Does being gay and having issues go hand in hand?

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    Sep 30, 2014 9:03 AM GMT
    Just intrigued and have often wondered about this.

    Being gay is often portrayed as this super happy existence where we all love musicals, shopping and having a good time. It's much different under the façade of glitter and muscles.

    It seems most of us are caught up in a world of depression, social anxiety and feelings of insecurity. So many of us seem to be addicted to drugs, alcohol or sex. I hear of guys with eating disorders and extreme BDD, too.

    Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but compared to the straight population, the ratio of people with problems is far higher in the gay community.

    Is homosexuality synonymous with self destruction?
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    Sep 30, 2014 9:10 AM GMT
    Not in all cases, but there are some very neurotic gay guys around. I think that I would not like to be like that at all.
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    Sep 30, 2014 9:16 AM GMT
    It is. Only because of lack of real understanding or concern when it comes to brotherhood. THe gay community is oblivious to it the most. I can give you countless HUGE PUBLIC scenarios that prove my point. They reach far beyond the straight communities self respect. Ask me for details and I will point out the disgusting details. Straight people DO NOT AFFECT SOCIETY nearly as much as the gay community does when it comes to sex and conduct. I WON'T BE PERSUADED HERE. I know the fact all over the world. Does this mean you are a loser and one of them? NO. It means listen to the fuck I have to say and ignore these fucking "married" couples living in a cloud which there are only a few of them and KNOW there is something seriously wrong here in society. Believe me, I am not wiping off my shoes and telling you this as though I am a saint. I dove through it and when I got out I realized fuck man, these people dont love me. Even worse they should know it themselves because they gave me HIV. Skeptical of the details I can tell you the person that gave me HIV tried to convince me of something very insane afterwards. In the straight world it is neither perfect also... But at least you have one less abstraction to deal with.... SEX. Makes the whole situation less complicated. Truth comes from the heart and not from any other body part.
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    Sep 30, 2014 10:10 AM GMT
    silver_phoenix saidcollateral damage in the evolutionary competition between the X and Y chromosome. [I got crucified for stating this in another thread, apparently it makes gays "look bad" or something. I don't care, I'm interested in the science not preserving someones ego.]

    So maybe the high prevalence of craziness is just hardwired in.


    Interesting! Explains a lot tbh.
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    Sep 30, 2014 10:48 AM GMT
    Being human and having issues goes hand in hand, most people are just better at hiding it. Not to stereotype, but gay males and females tend to be more open with their emotions around friends -- although I've had straight friends confide in me about things they're going through.

    Be careful with the guys you surround yourself with, we often become our environment icon_wink.gif
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    Sep 30, 2014 10:54 AM GMT
    AnOriginal saidBeing human and having issues goes hand in hand, most people are just better at hiding it. Not to stereotype, but gay males and females tend to be more open with their emotions around friends -- although I've had straight friends confide in me about things they're going through.

    Be careful with the guys you surround yourself with, we often become our environment icon_wink.gif


    This.

    I think just being alive and having issues is the truth.

    I'd be curious to see a study or percentage breakdown to verify things, but I don't believe that homosexual men have cornered the market on depression and insecurity.
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    Sep 30, 2014 11:00 AM GMT
    AnOriginal saidBeing human and having issues goes hand in hand, most people are just better at hiding it. Not to stereotype, but gay males and females tend to be more open with their emotions around friends -- although I've had straight friends confide in me about things they're going through.

    Be careful with the guys you surround yourself with, we often become our environment icon_wink.gif


    In the gay and lesbian community it is purely acting ability. And you said it yourself, we become our environment. I can get REALLY deep with that concept. But the point is GAY AND LESBIANS are the first to put up a front when it comes to emotion towards anyone. My straight friends will tell me outright when I am going over the edge... Gay and lesbians love to see the show though. SURE THEY EXPRESS THEIR EMOTIONS but when you ask them what is behind it they have no fucking clue because it is pure acting. My straight friends will tell me when I ask what is behind it. I compare the two and KNOW the gay community is one fucked up community and I am not here to bash I am just here to express my opiinions in hopes it will help someone that doesn't have to go through what I went through.
  • AWashingtonia...

