Anyone Relate To This?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 30, 2014 2:14 AM GMT
    Hey everyone. I want to start by saying I'm generally new to the dating world.
    As an outsider looking in, the accepted method for gay men to meet and converse is by meeting at a bar, or a an event, or a group.
    This gets me a bit down, because where is the spontaneity in any of that? The hope? What if I don't fit in any of those places, like I've never fit in anywhere in my life and never will amen?

    At the same time, I'm not sure where else to turn. I've been on online dating for years, and I know I'm not exactly ace material, but I've yet to meet anyone with whom I have actual chemistry. I have yet to date anyone I'm actually attracted to, which makes me feel a bit guilty.

    Anyways, in this futile struggle we call life, I'm at wit's end. Quite literally I've done everything except be the setup for a joke and walk into a gay bar.
    Should I walk into a gay bar? What would you do?


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 30, 2014 2:40 AM GMT
    Don't worry, you'll meet mr. Right someday, and it could be someplace totally unexpected. You don't have to meet at a gay bar, etc. I wouldn't want someone from a bar but that's just me.

    If you're looking for LTR, I probably wouldn't recommend the bar.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 30, 2014 2:49 AM GMT
    Haruo3 saidDon't worry, you'll meet mr. Right someday, and it could be someplace totally unexpected. You don't have to meet at a gay bar, etc. I wouldn't want someone from a bar but that's just me.

    If you're looking for LTR, I probably wouldn't recommend the bar.
    I don't... I don't think I have a Mr. Right. Lol.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 30, 2014 2:51 AM GMT
    I get the frustration, trust me. I used to go to gay bars almost every weekend in my early twenties and let me tell you, it was a giant waste of time. You're really not missing anything by not going. I feel like people meet the right person at the most unexpected times.... I know it sounds cliché but it's so true. Hang in there, you seem like a decent guy.... The right one will come along when the time is right.

    Cheers!
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    Sep 30, 2014 2:53 AM GMT
    What about you? Do you think you'll find "Mr. Right"?
    For me, at this point? Any male interaction or attention at all would probably be nice... but not really going to happen.
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    Sep 30, 2014 2:54 AM GMT
    Persian_Leo saidI get the frustration, trust me. I used to go to gay bars almost every weekend in my early twenties and let me tell you, it was a giant waste of time. You're really not missing anything by not going. I feel like people meet the right person at the most unexpected times.... I know it sounds cliché but it's so true. Hang in there, you seem like a decent guy.... The right one will come along when the time is right.

    Cheers!
    Thanks a lot. I honestly can't see it happening. I mean have you looked at me? I'm 23 and I'm already bald... lmao. And I look sort of like a smug cartoon character with a squished face. And I have a short legs and extremely awkward proportions in the least desired places.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 30, 2014 2:56 AM GMT
    teroh said
    Persian_Leo saidI get the frustration, trust me. I used to go to gay bars almost every weekend in my early twenties and let me tell you, it was a giant waste of time. You're really not missing anything by not going. I feel like people meet the right person at the most unexpected times.... I know it sounds cliché but it's so true. Hang in there, you seem like a decent guy.... The right one will come along when the time is right.

    Cheers!
    Thanks a lot. I honestly can't see it happening. I mean have you looked at me? I'm 23 and I'm already bald... lmao. And I look sort of like a smug cartoon character with a squished face.


    I think you're attractive. Don't sell yourself short... Confidence is sexy, own your qualities!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 30, 2014 3:03 AM GMT
    Persian_Leo said
    teroh said
    Persian_Leo saidI get the frustration, trust me. I used to go to gay bars almost every weekend in my early twenties and let me tell you, it was a giant waste of time. You're really not missing anything by not going. I feel like people meet the right person at the most unexpected times.... I know it sounds cliché but it's so true. Hang in there, you seem like a decent guy.... The right one will come along when the time is right.

    Cheers!
    Thanks a lot. I honestly can't see it happening. I mean have you looked at me? I'm 23 and I'm already bald... lmao. And I look sort of like a smug cartoon character with a squished face.


    I think you're attractive. Don't sell yourself short... Confidence is sexy, own your qualities!
    Thanks, I'll take your advice for if and when I have qualities in which to own.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 30, 2014 3:50 AM GMT
    teroh saidWhat about you? Do you think you'll find "Mr. Right"?
    For me, at this point? Any male interaction or attention at all would probably be nice... but not really going to happen.


    I haven't, and I stopped looking when I was 21. I kind of became too busy and had to focus on school at that time, since graduation was coming up. Once I graduated I just became used to not looking and rarely do it nowadays.

