Calling All Former Fatties

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 30, 2014 4:20 AM GMT
    Hey RJers! I was wondering if any other guys out there used to be overweight and lost weight, who still have issues with their self-perception?

    Is it normal that when I look in the mirror, I still see the old me sometimes? They say changing the outside is much easier than the inside, and I'm starting to see that as I stray away from dating from fear of eventually being seen naked (lol) I find that women don't tend to care as much, but gay men are (especially one's who haven't struggled with obesity) are very critical.

    I have stretch marks and a tad bit of loose skin and sometimes I just feel that no matter how hard I put an effort in the gym, that guys only see that part of me.

    If you used to be a former fatty, did you completely rid yourself of any insecurities or do they still linger? And if they're still around - how severe are they? I am genuinely curious to see if there are other men out there who feel like me.

    Thanks!
  • AWashingtonia...

    Posts: 128

    Sep 30, 2014 11:45 AM GMT
    The hanging flabbniness visible on my stomach when I bend over is going away too slowly. icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 30, 2014 12:59 PM GMT
    Compassion for body dismorphia is not limited to the prior overweight crowd. I grew up paonfully skinny and was picked on for it. Thus i see the skinny kid in the mirror.
    Most bodybuilders i have known are compensating for past body image issues. You are not alpne, far from it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 30, 2014 1:08 PM GMT
    Lost 70 lbs here.

    A touch of narcissism goes a long way. Learning to be that way after a life of being humble can be a challenge, though. Basically it just turns into confidence.

    Tell yourself you've become the hottest guy on earth, over and over, until you believe it.

    Of course I know I'm not the hottest guy on earth, but telling myself that during my weight loss helped me gain perspective on my progress, and see it for what it is rather than seeing my former fat self.
  • xBEHEMOTHx

    Posts: 95

    Sep 30, 2014 1:08 PM GMT
    Hey there guys. Op you look great so don't sweat it! I still have a little belly myself but meh it just doesn't wanna go away.even when I drop weight to 170 its still there!! So I just say fuck it I'll never have abs haha
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 30, 2014 2:01 PM GMT
    I've never been not built, and I certainly wasn't small when I was younger. I was studied because I was so strong, and so mesomorphic, at such a young age, and never touched anything exogenous until my late 20's.

    It's a far reaching statement that all built guys are built because of low self acceptance. That's not the case. In my case, I'm so well suited to lifting, it's easy for me, I like it, that I just keep doing it. 40 years this year. My motivation isn't just looking good, but, more than that, feeling good. Many athletes have HIGH self acceptance and are great leaders. Their athleticism is rarely compensatory. It's a lifestyle. Fat asses rarely know how good feeling, and healthful, a regular, daily, balanced, exercise program is. Given, I have a certain physical presence, and on so many occasions, that has decidedly worked to my personal, and professional, advantage. The way I look isn't about drugs, or genetics, but, as much about planning, patience, discipline, and focus, as well. Attributes many aspire to, and attributes, I know that have in more than one time have worked in my favor.

    You don't wake up one morning fat ass. It takes a while to get that way ignoring how you look and feel, along the way. The over eating is more often than not medicating an underlying mental health issue...just like the picture less / face less on this site. That issue is low self esteem / low self acceptance.

    If I'm less lean than I'd like, I don't worry about it. I take action. I know full well, how to get big, get lean, etc.

    Here's a book I think would be a good read for you: SOS Help For Emotions. It will help you to feel differently about these sorts of things, and, better about yourself.

    Bottom line is that we CHOOSE how we feel around these things. That pictureless guy, who won't show a face; won't give a last name and first name, isn't protecting privacy. The real reason, almost always is an underlying mental health issue / dysfunction, in self acceptance, and unfounded, irrational, fears.

    Most fat folks, or those who starve, need to work on the underlying mental health dysfunction, whatever it is. We almost all have something. Mine isn't around my body. My personal issue is performance anxiety (about getting enough work done) and dealing with folks that I call "slow thinkers." Of course, reality is that Corporate America rarely value competence, or performance, and it's so often about "soft skills." We've become of society of whining pussies, so to say.

    I'm Chuck Gudgel. Feel free to google me.

    Gay men are often guilty of low self acceptance / anxiety, and that manifests itself in hurtful ways. Conversely, just because you identify as gay, it doesn't give you a free pass to rudeness, nor a key to my bedroom. Regular folks have smiling faces, first names, last names, a handshake, and a smile. Don't believe me? Go visit a straight site. Self acceptance is key. Nasty gay guys are just projecting their own deep mental health issues. True that. But......there's no excuse for letting yourself go. You don't wake up one morning a fat ass. It takes years of bad behavior. Identify the underlying mental health issue, like yourself, and the rest will follow.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 30, 2014 3:08 PM GMT
    RespectablyBuffed saidCompassion for body dismorphia is not limited to the prior overweight crowd. I grew up paonfully skinny and was picked on for it. Thus i see the skinny kid in the mirror.
    Most bodybuilders i have known are compensating for past body image issues. You are not alpne, far from it.
    icon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gif its a serious disesae , i have it and i try to manage it, the mirror is your enemy.