    Posts: 128

    Sep 30, 2014 11:05 AM GMT
    Issues.. in a large picture Everything has issues. That's a part of this reality.

    Being is connected with destruction, like light and shadow.

    Mountains have erosion.

    Oceans have plastic waste.

    Air has PM 2.5 pollution.

    The Earth is loosing its atmosphere.

    Some people have financial issues.

    Others have relationship issues.

    Non-LGBTQ people have issues. They're just accepted as normal.

    LGBTQ people have issues. They're more pointed out because we are still a 'sub-culture.'

    It's all in how one allows the issue to shape this existence.

    It can be a positive learning experience, regardless.
  • AWashingtonia...

    Posts: 128

    Sep 30, 2014 11:33 AM GMT
    Jerred saidIt is. Only because of lack of real understanding or concern when it comes to brotherhood. THe gay community is oblivious to it the most. I can give you countless HUGE PUBLIC scenarios that prove my point. They reach far beyond the straight communities self respect. Ask me for details and I will point out the disgusting details. Straight people DO NOT AFFECT SOCIETY nearly as much as the gay community does when it comes to sex and conduct. I WON'T BE PERSUADED HERE. I know the fact all over the world. Does this mean you are a loser and one of them? NO. It means listen to the fuck I have to say and ignore these fucking "married" couples living in a cloud which there are only a few of them and KNOW there is something seriously wrong here in society. Believe me, I am not wiping off my shoes and telling you this as though I am a saint. I dove through it and when I got out I realized fuck man, these people dont love me. Even worse they should know it themselves because they gave me HIV. Skeptical of the details I can tell you the person that gave me HIV tried to convince me of something very insane afterwards. In the straight world it is neither perfect also... But at least you have one less abstraction to deal with.... SEX. Makes the whole situation less complicated. Truth comes from the heart and not from any other body part.




    I would like to see some more credible statistics to the facts all over the world...

    I believe you have a unique experience. However, it seems your experiences might have confused 'facts' from your personal experiences.

    You have some valid points, but your specific experiences are not enough to write that sex is less complicated in the Non-LGBTQ world. Take the many TV shows: Riki Lake, Sally Jesse Raphael(sp?), Maury Povic(sp?), Montel, the many Spanish-speaking talk shows of a similar ilk, and of course Jerry Springer.

    They mostly managed to have the majority of 365 days of the year FULL of at least 5 DIFFERENT non LGBT instances of extra-marital and pre-marital sexually complicated affairs. This does not include the many others who applied to appear and were not accepted onto the show.

    Let's take a mathematic approach to this let's say 52 weeks of air time minus 12 weeks of re-runs and holiday hiatus times 5 days per week, equals: (52-12)*5= 200. Now multiply that number of shows times an average of five instances, equals: 5*200= 1,000. There were at least three people involved, so we multiply that by 3, equals: 1000*3=3000.

    That's 3,000 individuals on television per show in one year. Let's multiply that by the 5 named shows above, that's: 3000*5= 15,000 non-LGBTQ people with sexually complicated relationships. This doesn't include the other people, not on the show, with whom they were having sex. If we use the guide that one-in every ten persons is LGBTQ, then the numbers would compare: 15,000 non-LGBTQ persons to 1,500 LGBTQ persons would have sexually complicated relationships.

    Let's say the show lasted 5 years. That's 15000*5= 75,000 non-LGBTQ instances versus 1500*5= 7,500 instances of LGBTQ instances over 5 years.

    And, these are just the 'cheating on me' shows, not to mention the 'I don't know who my father is' shows..


    In addition, the last fact I checked showed that non-LGBTQ marriages end in divorce by a rate of 70%. SEVENTY PERCENT OF ALL non-LGBTQ marriages END in DIVORCE.

    AGAIN, I understand your particular experience is awful, and I would wish you an exceedingly better life.

    But, non-LGBTQ people are just as messed up as it seems LGBTQ people might be portrayed.
  • spunkymark

    Posts: 114

    Sep 30, 2014 11:55 AM GMT
    AWashingtonian said

    But, non-LGBTQ people are just as messed up as it seems LGBTQ people might be portrayed.


