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Sep 29, 2007 8:31 PM GMT
I put my status in my profile does anyone think that was a mistake or should I just lie until it gets close to maybe meeting someone? Just wondering! Thanks!
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Sep 30, 2007 4:40 AM GMT
I applaud you dude. Guys are so used to lying about themselves in so many ways that we expect it. Not just about HIV status, but age, weight, body type, lots of stuff.
But there are many of us out there who find it really nice and refreshing to put it out there right up front.
And after all (speaking just for myself), I'm probably going to react more strongly ... negatively ... later on after I find out that I have been lied to.
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Sep 30, 2007 4:44 AM GMT
Hey Butchie....hope your doing well buddy!
If you ask me i'd say keep it to yourself. Like many private matters i think an HIV+ status is something only necessary to discuss with those people in your life that you feel need to know...i.e. doctor, potential partner, family...etc.
By NOT telling someone you are not lying....as long as you never said you were HIV- or as long as you DO disclose before a potential date escaladed to the bedroom. And remember, its each persons responsibility to ASSUME the person they are with IS hiv+ so don't let anyone give you the "why didn't you tell me before" crap.
You might avoid unnecessary discrimination also.
On another note, some people feel a strong need to disclose to all the world...thats not wrong by any means either IMO. This has its advantages....ie. you are quickly identified by other folks who are HIV+ from whom you can get support.
Overall I'd say pay attention to your own feelings...How do YOU feel about it????
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Sep 30, 2007 5:21 AM GMT
When I first read your thread Butchie, I said absolutely you should. However, Apex has a point, and if you don't want to disclose it to the world, then don't. If you are seeking a hookup or a date, then that person needs to know right off the bat, like as early as email conversations before you meet.
As long as you don't "lie" about it, not disclosing your serostatus to everyone on this site is your decision.
Though, being public about it does have it's benefits: weeds out those guys that don't want to date or hookup with someone that is positive under any circumstance. It also gives an opportunity for other HIV+ people on this site to seek you out for support or advice, or even a date ;)
I personally commend you for being upfront about it...
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Sep 30, 2007 5:21 AM GMT
Thank You for the advice.... I thought about it, after 15yrs. being postive and HEALTHY its just another small aspect of who I am--- Who knows maybe I can help someone else.......... Thanks again
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Sep 30, 2007 6:17 AM GMT
I think you should have your HIV status. Personally, I think to me if I were trying to meet someone it would be a waste if someone withheld that status from me. Even if I really liked someone, I have gone to great, great lengths to avoid HIV and other disease so if say, I spent a month dating someone and then later found out he had HIV, I would definatly break it off. So I think if you don't put your status there it's a waste of both your and other people's time, assuming of course you're trying to meet people.
If you're not trying to meet anyone, I think status of that sort is irrelevant.
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Sep 30, 2007 8:34 AM GMT
I guess it ok to put it in Real Jock because we are all gay and should be adult enough not to discrimate any one just because he is poz. I dont think it a good ideas to put it at other place (working environment for example)where poz people are discriminate and harrased and been treated as though they gonna infected everybody just by people looking at them.
I really admire your honesty and sincerity. Personally I not sure my status. I put myself as negative simply because I have not do any unsafe sex for the last 15 years and have not development any AIDS related sickness. But then we never know. I still do those unsafe behaviour (not unsafe sex) like having sex with stranger and multiple partner.
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Sep 30, 2007 2:49 PM GMT
Isn't a more relevant question to ask if the profile should even ask you to identify your HIV status? If you're poz and don't want to reveal it immediately, you are left with the choice of lying or leaving it blank, in which case most people are going to assume you are poz, anyway.
There's been a lot written about classism and HIV status. On one side, people object to our being separated into the "disesased" and the "healthy." On the other hand, people say the PC pressure not to disclose status contributes to ignorance about HIV, reducing it to something less serious than it is.
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Sep 30, 2007 3:21 PM GMT
OW: Regardless of disclosure, isn't the more prudent course to assume that everyone is? In other words, play safe...? I went to a seminar by Nelson Vergel a couple of years ago on the subject of reinfection and strains which are resistant to multiple therapies. His site: www.salvagetherapies.org is very illuminating on this problem. While I absolutely applaud anyone who is in a position to declare that they carry the infection, and I think it's a responsible move, from a practical standpoint it doesn't affect the way I behave towards them or with them. Safe is safe. By the way - the last 3 people I know to sero-convert were all infected by persons who were either partners or in dating relationships, and who either claimed or believed themselves to be negative. |
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Sep 30, 2007 4:04 PM GMT
OW's point is well-taken. When a site-designer puts up these little check-boxes, it really constrains the shape of your profile. The first thing that turns me off to a networking site is when it takes my birth date and plasters an "astrological sign" across my profile. That's HUGELY INSULTING to me. At least it's fairly unobtrusive when the items that you don't check simply don't appear in the profile.
On the other hand, since what we are about here is mostly exchanging health and fitness information, you can argue that HIV status could add as much valuable perspective to a conversation as arm measurements. Someday, it could be useful to post a full virus inventory, but we are quite a few years from coming close to understanding that.
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Sep 30, 2007 4:59 PM GMT
Joey: Of course you should practice safer sex all the time. That's different from disclosing your HIV status. Does a person who is HIV but playing safe have an obligation to disclose his status? People have different feelings about that. I've had 2 poz boyfriends and never was infected because I'm a nazi about safe sex.
Personally, I think people should disclose their status to sex partners, since people calculate risk in different ways.
I also think it's taking an undue risk for supposedly monogamous couples to hold their health hostage to promises of fidelity. Of course, it's the individuals' choice, but, like Joey, I've seen couple after "monogamous" couple seroconvert.
I'll never understand what the big deal about a condom is.
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Sep 30, 2007 8:00 PM GMT
It's the honorable thing to do.
You made your choices, and, it's only fair that you should allow others the same benefits.
For 20 years, we've known about how the stuff gets transmitted.
If you were to do anything less (non-disclosure), you'd be a self-indulgent jerk.
Lots of guys runs around HIV +, not knowing, nor wanting to know. Ignorance is bliss. They do BB, and all sorts of irresponsible, self-indulgent, careless, behavior, and society cleans up after them.
In this day in age, there's really not a lot of excuses for contracting HIV, other than really bad luck, or really bad choices.
You've done the honorable thing. If it saves one person, then it was a worthwhile effort. Let others learn from your experience.
It's a real good idea to get tested, and the selfless thing to do. Always being selfish is not cool.
And, yes, I'm non-reactive, on the 2 week test, done just recently, but, I knew I'd be, because I've NEVER, not a single time, been self-indulgent, and irresponsible, in my sexual behavior. It's the right thing to do. Always thinking of oneself, and a brief moment is very selfish and irresponsible, but, it looks like you're growing up.
I think everyone has to think of the long-reaching / far-reaching consequences of irresponsible sexual behavior and how it burdens society, hurts people, and so on. In a world of I,I,I, I think it's important that folks take some personal responsibility, whether it's their obesity or their sexual behavior.
I think that, through your disclosure, if you cause one young man to pause, think, and be a responsible person, you have done a very good thing. You've taken the moral high ground, and shown others that they'd shouldn't live as you did, and that there are choices, as well as consequences. Many, many, many urban youth have never faced any consequences, or responsibility. To remind them is a very good thing.
Good job.
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Sep 30, 2007 8:14 PM GMT
I had one experience years ago with a guy who i fooled around with. We never even did anal. Just make out, suck and thats about it.
But I found out later through friends that he was HIV+ and it completely freaked me out. I was like oh shit what do I do. I was online trying to read about it and get as much information as possible. 4 months later I was tested and Neg. But it was like a total shocker and eye opener about HIV and stuff like that.
I think disclosing it in your profile is up to you. The option is there. But I do think that if you want to engage in sexual activity with someone then you should tell them out of respect.
It has been my experience that the only time people really get HIV education is when it involves them in some way and I think that as gay men it is an important thing because your chances of contracting it are higher. And your less likely to behave in risky behaviour when your educated about it.
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Sep 30, 2007 11:36 PM GMT
I had mine n my profile, but I took it out. Since I don't intend to have sex with anyone other than my husband, who already knows, and I'm just on this site for the commentary and the knowledge and the community, than there is no point in me listing anything to do with sex, is there?
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Oct 01, 2007 3:02 AM GMT
The decision to disclose it on your profile is entirely up to you. There are many reasons to leave it blank and just as many to put it out there. Leaving the space blank on your profile does not make you a jerk... self-indulgent or otherwise.
As long as you don't lie about it and as long as you inform potential sex partners from the start, there's really no problem in my opinion.
As for what people assume... assume nothing is the rule I go by. If I don't know, I'll ask outright.
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Oct 01, 2007 3:27 AM GMT
Well, as I've explained before, the most infectious people are those undergoing seroconversion and still testing negative. It is perfectly possible for someone to infect you and have tested negative the day before.
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Oct 01, 2007 9:42 AM GMT
I believe it is a very personal decision on whether to answer the question or not. I decided to answer up front that I was positive, and on AfterElton.com I have indicated I am. It is something I have lived with now for 12 years, I guess the only reason I have been disclosing is the same reason I told people I was gay. It helps to defuse peoples fears and misconceptions of HIV+ people. Also I find that younger gays have questions about how to protect themselves, what my life is like, etc.. It is almost as if I have become a role model. I am only on this site to participate in the forums and to meet new friends, I have had a HIV- partner for nearly 10 years now.
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Oct 02, 2007 7:42 AM GMT
obscenewish... Exactly, which is why I've said before that I can't wrap my brain around why anyone would not use protection, regardless of status. When I posted my response, I was planning to say a lot more, but it wasn't showing up on the board and I couldn't edit it down enough and still make sense... so I just cut it to what I said above.  |
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Oct 04, 2007 8:25 PM GMT
The primary reason I post my negative status is because I've been rejected/dumped by positive guys in the past who told me they didn't want to "hassle" with dating someone negative.
I'm much more comfortable dating someone who is open and honest, regardless of their HIV status.
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Oct 09, 2007 5:19 AM GMT
I THINK DISCLOSING YOUR STATUS IN A PROFILE IS AS PERSONAL A MATTER AS STATING YOUR DICK SIZE. UNLESS THERE IS ANY CHANCE OF YOU ENCOUNTERING MY PENIS AND TRUST ME THEY ARE SPECIAL OCCASSIONS, THEN YOU DONT NEED TO KNOW ALL ONE'S PERSONAL INFO UNTIL IT IS RELEVANT TO THE SITUATION AT HAND. UM SO TO SPEAK!! ALOT OF GUYS THAT POST THAT THEY ARE NEGATIVE IN A PROFILE ARE USUALLY THE ONES WHO WANT ME TO FUCK THEM BAREBACK. HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
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Oct 23, 2007 3:03 PM GMT
It's interesting to see that the people most freaked out by someone's HIV status on here are those under 30. I think it's due to lack of education, and to a certain degree willful ignorance. This is a group of people who while growing up in a world that has always known HIV, hasn't always seen the ravages of AIDS and therefore wasn't innundated with the safer sex message. Can_duathlete said he freaked out when he found out the guy he was kissing and having oral sex with was HIV+, and that somehow it was SOLEY this person's responsibility to tell him. Well, what about Can-duathlete's responsibility? Did he ask him before you did anything? It doesn't sound like it. Like so many people (especially the under 30 crowd), he apparently assumed that ignorance is bliss (as asking someone's HIV status is unsexy & a real mood killer) and that if you LOOK "healthy" you ARE healthy. Maybe it makes him wonder how many other "negative" people he's been with might have been positive? You are responsible for YOUR OWN health, and shouldn't expect that someone will tell you their status.
Mind you asking someone their status doesn't mean there will be an honest answer -- the person may lie (for whatever reason) OR may not be aware of their actual status (an HIV test is only valid until the next time you have sex).
If you're practicing safer sex, then someone's status SHOULD be a non-issue. Isn't that the whole purpose of it?? -- In case someone IS HIV+, you reduce the chances of contracting it yourself. Right??? What is more risky: Having sex with someone whose status you can't verify, or with someone who is HIV+ and (assuming they are a responsible, decent person) who can educate you in what is safer & what is not. Now, I realize that there is a difference between knowing this intellectually versus emotionally. This is where people have to take PERSONAL responsibility and EDUCATE themselves -- including understanding that (presumed or otherwise)HIV-negative people CAN have very fulfilling sexual relationships with HIV-positive people and NOT become infected themselves.
The truth is, you never know someone's real status unless they tell you their positive. SO, if you're not prepared for the eventuality that you'll have sex with someone who is HIV+ (assuming you already haven't, even unbeknownst to you), you should stop having casual sex all together.
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Oct 23, 2007 3:27 PM GMT
I hope this isn't too graphic for anyone, but here's the issue that perplexes me: swallowing at climax of a blowjob.
My motto has been for years: on me, not in me. But I have encountered many guys that swallow and haven't even inquired about my status. Safer is safer, but not completely safe. The majority of men I've been with don't use a condom for oral sex, not do I, so it isn't completely safe. I know it is much less risky than barabacking, but some people have caught HIV from oral.
