Question..--UPDATE

  • TheNuKid

    Posts: 8

    Sep 28, 2014 8:50 AM GMT
    Hey, I'm a bisexual male and I have this situation...

    One, I don't have many gay friends and I kind of like it that way. When I was younger I had a few and they all just caused way too much drama. So I kind of cut them off, I have maybe two or three now a days but don't really communicate with them. When I mess around its usually with a "straight guy".

    Heres my situation...

    I have a friend who is straight, I first met him at a sports bar I used to bartend at. I introduced him to one of my close female friends that night as well. Anyway, I've know him for about 3 years now. The first time, I remember being drunk in my apartment and I just nonchalantly poked his bulge. He got tight and said never to do that again, and I didn't for a while.

    One night we're in the city and we go to this club then back to my hotel room. I got a room because I had business to take care of and didn't feel like going back and forth from Brooklyn to Manhattan. After the club we're drunk as hell, I take a shower first and then he goes after. We're laying on the bed and decide to order room service. After we eat we drink some more and he randomly goes, "I know you want to touch my dick." ---- I don't know WHERE he got that thought from or why he even brought it up. So I played along and was like yeah let me...at first he goes no, but lets me grab it through his shorts. I then take it out and give a hj then a bj, then he innocently ask if he could suck on mine. Needless to say we've messed around in a total of 5 times...I've grown feelings for him, and I'm not sure how he feels and I don't wanna ask him how he feels.

    I did explain one night after we did what we did, that I like him but it's confusing because I don't even know if its lust or love. He knows me, and I know him..and I feel comfortable with him. Whenever we meet up to hang he's very touchy. He'll grab my shoulder, my side, my back, my neck and give a squeeze. EVEN IF HIS GIRLFRIEND IS RIGHT THERE.

    Now he's moving out of state and I asked if I could go with him and he said sure why not. Ever since we've been intimate he gets a little weird, granted he may feel uncomfortable..but we still talk and still joke around and act like nothing ever happened. We only get intimate if we're really really drunk. The last time I asked him to kiss me, it took a few minutes but he did and I CANT GET OVER THE WAY HE KISSES. His lips are so soft and full...I have a thing for latinos, so this is like over kill haha.

    I just don't know how to take it...should I even move out of state with him. He doesn't want to be roommates but he wants to live close by. I need advice from some gay guys, lol because I don't know what the fuck is going on.

    I did explain it to one guy and he said that I'm emotionally taken by him. And maybe that is true...he makes me want to better myself, and he's the first out of all my friends who tries to repay favors. For example, we would go out and I would pay for him most of the time. Lately, I've been having some financial issues and when I tell him I can't go out cause I'm broke he goes, "It's my treat" and he's treated me a few times but I won't let him anymore. I don't know how to take this...so advice will be very appreciated.


    Thanks...


    TheNuKid*




    ----------------UPDATE----------------------



    So...I told him. We went out to a strip club last night with one of his friends. I was drunk, and felt myself getting jealous especially after he told me the stripper he was getting touchy with, he actually fucked. I don't like strip clubs, I like pole dancing...REAL pole dancing, it takes a lot of talent to do that but strip clubs aren't my thing. Especially when girls come up and ask you for tips, #wheretheydothatat ?? Lol...anyway, I felt myself getting really jealous and I caught him several times staring at me and asking if I was okay. I guess the expression on my face showed that I was pissed off...so I told him when he came back to my apartment...we didn't do anything intimate, we just sat and talked. And I explained to him that I have feelings...he didn't say anything negative...he just said "Okay"..Lol, so I left it at that. I didn't want to pressure him into saying more, I'm content with OKAY...for now.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 28, 2014 9:11 AM GMT
    How long did he have his girlfriend for? Were these "messing around" incidents before he had his girlfriend?

    Was he completely drunk when he made that comment about you wanting to touch his snake? If it was me, and I knew he already had a girlfriend, I wouldn't do it, because I have respect for him and his girlfriend.

    What worries me, is that if he cheats on his girlfriend for you, he might also cheat on you at some time.

    But as an outsider looking in, I feel that I don't have many details, so I apologize if I'm jumping to conclusions too soon.

    If you're both meeting out of lust, I really don't know what to say other than, one of the three of you (girlfriend) could get emotionally hurt.
  • TheNuKid

    Posts: 8

    Sep 28, 2014 9:29 AM GMT
    His girlfriend..I don't really ask much about her...is that me being selfish?

    They are on and off...right now?? I'm not sure where they are. He's always going out and she's no where in sight.

    I don't want to be in a relationship with him...I like my freedom, and so does he. What I would like is to have that exclusive feel. Where he's the only guy I'll be intimate with and vice versa.

    He does care for me, I know that...he's said it. And I've told him that after we're done doing what we've done he shouldn't be so quick to run..he says he sometimes feels uncomfortable and I understand that.