    While this is true, I think gay people do have to cope with the coming out process. And before that with the "coming to terms with myself" process which can be quite taxing - especially in parts of your country or other countries that are not very liberal and accepting.

    In my country, there is a big LGBTQ movement and even bigger opposing movement, mostly pushed forward by the Catholic church. "Protect the traditional family" and all that shit. There was a priest saying "gays are worse than mass murderers", saying that "it is ok though, we don´t have to do anything, they will die out by themselves." icon_eek.gif And you just meet such attitudes (in varying degrees) literally everywhere.

    I can shrug it off, having loving family and friends around me. But if there is young boy or girl who is just discovering his sexuality - I think hearing that he is inferior, evil, sick and what not, that can leave some deep scars.

    So yeah, we are all born equal, but we are not treated equal.
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    Sep 30, 2014 11:59 AM GMT
    AnOriginal saidBeing human and having issues goes hand in hand, most people are just better at hiding it. Not to stereotype, but gay males and females tend to be more open with their emotions around friends -- although I've had straight friends confide in me about things they're going through.

    Be careful with the guys you surround yourself with, we often become our environment icon_wink.gif


    +2

    It is documented, we are more prone to depression, suicide, substance abuse, etc., and I think that has to do with realizing (for most of us at a time when we're already an emotional basket case due to normal adolescent angst) that you are not like 90-95% of the population depending on whom you ask. And then there is the way those around you deal with it.

    This will hopefully age out at least in the countries where people are evolving on sexuality, but it is going to take a generation or more.

    And in the meantime, you can't control the cards you were dealt, but you CAN control what you do with them. Don't hang around destructive, self-obsessed people just because they are gay too. Or because they are your relatives. Surround yourself with the people who bring out your best self.
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    Sep 30, 2014 12:05 PM GMT
    Nobody reads me anymore but I will respond anyways...

    Sex is destructive at this time in the entire world because there is no room for more children. There just isn't. In the gay community anal sex can be very destructive also. In many cases it is whether we know it or not. I am NOT the arbitrator of anyone's sex life besides my own but yes there is a side to homosexuality that is severely destructive in comparison with the straight community. Does that mean you have to switch? No, it just means you have to understand this particular scene is the most fierce jungle of them all. Make your way but grasp your morals in the process... The ones that got you this far. Reach for things beyond gay stereotypes... Reach for BROTHERHOOD man... It is the best sexual experience you ever had in your mind. The greatest part is the orgasm is never over. Go with your conscience man, it is nobody's job here to tell you what that is. You can find love in many forms. Don't sell yourself on lust though whether you are gay or straight.
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    Sep 30, 2014 12:05 PM GMT
    A lot of destructive and neurotic behavior can result from any type of self-hate and shame. You don't even have to consciously realize you feel that way about yourself to act out on it. I think a lot of adult behavior stems from these feelings, which are instilled in many gay guys early in life.

    So yeah, gays do tend to have more "issues", but it's probably not because of some inherent gene or something.
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    Sep 30, 2014 12:20 PM GMT
    The gay community is a microcosim of the population as a whole. People will act to their individual gifts. Add to the fact we are bombarded daily that we are diffrent. Ie, posative or negative reenforcement thru the media and social interaction. Plus mist of us are actively dating... all our lives for the mist part. And lets face it dating can suck.
    Its easy to get down on our community and say bad! But there is alot of good caring loving guys out there who are there for each other.
    I came out a bit over a year and a half ago and thus far the majority of my experiences and friends have been wonderfull loving caring guys.
    I do kniw a few guys who are a mess in a personal way but they are in the minority.
    I agree your environent shapes your perception. Get out and meet good people they are out there. Hating your community is not helping u
    Just saying
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    Sep 30, 2014 12:25 PM GMT
    Everyone has issues though.
    Gay men will face a particular kind of issue sure, but generally speaking everyone has some kind of particular issue they need to deal with.
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    Sep 30, 2014 12:56 PM GMT
    In my case yes, I'm fucked up but at least I never hated myself or felt ashamed.
    I don't think it's genetic, more likely it's because our first serious problem is that we disappoint our family just the way we truly are and it's frustrating.
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    Sep 30, 2014 1:00 PM GMT
    RespectablyBuffed saidThe gay community is a microcosim of the population as a whole. People will act to their individual gifts. Add to the fact we are bombarded daily that we are diffrent. Ie, posative or negative reenforcement thru the media and social interaction. Plus mist of us are actively dating... all our lives for the mist part. And lets face it dating can suck.
    Its easy to get down on our community and say bad! But there is alot of good caring loving guys out there who are there for each other.
    I came out a bit over a year and a half ago and thus far the majority of my experiences and friends have been wonderfull loving caring guys.
    I do kniw a few guys who are a mess in a personal way but they are in the minority.
    I agree your environent shapes your perception. Get out and meet good people they are out there. Hating your community is not helping u
    Just saying