  • Beeftastic

    Posts: 1747

    Sep 30, 2014 4:40 PM GMT
    Yes, I lived as obese for almost 15 years. Been trim now for almost 7. I still feel like a fattie. When I look in the mirror, I see the remaining fat parts of my body, I have to force myself to see the muscles and strength I have. I strive to become barely acceptable to myself and others. My belly will never be flat, it's looks best actually with a bit of padding down there to combat the loose skin.

    I live in a real and constant fear that something will happen to my health or circumstance that will prevent the 6 days a week at the the gym my body needs to stay at it's present level, and I will slide back into obesity.
  • buddycat

    Posts: 1874

    Sep 30, 2014 5:53 PM GMT
    Dropped 70 lbs starting just last November till summer. Starting to see washboard abs. I haven't always been fat though, gained most of it when I quit smoking and just kept it on for years. Not really struggling with self-acceptance over it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 30, 2014 7:36 PM GMT
    See: The Fat Kid Mentality: http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/1911386

    and

    Blog of another "Chunk-to-Hunk" RJ member: http://aformerfatboy.com/

    As for me, from 165 (at 30) I went up almost 90 in a few years, then down 80 in five months with no loose skin (at 40), then up 60 over several years given medications, then down 70 to my leanest ever with a touch of loose skin (at almost 50). Blew people, including legit working CK male underwear print models at a couple of industry functions, away because I passed for my 20s at 50 and was told when they hugged me goodbye that I "still had it goin' on." They had no reason to lie, I was invited by my ex who's a fashion designer and they knew I had no real industry connections. And still I was insecure about my looks.

    Now the loose skin's gone but I've been up 20 for a year given non-gym injuries and cortisone. My next cut I'll be bigger yet leaner than ever so at that point I'll be easier on myself. Heck, I wasn't supposed to even have a PULSE by now.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 01, 2014 4:07 AM GMT
    It doesn't matter how big/ripped/thin/etc. I get. I still see that fat kid in the mirror. I don't think it ever goes away completely.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 01, 2014 5:12 AM GMT
    Thanks for posting. You definitely are not alone.

    It may never go away completely, but you can work on lessening those feelings. Talking to someone, continually working on yourself but not necessarily just your body. Keeping positive, good, supportive and mentally healthy people around you. As for the guys that don't appreciate you, there will be twice fold more that will!

    There are many theories, practices, logics behind working on ridding yourself of those negative, self defeating thoughts. For example, there's a book out there called The Happiness Trap. It has some simple practices, that actually work, on helping you lessen the effects and power those negative thoughts have on you. I have read up on some men you have used hypnotherapy to work on those thoughts and help them shed weight too. Ultimately though, as much as anyone else tells you how handsome, sexy, beautiful, great looking you are, you won't believe it fully, until you believe it yourself. So start believing it, because you are! ;-)





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    Oct 01, 2014 2:34 PM GMT
    Keep up the training and be careful with what you eat...
    at your youthful age, it won't take long to see your skin work its way back to shape.

    I lost 40 lbs ten years ago, THEN began weight training (never lifted or exercised prior to that...so stupid...)
    Its taking me a lot longer because of my age, and the little willpower I have when it comes to pizza, breads, and ice cream icon_confused.gif

    Finally Leo, when you look in the mirror, don't focus on what you "think" isn't right. Pay attention to what IS right! You're a CRAZY sexy, VERY handsome dude icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 01, 2014 5:56 PM GMT
    Well don't jump into bed with the first guy on the first date. If he likes YOU, he's not going to care about a few stretch marks or a bit of loose skin, and chances are he's going to have his own little things he's worried about, things which you won't even be focused on if you like HIM.

    As for me, I wasn't always fat, and only spent ~5 years that way. I haven't fully made the adjustment to being normal weight, mentally, but it won't be long. My body has never looked better and I didn't have any major self-image issues prior to gaining the weight (just normal ones :p ).

    There's a funny thing where, even if you don't have complete self-confidence, acting like you do makes others THINK you do and they treat you different/better, which can then help boost your self confidence. Try it maybe.

    Insecurities are in your head. They'll always be back there but you should focus on your assets, whatever they are, and you should know by now what they are! You just have to be willing to name them.