    I wanna ask him what this is. I wanna know where we stand...are we just fuck buds, or could it be a little bit more.

    I don't wanna try and change him at all, but I would like to hold him while watching a game or movie. But I don't see that because like I said, we're both really wasted when it does happen.

    I just don't wanna make a decision that I'll later regret...Do I love him? Yes, and I don't wanna mess up our friendship. That came first, I want that to last...he's an awesome person to speak to, to be silent with. And we learn off of each other....I told him before the last time, that I think it be best we distance ourselves. He seemed upset, he wanted to know why and I couldn't conjure up the courage to explain to him because I don't want him to feel uncomfortable and I'm afraid of what he may or may not say.

    I feel like I get in a cloudy daze when it comes to him. The last time it happened, last week...we were in a nightclub. I didn't want to go out but he basically begged me in a way so I went. I felt jealous a little when I would see him dancing with girls, even though I was doing the same. And I would catch him glancing over at times to check on me...he'd come over, ask if I were okay, if I wanted another drink, if I wanted to step outside.

    Maybe he's just experimenting...but the last time, he actually went to put it in and I told him no. I didn't sound very convincing, so he did but only for a few seconds then I told him to stop and he did.

    But out of all the intimate moments....I remember fondly our first kiss.

    It's a bit funny because when we first started hanging out on a regular basis people would come up and ask if he were my boyfriend, or if I were his. He'd get upset and say no...a year later we hook up...crazy how the universe works

    Also..I don't think it's a meeting of lust, we don't plan it. If it happens it happens...the first time he said it was only going to happen once, and I shouldn't expect it to happen again but it has, several times.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 28, 2014 9:51 AM GMT
    Hmmm..... Sounds like a tough and complex situation. I understand now why you won't bring up his girlfriend and that's ok. You both love your freedom, but you don't want to be in a relationship with him.

    It seems like the both of you always have to be drunk when making out or doing things together for once. Is there anyway that the both of you can be sober while you're together; trust me, the feelings are a lot more real when you're sober together.

    I would like to ask you, how do you really feel about this person? Have you deeply thought about it? What does your "gut feeling" tell you about this person. He may have good qualities about him, but make sure to take note of his bad and suspicious qualities. Which qualities weigh more?

    I wouldn't want someone that constantly has to be drunk to have fun and make out with me. Because if he's drunk, he's not "completely" there. I want someone to completely be there. He wants to move out of state with you but you both can't be roommates? It's like he's keeping you a secret or something.

    We really need input from another person also.
  • TheNuKid

    Posts: 8

    Sep 28, 2014 10:00 AM GMT
    Haruo3 saidHmmm..... Sounds like a tough and complex situation. I understand now why you won't bring up his girlfriend and that's ok. You both love your freedom, but you don't want to be in a relationship with him.

    It seems like the both of you always have to be drunk when making out or doing things together for once. Is there anyway that the both of you can be sober while you're together; trust me, the feelings are a lot more real when you're sober together.

    I would like to ask you, how do you really feel about this person? Have you deeply thought about it? What does your "gut feeling" tell you about this person. He may have good qualities about him, but make sure to take note of his bad and suspicious qualities. Which qualities weigh more?

    I wouldn't want someone that constantly has to be drunk to have fun and make out with me. Because if he's drunk, he's not "completely" there. I want someone to completely be there. He wants to move out of state with you but you both can't be roommates? It's like he's keeping you a secret or something.

    We really need input from another person also.



    Sober in an intimate way? I've never tried that...we both work two jobs. When we hang out its either to work out, being artistically creative, or going out to drink and party.

    My gut tells me I can trust him. That he's a good guy...he's proven to me multiple times that he's a good guy before any of this happened. He's a man of his word..He says he doesn't want roommates because he wants his own space. But he wants us to live close to one another...

    I've met his whole family, and he's met mine. Granted, his mother probably doesn't like me because we partied way to much..sometimes a whole weekend.

    How I really feel about him? I think of him a lot...I get happy when he calls or text. When I see him I get shy, lol which is so stupid. But I really care for him, I really really do...he's my best friend above all.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 28, 2014 10:11 AM GMT
    Hmm... Well then, by all means do what you have to do. Makes me want to meet this person just in case, I sound like a parent lol! But anyway, just be safe, etc. and maybe you'll learn more about him and yourself as well throughout the days, I don't know.

    I'm still waiting for another person's insight lol
  • TheNuKid

    Posts: 8

    Sep 29, 2014 3:01 AM GMT
    Same here...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 29, 2014 10:46 AM GMT
    Somehow i find it difficult to believe that your gay friends were the ones creating drama in your life? and in regards to your "str8" mate…YOLO O.o
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 29, 2014 3:03 PM GMT
    What the fuck are you doing here if you think every fag is a drama queen?
    Go to a parking lot and start cruising.. No talk there
  • TheNuKid

    Posts: 8

    Sep 29, 2014 7:56 PM GMT
    ....LMAO, that's exactly what I'm talking about.

