Guys who just confuse the hell out of me

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    Jan 14, 2009 10:50 PM GMT
    so, i really need to release these emotions bottling up inside me today. Basically, I meet guys all the time who either just want to "hook up" or want to be with me under weird circumstances.... wtf!! are there no real men who want just one guy ? seriously it bothers me a lot! Im not desperately seeking mr. right but this just keeps happening. I dont know how to stop being so nice and caring upfront cuz i get screwed over somehow. Maybe its best to ignore someones approach... it can be lonely tho at times. icon_sad.gif
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    Jan 14, 2009 11:18 PM GMT
    Don't feel defeated rosenberger_m, there are men out there like myself who want just one man in their life. Don't go out trying to hunt him down as you'll wear yourself out. Let love or whatever it is you're looking for come to you naturally. You'll see what I mean.
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    Jan 14, 2009 11:19 PM GMT
    Matthew, hang in there, you're young and when you least expect you'll find someone that is caring and considerate and looking for a one man's man. It will most likely be at a gathering some place where you're introduced to many people and this one catches your eye. Less likely to be off a website since they cater to mostly the meat market group or those who's fantasy are just that and the reality of a relationship is lost to them.

    Hang on to your high standards and you'll find love. In the mean time, enjoy life and it that means a one nighter for fun, do it but realize it's not THE one.
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    Jan 14, 2009 11:23 PM GMT
    It isn't easy finding really high quality in most any area (be it guys, investments, real estate, art, cars, etc). You have to search diligently and decide what is important to you. You don't want hook-ups and you seem like a good guy who has high standards. Good! You're on the right track. Stay focused - you'll meet guys at school, work, in clubs you belong to, even at your gym, out running, on-line here (a number of great guys are on this site!). You will meet guys out doing the things you like doing - so just go about your life - continue to be friendly and confident - show interest in others - it'll happen!
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    Jan 14, 2009 11:23 PM GMT
    ...basically what I'm saying is that you wrote my topic first.

    I didn't want to be the one to start this topic because I didn't want the flame wars to begin (we all know that happens here- ugh) or have others complain that I was complaining...but seeing as how your expressing what I'm feeling/ I'm not alone on this one...I'm all for it.

    R, ....I'm right with you man. Ive been "here" all month. We meet, talk for 5 months and I'm honest, open, kind and then.....wait what just happened?? Then I begin to Analyze the situation and each time come up with nothing. Where did I make a mistake? Again? I'm beginning to believe this happens because I actually don't sleep around/hook-up. I'm not just saying I don't....I don't period....then I'm the only one walking the walk. Now, I'm just tired of getting screwed over emotionally by all the liars/cheaters and all their CONFUSING-stories that don't match up with what they say.

    Maybe you're right. Maybe the solution is to stop being so nice and caring upfront. Maybe its just best to ignore approaches and don't approach even if it means carrying on the lonely feeling. I've even begun to tell myself..."We're born alone...We die alone...Shouldn't we just live alone?"

    Then I think...I'll meet "him" one day...it just wasn't today. If I give up...well we all know never to do that, right? Such is life.icon_confused.gif
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    Jan 14, 2009 11:29 PM GMT
    I understand your feelings. So many are afriad to commit to one guy. They want an Open relationship, or Mono but play together. They the real pervs that want things like live in slaves and such. It is scare.

    There are some who really want the mono commited relationship and are willing to work on it, but they are very hard to find. Keep looking you will find one and don't settle for less.
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    Jan 14, 2009 11:36 PM GMT
    Thanks guys so much! its nice to have that feeling of support. Im just not the kind of person who is into myself like others assume. I would do anything for the guy I was with.... problem is here , where i am ..... I feel like there arent any gay people around. I go to the gym, grocery shopping, school, to the mall, and go dancing in nashville, but you know, its a very small community... Im feeling better again, thanks !
  • TexanMan82

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    Jan 14, 2009 11:36 PM GMT
    We're out there, rosenberger. Don't give up.
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    Jan 14, 2009 11:40 PM GMT
    Ha! I'm always getting into weird situations when I go out. I think some of us have a bubble of weirdness around them. Anyone that enters it becomes a freak.

    Just go with it and remember it for your memoirs or tales to laugh with your friends about.
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    Jan 14, 2009 11:41 PM GMT
    Cowboiway saidSo many are afriad to commit to one guy. They want an Open relationship, or Mono but play together. They the real pervs that want things like live in slaves and such.