I thought for a while, too, about the condom flavors they make to try to get us to use condoms for oral, when for me and many men I've talked about this with, it's the taste of the penis that adds to the experience (but not the taste of cum, for me). I think if they manufactured condoms in flavors such as: stanky penis, just-showered penis, just finished a sweaty workout penis, etc. men would be more likely to practice safer sex for blow jobs as well.
Thoughts?
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Oct 23, 2007 4:58 PM GMT
Damn! How many threads have I killed? I know this isn't the first.
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Nov 07, 2007 12:38 AM GMT
This HIV test I am taking on Thursday, I have good reasons to be nervous.
The past few months, I've been really risky and yes, I know all of the risks and what not, but I've been a bit depressed and wanted some affection and a feel of connection. It's lame, I know, but ... I really don't get that at all in real life.
So ... if I'm POZ, I'm POZ. If not ... I'm not.
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Nov 07, 2007 5:12 AM GMT
if i could i would reach this tattooed arm of mine all the way to middle america and bitch slap u!! are u nuts?? u get one chance to be stupid. we all want affection and closeness and unprotected sex is not the way to get it!! i hope for your sake that your test results on thursday come back NEGATIVE. and if they do. count your blessings, take the gift that has been handed to you and for god's sake use a condom!!!!!!!!!!
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Nov 07, 2007 11:18 AM GMT
Here, here liftordie, could not agree with you more. There is a 19-year old on AfterElton who I have been educating about HIV. One thing I warned him is to pay attention to why he was having sex. If one is depressed and really needs another person's affection then the probability of doing something risky seems to go up.
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Nov 13, 2007 10:42 PM GMT
I took the tests ... and I am HIV negative.
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Nov 13, 2007 11:14 PM GMT
As a rule, when I was actively dating I brought it up at the FIRST meeting of the other guy. This is such a deal breaker for so many (how many profiles on this site or other sites demand "disease free" or "HIV neg and you be too"? I would rather not put myself out there past hello with someone that's going to reject me out of hand over this.
It needs to be worked into the initial conversation at some point before the invitation for a real date (or sex, whichever you are getting first) occurs. That way no one is yet emotionally invested, and no one has to retract an offer...
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Nov 13, 2007 11:20 PM GMT
Good for you, SoDakGuy. I know that's a heavy weight off your shoulders.
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Nov 14, 2007 12:09 AM GMT
Great SoDakGuy, you are lucky. Here we have the perfect example of how someone knows better but gives into external and internal pressures. Is he to be blamed, yes and no, but certainly not totally and not to the point of calling him an irresponsible parasite. That is just counterproductive.
SoDakGuy, I hope you will get some help with your issues. Therapy is a great thing and nothing to be ashamed of. Also consider contacting your local StopAIDS group if there is one. I wish you success.
JC_online, the last I heard was the chances of contracting HIV orally where extremely low, but other people believe differently. That is part of our dilemma. How do you define sake sex, Even a condom is not 100% safe.
Butchie, unfortunately we live in a society which is still homophobic and hetero-centric. So many are quick to judge you based on your status. It is certainly a personal decision as to how public you wish to be with your announcement. You need to weigh the potential harm such a disclosure might bring to your future endeavors with the convenience of just stating your status upfront. However, it is important to disclose your status to anyone you date and have sex with just as it is important for everyone to ASK their potential partner what their status is. Of course, people lie, so the safest course is to assume everyone is positive.
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Nov 14, 2007 12:15 AM GMT
I think you're doing yourself a favor. If anyone is going to respond negatively to your HIV status, you might as well get rid of them early on. You won't waste your time investing in them. So, assuming that the guys responding to your profile have read it, then you know that they're really interested in you and aren't as concerned with your status. I always appreciate people who are honest and upfront.
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Nov 15, 2007 6:41 PM GMT
It is comments like "You made your choices" (with its implicit judgement and superiority) that demopnstrate we still have much education to do.
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Nov 15, 2007 8:46 PM GMT
Firecat, you beat me to it. With all of the information that we have about HIV there is soooooo much more that people have got to learn. Education is a good teacher and so is experience (NO, I am NOT saying that you should get HIV in order to learn about it.) Learn about the disease and learn from people that have it.
I wouldn't wish this virus on anyone (not even the guy I was exclusively dating who thought he was negative that passed it on to me.) I accept my responsibility for not protecting myself and it seems that SoDakGuy was doing the same.
I think that statements like "if i could i would reach this tattooed arm of mine all the way to middle america and bitch slap u!!" keep people lying or justifying why they don't disclose their HIV status. I figured that I'm not here for sex, so why should I care what people think? And if my relationship status changes, then my HIV status has been out there for anyone that cares.
Guys are here for various reasons, and while I don't like being PC, I don't advocate judgement for human weakness. That said, I do think that statement is justified for stupid people like "bug chasers". I think helping someone out of a rut is better than throwing rocks at him for being in one.
Back to Butchie... Good for you for being brave enough to disclose this publicly! Even if you didn't disclose, that's your business; at least until you're ready to jump into the the sack with someone. Condoms or not, people should know because condoms can break and gums can bleed.
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Nov 15, 2007 8:56 PM GMT
I actually was dumped when someone found out I was HIV-. He was POZ. I found it a bit odd, but you know ... it his issue to deal.
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Nov 15, 2007 10:23 PM GMT
Firecat makes a good point here.
The choice always has to be to use protection, because you never know where that asshole or dick has been.
If someone works on a powerline (like the one coming by your home) they aren't idiots, and assume the line is de-engerized. They either insulate themselves from ground in every possible way ( a dry bucket truck, grounded, rubber gloves, inside rubber gloves, inside a rubber jacket, on a plastic stick), or...they tie the powerline to ground to make sure it's de-energized. You're completely right about making choices, and, at the end of the day, there's only two choices, for the socially resposible: protection or abstinence.
No one would knowingly work on on an energized power line without protection, and no on would knowingly work on a de-engergized power line without protection, because.....one bad choice....means DEATH.
That same common sense rule needs to be applied Firecat in our daily lives. Good point.
To NOT tell someone the powerline is enegrized, or not grounded, would be similiar to asking them to take a risk, of DEATH, just because you didn't feel like telling them.
You ALWAYS should tell folks. They DESERVE the right to know. PERIOD.
You not entitled, morally, legally, or any other way, to expose someone to something that's dangerous without them knowing, especially for a brief self-indulgent lustful moment. It is the epitomy of selfishness.
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Nov 15, 2007 10:44 PM GMT
...I agree with most of what was said in these last few posts...perhaps not as ADAMENTLY as some...
1. Once there is a risk involved, all parties should be aware of the 'cards on the table' and what game they are playing.
2. Some states REQUIRE HIV positive individuals to disclose to others their status IF the HIV positive person is aware of their status. So, like it or not there can be a legal obligation here.
Mostly, it is valuing and following through with the "do the right thing" attitude which many of us seem to have diffulty doing when it gets rough...
- David
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Nov 15, 2007 10:53 PM GMT
if you are looking for a hook-up, i think you should list it
otherwise, I don't see the reason for it to be there
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Nov 16, 2007 12:18 AM GMT
I have to agree with the guys who say that you should assume everyone is hiv+ unless you have had repeated tests. I have been in two LTRs over the years and I love barebacking but in both cases we went six months and two tests before doing that, and the main reason we agreed not to "open" the relationship was because from that point on we would have to revert to condoms.
I would date and/or hook up with an hiv+ guy, if he were someone that I was really into in all other respects. We'd just have to play safe.
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Nov 16, 2007 1:41 AM GMT
Failure to disclose to even a consensual partner who subsequently tests positive here is considered felony assault -- if you can PROVE that guy and not some other guy infected you...OR you can sue in civil court (where the burden of proof isn't so high) if he has assets - but you can't do both. It is disheartenening though to read of barebacking even in a "monogamous relationship" The other guy may go to his grave swearing he isn't positive, that he never cheated on you and that he was "clean" when you first got together and he doesn't know how you got infected. But when it all comes down to it, when you're on your stomach you don't really know his condom hasn't slipped off when he broke rhythm and fumbled a bit then plunged back into you.  |
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Nov 16, 2007 1:47 AM GMT
Well, Firecat, like I said, we waited six months, and each had taken two separate tests before we went that route. If you think your partner may cheat, I guess it isn't a good idea. But you know your partner wouldn't cheat on you, don't you?  |
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Nov 20, 2007 4:53 AM GMT
Yes, he knows that.
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Nov 20, 2007 5:12 AM GMT
well auryn i take it back i would bitch slap you cuz apparently you cannot read. the anger was directed at his high risk sexual behavior as a need for affection. not his HIV status. which i am glad to hear for his sake came back negative. the rest of my posting i whole heartedly stand by!!!
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Nov 21, 2007 4:17 PM GMT
chuckystud:
Your metaphors are confusing as your propose that linemen make an assumption of live wire, thus protecting themselves regardless of whether the line is live or not.
If you apply this logic to disclosure then everyone should be assuming that everyone else is positive.
Placing the burden of proof on the other is where all the problems occur. Taking responsibility for having sex is everyone's responsibility, not just people who already know their serostatus.
Your assertion that there is a moral responsibility to disclose is debatable given the high degree of stigma associated with HIV/AIDS.
Idealy, if you practice safe sex, there should be no need for disclosure.
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Nov 21, 2007 4:42 PM GMT
It would be GREAT if we all did the responsible thing all the time and had mentors and elders that role modeled this as well...
"You not entitled, morally, legally, or any other way, to expose someone to something that's dangerous without them knowing, especially for a brief self-indulgent lustful moment. It is the epitomy of selfishness."
Like George Bush and the Iraq war? Like Scott McClellan disclosing the truth in his book when he can make money off of it? Like Tobacco companies and their products causing cancer?
Is it really any surprise that we don't always protect each other from harm when we have these very PUBLIC examples of putting people in harms way for selfish reasons? We have a LONG way to go before we are there [unfortunately].
Disclosure is for each person [HIV negative and positive] to figure out. To put this responsibility solely on the positive person is irresponsible. Most of us don't know how to start that conversation [even when we are negative]. At this point in the game, I am not going to tell someone else what is right or wrong for them...just what is right for me [that I can control].
I stopped trying to control what others do [outside of work] a long time ago.
- David
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Nov 26, 2007 7:58 AM GMT
I lived a lie in the Air Force for 10 years, hiding who I was, but when I became positive the Air Force offered me a chance to reconcile that lie. I decided that I would educate, This is what I said...
I am standing up here today, to tell you that:
my overseas assignment has been cancelled;
my years of flying around the world for the Air Force are over,
and that my career of flying in the Air Force is very uncertain.
I was medically recalled from training on a new aircraft back to the base,
and, when I arrived at the clinic,was told I have tested positive for HIV.
In that surreal moment, I was certain I lost everything I wanted
and gained everything I never thought could happen.
I was certain that my health would diminish,
certain that the stigma of HIV would jeopardize friendships and relationships,
certain that my days as an Air Force pilot are gone,
certain that I will be in a place that I never wanted to be,
doing something I never wanted to do
I am telling you this, because
I want to prevent the rumors of why I am no longer flying,
to breakdown the stigma of HIV, and the barriers that exist
for those of us with the disease
to raise the awareness that in different ways all of us live with HIV,
that it could happen to anyone who is not careful, and that if I tell you
what I have learned perhaps I could prevent someone else from getting HIV.
I am 1 — of almost 1 million Americans
I am 1 — of 40 million worldwide,
I am 1 — of 40,000 new cases this year,
I am 1 — of several pilots in the Air Force, and I probably won’t be the last
In my long weeks at Wilford Hall Medical center, I met:
men and women; officers and enlisted; former pilots and navigators;
boom operators and mission crew; maintainers and support personnel;
Airmen, LtCols, and mothers to be.
I met people just diagnosed, and those that have lived with the disease for 14 years.
I learned that there are some people that have been living with
the disease for almost 20 years with no sign of HIV progression and no illness.
I learned that we can control the disease – that it is no longer the death sentence
that it was just 10 years ago.
In 1995 it was the #1 cause of death among US men and women aages 18-35.
Today, it doesn’t even make the top 20.
And I have sadly learned that HIV infection is on the rise after declining for several years.
The CDC, in a study of about 6000 Americans from across the country,
found that about 600 tested positive for HIV and that
an alarming 77 percent were unaware of their infection,
and considered themselves to be at low risk.
Now, I am a part of that increasing statistic;
I took that risk, in a moment lacking of judgement,
Now, I must live with the consequences of that,
and am faced with some very tough decisions.
If I had the choice, I would continue to fly and serve in the military.
But that requires a medical waiver.
I will pursue that waiver and if it is approved,
I can only be assigned within the US, to a unit without a mobility commitment,
never to deploy, never to go to war, and never to fly outside the United States.
Is that the Air Force career I dreamed of?
Outside the Air Force the FAA allows me to fly without restriction.
I can hold any class of certificate, and I can fly around the world.
I question why the Air Force and FAA differ so much.
Is it because the stigma of the disease?
Is a pilot with HIV not conducive to unit moral?
As an officer with HIV, am I any less of a leader?
Although, being HIV positive is forcing me to make some tough decisions,
it has given me an enlightened perspective from which to make those decisions.
It has heightened my awareness
of the time I have been given to live in the present.