    You say interaction between you and another person will never happen? You never know, it could happen. I think it happens often when you're not looking, or something like that.
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    Sep 30, 2014 7:46 AM GMT
    Persian_Leo saidI get the frustration, trust me. I used to go to gay bars almost every weekend in my early twenties and let me tell you, it was a giant waste of time. You're really not missing anything by not going. I feel like people meet the right person at the most unexpected times.... I know it sounds cliché but it's so true. Hang in there, you seem like a decent guy.... The right one will come along when the time is right.

    Cheers!

    Thank you for sharing your hindsight experience and reaffirming what I knew was a smart decision. I've never wasted my time in those places because I always thought those places are too loud to socialise properly, but of course we know it's mostly not for that or at least not nowadays.
  • spunkymark

    Posts: 114

    Sep 30, 2014 1:39 PM GMT
    I dont remember where I read it, but it put my thoughts pretty well into one sentence:

    Have an awesome life.

    Meaning: live YOUR life. Don´t fret over being single. Find what makes you happy, what is fun for you. Go for it. Meet people who are similar. And as was said before - the right guy will come along.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 30, 2014 2:39 PM GMT
    I think it is a part of why some gay guys go into stereotypical "gay careers" like cabin crew, hairdressing, so they have extra opportunities to meet guys. In your case you probably should just get out there because you will have to hang around the supermarket for a long time compared to the average straight guy or girl before the person of your dreams walk past, unfortunately.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 30, 2014 4:00 PM GMT
    I honestly do not know what the problem is. First off you are a good looking guy. That's gold in the gay world. Second, you seem like a good, caring person. That's rare in the world (gay or straight). Third, you have a job.

    You WILL find a good man one day. Just don't settle while you're searching for him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 30, 2014 4:26 PM GMT
    I'm in the closet, I need to look for my man which is a lot harder (I mean I can't just wait). I don't plan to come out till I find somebody I want to spend the rest of my life with.
    My family is very homophobic and I don't want to lose them for relatively no reason. icon_sad.gif
  • jcd87

    Posts: 24

    Sep 30, 2014 5:31 PM GMT
    teroh saidHey everyone. I want to start by saying I'm generally new to the dating world.
    As an outsider looking in, the accepted method for gay men to meet and converse is by meeting at a bar, or a an event, or a group.
    This gets me a bit down, because where is the spontaneity in any of that? The hope? What if I don't fit in any of those places, like I've never fit in anywhere in my life and never will amen?

    At the same time, I'm not sure where else to turn. I've been on online dating for years, and I know I'm not exactly ace material, but I've yet to meet anyone with whom I have actual chemistry. I have yet to date anyone I'm actually attracted to, which makes me feel a bit guilty.

    Anyways, in this futile struggle we call life, I'm at wit's end. Quite literally I've done everything except be the setup for a joke and walk into a gay bar.
    Should I walk into a gay bar? What would you do?




    First of all you're a very handsome guy. Second, I feel your frustration. I personally hate going out to gay bars and most guys I've met online were in it for a quickie. Yeah sometimes I feel like giving up the search, or just settling into the fact that I'll be single forever, but those are just insecurities u have to get over. Just don't get yourself too down, the right guy can come along at any moment.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 01, 2014 12:08 AM GMT
    Umm if you're going to a gay bar, I suggest you go with a few friends.
    The more the better.

    I personally feel very ill at ease when I'm in a gay bar cause you pretty much feel like meat. You go in and you everyone's checking out who just walked in and you're like "ok what's going on ..."

    And if you're with one friend, it feels like you're going there to hunt so you're basically checking everyone out.

    And if you're in a group, well it's like you're all hanging out but you just happen to be in gay bar.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 01, 2014 4:12 AM GMT
    I found what I was looking for at the gym. Maybe you can, too?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 01, 2014 5:20 AM GMT
    Try going to Meetup.com groups or other group social activities. What I like about these social activities is that you can meet guys in a group, and if you have chemistry with a guy you can exchange digits and meet again. If there's nobody there of interest than you just get to enjoy a nice social event without any "dating" pressure. Also, you just never know if you might make friends with guys and they have a friend who is your match.
  • buddycat

    Posts: 1874

    Oct 01, 2014 9:28 AM GMT
    I know it does not seem spontaneous but unless you are in a very gay area like Castro Street or Chelsea, you kind of have to go out of your way to meet guys. That is just how it is since most people are straight and they meet anywhere; the street, the supermarket, or any other public place.