Hiv Status

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 29, 2007 8:31 PM GMT
    I put my status in my profile does anyone think that was a mistake or should I just lie until it gets close to maybe meeting someone? Just wondering! Thanks!
  • bigguysf

    Posts: 329

    Sep 30, 2007 4:40 AM GMT
    I applaud you dude. Guys are so used to lying about themselves in so many ways that we expect it. Not just about HIV status, but age, weight, body type, lots of stuff.
    But there are many of us out there who find it really nice and refreshing to put it out there right up front.

    And after all (speaking just for myself), I'm probably going to react more strongly ... negatively ... later on after I find out that I have been lied to.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 30, 2007 4:44 AM GMT
    Hey Butchie....hope your doing well buddy!

    If you ask me i'd say keep it to yourself. Like many private matters i think an HIV+ status is something only necessary to discuss with those people in your life that you feel need to know...i.e. doctor, potential partner, family...etc.

    By NOT telling someone you are not long as you never said you were HIV- or as long as you DO disclose before a potential date escaladed to the bedroom. And remember, its each persons responsibility to ASSUME the person they are with IS hiv+ so don't let anyone give you the "why didn't you tell me before" crap.
    You might avoid unnecessary discrimination also.

    On another note, some people feel a strong need to disclose to all the world...thats not wrong by any means either IMO. This has its you are quickly identified by other folks who are HIV+ from whom you can get support.

    Overall I'd say pay attention to your own feelings...How do YOU feel about it????
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 30, 2007 5:21 AM GMT
    When I first read your thread Butchie, I said absolutely you should. However, Apex has a point, and if you don't want to disclose it to the world, then don't. If you are seeking a hookup or a date, then that person needs to know right off the bat, like as early as email conversations before you meet.

    As long as you don't "lie" about it, not disclosing your serostatus to everyone on this site is your decision.

    Though, being public about it does have it's benefits: weeds out those guys that don't want to date or hookup with someone that is positive under any circumstance. It also gives an opportunity for other HIV+ people on this site to seek you out for support or advice, or even a date ;)

    I personally commend you for being upfront about it...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 30, 2007 5:21 AM GMT
    Thank You for the advice.... I thought about it, after 15yrs. being postive and HEALTHY its just another small aspect of who I am--- Who knows maybe I can help someone else.......... Thanks again
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 30, 2007 6:17 AM GMT
    I think you should have your HIV status. Personally, I think to me if I were trying to meet someone it would be a waste if someone withheld that status from me. Even if I really liked someone, I have gone to great, great lengths to avoid HIV and other disease so if say, I spent a month dating someone and then later found out he had HIV, I would definatly break it off. So I think if you don't put your status there it's a waste of both your and other people's time, assuming of course you're trying to meet people.

    If you're not trying to meet anyone, I think status of that sort is irrelevant.
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Sep 30, 2007 8:34 AM GMT
    I guess it ok to put it in Real Jock because we are all gay and should be adult enough not to discrimate any one just because he is poz. I dont think it a good ideas to put it at other place (working environment for example)where poz people are discriminate and harrased and been treated as though they gonna infected everybody just by people looking at them.

    I really admire your honesty and sincerity. Personally I not sure my status. I put myself as negative simply because I have not do any unsafe sex for the last 15 years and have not development any AIDS related sickness. But then we never know. I still do those unsafe behaviour (not unsafe sex) like having sex with stranger and multiple partner.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 30, 2007 2:49 PM GMT
    Isn't a more relevant question to ask if the profile should even ask you to identify your HIV status? If you're poz and don't want to reveal it immediately, you are left with the choice of lying or leaving it blank, in which case most people are going to assume you are poz, anyway.

    There's been a lot written about classism and HIV status. On one side, people object to our being separated into the "disesased" and the "healthy." On the other hand, people say the PC pressure not to disclose status contributes to ignorance about HIV, reducing it to something less serious than it is.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 30, 2007 3:21 PM GMT

    Regardless of disclosure, isn't the more prudent course to assume that everyone is? In other words, play safe...?

    I went to a seminar by Nelson Vergel a couple of years ago on the subject of reinfection and strains which are resistant to multiple therapies. His site: is very illuminating on this problem.

    While I absolutely applaud anyone who is in a position to declare that they carry the infection, and I think it's a responsible move, from a practical standpoint it doesn't affect the way I behave towards them or with them. Safe is safe.

    By the way - the last 3 people I know to sero-convert were all infected by persons who were either partners or in dating relationships, and who either claimed or believed themselves to be negative.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 30, 2007 4:04 PM GMT
    OW's point is well-taken. When a site-designer puts up these little check-boxes, it really constrains the shape of your profile. The first thing that turns me off to a networking site is when it takes my birth date and plasters an "astrological sign" across my profile. That's HUGELY INSULTING to me. At least it's fairly unobtrusive when the items that you don't check simply don't appear in the profile.