It has grounded me; I am more aware of the value of everyday life,
more aware of my mortality
It has refocused me, to live healthier and happier,
evaluating and re-establishing what I really want out of life,
It has caused me to question what purpose my life might hold.
I am stronger because of it, the adversity of what I am going through,
– incredible shock and pain; fear and anger–
just makes me feel more alive.
I am living with it. How will you live with what I have said?
I hope that if you are single you will take
a more cautious stance, because you are at risk.
If you have children, that when the day comes, they fully understand
the consequences of what is out there.
And on a more personal note,
That you don’t allow the stigma of HIV to propagate
That you don’t make judgements of morality, of how or why
That you don’t allow HIV to be a barrier to friendship
That you don’t allow HIV to be a barrier to leadership
That you don’t let it change how you look at me,
But perhaps change how you look at HIV
If you don’t take anything positive away from this,
Then I ask you, not make anything negative of it.
As difficult as it is, I am telling you,
I ask you the courtesy, to respect that, and don’t use this against me.
I am very optimistic, of the advances in medicine,
of the long life ahead of me, and that one day,
a pilot will be able to fly in the Air Force regardless of HIV status.
I am willing to talk about this to anyone and answer any questions you may have.
This subject is not taboo for me.
Everyday, I am acutely aware of my life.
And everyday I am acutely aware that I am HIV positive.
I cannot change it,
I cannot forget it,
and I will not hide from it.
Education and understanding helps. I have change my profile to reflect what I stood up and said to my Squadron over 5 years ago. I am here to help.
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Dec 27, 2007 4:09 PM GMT
But what if that person that has contacted the virus, tells them (their so-called one night stand) and they freak out but they know that they want to DIE. because of being depressed in a way that they dont want to even be on this Earth. I mean to be honest i contacted it from my ex-bf and he didnt knowthat he had it and his mother blamed me for it. I mean from when i learned about it, "TOPS" are usually the ones that are the CARRIERS. Even if they dont know it. Can I get some advice on what i can do about this. It is really hard on my job for everyday Please help me?
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Dec 27, 2007 4:22 PM GMT
Just in saying that, I contacted it this past march 1 of 07. I am only about to be 24 yrs old. I am in the military as well. I hate taking the medicine b/c it still has affect my concentration and depression. Some nights i get so moody b/c being single is not me. I mean there are ones that understand the way I feel about them, but i am here in TX and they are somewhere else for so long. So please someone help me b/c i thought my life was over. I have lost so much weight at one time. I went from 196 pounds to 180 pounds since Nov 20th. They day i started to take the medicine.
Thanks Bobby....p.s.SHOULD I put my status there or should i wait to meet them in person and then tell them. So its up to them if they want to do something?
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Dec 27, 2007 5:14 PM GMT
Tater,
It's always hard to know how to start off talking to a newly diagnosed person. I don't know what your support system is like in El Paso, but it would be best for you to seek out a group so you can talk through what you're feeling. The biggest battle you face, right now, is the one with your mind and emotions. Once you get beyond a certain level with that battle, everything else will seem easier. So get some support.
Move, call, write, whatever you have to do. Just so you know you're not going to die anytime soon and that life goes on. If your meds are enhancing depression (which is common for some meds) you need to tell your doctor, constently, so you can monitor the intensity and get off of those if things don't get better. There are so many other types of meds out there, so don't worry about that.
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Dec 28, 2007 4:34 PM GMT
Tater,
Please keep your spirit up and face this things like a man you are. Remember nowadays AIDS are not a death sentence like it was 20years ago. We have heard a case of people living with AIDS for 20 years and survive its. Probably the best things you can do is to get more infromation about the disease and talk to fellow positive people for self support. People like Greg Louganis, Magic Johnson are HIV positive and they are doing fine. With a right attitude and healthy living I am sure you could have a full filling life just like before you get infected. Remember also to always practice safe sex from now on , so you will not be reinfected with another form of AIDS virus. My heart and prayer go with you.
zak
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Dec 28, 2007 6:05 PM GMT
SCARY SCARY SCARY - in one word very SCARY - I am disgusted to even read the responses on this thread encouraging this person to LIE about his HIV status or NOT tell unless at a later stage and then advise others to protect themselves. Is this really even happening here??? Well again this is the difference between Europe and America - first of all we don't have such horribly high rates of HIV and on top of that LYING about your status in Europe. Now here is a piece of info - I met a fucking guy in America... he was 29 yrs old.. well educated.. had a great job... good life... blah blah.. and 3 months after we started dating I FOUND OUT ABOUT HIS HIV STATUS - no he did not tell me on his own even then... I suspected him of something and made him spill it out. The bastard had no decency to tell me and he wanted to do everything with me - but I am not stupid.. I did protect myself quite well.. which is why I never got it. However - can anyone imagine first of all I wasted 3 months getting to know this jerk and then I freaked out for the rest of the year because of what he did to me..
In many countries lying about your HIV status or hiding it before any kind of sex - safe or unsafe- is a criminal offence. But in America, I guess most of you feel perfectly OK lying about it... shame on you.... suggesting an honest person to take off his HIV status and only talk about it once someone is seriously interested in him. Many HIV positive men lie about it until they get serious with a guy and THINK it wouldn't matter anymore... but trust me in 99.99% of the cases - IT DOES FUCKING MATTER. Hiv is life or death.. for many people the medications don't even work.. and yes a lot of pos. men now live full lives.. but what the media does not tell you is about how many do not respond to the medication and are still dying young... not to mention the pain, side-effects, restrictions and major change in your lifestyle if you become positive... why would anyone want this disease from someone they dated who lied to them??? The worst is when a pos. guy infects his partner then dumps him... to deal with it alone.
HIV & AIDS is a poor / uneducated people's disease in Africa & Asia - but in America its spreading quite fast despite all the education and awareness .. why ? Because people lie about it... and sorry but there is absolutely nothing known as SAFE SEX.. or PLAYING SAFE... its only SAFER - not SAFE...so all of you liars out there - I hope you be honest and put up your HIV status - there is a reason why all these gay personals websites have an HIV section - so you fucking put it in there... not to leave it blank or to lie there.
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Dec 28, 2007 6:26 PM GMT
jarhead5536 saidAs a rule, when I was actively dating I brought it up at the FIRST meeting of the other guy. This is such a deal breaker for so many (how many profiles on this site or other sites demand "disease free" or "HIV neg and you be too"? I would rather not put myself out there past hello with someone that's going to reject me out of hand over this.
It needs to be worked into the initial conversation at some point before the invitation for a real date (or sex, whichever you are getting first) occurs. That way no one is yet emotionally invested, and no one has to retract an offer... my post from over a month ago. After reading jetsetter's comment, why does no one seem to think full disclosure upfront is a good idea? |
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Dec 28, 2007 7:08 PM GMT
As with most things in life it should be a personal choice as to whether to answer the question. I look at it this way:
1) You decided to post status in your profile;
2) and you were honest about your status.
That's all that matters.
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Dec 28, 2007 8:07 PM GMT
To jetsetter, I agree he should have told you almost immediately, but my philosophy is unless you get tested with him at the same time, assume he is HIV+, that way you increase your chances of not becoming infected. Even if the guy thinks he is neg. he may have just been infected and not know it as yet. The scary part about the guy you were seeing is that it sounds like he wanted to do potentially unsafe practices in bed, if true that is criminal.
To jarhead, why do people think it is a bad idea to be upfront about it? Similar reason to why many people are not upfront about being gay, they fear rejection and the pain it causes. I once told a guy I was interested in over dinner that I was HIV+. I never heard from him again. However, I personally had a higher fear of infecting someone then of rejection so I told people. Once I knew my current partner was interested in having a relationship (sexual and emotional) with me, I told him of my status.
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Dec 29, 2007 5:10 AM GMT
This topic is obviously important to EVERYONE and evokes a variety of passions. The topic calls into question all of our "facts", individuality, emotions, privacy, rights and responsibilities of disclosure, legalities, ethics and moral values and judgments, etc., everything that makes us human. But, I guess getting back to the original question from Butchie...if the RJ profile didn't have a question about your "HIV status", would you still be asking this question? Would you still be putting your status into your profile and what would be the motivating reason to either put it in or not?
In my opinion and experience, many times, virtual communities are formed and a "standardized" interview format is used to gather information for a "profile". Just look at any number of other Personals and dating/hookup sites and you'll know what I mean. Some sites ask "status" questions, some don't. A great number of profiles on those other sites are not honest nor even complete, and usually have multiple profiles for a single person, based on who they want to be today. We all understand that RJ is different in who it appeals too and how it is used by each of us. This site is not used primarily as a hook-up, say the way "Adam4Adam" is. I would bet that there are very few individuals with multiple profiles in RJ and I am fairly confident that the "regular visitors and posters" have at least some grains of truth in their profiles. The "residual" profiles of those that don't get a quick hook-up are probably missing much in the way of personal "information" and are long gone. I guess, my point is that just because the question is asked for a profile, doesn't mean you have to answer it. If you are lucky enough to find someone on RJ to hook-up with, it is obviously between the two (or more?) of you to protect yourselves as you feel appropriate and prudent. I would hope this includes an honest and COMPLETE dialog on your status and when you were tested, etc, and then to decide how best to safely play. I always work from "the worst" case, because anything else is a relief.... Are your intentions to hook-up on RJ? Work from there....
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Jan 06, 2008 5:16 AM GMT
I put it on my profile because I am tired of someone IM'ing me only to go away after I tell them. If someone IMs me now I dont have to worry about them changing their mind because now they already know and are ok with it. I still tell them anyway JUST to make sure. It just saves their time and mine. The deal with only telling people who want to date you or have sex is 99% will change their minds so I figured why not get it over with? Just asking is not enough anyway because some guys are doggs and will lie just to get it wet. Dont play Russian Roulette. No guy is worth dying for.
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Feb 06, 2008 4:42 PM GMT
Can't add much to what's already been said: public disclosure is a personal choice. Is there an expectation of public disclosure of other health conditions? Having said that, publicly disclosing helps me minimize dealing with someone else's hangups around HIV...
But that doesn't give any negative guys a free pass...everyone needs to take responsibility for their own health. If you're negative you should be asking your partner's status (which in my experience has only happened a handful of times in over 20 years; I have always disclosed my status to them). But, even if they tell you they just tested negative recently, not protecting yourself is equally irresponsible.
Treat everyone as positive, its the only way to protect yourself.
Sorry, end of lecture now...
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Feb 16, 2008 5:40 PM GMT
I used to disclose my status online; felt like it was the right thing to do. Then I realized we do that in face-to-face interactions, so why do it online? What I mean is, most folks don't introduce themselves and divulge their entire medical history. Seems like you'd do that when it makes sense. Anyway, I've since removed it from my profile and reveal it when it's relevant (education, dating, sex,). Taking this approach has given me an opportunity to educate folks who have misconceptions about the disease and those who have it. Worth repeating . . . bradsmith said
Treat everyone as positive, its the only way to protect yourself.
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Feb 16, 2008 6:09 PM GMT
I think your HIV status in your online profile is a personal choice. Disclosing your status to a potential sex partner, however, is just the appropriate thing to do. I really don't think that some guy on the other side of the country from you has any right to know your status unless he's planning on jumping on plane and landing on your dick. I prefer to put mine in my profile because it weeds out the undesirables. If someone wouldn't send me a message or not respond to mine because of my status, that's great. His value as human being is not such that I would want to waste the key strokes interacting with him.
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Feb 16, 2008 6:16 PM GMT
Ah, so much to say.
Yes, disclosing your status here or in-person is a personal choice, except in the case of potential sex partners, in which case disclosure is essential.
Personally, I love that you are comfortable disclosing your status. You are a strong and healthy man, so the association of your good health and status is a healthy thing for our community.
Worried about scaring off guys with the honest disclosure of your status? I say let 'em run. I know, easy for me to say. But there are HIV negative men out there comfortable in their inteligence level and HIV education enough to not consider your HIV status a deal-breaker, promise! ;)
Let's let all profile lies and misrepresentation end. How are we supposed to grow as a community if we're more concerned with keeping up appearances than being honest with each other?
Jon
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Feb 18, 2008 8:53 PM GMT
Everyone should disclose their status. If only because it makes it easier for me to avoid HIV- guys.
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Feb 18, 2008 9:07 PM GMT
Whilst its a personal thing I applaud you for doing it, it sends out a message we all know that you are not alone. It sends out a message of hope and that life goes on. And to the original poster I hope you feel as great as you look in those photos
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Mar 21, 2008 7:23 PM GMT
That is not funny at all. I don't like guys are lying to themselves that they pretended to have HIV +. I just wish to help the innocent cute guys that have HIV+... I wish there someone that can help to get rid of that disease.  |
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Mar 21, 2008 7:41 PM GMT
Well good for you man.
It's unfortunate you have to live with such a burden in your life but on the bright side it's nice to see that you've coped with it well enough to open up and be honest about it. I'm not gonna praise you for it since being honest is something everyone should do nor am I gonna judge you for it.
As long as you can look yourself in the mirror and know you've done right then no one will ever have the pleasure of calling you a liar. It takes a man to be honest at times when a lie would be much easier.
