admit I originally chose them for that but what I didn't know was they had chose me because they wanted to be my brother. Didn't matter what I looked like. I have learned to LOVE a man unconditionally because of them. I will never disregard these experiences. I am not saying gay men are not capable because I believe they all are. But learning the difference between brotherhood and a sexual relationship is EXTREMELY important to us because in the straight community guys and gals know about brotherhood and sisterhood as well. They can make the distinction even with those they are not attracted to. Not characterizing the ENTIRE gay population, just been around the block enough times to know. Personally, once I had sex with a man, there was no place for brotherhood anymore.
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    Sep 26, 2014 10:03 PM GMT
    ChrisMD said
    kevex saidI hate when people expect everyone and everything to be perfect. If all men cheat, doesn't that mean you also cheat as well? You are a man after all too. If you aren't perfect, why the fuck waste time looking for Mr Perfect? You can't expect a saint if you aren't a nun. Either just accept reality or stay celibate and die alone like most delusional idiots that believe in fairy tales.

    Well before being aggressive in the way you are now i just told you i am new in the gay world, and im not saying im looking for mr perfect because i go by the impression that you look for a guy that is equal to you and im not mr perfect (yet). I never said not having sex, never said about wanting everybody being perfect i just stated the fact that every guy i know is like cheating when they are in a relationship. I dont know all the sea of gay men as a friend said once on a post but i do know that from what i seen there are very few guys who think that being loyal is important or thinking about wanting a future with a partner, most guys are obsessed with gay bars, gay clubs, lots of sex and most of them get burn for this. We get at the hospital at least 3-4 cases of HIV per month...
    Anyway, plsease read better next time and if u dont understand exactly what im trying to point out just ask, no need to be rude! icon_smile.gif


    1. You are wasting your time trying to be perfect.

    2. You generalized men by saying men cheat instead of some men cheat.

    3. If you are new to the gay world, how the hell are you coming up with these dumb assumptions of "most guys are obsessed with gay bars, gay clubs, lots of sex and most of them get burn for this. We get at the hospital at least 3-4 cases of HIV per month"? Trolling?

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    Sep 26, 2014 10:08 PM GMT
    metta8 saidThe people you know just lack integrity. If they 'cheat', meaning that they are messing around with other people and did not agree to be open, then that's just dishonest. I don't want people like that in my life.


    Agreed. And I'd reiterate that cheating is not about sex but about honesty. That's why it is called cheating.

    Your problem is who you decide to befriend.

    The only friends I have who I know cheat are str8 and the only reason they are friends is because they are grandfathered-in from our childhood. I would not befriend someone new knowing that about them.

    I don't throw people away so I'm not tossing away my old friends because they cheat. But I do put conditions on our relationship. For instance, I have one friend I'd love to spend more time with, but we only see each other when he crosses the country to visit me. I won't accept the hospitality of his wife in their home knowing that he cheats on her. I have explained that and he understands it.

    With someone new? Forgetaboutit. I turn tail and run on when a person is being dishonest with me or even in their own life. I know that's out there but I don't want to partake in that. I know that some people fool themselves before they figure themselves out and decide to fix themselves, so if they've some other good qualities, I might show them what I see, but I will not force the issue. If they stay that course, I veer away. You can't learn for someone else. They have to do that work.

    I'm so sensitive to the issue of honesty in relationships that just recently I've been confronted with even just a minor discrepancy in the story a person in my life who's been in my life for a long time but has recently told me two things that just don't match. And I am now struggling with trust issues because of it. I've never known the person to be dishonest before but this has definitely put a kink in our relationship. I don't know if I can return to how I originally felt about us. I suspect not.

    "There exists an obvious fact that seems utterly moral; namely, that a man is always a prey to his truths. Once he has admitted them, he cannot free himself from them." ~~Albert Camus
  • Svnw688

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    Sep 26, 2014 10:11 PM GMT
    None of my relationships ended because either of us cheated. I and my partners tend to be normal, well-adjusted people. IF we need a tryst, we'd get pre-approval "open" status (one time or permanent) or break it off. All my relationships ended ONLY because I moved (and once because we both moved after school). But I get what you're saying, lots of straight AND gay men cheat.

    tumblr_m6360jFzFP1r7qsdw.gif
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    Sep 26, 2014 10:14 PM GMT
    silver_phoenix said
    Jerred saidNo, you are not the only one that recognizes this. It is a SEVERE problem in the gay community...In the straight world, brotherhood is not distracted by sex....


    You are comparing apples and oranges. Gay men can't practice brotherhood in the same way straight men can't practice sisterhood.

    Sex politics get in the way between gay men as it does between straight men and women.

    This is generally of course, there maybe some exceptions.

    Straights biologically are driven to have kids and raise a family, gays are not - well a few weak minded ones who are desperate to copy str8s are attempting to herd us into "marriages" with the predictable comic results.icon_lol.gif

    So maybe that absence of a nesting instinct is a loss or maybe its a bonus?

    I would make sure if I did enter a relationship that it was an open one, or would be eventually. Of course you get the sad little muppets who will insist they are in a monogamous relationship and have been for like a 1000000 years, but unless they have a locator beacon attached to their significant other's willy how do they know where it is 24 7?


    Good point. I still believe brotherhood between two gay people is possible. It is recognizing what you are made of.
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    Sep 26, 2014 10:20 PM GMT
    kevex said
    ChrisMD said
    kevex saidI hate when people expect everyone and everything to be perfect. If all men cheat, doesn't that mean you also cheat as well? You are a man after all too. If you aren't perfect, why the fuck waste time looking for Mr Perfect? You can't expect a saint if you aren't a nun. Either just accept reality or stay celibate and die alone like most delusional idiots that believe in fairy tales.

    Well before being aggressive in the way you are now i just told you i am new in the gay world, and im not saying im looking for mr perfect because i go by the impression that you look for a guy that is equal to you and im not mr perfect (yet). I never said not having sex, never said about wanting everybody being perfect i just stated the fact that every guy i know is like cheating when they are in a relationship. I dont know all the sea of gay men as a friend said once on a post but i do know that from what i seen there are very few guys who think that being loyal is important or thinking about wanting a future with a partner, most guys are obsessed with gay bars, gay clubs, lots of sex and most of them get burn for this. We get at the hospital at least 3-4 cases of HIV per month...
    Anyway, plsease read better next time and if u dont understand exactly what im trying to point out just ask, no need to be rude! icon_smile.gif


    1. You are wasting your time trying to be perfect.

    2. You generalized men by saying men cheat instead of some men cheat.

    3. If you are new to the gay world, how the hell are you coming up with these dumb assumptions of "most guys are obsessed with gay bars, gay clubs, lots of sex and most of them get burn for this. We get at the hospital at least 3-4 cases of HIV per month"? Trolling?


    ur an angry dude u know that? you understand things differently. i respect that, good luck!