    On the other hand, since what we are about here is mostly exchanging health and fitness information, you can argue that HIV status could add as much valuable perspective to a conversation as arm measurements. Someday, it could be useful to post a full virus inventory, but we are quite a few years from coming close to understanding that.
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    Sep 30, 2007 4:59 PM GMT
    Joey: Of course you should practice safer sex all the time. That's different from disclosing your HIV status. Does a person who is HIV but playing safe have an obligation to disclose his status? People have different feelings about that. I've had 2 poz boyfriends and never was infected because I'm a nazi about safe sex.

    Personally, I think people should disclose their status to sex partners, since people calculate risk in different ways.

    I also think it's taking an undue risk for supposedly monogamous couples to hold their health hostage to promises of fidelity. Of course, it's the individuals' choice, but, like Joey, I've seen couple after "monogamous" couple seroconvert.

    I'll never understand what the big deal about a condom is.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 30, 2007 8:00 PM GMT
    It's the honorable thing to do.

    You made your choices, and, it's only fair that you should allow others the same benefits.

    For 20 years, we've known about how the stuff gets transmitted.

    If you were to do anything less (non-disclosure), you'd be a self-indulgent jerk.

    Lots of guys runs around HIV +, not knowing, nor wanting to know. Ignorance is bliss. They do BB, and all sorts of irresponsible, self-indulgent, careless, behavior, and society cleans up after them.

    In this day in age, there's really not a lot of excuses for contracting HIV, other than really bad luck, or really bad choices.

    You've done the honorable thing. If it saves one person, then it was a worthwhile effort. Let others learn from your experience.

    It's a real good idea to get tested, and the selfless thing to do. Always being selfish is not cool.

    And, yes, I'm non-reactive, on the 2 week test, done just recently, but, I knew I'd be, because I've NEVER, not a single time, been self-indulgent, and irresponsible, in my sexual behavior. It's the right thing to do. Always thinking of oneself, and a brief moment is very selfish and irresponsible, but, it looks like you're growing up.

    I think everyone has to think of the long-reaching / far-reaching consequences of irresponsible sexual behavior and how it burdens society, hurts people, and so on. In a world of I,I,I, I think it's important that folks take some personal responsibility, whether it's their obesity or their sexual behavior.

    I think that, through your disclosure, if you cause one young man to pause, think, and be a responsible person, you have done a very good thing. You've taken the moral high ground, and shown others that they'd shouldn't live as you did, and that there are choices, as well as consequences. Many, many, many urban youth have never faced any consequences, or responsibility. To remind them is a very good thing.

    Good job.
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    Sep 30, 2007 8:14 PM GMT
    I had one experience years ago with a guy who i fooled around with. We never even did anal. Just make out, suck and thats about it.

    But I found out later through friends that he was HIV+ and it completely freaked me out. I was like oh shit what do I do. I was online trying to read about it and get as much information as possible. 4 months later I was tested and Neg. But it was like a total shocker and eye opener about HIV and stuff like that.

    I think disclosing it in your profile is up to you. The option is there. But I do think that if you want to engage in sexual activity with someone then you should tell them out of respect.

    It has been my experience that the only time people really get HIV education is when it involves them in some way and I think that as gay men it is an important thing because your chances of contracting it are higher. And your less likely to behave in risky behaviour when your educated about it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 30, 2007 11:36 PM GMT
    I had mine n my profile, but I took it out. Since I don't intend to have sex with anyone other than my husband, who already knows, and I'm just on this site for the commentary and the knowledge and the community, than there is no point in me listing anything to do with sex, is there?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 01, 2007 3:02 AM GMT
    The decision to disclose it on your profile is entirely up to you. There are many reasons to leave it blank and just as many to put it out there. Leaving the space blank on your profile does not make you a jerk... self-indulgent or otherwise.

    As long as you don't lie about it and as long as you inform potential sex partners from the start, there's really no problem in my opinion.

    As for what people assume... assume nothing is the rule I go by. If I don't know, I'll ask outright.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 01, 2007 3:27 AM GMT
    Well, as I've explained before, the most infectious people are those undergoing seroconversion and still testing negative. It is perfectly possible for someone to infect you and have tested negative the day before.
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    Oct 01, 2007 9:42 AM GMT
    I believe it is a very personal decision on whether to answer the question or not. I decided to answer up front that I was positive, and on I have indicated I am. It is something I have lived with now for 12 years, I guess the only reason I have been disclosing is the same reason I told people I was gay. It helps to defuse peoples fears and misconceptions of HIV+ people. Also I find that younger gays have questions about how to protect themselves, what my life is like, etc.. It is almost as if I have become a role model. I am only on this site to participate in the forums and to meet new friends, I have had a HIV- partner for nearly 10 years now.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 02, 2007 7:42 AM GMT
    obscenewish... Exactly, which is why I've said before that I can't wrap my brain around why anyone would not use protection, regardless of status.