    I didn't say EVERY, I said the ones that I USED to hang out with when I was 14 years old. That's 11 years ago...I'm pretty sure I can meet some mature people in the lgbt community, I just haven't made an effort to do so.

    They didn't cause drama in MY life, but whenever I would hang out with them there always SEEMED to be drama and they loved it. I'm not the type to enjoy drama and scenes...so it put me off and I stopped talking to them.

    But thanks for the negative response...Hope you have a blessed day icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 29, 2014 9:37 PM GMT
    My gut feeling is that this will not end well for you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 30, 2014 4:54 AM GMT
    Okay, I read your entire post here closely and based on my experience and training, my response will not be a long one okay. First of all, damn you are making me miss New York and I lived there for a little while. Compared to Houston, TX, you are living in a wonderful place for gay guys. Lastly, you said in your post that "he was feeling uncomfortable." My guess is that you are the one who is truly feeling uncomfortable because of the fact that you are very nervous about the prospect of leaving where you are and he is about to leave. You are wondering why, if he truly loves you, would he leave and go somewhere else. The problem here is that he is having fun and you are falling in love. But unlike most people, I do not see anything wrong with that. What I mean is that if he has a girlfriend he is already telling you something about how he wants, or right now, is viewing his his future life (wife, kids, straight suburbs, etc.)to go but you are in denial of what the man is telling you with his life, actions, and reality he has created for himself outside of you. It's not his fault if you end up hurt in at the end of this. He's exploring his sexuality, and apparently you are the one guy he feels comfortable doing that with you (trust me, when you get much older you will look back on this experience you are having with him now fondly and happily and have as much sex as you can with him right now and make him try gay sex in all of its glory and many ways. He will look back on his experiences with you fondly and happily as well after he has become a straight suburban dad. He will always be thankful to you for his time he spent sexually doing things with you) but you already know your gay sexuality and are comfortable with your sexuality as a gay man. You can not hold "straight" guys at your gay standard. So, unless you are prepared for the man to leave you for the straight world that his family has put pressure on him to lead and live, make a decision about the kind of relationship you will have with him. Damn, I did the very thing I said I wouldn't, I wrote you a long ass thoughtful reply here, lol. But I've experienced exactly what you are experiencing here so I guess my heart went out to you. Good luck brother and I hope I helped you a little.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 30, 2014 6:03 AM GMT
    It sounds like you guys both really like other, but, you're both kinda' uptight, and... that leads to the dysfunctional thing that is.

    You need to talk about it, together, and be honest. At some point, like you're going to be open about your sexuality, whatever that is. (I mean, really, you're on a gay site, and pictureless, which tells me mountains about your self acceptance.)

    I'd work through this with him, together, in a honest way. Reality is that you want to go with him, and him with you, but, you're both fighting it. Just do it.

    However, if someone say they're bi, well, at some point, if they want a partner, unless that partner is into open relationships, he'll have to chose a sexual direction.

    I've lots of different arrangements over the years. First thing, you need to be talking with him. The worst thing that can happen is you decide not to move forward.

    As you get into middle age, you realize that nobody gives a shit about you being on a gay site, and every second of your life is ticking. Unless we manage to become borg... we're all on a countdown to death. Like yourself, get some self acceptance, and...the rest will follow as you begin to bring integrity into your life. It's time. You're at an age that you should be able to have integrity.

    Life is an adventure. If you guys talk about and you're on the same page...then...go on life's journey,...in the open and with a smile. You're o.k. Like yourself...first.
  • TheNuKid

    Posts: 8

    Sep 30, 2014 7:57 AM GMT
    I'm going to air it all out this weekend when we hang out...hopefully it goes well. If he wants to keep it on a friendly experimentation level then that's fine with me..but I don't wanna mess up our friendship..maybe what I feel is some sort of puppy love...but it's not fair to me to hold it in, and it isn't fair to him as well...So, I'll write out a long letter and when we hang out I'll give it to him. And ask what he feels/thinks once he's done.
  • Aleco_Graves

    Posts: 708

    Sep 30, 2014 8:51 AM GMT
    I wish these stories would have more happy endings. They're always intense and stir me up.

    I was part of one and I actually got to date him. It was amazing but its over now and I wish I could go back to being best friends and brother in arms.

    That being said, I wish the best for you. Please keep us updated
  • TheNuKid

    Posts: 8

    Oct 03, 2014 9:53 PM GMT
    I told him he said okay...then he brought it up again right now...saying he really didn't understand...so I explained...he said that he didn't expect that and that over all we're still best friends...
  • TheNuKid

    Posts: 8

    Oct 04, 2014 10:37 PM GMT
    I think it's going well...last night was the first night we ever slept in the same bed...once again, nothing sexual...we just talked, held hands, fell asleep...it was nice, different, and nice...the song Unusual You by Britney Spears would def be a song for how I feel