rosenberger_m saidso, i really need to release these emotions bottling up inside me today. Basically, I meet guys all the time who either just want to "hook up" or want to be with me under weird circumstances.... wtf!! are there no real men who want just one guy ? seriously it bothers me a lot! Im not desperately seeking mr. right but this just keeps happening. I dont know how to stop being so nice and caring upfront cuz i get screwed over somehow. Maybe its best to ignore someones approach... it can be lonely tho at times.
I read a cool article about this online: How to have a healthy gay relationship.
Come to a decision together whether or not your relationship will be "out of the closet." For many reasons, some people may not be ready to admit to the public that they are gay or in a gay relationship. While it is healthiest to accept yourself for who you are openly, one partner may not be ready. You must understand each other, have patience and above all, decide whether you are willing to stay in or come out of that closet.
Date for an extended period of time before you commit to a long-term relationship. While this may seem obvious in any relationship, some gay people feel a bit isolated from parts of society, increasing the need for emotional connection, understanding and partnership. Make sure that you are guided into a relationship for the right reasons, and not simply for emotional needs, or you will never establish a healthy relationship.
Decide together whether you will have a monogamous relationship. As in any relationship, gay or straight, it is best to not have false expectations, so speak to your partner if you are ready to get serious and be prepared if they are not. If you choose to have a monogamous relationship, be faithful and respect the feelings of your partner.
Socialize with other people and couples, especially if you are trying to keep your relationship under wraps. An easy way to destroy a healthy gay relationship is to hide indoors for fear of being found out. Both partners can easily begin to feel smothered as the need for social activities grows. You can plan small dinner parties with other gay couples or even spend a night on the town with friends without the need to play up the fact that you are a couple if you prefer to keep the secret.
Stick up for yourself, your partner and other gays and lesbians to create a healthy relationship. Even if you have chosen not to come out just yet, you can earn self-respect and the respect of your partner by speaking up when someone makes a gay joke. This is particularly important in social circles, such as with friends or family, when your partner is present.
I personally did not understand how to find a decent guy until I stopped looking out and began reflecting internally, on my own perception of what I was looking for and where I would/ could it. I kept disappointing myself by connecting with problematic loons or the sex fiends. I think that I was either or at different stages of my gay past.
I was initially the fiend who kept looking for something/ someone to fill that sense of "not being complete". Meeting guys became a game to inflate my ego. I found myself messing around with random hot guys and tossing them aside when I grew bored of them. I thought that the notches on my bed post would reflect on how awesome I was. I thought that when I became "awesome" enough that everyone would find me super attractive and that I would find my happiness and perhaps my soulmate.
I was so wrong and soon found the activity to be surprisingly unsatisfying and self-degrading. Satisfying your physical urges does not ever equate to satisfying your mental state. And when you're done you realize that you're just as empty if not more than before..so repeat the cycle until you become completely miserable and a slut.
My second attempt at completing myself was trying to "hunt" down that perfect man and have him "fix" that awful feeling inside of me. I thought that if I found that one amazing guy that my life would be forever changed and that the happily-ever-after goopy love ending would complete me. Everything would be rosy and my troubles would melt away with a a guy.
I was so wrong again. In this game I became an emotional vampire with dating. I would search for my fantasy, the perfect date/ man that would interest me and complete me.... and when the illusion finally broke, when I realized that he was not as I had prematurely labeled I would toss him aside and start my hunt for the next man. I USED them to make me happy...that was so awful of me! I used whatever beautiful quality they possessed in hopes of making me feel less ugly on the inside....less hignry for love and attention.
I used to put all these crazy and unfair responsibilities on a guy. "YOU need to make me happy" "YOU need to make me feel loved/ validated" YOU need to make me feel secure"
Some guys who fell for the illusion of who they thought I was would be able to do it for a second, but eventually everyone fails because what I asked for was unreasonable.
I've learned that the only to have a loving/ good relationship with someone else is to first love yourself. You have to be able to respect yourself and be independent of anyone else. You need to be able to make yourself happy and content. There is such a stress on the importance of understanding your issues versus someone else's issues.
All this takes time...so take it easy. Take it at a snail's pace. Wait out your natural hormones, your urges to jump on hot guy and wait for the fantasy/ illusion to break. You might get to see who he really is if you guys are truly compatible.
If your intention is to develop a relationship with someone and you're willing to be honest about it then the other person will eventually get the hint. They will either agree and try to date you or they will turn tail and run....which is what you want. Why bother trying to do something special with someone who's unwilling?
Good luck! I hope my words helps.
Continue being a sincere, secure and gorgeous man and you will attract someone equally amazing. Cool? Give it time. There is no time limit on your growth.