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Mar 21, 2008 8:17 PM GMT
Honesty is the best policy, and it ranks #1 on my list. Congratulations on posting the truth of your condition. It takes guts to say the truth, and if someone is going to accept you for who you are they shouldn't be afraid from the beginning. Once in my teens a man I was interested in connected with me on a deeper level, but I was still a wild-firecracker waiting to explode into something. We got along great, one day we got to making out at the bar, but since he was new to the bar noone could warn me about anything he himself didn't reveal to me. When we got to his house; which was not too far from mine by 5 city blocks, he got butt naked and dropped the bomb on me. He said that he had Aids  :S I played it stupid, as he went to get something from the bathroom. I zipped up my pants, grabbed my things and chugged my beer on the way out of his apartment building. I wasn't sure I was scared, pissed, hallucinating, or going crazy, but I rushed my way home, looking back constantly, making sure he didn't follow me out or got in his car. I got home to my apartment and didn't go out for 3 weeks. I got tested 4 weeks after the encounter, and 4 months after that, and was as I still am hiv/aids negative. I wish that I hadn't been so panicky in the way I handled it; though the realization didn't come to until I got involved in Colorado Springs youth group, and GLAAD group, when I met someone with the disease who was falling apart. Two years later I met another woman/transexual, who was doing hard drugs intravenously. Her and 4 of her gay friends who also shot up got had the disease. It was a turning point in my life, when it wasn't so much just a disease that I had to avoid getting; it was a disease that was already destroying the lives of other people I knew. I applaud you Butchie for not hiding behind a coat of fear and taking a big step towards find a man who'll take you as you are, and not someone you pretend to; although I couldn't hold it against you for doing so. In so much as you're not lieing to yourself and everybody else, there's nothing wrong with that. |
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Oct 02, 2008 6:08 AM GMT
I don't think what you did is "wrong", I did so too simply because it makes it easier to do so right away than what it is to come out with it later on sometimes and that way one can also "avoid" those who feel they can't deal with it (yet). Well done guy! ;)
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Jan 19, 2009 8:35 PM GMT
Being a fellow realjock member who opens displays his poz status on his profile . I applaud you and any other member who does so. Regardless of what anyone says or does (about displaying, not displaying, disclosing when you chat/email etc) , you have one thing on your side when you put it on your profile and that is you can have a clear conscience knowing that you have not lied to anyone!!!
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Jan 19, 2009 9:21 PM GMT
I had it also in mine but decided to put it as an unanswered response. I'm not looking to meet anyone for a relationship or dating and so safe sex or not also doesn't matter. I figure if it comes up I am fully capable of telling the person and if the time comes that I am looking then I'll change it back.
Though I will point out that some here have it marked as hiv- and I've seen those same people with profiles on poz sites. Whether the pictures are stolen or not who knows...
but if you feel comfortable displaying it then it is not wrong. If anything it is wrong if someone treats you differently, but that's their problem.
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Jan 19, 2009 9:48 PM GMT
I want to say thank you for being upfront and honest. While I am negative, I have no problem dating positive guys that are upfront about it. It means to me that you made one mistake somewhere in life and you should not have to pay for it by being alone the rest of your life. Love should not be controled by a disease.
I know many men who won't dat positive men, and I feel sorry for them and losing out on a chance for love.
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Jan 20, 2009 4:43 PM GMT
pistelboy saidchuckystud:
Your metaphors are confusing as your propose that linemen make an assumption of live wire, thus protecting themselves regardless of whether the line is live or not.
If you apply this logic to disclosure then everyone should be assuming that everyone else is positive.
Placing the burden of proof on the other is where all the problems occur. Taking responsibility for having sex is everyone's responsibility, not just people who already know their serostatus.
Your assertion that there is a moral responsibility to disclose is debatable given the high degree of stigma associated with HIV/AIDS.
Idealy, if you practice safe sex, there should be no need for disclosure. Even if you practice safe sex, your partners have a right to know. What if the just had oral surgery or dental work??-guys that know they are positive and don't tell are scumbags!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I strongly disagree with the above quoted statement!!!!!!!!!!!!  Think about it-  |
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Jan 20, 2009 7:17 PM GMT
I always played safe, used condoms, took precautions and the only thing that I can come up with is due to my lack of dental work at the time.
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Jan 22, 2009 3:57 PM GMT
SoDakGuy saidI took the tests ... and I am HIV negative. Glad to hear you were negative, but remember you would have to go again in 6 months and again in another 6 to be more relatively sure. All the while having safe sex- The choice is yours. Maybe you haven't read some of the posts or talked to more poeple who are poz-it's no picnic. You seem to have an "I really don't care attitude."????? It's alot more serious and life altering than you think. Again the choice is yours. You have one life. |
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Jan 22, 2009 4:15 PM GMT
Butchie saidI put my status in my profile does anyone think that was a mistake or should I just lie until it gets close to maybe meeting someone? Just wondering! Thanks! You have my greatest admiration for doing that. While true it may lose you a few prospective dates, it doesn't scare off everyone. I married a guy who told me he was poz the first time we met online, when I was neg myself and remain so today. I might not have liked him if he had lied about that initially. I also had great respect for the guys on a gay BBS we had in Seattle in the 1990s, who had the custom of voluntarily adding (+) after their screen names if they were poz. One of them became my best friend, and he said they did it to oppose the dangerous practice of concealing HIV status. This makes you one of my online heroes.  |
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Jan 23, 2009 3:13 AM GMT
No need to make privileged private medical information so readily available on the internet. That's a private matter and should be discussed in person.
How many people feel comfortable disclosing the fact that they take antidepressants? Some are and others aren't. Why would people put this in their profile?
I don't think websites that have created this dissection of "poz or neg" (by requiring members to state their HIV status) within the gay community has helped prevent people from becoming infected. It's created nasty and unacceptable web etiquette is what it's done.
And if you want to argue that this waste of energy has helped prevent people from getting hiv just look at the statistics and simply observe how many individuals still get HIV.
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Jan 28, 2009 9:02 PM GMT
Well I like to put it out there. I feel it necessary and telling of who I am. I also think that prejudice people suck and need to take the plank out of their own eye before they try to take the splinter out of mine! I dont feel diseased, a failure, second-class, or weak by HIV. Its a scientific thing to me--I caught a bug. When was the last time you caught the flu or a cold? Did you feel diseased and untouchable and third-class?
The fact that I tell people on here and in other profiles is to let people know that you can still get it and easily and its still an issue to think about. I dont put it in my profile as something that is to be a bullseye. I take medication and I make sure that I am not spreading it either. I believe that a lot of prejudice comes from people who have NO idea what HIV is or how it works or how to even get it.
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Jan 28, 2009 9:27 PM GMT
kRakaJak saidbutchie is a rock star. any of you positive COWARDS who hide the fact you're infected need to thank this man. and, yeah, i called him a man because it takes one to be that brave.
thanks butchie. There are openly poz women... jus saying |
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Jan 28, 2009 9:38 PM GMT
I personally have never been embarrassed or ashamed about becoming infected, probably because I always followed the safer sex guidelines. I never had a "OMG I just did something stupid" moment. Also, I come from a science and medicine oriented family. Doctors treat the disease and don't get all moralistic about the underlying causes so much.
The only regrets I have ever had about my condition is the stress it initially caused my family, who had me dead within 10 years. I just got my latest results yesterday and my viral load is still undetectable, and my CD4 count is still in the normal range. I have never been healthier. Partially that is due to the HIV drugs, but also due to my self-discipline regarding exercise, not drinking much, not smoking and eating properly.
Although it is a personal matter regarding disclosing your status on a website like RJ, I believe it is important that gay people work together to discuss openly the issue of HIV. It is a growing problem in our community, after years of decline. I personally feel that hiding one's status does not further that ideal. I have been gratified regarding the number of young gay males who have asked questions about preventing HIV, not just on RJ, but also on Myspace and AfterElton. I know it is a cliche, but helping a few people means you potentially help many others, by preventing the spread of the disease.
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Feb 03, 2009 9:20 PM GMT
Hey all,
not so much on this site but there are other chat sites where status is a big deal. Now we all adults and can't take the spoken or printed word on face value. But when someone post they were tested Neg 05-16-08 what about the last 7 months? Could that have been his last negative test?
Which means more, the status or the accurate date of the last negative test?
How far back would you trust a negative test.. and I'm not talking super risky behavior but lets say some heavy petting to an unprotected bj?
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Feb 03, 2009 9:33 PM GMT
It is very brave and wonderful of you to disclose your status. If people want to know you and turn away because of you disclosed your disease, then it’s their loss.
I'd want to know a person for their traits, you good sir have shown genuine honesty, and that's admirable.
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Feb 05, 2009 7:05 AM GMT
Man, how times have changed in the 3-6 months I was not on here. I said guys should disclose their HIV status immediately. and I got reemed big time. Now it seems to be 90% in my favor. I thought I was right then and I stood by my position. Nice to see that I am no longer alone.
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Feb 05, 2009 7:07 AM GMT
LOL, it's whatever the pack is doing on any given day.
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Feb 05, 2009 7:14 AM GMT
RbyHussein71 a.k.a. GuerrillaSodomite saidI think your HIV status in your online profile is a personal choice. Disclosing your status to a potential sex partner, however, is just the appropriate thing to do. I really don't think that some guy on the other side of the country from you has any right to know your status unless he's planning on jumping on a plane flying across the country and landing on your dick. I prefer to put mine in my profile because it weeds out the undesirables. If someone wouldn't send me a message or not respond to mine because of my status, that's great. His value as human being is not such that I would want to waste the key strokes interacting with him. I still stand by my original post on this one |
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Feb 07, 2009 11:58 AM GMT
GuerrillaSodomite saidRbyHussein71 a.k.a. GuerrillaSodomite saidI think your HIV status in your online profile is a personal choice. Disclosing your status to a potential sex partner, however, is just the appropriate thing to do. I really don't think that some guy on the other side of the country from you has any right to know your status unless he's planning on jumping on a plane flying across the country and landing on your dick. I prefer to put mine in my profile because it weeds out the undesirables. If someone wouldn't send me a message or not respond to mine because of my status, that's great. His value as human being is not such that I would want to waste the key strokes interacting with him.
I still stand by my original post on this one I remain your clingy undesirable.  |
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Feb 07, 2009 11:36 PM GMT
I agree with many of you - honesty is the best policy. But for those of you who think that HIV/AIDS in 2009 is not the same as it was 20 years ago, start doing your homework. I work in health care and I am already seeing the crisis ahead of us - we haven't even seen the beginning of this. But I guarantee you, the letters from the insurance companies saying 'we can't cover you anymore' are about six to twelve months away.
My concern for the gay community right now is not marriage rights, nor is it hate crimes protection - it's the future of health care coverage for us. For those who are HIV+, for those who've been saying for the last five years "HIV is going to be as manageable as diabetes!", that might be true. But now we are seeing a crisis so huge, job/home losses in record numbers, and we're already seeing hospitals going under - the competition to be who gets access to health care and who does not. Those with HIV, many are on state sponsored health care programs at some point. Since many are considered single and have no dependents, they will be the first to be cut from that coverage. Their access to HIV and AIDS services, not to mention prescriptions, will be lost. There will be no state that you can run to that will be better than any other. This whole mess is nationwide.
I know this sounds like a lecture but please hear what I am saying - if you are HIV- right now - USE WHAT YOU HAVE LEARNED - and watch what is happening in our country. If we do not have the top notch facilities, if we do not have insurance coverage for those with HIV and AIDS, then we are going to die just like we did in 1982. Without those medications and social service programs, we are right back to where we started. Hospitals are losing money - free clinics are closing. The only thing that makes money is something that is able to bill insurance - and that's the good insurance that the people at the very top have. Not the average insurance plans, and definitely not the state sponsored plans. Be ready to take care of your own needs by yourself for a long time. There will be very little sympathy from insurance companies and the bill collectors in the medical centers - who only care about the bottom line - and the only people who will get any sympathy are people with kids, their kids, and babies. Gay men are never going to be a priority in their minds because (in terms of HIV/AIDS care) we're never going to get better - it's always going to be about maintaining health and treating opportunistic infections - translation - this is going to do nothing but cost them money.
I can't stress enough that we are experiencing an economic crisis like nobody of working age has ever seen before - and this will impact all of us, but especially those of us with HIV/AIDS, because everything we need is on the line here - food shelves. Affordable housing programs. Support groups. Access to meds. Specialists who can help - doctor waits will be much longer now because many will be cut - they are the most expensive cost to any medical center. We will more than likely have to go back to the days where our own community is going to have to take care of itself. And from the attitudes and 'me, me, me' I see among gay men, I very much doubt that will be successful. I wish I was wrong about this, but we are not the only ones with terminal illnesses that will be waiting in a very long line for health care services. We can no longer be guaranteed that there will be research programs, drug trials, access to prescriptions, and support services for a long time. If personal responsibility and sobriety haven't been incentives to become healthy in the past, they need to be now more than ever.
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Feb 07, 2009 11:41 PM GMT
DultuhMN, thanks for your posting.
So many folks view it as "survivable". Not that sick and so on.
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Feb 07, 2009 11:52 PM GMT
Kudos for truthfulness Butchie. That'll probably win you a few points right there.