    And now our commercial break:

    Not to be too opinionated with the statement made above as it has crossed the RJ Forum Road before...but calling other individuals "the real pervs" because their situation works for them (whether it be an open relationship or not) is just pure ignorance.

    We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.
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    Jan 14, 2009 11:46 PM GMT
    you guys are too funny
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    Jan 14, 2009 11:50 PM GMT
    hummmm....i always ask my self the same question......cause i have a problem where the guys tell me one thing and do another.
    every guy i meet...that iam interested in...fals off the face of the planet in about two weeks....they stop responding to calls...emails...text messaes...everything! no lie

    iam at the point that being single is a lot easier these days....yeah...where guys and we got needs....but thats what toys are for, right!?!?

    but yeah..if you figure the answer out let meknow....or if ayone knows of anyone in harrisburg pa, philly, or even baltimore md that wants more than a piece of ass...hauller at me! ; )
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    Jan 14, 2009 11:58 PM GMT
    funny pictures of cats with captions
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    Jan 14, 2009 11:59 PM GMT
    dtothes84 saidhauller


    Surely you meant holla...as hauller refers to the friends of Lesbians who help them move in together after they've been dating for a week. icon_wink.gif
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    Jan 14, 2009 11:59 PM GMT
    Cowboiway said So many are afriad to commit to one guy. They want an Open relationship, or Mono but play together. They the real pervs that want things like live in slaves and such. It is scare.
    There are some who really want the mono commited relationship and are willing to work on it, but they are very hard to find. I do think that is slightly short sighted, although you're certainly entitled to your opinion, to say open relationships and mono-play-together = perv. I respectfully disagree with you there! Relationships are very hard and after time, they can get stale. Some use openness as a means of livening things up some. I was in a LTR for 23 years and trust me, it got stale sexually. Doing things "outside the box" doesn't necessarily mean you don't love someone. I think it is great that Matthew is looking for some ONE to share his time with and I'm sure he'll find it and I think that if that ends up being the ONE and love is forever, there will come a time when considering other sexual options may occur but I'd hardly relate anyone to being a perv for finding other ways of enjoying sexual pleasure. I know couples that have strong loving relationships that include a third for fun and they are hardly pervs.

    Of course my opinion and not meant to discredit Cowboiway or his opinion or to offend him or anyone else on here that might have a differing view than the correct one I have stated! end of disclaimer
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    Jan 15, 2009 12:43 AM GMT
    rosenberger_m, you're gonna have deal/sleep/date MANY douches before you find one! Relax, you're still young!!!
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    Jan 15, 2009 12:44 AM GMT
    i know what you saying, i went out to this guy supposedly non-sex going to movie thingy, but it turned out all he wanted was sex, lol
    it is getting very lonely =[
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    Jan 15, 2009 12:47 AM GMT
    i'm very up front with what i want. the ones who play head games though, that beat around the bush. i drop em.
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    Jan 15, 2009 12:47 AM GMT
    funny pictures
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    Jan 15, 2009 12:55 AM GMT
    funny pictures
  • JayneCobb

    Posts: 709

    Jan 15, 2009 12:55 AM GMT
    Caslon you reply to every one of these types of threads with that picture lol.

    But for the OP, I know what your saying but don't worry. I personally am a one-man man myself, and it is difficult to find that quality out there.

    Like MIKA says,
    "I went walking with my momma one day
    When she warned me what people say
    Live your life until love is found
    Or love's gonna get you down."
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    Jan 15, 2009 12:56 AM GMT
    cats
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    Jan 15, 2009 12:57 AM GMT
    Tough it out. I too long for a good man, but we all must wait. Think of it all and just a long road to the right man. Once you get him, you will cherish him a lot more.

    Imma spoil my man rotten.

    Good luck.
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    Jan 15, 2009 12:59 AM GMT
    JayneCobb saidCaslon you reply to every one of these types of threads with that picture lol.

    funny pictures
  • TadPohl

    Posts: 259

    Jan 15, 2009 1:15 AM GMT
    rosenberger_m saidso, i really need to release these emotions bottling up inside me today. Basically, I meet guys all the time who either just want to "hook up" or want to be with me under weird circumstances.... wtf!! are there no real men who want just one guy ? seriously it bothers me a lot! Im not desperately seeking mr. right but this just keeps happening. I dont know how to stop being so nice and caring upfront cuz i get screwed over somehow. Maybe its best to ignore someones approach... it can be lonely tho at times. icon_sad.gif


    I read a cool article about this online: How to have a healthy gay relationship.