    You're mid-twenties. Get a handle on this now and you're set for life icon_smile.gif
  • KaZT

    Posts: 52

    Oct 01, 2014 6:31 PM GMT



    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uaLikjgJssk

    Just fatty?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 02, 2014 2:43 AM GMT
    Yes. I don't really want to go into specifics or talk about it though.
    Long story short, I have to get over hating the world and being angry all of the time, before I even start on trying to alter my body image.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 02, 2014 3:13 AM GMT
    eagermuscle saidSee: The Fat Kid Mentality: http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/1911386

    and

    Blog of another "Chunk-to-Hunk" RJ member: http://aformerfatboy.com/

    As for me, from 165 (at 30) I went up almost 90 in a few years, then down 80 in five months with no loose skin (at 40), then up 60 over several years given medications, then down 70 to my leanest ever with a touch of loose skin (at almost 50). Blew people, including legit working CK male underwear print models at a couple of industry functions, away because I passed for my 20s at 50 and was told when they hugged me goodbye that I "still had it goin' on." They had no reason to lie, I was invited by my ex who's a fashion designer and they knew I had no real industry connections. And still I was insecure about my looks.

    Now the loose skin's gone but I've been up 20 for a year given non-gym injuries and cortisone. My next cut I'll be bigger yet leaner than ever so at that point I'll be easier on myself. Heck, I wasn't supposed to even have a PULSE by now.
    yes man u still got it going on , u could pass for a young dude anyday! hottest 50 i seen hahah. u also got a awesome persoanality! first time i read your profile i knew you were a awesome dude, shalom !
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    Oct 02, 2014 3:21 AM GMT
    mojohnny saidKeep up the training and be careful with what you eat...
    at your youthful age, it won't take long to see your skin work its way back to shape.

    I lost 40 lbs ten years ago, THEN began weight training (never lifted or exercised prior to that...so stupid...)
    Its taking me a lot longer because of my age, and the little willpower I have when it comes to pizza, breads, and ice cream icon_confused.gif

    Finally Leo, when you look in the mirror, don't focus on what you "think" isn't right. Pay attention to what IS right! You're a CRAZY sexy, VERY handsome dude icon_wink.gif
    I AGREE! this dude is crazy sexy and very handsome! he only has to look in the mirror and smile! icon_biggrin.gif i tell him this all the time! he is a pretty boy for sure. as for the the lose skin that will go away within time. running will get rid of that! i use 2 to be heavy
  • rdberg1957

    Posts: 662

    Oct 02, 2014 5:13 AM GMT
    I'm still heavier than I would like to be. At my highest, I was 348 and getting nowhere with diet and exercise. I had a gastric bypass and dropped to 220. I gained about 30lbs over the last six years since I had the surgery. In the last six months I've dropped ten and am at 240. I played tennis intensely over this summer, 3-4x/week, + racquetball + strength training.

    Still have trouble eating just a little bit more than I need to, so that I don't lose weight much. I eat an amount which would cause me to lose weight and I crave carbs and fat.

    I noticed that since I have been playing tennis, lifting weights and doing a lot of cardio that even though the scale has not changed much, my body shape has and I like my body more. Now my reason for wanting to lose weight is to play tennis better and to have more stamina. I also want to prevent injuries. Currently I am sidelined from tennis because of a rotator cuff strain. I continue to work out and am planning a rehab program.

  • AWashingtonia...

    Posts: 128

    Oct 07, 2014 1:14 AM GMT
    chuckystud saidI've never been not built, and I certainly wasn't small when I was younger. I was studied because I was so strong, and so mesomorphic, at such a young age, and never touched anything exogenous until my late 20's.

    It's a far reaching statement that all built guys are built because of low self acceptance. That's not the case. In my case, I'm so well suited to lifting, it's easy for me, I like it, that I just keep doing it. 40 years this year. My motivation isn't just looking good, but, more than that, feeling good. Many athletes have HIGH self acceptance and are great leaders. Their athleticism is rarely compensatory. It's a lifestyle. Fat asses rarely know how good feeling, and healthful, a regular, daily, balanced, exercise program is. Given, I have a certain physical presence, and on so many occasions, that has decidedly worked to my personal, and professional, advantage. The way I look isn't about drugs, or genetics, but, as much about planning, patience, discipline, and focus, as well. Attributes many aspire to, and attributes, I know that have in more than one time have worked in my favor.

    You don't wake up one morning fat ass. It takes a while to get that way ignoring how you look and feel, along the way. The over eating is more often than not medicating an underlying mental health issue...just like the picture less / face less on this site. That issue is low self esteem / low self acceptance.

    If I'm less lean than I'd like, I don't worry about it. I take action. I know full well, how to get big, get lean, etc.

    Here's a book I think would be a good read for you: SOS Help For Emotions. It will help you to feel differently about these sorts of things, and, better about yourself.