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Feb 10, 2009 9:04 PM GMT
chuckystud saidDultuhMN, thanks for your posting.
So many folks view it as "survivable". Not that sick and so on. Technically it is survivable. No need for quotation marks. The problem is dealing with the health problems that arises while living with HIV. For the OP, I think its a personal decision. I took my status off for "rhetorical" reasons. In person you wouldn't know whether someone was hiv poz or not so how the hell are you going to know on the internet. There are tons of hiv positive people out there who think they are negative. I believe sero-sorting on the internet and deciding the hiv negative status in internet profiles are all thats necessary to make an "informed" opinion about someone is contributing to this epidemic. |
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Feb 10, 2009 9:13 PM GMT
Shall we get into side effects of the HIV meds themselves? No one wants to talk about those.  |
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Feb 10, 2009 9:14 PM GMT
kRakaJak saidCitizenSol saidkRakaJak saidbutchie is a rock star. any of you positive COWARDS who hide the fact you're infected need to thank this man. and, yeah, i called him a man because it takes one to be that brave.
thanks butchie.
There are openly poz women...
jus saying
you mean the queens on this site? well, them too...i think.
thanks for making me seem pc incorrect, sol.
just wait till i finish my dance lessons at the ymca...I'LL SHOW YOU!!!! lol. It isn't "politically correct" its the truth. I understand some of you guys have this combination of an Ayn Rand mentality and this belief that people with HIV is a disease for promiscuous barebacking gay men but HIV has quite the large share in women, blacks, latinos, and the lowerclass as well. So its more than just a middleclass gay problem. |
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Feb 10, 2009 9:15 PM GMT
Maverick75 saidShall we get into side effects of the HIV meds themselves? No one wants to talk about those. Well...go and make a thread about it.  |
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Feb 10, 2009 9:17 PM GMT
When the time is right.
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Feb 10, 2009 9:18 PM GMT
Butchie saidI put my status in my profile does anyone think that was a mistake or should I just lie until it gets close to maybe meeting someone? Just wondering! Thanks! The only time you should need to disclose your status is your potential sex partners. |
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Feb 10, 2009 10:30 PM GMT
DultuhMNWe will more than likely have to go back to the days where our own community is going to have to take care of itself. I'm about to score a lot of evil liberal points but here I go... 1982-1991 was the only time the gay community took care of itself. Then HIV medication cheap enough for middleclass gay white men to afford came into being then "gay community" dissolved back into "every queer for themselves". Theres A LOT more to the community than a slew of gay white guys going to clubs. If everything centers around them, then yes, we won't be able to take care of each other. |
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Feb 10, 2009 10:41 PM GMT
Ultimately, HIV causes death at a point sooner than it would have happened otherwise. Any sound logic would dictate that's not "survivable" in the truest sense. Anything that causes premature death is NOT survivable.
You can live being 400 pounds for a while, but, in the end, you'll die sooner because of it. Same thing with smoking.
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Feb 10, 2009 10:42 PM GMT
Maverick75 saidShall we get into side effects of the HIV meds themselves? No one wants to talk about those. Atripla. I don't see how recovering alcoholics can take that without falling off the bus. It is the only one I have taken and I will admit I miss that dizzy drunk off your ass feeling. It made it easier to sleep, got me eating more than normal and I remembered my dreams more frequently. Didn't have any bad side effect though. |
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Feb 10, 2009 10:43 PM GMT
chuckystud saidUltimately, HIV causes death at a point sooner than it would have happened otherwise. Any sound logic would dictate that's not "survivable" in the truest sense. Anything that causes premature death is NOT survivable.
You can live been 400 pounds for a while, but, in the end, you'll die sooner because of it. Same thing with smoking. I'm sure everyone appreciates how negative you are about it. |
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Feb 10, 2009 11:17 PM GMT
chuckystud saidUltimately, HIV causes death at a point sooner than it would have happened otherwise. Any sound logic would dictate that's not "survivable" in the truest sense. Anything that causes premature death is NOT survivable.
You can live being 400 pounds for a while, but, in the end, you'll die sooner because of it. Same thing with smoking. To prove a point, this... chuckystudUltimately, HIV causes death at a point sooner than it would have happened otherwise ...deserves a minimal of five sources. AND sources that date between the years 2000 and 2009. Hell. Give me three and I'll call it a day. Even your last two examples are not 100% true. Memes and intentional distortions (Comparing HIV to lifestyle choices, i.e like smoking and overeating) are NOT facts. My intention is not to downplay the dangers of HIV or smoking, or overeating, but shrillness and simplication are not what is needed in the fight against HIV. If anyone with a hardline approach to HIV like to prove to everyone how their approach works better than everyone else please prove it. |
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Feb 14, 2009 1:32 PM GMT
Butchie saidI put my status in my profile does anyone think that was a mistake or should I just lie until it gets close to maybe meeting someone? Just wondering! Thanks! You are my new hero, my partner of 13 years is HIV+ and we have managed. I guess...I am old school because I make commitments and mean them. I recall he came to me crying and told me and I said, "so, you think I would put you out like a bottle of milk?". Hell no, love means nothing if you are not serious. Hang in there, cause I got my boy on diets and workouts and meds...we have not seen the cell loss for over one year now. Luther |
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Feb 15, 2009 11:51 PM GMT
It's your information to share; whether you share in this forum or not is up to you.
The more folk become aware of HIV and are educated on the topic, the less stigma there is. The less stigma, the less non-disclosure will take place in intimate situations. More disclosure means less exposure, means less HIV.
We owe it to our community to answer the questions and address the fears of those who don't understand, or have been misinformed.
Anyone who picks friends and lets HIV weigh on their decision isn't someone you want to be friends with anyway. Accepting HIV's presence in an intimate relationship, now that's a little more complicated.
To all those reading who think a) folks should their status on their sleeve and b) that anyone with HIV is automatically ruled-out as a friend or lover; stop, listen, be compassionate and learn to love.
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Feb 16, 2009 12:22 AM GMT
Butchie saidI put my status in my profile does anyone think that was a mistake or should I just lie until it gets close to maybe meeting someone? Just wondering! Thanks! i respect a guy that honest about his hiv status it wouldnt change my mind about dating a person |
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Feb 17, 2009 3:17 AM GMT
pdxboxer saidIt's your information to share; whether you share in this forum or not is up to you.
The more folk become aware of HIV and are educated on the topic, the less stigma there is. The less stigma, the less non-disclosure will take place in intimate situations. More disclosure means less exposure, means less HIV.
We owe it to our community to answer the questions and address the fears of those who don't understand, or have been misinformed.
Anyone who picks friends and lets HIV weigh on their decision isn't someone you want to be friends with anyway. Accepting HIV's presence in an intimate relationship, now that's a little more complicated.
To all those reading who think a) folks should their status on their sleeve and b) that anyone with HIV is automatically ruled-out as a friend or lover; stop, listen, be compassionate and learn to love. This what a lot of the men on this forum outright REFUSE to understand. There is a lesson taught by every community (race, sex, gender, nations) heavily hit by this disease and that is HIV stigma only worsens the epidemic. Fighting HIV stigma isn't just about compassion or political correctness, which they can be with some people, but fighting HIV stigma is a near failproof way of fighting this disease. |
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Feb 17, 2009 3:21 AM GMT
i think you should keep it up because you dont want some asshole to hurt you (emotionally) if you start to like them and when you tell them they run away. it will screen those people out, which theyre better out of your life anyway.
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Feb 19, 2009 6:37 PM GMT
jc_online saidI hope this isn't too graphic for anyone, but here's the issue that perplexes me: swallowing at climax of a blowjob.
My motto has been for years: on me, not in me. But I have encountered many guys that swallow and haven't even inquired about my status. Safer is safer, but not completely safe. The majority of men I've been with don't use a condom for oral sex, not do I, so it isn't completely safe. I know it is much less risky than barabacking, but some people have caught HIV from oral.
Thoughts? So you're critiquing the guys that suck you off and swallow? I'm not clear as to what you're concerned about. You're partaking in a sexual act and "letting" them swallow" your cum and you're concerned about what "they're" doing? Where is your responsibility in the matter? |
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Feb 19, 2009 6:45 PM GMT
pistelboy saidchuckystud:
Your metaphors are confusing as your propose that linemen make an assumption of live wire, thus protecting themselves regardless of whether the line is live or not.
If you apply this logic to disclosure then everyone should be assuming that everyone else is positive.
Placing the burden of proof on the other is where all the problems occur. Taking responsibility for having sex is everyone's responsibility, not just people who already know their serostatus.
Your assertion that there is a moral responsibility to disclose is debatable given the high degree of stigma associated with HIV/AIDS.
Idealy, if you practice safe sex, there should be no need for disclosure. Guys like Chucky could also tattoo the words HIV NAZI on their foreheads too. In fact, this is a great idea. I propose that all those stigmatized by HIV and living in disdainful judgment should simply redirect all of their anxiety back onto themselves. This way we all get a clear message about those that live in utter resistance and therefore those individuals can easily be avoided from the get go. |
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Feb 20, 2009 1:15 AM GMT
Totally a personal choice. On the internet you can be whoever you want to be.  Almost. |
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Feb 20, 2009 1:53 AM GMT
Hey Butchie it's your option. As long as the other guy knows from the start, it's all good. Hang in there bud I'm right there with you. Always been very opened about it.
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Feb 20, 2009 2:05 AM GMT
From the perspective of a younger guy, it's absolutely disgusting that someone doesn't disclose their status without being asked, as if they're afraid of being denied any sexual contact, which they would be because of the risk. Any person behaving so irresponsibly has absolutely no right to even ask why they're discriminated against BECAUSE THEY KNOW EXACTLY WHY. They're setting the worst imaginable example for everyone around them in sleeping around undisclosed with ZERO respect for the other person's health and safety. It makes me sick that a grown adult doesn't understand what that looks like to someone my age and even more so that now with a chronic disease, those people still don't understand the gravity of what they're doing. I wouldn't wish diabetes on anyone and it absolutely floors me that people carrying HIV can WILLINGLY and KNOWINGLY infect another person.
Suck it up and take some responsibility. Regardless of status, ensure everyone you're sexually involved with knows what you've got, ensure you know what they've got, and don't bitch when you find no one wants what you've got.
Looks like Butchie's got it figured out.
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Feb 20, 2009 2:19 AM GMT
Good for you in posting your status buddy. You are a true Real Jock. If you had lied then I wouldn't respect you in any way. Take pride and be proud of who you are. So you have an unfortunate disease that will eventually kill. Big deal. That's no reason to walk on egg shells and be not honest with yourself and with those around. You go Butchie  |
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Feb 20, 2009 2:58 AM GMT
I've already stated my position on this several times here.
A few years back, I had an encounter. I've had very few, as the whole sex thing isn't a big deal with me. Anyway, this guy, about my age, came over. First, I realized, very quickly, that he had been lying about his smoking. Then, I asked him several times about his HIV status, because I had covered that, along with personal habits, on my phone screen with him prior to the encounter. He just had a certain look. Finally, he fessed up that he was positive, but that his viral count was very low, and that he had seven friends who had died from HIV, and that he had basically became a millionaire because of their life insurance policies. Of course, he BEGGED me to have sex with him, and I said, no, but, I did let him touch me and so forth. As he left, he said, "and, I'm the millionaire."
Even after seeing seven of his friends die, he still felt it was appropriate to lie. Had I not pressed him repeatedly, he would not have told me about his sickness. That was appalling to me, that, even after seeing his friends die, and being sick himself, he still was in I,I,I, mode, and would lie just for some sex. I think that's deplorable. The very attitude that made him sick, he was still carrying around: me,me,me.
As I've said here a bunch of times, it's a contagious, communicable, disease, that's hard to get, but, if I'm going to be around it, I have EVERY RIGHT to informed consent.
That was the last time, several years back, that I had casual relations with anyone. It scared me to death that he was so flippant about my health.
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Feb 20, 2009 4:27 AM GMT
Like many of us, my address book reads like an obituary log. I no longer use it, but can't toss it either. Why, because it, like my heart, still holds those whom I love. Every day of my day to day life is surrounded by HIV+ people. Why? Because NOT everyone who went through the devastation of the '80s went back into their prospective isolated corners once antivirals became more accessable. Of my family of choice, those I love the most who are still alive happen to be HIV+. I watch their back. I help them with things they forget to take into consideration in all aspects of life, because HIV affects all aspects of life. I love and support them. We supposedly support one another on this site as well.
Should someone who is HIV+ state so in their profile? How do we support one another? As many of us know, HIV affects a person in every physiologic system of our bodies and minds; with differences based in short term and long term effects, HIV strain, duration of infecton, from seroconversion to chronic stage, to long term surviver aging with HIV.
Yes, DuluthMN, you are absolutely right, and I agree with your points in regards to the bigger picture. For some of the other posters on this thread who get pissy over incidentals; broaden your visual field. broaden your intuitive field, broaden your choices on who & how you lobby or argue with, and what you are fighting for; get over your petty views and flame wars and get in touch with some real priorities before it's to late. For those of you who are HIV +; please remember that there are those of us who are HIV- who on a daily basis, admire you, respect you, and are grateful to you. I'll watch your back, but first I need to know that your back is there.