    Step 1
    Come to a decision together whether or not your relationship will be "out of the closet." For many reasons, some people may not be ready to admit to the public that they are gay or in a gay relationship. While it is healthiest to accept yourself for who you are openly, one partner may not be ready. You must understand each other, have patience and above all, decide whether you are willing to stay in or come out of that closet.

    Step 2
    Date for an extended period of time before you commit to a long-term relationship. While this may seem obvious in any relationship, some gay people feel a bit isolated from parts of society, increasing the need for emotional connection, understanding and partnership. Make sure that you are guided into a relationship for the right reasons, and not simply for emotional needs, or you will never establish a healthy relationship.

    Step 3
    Decide together whether you will have a monogamous relationship. As in any relationship, gay or straight, it is best to not have false expectations, so speak to your partner if you are ready to get serious and be prepared if they are not. If you choose to have a monogamous relationship, be faithful and respect the feelings of your partner.

    Step 4
    Socialize with other people and couples, especially if you are trying to keep your relationship under wraps. An easy way to destroy a healthy gay relationship is to hide indoors for fear of being found out. Both partners can easily begin to feel smothered as the need for social activities grows. You can plan small dinner parties with other gay couples or even spend a night on the town with friends without the need to play up the fact that you are a couple if you prefer to keep the secret.

    Step 5
    Stick up for yourself, your partner and other gays and lesbians to create a healthy relationship. Even if you have chosen not to come out just yet, you can earn self-respect and the respect of your partner by speaking up when someone makes a gay joke. This is particularly important in social circles, such as with friends or family, when your partner is present.



    I personally did not understand how to find a decent guy until I stopped looking out and began reflecting internally, on my own perception of what I was looking for and where I would/ could it. I kept disappointing myself by connecting with problematic loons or the sex fiends. I think that I was either or at different stages of my gay past.

    I was initially the fiend who kept looking for something/ someone to fill that sense of "not being complete". Meeting guys became a game to inflate my ego. I found myself messing around with random hot guys and tossing them aside when I grew bored of them. I thought that the notches on my bed post would reflect on how awesome I was. I thought that when I became "awesome" enough that everyone would find me super attractive and that I would find my happiness and perhaps my soulmate.
    I was so wrong and soon found the activity to be surprisingly unsatisfying and self-degrading. Satisfying your physical urges does not ever equate to satisfying your mental state. And when you're done you realize that you're just as empty if not more than before..so repeat the cycle until you become completely miserable and a slut.

    My second attempt at completing myself was trying to "hunt" down that perfect man and have him "fix" that awful feeling inside of me. I thought that if I found that one amazing guy that my life would be forever changed and that the happily-ever-after goopy love ending would complete me. Everything would be rosy and my troubles would melt away with a a guy.
    I was so wrong again. In this game I became an emotional vampire with dating. I would search for my fantasy, the perfect date/ man that would interest me and complete me.... and when the illusion finally broke, when I realized that he was not as I had prematurely labeled I would toss him aside and start my hunt for the next man. I USED them to make me happy...that was so awful of me! I used whatever beautiful quality they possessed in hopes of making me feel less ugly on the inside....less hignry for love and attention.
    I used to put all these crazy and unfair responsibilities on a guy. "YOU need to make me happy" "YOU need to make me feel loved/ validated" YOU need to make me feel secure"
    Some guys who fell for the illusion of who they thought I was would be able to do it for a second, but eventually everyone fails because what I asked for was unreasonable.
    I've learned that the only to have a loving/ good relationship with someone else is to first love yourself. You have to be able to respect yourself and be independent of anyone else. You need to be able to make yourself happy and content. There is such a stress on the importance of understanding your issues versus someone else's issues.
    All this takes time...so take it easy. Take it at a snail's pace. Wait out your natural hormones, your urges to jump on hot guy and wait for the fantasy/ illusion to break. You might get to see who he really is if you guys are truly compatible.
    If your intention is to develop a relationship with someone and you're willing to be honest about it then the other person will eventually get the hint. They will either agree and try to date you or they will turn tail and run....which is what you want. Why bother trying to do something special with someone who's unwilling?

    Good luck! I hope my words helps.

    Continue being a sincere, secure and gorgeous man and you will attract someone equally amazing. Cool? Give it time. There is no time limit on your growth.