    Bottom line is that we CHOOSE how we feel around these things. That pictureless guy, who won't show a face; won't give a last name and first name, isn't protecting privacy. The real reason, almost always is an underlying mental health issue / dysfunction, in self acceptance, and unfounded, irrational, fears.

    Most fat folks, or those who starve, need to work on the underlying mental health dysfunction, whatever it is. We almost all have something. Mine isn't around my body. My personal issue is performance anxiety (about getting enough work done) and dealing with folks that I call "slow thinkers." Of course, reality is that Corporate America rarely value competence, or performance, and it's so often about "soft skills." We've become of society of whining pussies, so to say.

    I'm Chuck Gudgel. Feel free to google me.

    Gay men are often guilty of low self acceptance / anxiety, and that manifests itself in hurtful ways. Conversely, just because you identify as gay, it doesn't give you a free pass to rudeness, nor a key to my bedroom. Regular folks have smiling faces, first names, last names, a handshake, and a smile. Don't believe me? Go visit a straight site. Self acceptance is key. Nasty gay guys are just projecting their own deep mental health issues. True that. But......there's no excuse for letting yourself go. You don't wake up one morning a fat ass. It takes years of bad behavior. Identify the underlying mental health issue, like yourself, and the rest will follow.



    Wow... I agree with some things posted, but I'm not sure that I follow the context of a few points within the context of the initial question as it was posed.
  • tajsreve

    Posts: 418

    Oct 07, 2014 7:30 AM GMT
    I have yo-yo'd my whole life with my weight. At my worst was 230 at 5'9. My thinnest was 148. In answer to your question. I have never gotten over the fatty image in my mind. I was at 148 in the military and I went to a gay party. I felt really confident. Everyone was shirtless but me and a this skinny toothpick guy came up to me and was all flirty and pulled up my shirt and then said, Oh God. that's gross, I really thought that you had a flat stomach. He just walked away. I never felt so humiliated.
    If I loose weight I loose it everywhere but my stomach. My face will be the first place I loose weight. I hate looking at myself when I loose weight because I look sick. I can do all the aerobics I want but I still don't loose the fat in my abs. It is an hereditary thing. All my family talk about this being a curse. At my best, I was doing 500 crunches, and running 12 miles a day and I still have the same abs I had before, or so it looked that way to me. I have a 30 inch waist now, but I still have no definition. If you rub my stomach you can feel every single ripple of a muscle god, but but you still can't see anything.
    Are gay men hypercritical? Hell yes. At least a large percentage of them are. At least that is my own experience.
    I never wear a shirt or pants that fit tightly because I am so over sensitive about my abs.
    Does body dysmorphia actually go away? It might if we weren't gay. Meaning that as gay men who were discriminated against because we were gay: One would think we would be more accepting, but we aren't! We are far more likely to judge! Do I do it myself. Yes.
    I have experienced this more often that I care to tell. I have found that gay men are far more likely to judge other gay men based on their physical appearance, how much they earn, how masculine they are, what clothes they wear, how much they make, what they do for a living, where they live, what their dick size is, and the list goes on...
    The only thing that I can advise is that to counter act this insane hypercritical projection of self-defamation is that you have to be confident in the fact that you look fine! You are who you are! It may not be perfect in "gay eyes" but you are fine! Love yourself!!!
  • interesting

    Posts: 584

    Oct 14, 2014 3:16 AM GMT
    It just sucks being formerly overweight, I can totally relate. No matter how many pounds you shed, the outside is still harboring the insecure inner perception that you have of yourself that scarred too deep.

    I really want to blame it on porn for glorifying this image of a gay guy being all built, lean, and good-looking, but really it's this image you have of your former self that can't be broken. My body insecurities are hovering around more than UFOs in the midwest.

    I still see myself as this fat boy, in high school I was about maybe 5 feet tall and weigh about 170 lbs, though I am now 5'3" and 135 lbs (still fluctuating). There's still this feeling of, will I ever lose all this fat, even though I can't feel much, I still think it's a lot. I don't think the fat image I have of myself will ever go away, but the silver lining, my vanity actually serves as a positive aspect because I keep convincing myself that even though I have a fat sloppy body, at the very least, I still have a nice face (at least in my eyes anyway, lol)


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 29, 2014 4:01 PM GMT
    I can relate. I spend more time focused on continuing to improve fitness without giving myself much credit for the changes (weightloss) I did make happen
  • muscleboundfe...

    Posts: 392

    Oct 29, 2014 9:50 PM GMT
    This really isn't a problem for me. I know I'm still over weight. Some mirrors make me look god awful. However I am really impressed with the progress I've made. The sad part is that when I was 19 I looked a little better than I did now but felt like I was hideous. I wish I could go back in time and see my old self with the eyes I now have.