--nuff said.
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Feb 20, 2009 5:51 AM GMT
In 1993 while I was in college and coming to terms with my sexuality, I met David. He worked in the restaurant industry and was a competitive body builder. We met for several dinners and the chemistry was awesome. On one of our dates thereafter, I invited him over to my place. I could tell immediately that the vibe was different. He wanted to talk and during our conversation, informed me that he was HIV-positive. He sobbed after I told him that his revelation did nothing to change my feelings for him. If anything, his courage and honesty made him even more appealing. Turned out he was also an HIV counselor at a local AIDS clinic. We took a couple of trips together, I met his entire family...good times. Our dating went on for several months before it was cut short by me having to move upon accepting a job with the US government. David died a year later. In retrospect I think that I met him for a reason. Being that he was 15 years older that I was he provided me a lot of insight in to the gay "world." He reminded me that obsessing over a career meant nothing if I didn't allow myself time to love someone and really live life. In return I think he really respected the fact that especially in 1993, a 23 year old had the humanity not to judge and dismiss him. To this day I'm still in periodic contact with his family and they still thank me for being "there".....I'm glad I made a difference/impact in his life....as he did in mine.
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Feb 20, 2009 6:18 AM GMT
chuckystud saidI've already stated my position on this several times here.
That was the last time, several back, that I had casual relations with anyone. It scared me to death that he was so flippant about my health. You know....? It just dawned on me. I've just realized why you're so miserable. It's cuz you're not getting laid! Whoa! Epiphany! Now, every time when I see one of your condescending posts, or your never ending thirst to make others sound stupid, or your incessant need to draw attention to yourself I'll have to remind myself that you're not getting laid. It must feel awful. You approach sex as if it were an interrogation inundated with incertitude, fear and suspicion. Makes perfect sense and explains a lot. And here I thought you were just one of those Napoleon, type A personality, overly aggressive (because you take a lot of roids), and are insecure about your height and feel the need to belittle others kinda guy. My mistake. I bet if you had a satisfying sex life you'd be much happier. |
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Feb 21, 2009 4:25 AM GMT
chuckystud saidI've already stated my position on this several times here.
A few years back, I had an encounter. I've had very few, as the whole sex thing isn't a big deal with me. Anyway, this guy, about my age, came over. First, I realized, very quickly, that he had been lying about his smoking. Then, I asked him several times about his HIV status, because I had covered that, along with personal habits, on my phone screen with him prior to the encounter. He just had a certain look. Finally, he fessed up that he was positive, but that his viral count was very low, and that he had seven friends who had died from HIV, and that he had basically became a millionaire because of their life insurance policies. Of course, he BEGGED me to have sex with him, and I said, no, but, I did let him touch me and so forth. As he left, he said, "and, I'm the millionaire."
Even after seeing seven of his friends die, he still felt it was appropriate to lie. Had I not pressed him repeatedly, he would not have told me about his sickness. That was appalling to me, that, even after seeing his friends die, and being sick himself, he still was in I,I,I, mode, and would lie just for some sex. I think that's deplorable. The very attitude that made him sick, he was still carrying around: me,me,me.
As I've said here a bunch of times, it's a contagious, communicable, disease, that's hard to get, but, if I'm going to be around it, I have EVERY RIGHT to informed consent.
That was the last time, several years back, that I had casual relations with anyone. It scared me to death that he was so flippant about my health. Chucky, I understand your honesty issue but when meeting someone for a "encounter" wouldn't you assume that they were positive and thus act accordingly? ...or were you hoping to bareback and became upset that he might not be neg because he was not honest about his smoking? Yet you have a very strong opinion about hiv positive people even though "sex is not a big deal"....just sayin'  |
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Feb 21, 2009 5:05 AM GMT
You misunderstand. I never would have allowed him near me if he had been honest. While I did pity him, his lack of integrity is why I have nothing to do with him, at any level. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. He could have given a shit about me (SIC). Only after my repeated prodding did him come clean. I.e., he was a lying sack of self-indulgent garbage.
Sex is a big deal. That's why I rarely partake. You read something into my statement that wasn't there.
The point I was trying to make is that even AFTER seeing 7 of his friends die, the guy was so selfish as to continue to lie about his own status. My point was to illustrate that's how selfish many of those folks are, and why they ended up in their situation to begin with. It's always about them. My point was about his disregard for my safety concerns. I've had fewer than five partners in as many years. I rarely partake, and it doesn't bother me one bit. My point was that I found it amazing that after seeing all that death, and suffering, the guy was still an unbelievable dirt bag, even gloating he was a millionaire based upon the misery and carelessness of others. You missed it completely.
Sex is not more important to me than health. I never have sex without protection. I'm not irresponsible like that. My point was that even after seeing all that death, up close, and personal, he could have given a shit about anyone but himself. It takes an especially selfish person to behave so poorly. Those are the very folks that would whine about being rejected.
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Feb 21, 2009 5:39 AM GMT
sixxfive saidIn 1993 while I was in college and coming to terms with my sexuality, I met David. He worked in the restaurant industry and was a competitive body builder. We met for several dinners and the chemistry was awesome. On one of our dates thereafter, I invited him over to my place. I could tell immediately that the vibe was different. He wanted to talk and during our conversation, informed me that he was HIV-positive. He sobbed after I told him that his revelation did nothing to change my feelings for him. If anything, his courage and honesty made him even more appealing. Turned out he was also an HIV counselor at a local AIDS clinic. We took a couple of trips together, I met his entire family...good times. Our dating went on for several months before it was cut short by me having to move upon accepting a job with the US government. David died a year later. In retrospect I think that I met him for a reason. Being that he was 15 years older that I was he provided me a lot of insight in to the gay "world." He reminded me that obsessing over a career meant nothing if I didn't allow myself time to love someone and really live life. In return I think he really respected the fact that especially in 1993, a 23 year old had the humanity not to judge and dismiss him. To this day I'm still in periodic contact with his family and they still thank me for being "there".....I'm glad I made a difference/impact in his life....as he did in mine. Nice post. |
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Feb 21, 2009 6:10 AM GMT
chuckystud saidUltimately, HIV causes death at a point sooner than it would have happened otherwise. Actually the opportunistic infections from AIDS causes death not HIV itself. But Im sure you all already knew that. |
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Feb 21, 2009 6:13 AM GMT
Well, ya, its def good that you put your status there... i think sites shouldnt offer an hiv- option though... only as neg as your last test...
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Feb 21, 2009 6:38 AM GMT
I also have to say from the get go I am HIV+ I was infected after ets ing from the military shortly after I turned 24. Is the box for my HIV status marked on my profile. No, I am not here for sex and Im really not here for friends. I have a life outside of my laptop. Sorry I dont meet the click a trick from down the street and I dont randomly get on airplanes to fly halfway across the world to get some dick. I seriously doubt any of you will be coming to Shreveport La. anytime soon. (Although if you do id be happy to show you around. )
Now that thats out of the way. Chucky and Flex Im sure everythime you see a blackman you think hes selling drugs. im sure every time you see a Arab you know hes a terrorist. And everytime you see an Latino you know there illegal.
NEWSFLASH !!!!!!!
Stereo types are nothing more than exercises in ignoranace YOUR IGNORANCE! I appologize to everyone who can read english and read your narrow minded views. I want to appolgize to anyone who has the unfortunate experience of meeting you in person.
Lets get one thing straight guys. On behalf of myself and everyone else whos HIV+. Not everyone who catches HIV is a whore. Not everyone who has HIV is randomly sleeping with people. Not everyone who has HIV is going to purposley infect others. Not everyone with HIV is doomed to die a slow agonizing death. And no one NO ONE deserves HIV. If I was ignorant about HIV or impresionable at all I would read your post and automaticlly assume that anyone with HIV was akin to the boogie man. You portray HIV+ people not unlike the Nazi s did Jews back in the day. Your personal insults and broad generalizations about an infected population is deplorable.
Butchie you can do what ever you like. It is America. And Chucky and Flex can continue to spread there hatred and break there necks to further stigmatize HIV+ people, again this America. And I can continue to say they are nothing more than hate mongers. I am offended and insulted by their comments regarding HIV and HIV+ people. Stop stereo typing people you fear.
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Feb 21, 2009 6:55 AM GMT
chuckystud said It takes an especially selfish person to behave so poorly. AHAHAHAHAH! YEAH! WE ARE SOOOO WELL AWARE OF THAT! LOL |
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Feb 22, 2009 7:59 AM GMT
jaded57 saidI also have to say from the get go I am HIV+ I was infected after ets ing from the military shortly after I turned 24. Is the box for my HIV status marked on my profile. No, I am not here for sex and Im really not here for friends. I have a life outside of my laptop. Sorry I dont meet the click a trick from down the street and I dont randomly get on airplanes to fly halfway across the world to get some dick. I seriously doubt any of you will be coming to Shreveport La. anytime soon. (Although if you do id be happy to show you around. )
Now that thats out of the way. Chucky and Flex Im sure everytime you see a blackman you think hes selling drugs. im sure every time you see a Arab you know hes a terrorist. And everytime you see an Latino you know there illegal.
NEWSFLASH !!!!!!!
Stereo types are nothing more than exercises in ignoranace YOUR IGNORANCE! I appologize to everyone who can read english and read your narrow minded views. I want to appolgize to anyone who has the unfortunate experience of meeting you in person.
Lets get one thing straight guys. On behalf of myself and everyone else whos HIV+. Not everyone who catches HIV is a whore. Not everyone who has HIV is randomly sleeping with people. Not everyone who has HIV is going to purposley infect others. Not everyone with HIV is doomed to die a slow agonizing death. And no one NO ONE deserves HIV. If I was ignorant about HIV or impresionable at all I would read your post and automaticlly assume that anyone with HIV was akin to the boogie man. You portray HIV+ people not unlike the Nazi s did Jews back in the day. Your personal insults and broad generalizations about an infected population is deplorable.
Butchie you can do what ever you like. It is America. And Chucky and Flex can continue to spread there hatred and break there necks to further stigmatize HIV+ people, again this America. And I can continue to say they are nothing more than hate mongers. I am offended and insulted by their comments regarding HIV and HIV+ people. Stop stereo typing people you fear. I know you are carrying anger, and, perhaps rightly so, however, it's misguided. Please, take time to read the entire thread. I've been very close to folks with HIV, and I LIVE, and care for, someone with a chronic disease. I had a friend who died at 51 because he wouldn't give up cigarettes. I've seen HIV folks wither in the late 80's and early 90's and I KNOW the pain. Take TIME to read all my posts in this topic, and addressing some of the hate speech I've gotten, to gather a deeper understanding of the situation before you lash out. My own mother is on oxygen 24 x 7 because she didn't quit smoking soon enough. Succinctly, I'm compassionate, and caring, and empathetic, but, that doesn't absolve folks of being personally responsible, honest, nor trying to act in the public good. Diabetes, which my roommate, flex89 has, is an auto-immune disease. I've had nutcases here try to compare it to HIV. Reality be known, most folks with HIV wouldn't have it had they been prudent in their judgment. It's HARD to get. My mom's own brother died from it, and I've known scores of folks who I've watched die over the years. My doctor, and flex89's, is the head of the Dallas HIV committee. At some point, however, one has to go beyond I,I,I, and self-pity, step up, man up, and say I never want anyone else to suffer and it's time to do the right thing. HIV, and AIDS, is contagious. It's an epidemic world wide. All the hate speech in the world won't fix that. By and large, HIV is largely preventable. We BOTH know that. Those are the facts of life. And, I DO have the right to deal with folks who have integrity, virtue, and enough respect for me as an individual that they'll respect my wishes to know if they're sick, or not. If they're sick and they don't tell me, that makes them horribly selfish, any which way you cut it. I'm NOT even close to promiscuous, and it's not because I'm angry, or a troll, or any of the other hateful stuff spewed out around here. It's because I believe in taking care of myself. I'm NOT a risk taker. I do everything in a studied, deliberate, planned fashion. That's why I win. That's why I've never had a car accident and so on. I'm very rarely self-indulgent. I'm not dis-compassionate (had you read the entire thread, you would have seen that, but, I do expect a reasonable amount of integrity and selflessness and CHARACTER from folks... Be they folks with HIV or diabetes, or just plain ass fat. Way to many folks have become way to flippant that is the contagious, epidemic, illness that is HIV. You would do your fellow man more good to instruct folks not to do as you did (or as others did), and to promote disease control and personal responsibility. I can be friends with a HIV person and said nothing different. I stated that I have a right to informed consent, that any court in the land would hold, before becoming intimate with someone carrying a sickness. It's not for the person with the sickness to make those judgments for me. I choose to not accept the risk. That doesn't mean that I can't hug you, nor kiss you, nor talk to you on the phone, but, I don't want you in my bedroom. That doesn't make me prejudice, nor hateful. You do NOT have the right to intimacy with me. I have every right to screen those that I let close to me, into my home, or into my personal life, and that's what most folks call good judgment / prudence. |
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Feb 22, 2009 3:29 PM GMT
I wonder how many of you ask if a partner also has hepatitis B or MRSA or any of a range of potentially fatal, communicable diseases?