    When I posted my response, I was planning to say a lot more, but it wasn't showing up on the board and I couldn't edit it down enough and still make sense... so I just cut it to what I said above.

  • Alan95823

    Posts: 306

    Oct 04, 2007 8:25 PM GMT
    The primary reason I post my negative status is because I've been rejected/dumped by positive guys in the past who told me they didn't want to "hassle" with dating someone negative.

    I'm much more comfortable dating someone who is open and honest, regardless of their HIV status.
  • liftordie

    Posts: 823

    Oct 09, 2007 5:19 AM GMT
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 23, 2007 3:03 PM GMT
    It's interesting to see that the people most freaked out by someone's HIV status on here are those under 30. I think it's due to lack of education, and to a certain degree willful ignorance. This is a group of people who while growing up in a world that has always known HIV, hasn't always seen the ravages of AIDS and therefore wasn't innundated with the safer sex message. Can_duathlete said he freaked out when he found out the guy he was kissing and having oral sex with was HIV+, and that somehow it was SOLEY this person's responsibility to tell him. Well, what about Can-duathlete's responsibility? Did he ask him before you did anything? It doesn't sound like it. Like so many people (especially the under 30 crowd), he apparently assumed that ignorance is bliss (as asking someone's HIV status is unsexy & a real mood killer) and that if you LOOK "healthy" you ARE healthy. Maybe it makes him wonder how many other "negative" people he's been with might have been positive? You are responsible for YOUR OWN health, and shouldn't expect that someone will tell you their status.

    Mind you asking someone their status doesn't mean there will be an honest answer -- the person may lie (for whatever reason) OR may not be aware of their actual status (an HIV test is only valid until the next time you have sex).

    If you're practicing safer sex, then someone's status SHOULD be a non-issue. Isn't that the whole purpose of it?? -- In case someone IS HIV+, you reduce the chances of contracting it yourself. Right??? What is more risky: Having sex with someone whose status you can't verify, or with someone who is HIV+ and (assuming they are a responsible, decent person) who can educate you in what is safer & what is not. Now, I realize that there is a difference between knowing this intellectually versus emotionally. This is where people have to take PERSONAL responsibility and EDUCATE themselves -- including understanding that (presumed or otherwise)HIV-negative people CAN have very fulfilling sexual relationships with HIV-positive people and NOT become infected themselves.

    The truth is, you never know someone's real status unless they tell you their positive. SO, if you're not prepared for the eventuality that you'll have sex with someone who is HIV+ (assuming you already haven't, even unbeknownst to you), you should stop having casual sex all together.
  • jc_online

    Posts: 487

    Oct 23, 2007 3:27 PM GMT
    I hope this isn't too graphic for anyone, but here's the issue that perplexes me: swallowing at climax of a blowjob.

    My motto has been for years: on me, not in me. But I have encountered many guys that swallow and haven't even inquired about my status. Safer is safer, but not completely safe. The majority of men I've been with don't use a condom for oral sex, not do I, so it isn't completely safe. I know it is much less risky than barabacking, but some people have caught HIV from oral.

    I thought for a while, too, about the condom flavors they make to try to get us to use condoms for oral, when for me and many men I've talked about this with, it's the taste of the penis that adds to the experience (but not the taste of cum, for me). I think if they manufactured condoms in flavors such as: stanky penis, just-showered penis, just finished a sweaty workout penis, etc. men would be more likely to practice safer sex for blow jobs as well.

  • jc_online

    Posts: 487

    Oct 23, 2007 4:58 PM GMT
    Damn! How many threads have I killed? I know this isn't the first.
  • SoDakGuy

    Posts: 1862

    Nov 07, 2007 12:38 AM GMT
    This HIV test I am taking on Thursday, I have good reasons to be nervous.

    The past few months, I've been really risky and yes, I know all of the risks and what not, but I've been a bit depressed and wanted some affection and a feel of connection. It's lame, I know, but ... I really don't get that at all in real life.

    So ... if I'm POZ, I'm POZ. If not ... I'm not.
  • liftordie

    Posts: 823

    Nov 07, 2007 5:12 AM GMT
    if i could i would reach this tattooed arm of mine all the way to middle america and bitch slap u!! are u nuts?? u get one chance to be stupid. we all want affection and closeness and unprotected sex is not the way to get it!! i hope for your sake that your test results on thursday come back NEGATIVE. and if they do. count your blessings, take the gift that has been handed to you and for god's sake use a condom!!!!!!!!!!