I've always disclosed my hiv status in my profile, but that's to protect me from being hurt. So often guys won't notice it in my profile and as we chat and start to connect, if he sees it, or I mention it casually, suddenly the conversation stops. People with HIV are still treated as lepers, even by gay men, who really should know better. If I disclose it in my profile, then these last minute rejections are reduced.
I think HIV status should be taken off of all profiles on all sites. There's plenty of guys who lie about, or who don't know, their status. Seeing "HIV Neg" lulls men into a false sense of safety and, I think, encourages them to be unsafe. You have to treat everyone as if they have HIV and act accordingly when it comes to sex.
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Feb 22, 2009 4:25 PM GMT
ObsceneWish saidWell, as I've explained before, the most infectious people are those undergoing seroconversion and still testing negative. It is perfectly possible for someone to infect you and have tested negative the day before. How does that work again? Is it that the antibodies aren't produced in a high enough concentration so the test will show you as neg when you in fact have the virus?? Thank you for the info! Butchie, I think puting your status up is overall a better idea than not puting it up. It may save you trouble later on if you meet a guy who uncomfortable about your having it. I think you become a more respectable guy by doing it since i think most are dishonest about their status. |
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Feb 22, 2009 5:38 PM GMT
chicago_barry said I wonder how many of you ask if a partner also has hepatitis B or MRSA or any of a range of potentially fatal, communicable diseases?
I've always disclosed my hiv status in my profile, but that's to protect me from being hurt. So often guys won't notice it in my profile and as we chat and start to connect, if he sees it, or I mention it casually, suddenly the conversation stops. People with HIV are still treated as lepers, even by gay men, who really should know better. If I disclose it in my profile, then these last minute rejections are reduced.
I think HIV status should be taken off of all profiles on all sites. There's plenty of guys who lie about, or who don't know, their status. Seeing "HIV Neg" lulls men into a false sense of safety and, I think, encourages them to be unsafe. You have to treat everyone as if they have HIV and act accordingly when it comes to sex. Yep, I cover the whole thing before I let anyone near me, as any responsible person would do. I also ask about warts and the like. I'm not irresponsible in the way that you might wish me to be. With regard to disclosing your status good for you. It's the right and proper thing to do and shows you think beyond the end of your nose, and, in your case, you admit you're selfish and care about getting your feelings hurt (I note with interest that you never mentioned hurting the feelings of the other person.). Whether self-declared positive or negative ,I always assume positive and proceed that way. I'm not so consumed by being primal that I don't conduct inquiries into jumping into the sack with someone and, in fact, pride myself in the fact that I'm extremely selective in that process. On occasion, accidents happen, but, by far and above, mostly folks get sick (be it HIV, warts, syph, herpes, crabs, scabies) because they failed to act responsibly in their sexual activity, with a proper pre-screening and so on. They turned their brain off. (That's part of what happens, looking at it from a scientific view. Discovery Channel has done several programs about this, and how the military teaches recruits how to regain control in fearful situations. The military teaches recruits how to turn off the base part of the brain and handle situations with more intellect, using their frontal lubes. Regular people can be taught how to behave properly in situations, too.) My thing isn't about any particular illness (be it HIV, or herpes, or warts) but rather about informed consent and folks being less selfish and putting it out there so the person they want to be with can make an informed decision. Sure there's folks out there running around with all sorts of stuff. In my case, I go through a selection process with who I allow in my bedroom, my home, and who I want to be my friends, and even business associates. Integrity is something I put right at the top of my shopping list. I don't have sex on a whim. I don't crave it all costs, going to the bathhouse, and having sex with strangers, nor picking up folks on craigslist. I know how to use my frontal lobes. If a person wants to have sex with a sick person (whatever the illness, but, in particular if it's a contagious disease, that's epidemic and that can kill you) then certainly they have the rates to be able to assess their risks and make fully informed judgment. There's no excuse for not using judgment. The conversation stops with you because the other person is protecting themselves from developing a relationship with you that could cause future risk taking on their part that they want to avoid, because they don't want their feelings hurt, and they don't want your feelings hurt. Like it, or not, folks with a communicable, potentially lethal disease, still have it, and however you cut it are sick. It just a like a business deal: say party A only want to pay net 60, and you know you want net 7. It just doesn't work and it's best to end it before starting it. It's the right thing to do. |
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Feb 22, 2009 5:53 PM GMT
chuckystud saidIt's the honorable thing to do.
You made your choices, and, it's only fair that you should allow others the same benefits.
For 20 years, we've known about how the stuff gets transmitted.
If you were to do anything less (non-disclosure), you'd be a self-indulgent jerk.
Lots of guys runs around HIV +, not knowing, nor wanting to know. Ignorance is bliss. They do BB, and all sorts of irresponsible, self-indulgent, careless, behavior, and society cleans up after them.
In this day in age, there's really not a lot of excuses for contracting HIV, other than really bad luck, or really bad choices.
You've done the honorable thing. If it saves one person, then it was a worthwhile effort. Let others learn from your experience.
It's a real good idea to get tested, and the selfless thing to do. Always being selfish is not cool.
And, yes, I'm non-reactive, on the 2 week test, done just recently, but, I knew I'd be, because I've NEVER, not a single time, been self-indulgent, and irresponsible, in my sexual behavior. It's the right thing to do. Always thinking of oneself, and a brief moment is very selfish and irresponsible, but, it looks like you're growing up.
I think everyone has to think of the long-reaching / far-reaching consequences of irresponsible sexual behavior and how it burdens society, hurts people, and so on. In a world of I,I,I, I think it's important that folks take some personal responsibility, whether it's their obesity or their sexual behavior.
I think that, through your disclosure, if you cause one young man to pause, think, and be a responsible person, you have done a very good thing. You've taken the moral high ground, and shown others that they'd shouldn't live as you did, and that there are choices, as well as consequences. Many, many, many urban youth have never faced any consequences, or responsibility. To remind them is a very good thing.
Good job. How do you know how Butchie got HIV? Your post sounds like you know him very well. Do you? Casting aspersions on someone and how they live when you don't know him or how he got HIV is irresponsible. |
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Feb 22, 2009 6:00 PM GMT
Read it all again. Top to bottom.
At no point did I reference how, when, or where he got it.
At no point did I say he was neither bad nor good. In fact, I complimented him. I've also reflected, several times, that disclosure is a good thing, and complimented folks for having virtue.
You're trying to be inflammatory, and add nothing of value to the conversation.
I ANSWERED the question he posed of "I wonder how many of you ask if a partner also has hepatitis B or MRSA or any of a range of potentially fatal, communicable diseases?"
I made no personal inferences, nor assumptions about the poster. Re-read the post.
At any rate, your personal attacks on me won't change my view that, whatever the disease, honesty is paramount. It all also won't change my view that I have every right to know about the folks I invite into my life, in business, in social circles, or in my bedroom.
Attack away, but, what ultimately happens is that you'll get blown off again.
Off topic:
Chris, the owner, and I, trade emails from time to time. I've recently suggested adding a feature we used on matchmaker.com, swingers.com, that is on gay.com, Chat Client from gayboi.org and any IRC client: TPI (Total Permanent Ignore).
Essentially the feature would cause all posts by someone who does personal attacks to be put off into the The Pestiverse. We make it part of any site we do.
Something along
select * from topics, buttheads where topics.topic_id = $_REQUEST['topic_id'] and not in (select poster_id from buttheads);
The syntax might not be perfect but it's real close.
What happens is that the attacker never gets seen / read by the person he's attacking because he's on TPI, and therefore can't evoke a response, so, eventually, he realizes he's an idiot and knocks it off.
We've used it over and over when we've had folks with a screw loose. We just build code to cast them off into The Pestiverse. Once they realize no one is watching, they modify their behavior.
It's a surefire way to stop flame wars when the kids mis-behave.
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Feb 22, 2009 6:53 PM GMT
OMG Chuck... It's amazing how writing SQL can both piss you off and make you feel better at the same time LOL!
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Feb 22, 2009 8:40 PM GMT
chuckystud said
You've taken the moral high ground, and shown others that they'd shouldn't live as you did,
What exactly does that mean? |
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Feb 22, 2009 8:49 PM GMT
MikePhilPerez saidchuckystud said
How do you know how Butchie got HIV? Your post sounds like you know him very well. Do you? Casting aspersions on someone and how they live when you don't know him or how he got HIV is irresponsible.
Someone please, please, please, explain to me how that is a personal attack?
I understand Chucky, that unless we all agree with you we should not reply to you, but attack Grow a pair, FFS. |
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Feb 22, 2009 9:30 PM GMT
I feel that you dont give me any credit chuck. I re read this thread and the other thread about HIV/AIDS( you know the one where you suggested concentration camps for HIV+ people.) I also read a few other threads which you have posted too. And I can only come to the realization that you are nothing more than a cyber bully. I find it amazing how you post something and when you get flak for it you repost something else and try to portray yourself as the victim. Which you are not. To break it down for everybody heres how a typical post with chucky works. Whether the topic be HIV/AIDS, the weather, or the war of 1812.
1. Original poster post something it can be a question or some tidbit of info whatever.
2. People respond and usually a good exchange of topics comes about.
3. Chucky comes in and attacks someone in a very passive aggressive way. And goes into a lengthy post about how he is right. And then proceeds to say something hatefull but follows it up with something he copied from wikkipedia or some other source.
4. At this time usually Calson will post a lol cat or something equally cute. But to late the flames have already started.
5. And now some one post a response to Chucky.
6. At this point Chucky switches again and states something diffrent from what he originally posts. And further passively aggressively post how he is right and the authority on whatever the topic is. He will undoubtedly drop the personal refrence. Rather that be flex has diabetes or someone in his family or a friend of a friend or his doctors lawn guy, to show us that the topic really effects him personally.
7. At this point Flex joins in.
8. Someone else responds to Chucky.
9. At this point Chucky starts dropping names like a debutante trying to get into a packed club on friday night. Usually he drops the guy who started RJ and alludes to the fact that they exchange emails. But he really is trying to leave the impression that they are friends. Which they may be. He then again goes on to change in mid stream again and go off in some other direction.
And it goes on and on. Whether Chucky believes what hes typing or not is completely irrelevant. For you see Chucky just likes to argue and belittle people. Granted he does it very passive aggressively. But thats just what he does. You see my fellow people Chucky is a cyber bully. If you dont believe just follow him in any thread. You can clearly see the pattern I laid out above. Shockingly it is all quite predictable at this point.
I love how you just suggested above Chucky that we need an ignore option on RJ. I almost agree with you but then that is censorship, and as much as I hate seeing you post in a forum, that is against your rights. So instead I will just not read your posts.
And Ill take the time to tell anyone who has just found out that they are HIV+ or have AIDS that there self worth is not devalued. There is ignorance anywhere you go in life. Just remember that we should let others opinions of us remain just that their opinons. Having HIV does not make you sick. It doesnt devalue you as a person. And it doesnt mean you are less than any other person, especially people in an online forum. Get off the computer and go find a support group. That pretty much goes for everyone not just the pozzies in here.
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Feb 22, 2009 9:31 PM GMT
Update: Chris (the owner) has sent me an email that he likes the idea of TPI (Total Permanent Ignore), and has told me he's buried right now, but, plans on implementing it soon. Stay tuned: TPI is on the way. :-) You can't be annoyed by what you don't see and it puts the nasty folks off into their own Pestiverse.
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Feb 22, 2009 9:37 PM GMT
Butchie saidI put my status in my profile does anyone think that was a mistake or should I just lie until it gets close to maybe meeting someone? Just wondering! Thanks! This is not a dating site and as said already, you shouldn't have to put your status on your profile. But saying that, well done for being open about it. |
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Feb 22, 2009 9:43 PM GMT
It is their business, if they want to be open about, it, go ahead. This may not be a dating website but its about gay fitness health and life. Health includes HIV and other STDS.
If that person wants to state that his positive, then he can go ahead. That's his business and we have no right to tell him no.
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Feb 22, 2009 9:46 PM GMT
withHonor saidIt is their business, if they want to be open about, it, go ahead. This may not be a dating website but its about gay fitness health and life. Health includes HIV and other STDS.
If that person wants to state that his positive, then he can go ahead. That's his business and we have no right to tell him no. Did I tell him no? |
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Feb 22, 2009 9:50 PM GMT
[quote]This is not a dating site and as said already, you shouldn't have to put your status on your profile. But saying that, well done for being open about it. [/quote]
This site could be a dating site for some people. It's not only about fitness, or about health but also about Life. There has been articles here for dating, as well as politics, health, etc. all concentrated around gay men.
You sir, have stated, "shouldn't have to", but if he wants, he can. With that being said, back to our original broadcasting program...
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Feb 22, 2009 9:53 PM GMT
chuckystud saidUpdate: Chris (the owner) has sent me an email that he likes the idea of TPI (Total Permanent Ignore), and has told me he's buried right now, but, plans on implementing it soon. Stay tuned: TPI is on the way. :-) You can't be annoyed by what you don't see and it puts the nasty folks off into their own Pestiverse. Well, if this comes in RJ will have taking yet another step backwards. Just like the right click function. Maybe videos attacking guys on here should be baned. Although RJ seems to think that kinda behaviour is acceptable. |
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Feb 22, 2009 9:58 PM GMT
withHonor said[quote]This is not a dating site and as said already, you shouldn't have to put your status on your profile. But saying that, well done for being open about it. This site could be a dating site for some people. It's not only about fitness, or about health but also about Life. There has been articles here for dating, as well as politics, health, etc. all concentrated around gay men. You sir, have stated, "shouldn't have to", but if he wants, he can. With that being said, back to our original broadcasting program...[/quote] I never told him not to, or he shouldn't have. Please read what I write, and not what you think I write. Should I post all my health issues on my profile? |
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Feb 22, 2009 10:06 PM GMT
MikePhilPerez saidchuckystud saidUpdate: Chris (the owner) has sent me an email that he likes the idea of TPI (Total Permanent Ignore), and has told me he's buried right now, but, plans on implementing it soon. Stay tuned: TPI is on the way. :-) You can't be annoyed by what you don't see and it puts the nasty folks off into their own Pestiverse.
Well, if this comes in RJ will have taking yet another step backwards. Just like the right click function. Maybe videos attacking guys on here should be baned. Although RJ seems to think that kinda behaviour is acceptable. Try reporting people. Works like a charm... |
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Feb 22, 2009 10:08 PM GMT
chuckystud saidUpdate: Chris (the owner) has sent me an email that he likes the idea of TPI (Total Permanent Ignore), and has told me he's buried right now, but, plans on implementing it soon. Stay tuned: TPI is on the way. :-) You can't be annoyed by what you don't see and it puts the nasty folks off into their own Pestiverse. Remember that kid in High School you could not stand that used to be a huuuge name dropper. WHO CARES if you know the owner? does that make you important? Grow up you 16 year old. |
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Feb 22, 2009 10:12 PM GMT
styrgan saidMikePhilPerez saidchuckystud saidUpdate: Chris (the owner) has sent me an email that he likes the idea of TPI (Total Permanent Ignore), and has told me he's buried right now, but, plans on implementing it soon. Stay tuned: TPI is on the way. :-) You can't be annoyed by what you don't see and it puts the nasty folks off into their own Pestiverse.
Well, if this comes in RJ will have taking yet another step backwards. Just like the right click function. Maybe videos attacking guys on here should be baned. Although RJ seems to think that kinda behaviour is acceptable.
Try reporting people. Works like a charm... I'm proud to say I don't report anyone on here. I take what ever is dished out to me like a man. I do bite back though. |
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Feb 22, 2009 10:20 PM GMT
On topic, for those who say HIV is not a sickness, and that it doesn't make you sick. sick = Suffering from or affected with a physical illness; ailing. And, for those that are technically challenged as well as not understanding what the word "sick" means: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/sickAnyone with HIV is sick, PERIOD. They are affected by a chronic, communicable disease. Pretty simple stuff. |
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Feb 22, 2009 10:50 PM GMT
Maverick75 saidButchie saidI put my status in my profile does anyone think that was a mistake or should I just lie until it gets close to maybe meeting someone? Just wondering! Thanks! The only time you should need to disclose your status is your potential sex partners. Totally agree. |
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Feb 22, 2009 10:52 PM GMT
Butchie saidThank You for the advice.... I thought about it, after 15yrs. being postive and HEALTHY its just another small aspect of who I am--- Who knows maybe I can help someone else.......... Thanks again Hope you have many, many more healthy years. |
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Feb 22, 2009 10:55 PM GMT
ObsceneWish saidIsn't a more relevant question to ask if the profile should even ask you to identify your HIV status? If you're poz and don't want to reveal it immediately, you are left with the choice of lying or leaving it blank, in which case most people are going to assume you are poz, anyway.
Be honest, how many of you assume I'm positive |
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Feb 23, 2009 3:55 AM GMT
jaded57 saidI feel that you dont give me any credit chuck. I re read this thread and the other thread about HIV/AIDS( you know the one where you suggested concentration camps for HIV+ people.) I also read a few other threads which you have posted too. And I can only come to the realization that you are nothing more than a cyber bully. I find it amazing how you post something and when you get flak for it you repost something else and try to portray yourself as the victim. Which you are not. To break it down for everybody heres how a typical post with chucky works. Whether the topic be HIV/AIDS, the weather, or the war of 1812.
1. Original poster post something it can be a question or some tidbit of info whatever.
2. People respond and usually a good exchange of topics comes about.
3. Chucky comes in and attacks someone in a very passive aggressive way. And goes into a lengthy post about how he is right. And then proceeds to say something hatefull but follows it up with something he copied from wikkipedia or some other source.
4. At this time usually Calson will post a lol cat or something equally cute. But to late the flames have already started.
5. And now some one post a response to Chucky.
6. At this point Chucky switches again and states something diffrent from what he originally posts. And further passively aggressively post how he is right and the authority on whatever the topic is. He will undoubtedly drop the personal refrence. Rather that be flex has diabetes or someone in his family or a friend of a friend or his doctors lawn guy, to show us that the topic really effects him personally.
7. At this point Flex joins in.
8. Someone else responds to Chucky.
9. At this point Chucky starts dropping names like a debutante trying to get into a packed club on friday night. Usually he drops the guy who started RJ and alludes to the fact that they exchange emails. But he really is trying to leave the impression that they are friends. Which they may be. He then again goes on to change in mid stream again and go off in some other direction.
And it goes on and on. Whether Chucky believes what hes typing or not is completely irrelevant. For you see Chucky just likes to argue and belittle people. Granted he does it very passive aggressively. But thats just what he does. You see my fellow people Chucky is a cyber bully. If you dont believe just follow him in any thread. You can clearly see the pattern I laid out above. Shockingly it is all quite predictable at this point.
I love how you just suggested above Chucky that we need an ignore option on RJ. I almost agree with you but then that is censorship, and as much as I hate seeing you post in a forum, that is against your rights. So instead I will just not read your posts.
And Ill take the time to tell anyone who has just found out that they are HIV+ or have AIDS that there self worth is not devalued. There is ignorance anywhere you go in life. Just remember that we should let others opinions of us remain just that their opinons. Having HIV does not make you sick. It doesnt devalue you as a person. And it doesnt mean you are less than any other person, especially people in an online forum. Get off the computer and go find a support group. That pretty much goes for everyone not just the pozzies in here. Want to go to Mass and get married? |
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Feb 23, 2009 4:24 AM GMT
I have confusing personal opinions about the whole thing, I am really young, I know, and I didn't live through the disaster in the 80s. I am still kind of prejudice against HIV + , sexual wise though, meaning I just can't bring myself to have sex with an HIV + even if it is safe. WHICH I ALWAYS PRACTICE SAFE SEX! anywho, I just don't know if i could allow myself to, I'm not sure if that is discrimination or not? But as far as public disclosure again its like being gay, don't go parading it around, but if someone asks you, be honest.
I think it's honorable to post your status, but I think it is a DIRE NECESSITY to tell the person you are having sex with. All our decisions affect everyone in someway.
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Feb 23, 2009 4:33 AM GMT
I find it funny that most people who are HIV- have to say that they are HIV- when talking about the disease. Reminds me of straight guys that say 'I'm not gay but I don't mind gays.' Uncomfortable with the topic much?
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Mar 10, 2009 5:56 PM GMT
onedayseejay saidMany don't really know exactly what all the numbers mean, but I couldn't believe it when I was told my counts. I've known friends that have been on meds for years that don't have those numbers. Right now, I'm not sick, I'm not any weaker than I as even 5 months ago and what I've been told, there's a good chance I may never have to go on meds because of my immune system. So I am not really sure how one can tell me right now that I am sick. Plus, HIV is a virus, not a disease... I found out years after I contracted it and I know this because I stopped dating and having sex for a while. I never went through the sickness when you 'convert'. If you are healthy and continue to be healthy then your immune system will treat you very well and you may never have to be on meds. At one point I was told I was almost at undetectable levels due to my fitness. Unfortunately, due to circumstances beyond my control (or at least I think they were) I was not able to maintain my fitness goals and am now on meds. So I have a new set of goals and I'm getting stronger every day. |
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Mar 13, 2009 5:57 AM GMT
"onedayseejay said"... And for the poz guys out there that think they are home free...if you mess around with another poz guy that has a high viral load and especially a different strain, you can get "reinfected." That is not entirely true for individuals who have been HIV positive for over 18 months. New research into superinfection or reinfection suggests that when an individual reaches their viral set point and his/her immune system controls the HIV infection, reinfection is unlikely. This IS true if the immune system hasn't reached the viral set point yet and your immune system has not built up an adequate response to the virus, the research then suggests an HIV positive person can be infected with one or more strains of the virus. Unprotected sex is risky risky risky...even if someone who is positive didn't reinfect themselves with a more virulent form of HIV, they could catch an STD which would completely affect their health. No one really is in the clear. They just have different things to worry about. - David |
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Jul 26, 2009 10:01 PM GMT
It's great that you wrote it. It's great that you take responsibility, God will reward you for that. I hope more people who know they are, could do the same thing,
Hugs
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Jul 26, 2009 10:21 PM GMT
It's REFRESHING that you would do that, but this is not really a sexually charged website. Since your first priority isn't to hook up, I think your status could be kept a non issue until someone wants to hook up and it becomes an issue. I just say that because for some here, it may be an issue before the fact (discrimination). Why deal with it if you don't have to?
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Jul 26, 2009 11:09 PM GMT
GuiltyGear said
It's REFRESHING that you would do that, but this is not really a sexually charged website. Since your first priority isn't to hook up, I think your status could be kept a non issue until someone wants to hook up and it becomes an issue. I just say that because for some here, it may be an issue before the fact (discrimination). Why deal with it if you don't have to?
You say discrimination, I say self-preservation.  I commend you for your honesty, for as much as it's worth. Honesty is always a commendable quality in a person. |
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Jul 26, 2009 11:11 PM GMT
Go for the honest approach.
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Jul 26, 2009 11:53 PM GMT
RyanReBoRn said
You say discrimination, I say self-preservation.
Self preservation for who? He said he was honest enough to tell in the event of a sexual encounter...you can't get it from an e-chat. You wouldn't fuck him anyway so no worries. Your indignant sanctimony makes me gag everytime. |
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Jul 27, 2009 12:09 AM GMT
GuiltyGear said
RyanReBoRn said
You say discrimination, I say self-preservation.
Self preservation for who? He said he was honest enough to tell in the event of a sexual encounter...you can't get it from an e-chat. You wouldn't fuck him anyway so no worries. Your indignant sanctimony makes me gag everytime.
Indignant? Hardly. It's no worries for me but it's poison to minds that are as susceptible to bs as the majority of people are. " I think your status could be kept a non issue until someone wants to hook up and it becomes an issue. I just say that because for some here, it may be an issue before the fact (discrimination)." Nobody ever said you could catch HIV over the Internet. The issue here is that you think the guy who takes issue with the status of a would be partner when they find out before the "fact" (ie: hooking up) is being discriminatory when, as I said, he's just watching out for himself, and preserving his health. Unlike the way the currently HIV+ guy most likely didn't watch out for himself. The way you have it phrased is likely to guilt guys into being less safe than the are comfortable with being. |
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Jul 27, 2009 12:26 AM GMT
I think it must be important to people to know this status or most sites wouldn't have the option to disclose that on the profiles. Its up to the person to disclose or not, but me personally I would rather just put it out there. It just saves alot of harsh feelings and rejection later on.
Ive had some people say that if your single and dating maybe you shouldnt disclose until that person gets to know you and likes you. Then they wont judge you so harshly since they already have feelings for you....
I see that point to a certain extent but I have always been the type to put stuff like this out there and let the chips fall where they may. I would rather say upfront now and be with someone that didnt have a problem with it from the beginning rather than wait until your a couple months or whatever into a relationship and then the person freaks out and cant handle it.
Is it everyones business? No not really, unless you want it to be. Its a personal choice to disclose, you have to live with the consequences either way.
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Jul 27, 2009 1:02 AM GMT
Blah! blah! blah! Ryan. I said that he should diclose this to people he is thinking of sleeping with. On a site like this, that is few and far between because IT IS NOT a sexually charged site. On a site like Adam4Adam, I think HIV status should be honestly disclosed from the day a guy sets up his profile...because everyone goes there to look for hookups. On this site that is not the case.
When I talked on DISCRIMINATION, I meant from people he won't hook up with, but just do what this site is all about: chat with, trade fitness advice with. If a person does discriminate based on status, the op will lose them anyway because he discloses his status in the event of a sexual encounter, which is honest.
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Jul 27, 2009 1:09 AM GMT
GuiltyGear said
Blah! blah! blah! Ryan. I said that he should diclose this to people he is thinking of sleeping with. On a site like this, that is few and far between because IT IS NOT a sexually charged site. On a site like Adam4Adam, I think HIV status should be honestly disclosed from the day a guy sets up his profile...because everyone goes their to look for hookups. On this site that is not the case.
When I talked on DISCRIMINATION, I meant from people he won't hook up with and just do what this site is all about: chat with, trade fitness advice with. If a person does discriminate based on status, the op will lose them anyway because he discloses his status in the event of a sexual encounter, which is honest. I know this isn't a sexually charged site. I wasn't talking about e-discrimination. I was talking about the actual hooking up aspect. Thank you for clarifying your point. |