    It's not hating it is just accepting. Relationships seem both complex in the straight community and the gay community. I just won't go there. MAN, my family will all be dead when I die but what I would like is a brother putting his hand on my shoulder and a sister holding me when I die. I have that but I don't expect they will be there knowing death could happen at any time.

    Not to be at all offensive but HOW were these gay people there for eachother. Not saying they are not. Just curious. I am really keen. If it is anything like the pathetic AIDS quilt burn it. Those guys stood for one thing only, THEMSELVES. I HUGE PITY PARTY THAT TOOK YEARS TO GET THEM TO WEAR RUBBERS. Sorry I am pretty direct on what I see in a lot of areas of this world and NOT just the gay community. When I see bullshit I will will strike at a question and USUALLY that question never gets answered.

    Gay is NOT a community although I use it that way subliminally a lot of times... It is like the difference between blue eyes and brown eyes... Do WE make a deal of that? Fuck no. In my opinion and I KNOW about the rightists but honestly they have been pretty fucking polite over the last decade in terms of science. But you got all these liberals trying to MANIPULATE science so badly they have convinced this community that gay "genes" exist. GIVE ME AND THE REST OF OUR WORLD A FUCKING BREAK. They shot holes through the studies left and right. Gays are worse than conservatives right now when it comes to moral. At least conservatives didn't try to erroneously manipulate science to get what they want. Science has it's name for a reason. NO YOU CANNOT PLAY WITH IT LIKE A POLITICAL TOY. It is DISGUSTING what they tried to convince this community of when it comes to Science because they know you are the fucking scapegoats that will buy into it and justify their cause. You don't care about the truth from what I have seen. You follow whatever fantasy is in your mind. Take a look again. THE ENTIRE FIELD OF STUDY IS BEING SHOT DOWN BEFORE IT EVER GOT OFF THE GROUND.

    And JUST for the record, I don't HATE my community. I am no part of any community besides the United States Of America. But this low down shit you guys tossed on Obama while he was dealing with a fucking war was truly pathetic. "GAY RIGHTS" obama.... ME ME ME. Seriously wake up and you will understand why this community probably CANNOT help me or anyone. Some individuals YES but they are rare. The mentality around here is looks and dominance and submission back and forth in an endless fucking cycle. Yes I am straight forward and unique. I never bought into billboard charts on the fucking freeway. LOL
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    Sep 30, 2014 1:17 PM GMT
    Jms31 saidJust intrigued and have often wondered about this.

    Being gay is often portrayed as this super happy existence where we all love musicals, shopping and having a good time. It's much different under the façade of glitter and muscles.

    It seems most of us are caught up in a world of depression, social anxiety and feelings of insecurity. So many of us seem to be addicted to drugs, alcohol or sex. I hear of guys with eating disorders and extreme BDD, too.

    Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but compared to the straight population, the ratio of people with problems is far higher in the gay community.

    Is homosexuality synonymous with self destruction?

    I don't know if there are hard facts about this, backed with good research. This may be mostly subjective opinion, which is all I can offer, too.

    I can tell you that within my own circle of gay friends all are very happy, stable, successful. A few eccentricities here and there, but nothing seriously neurotic. They would compare favorably to any group of straight guys, maybe even be MORE normal, if there's any accepted standard for that. But then we're older, too.

    I do see some turmoil among younger gays. Which is why I try to help them out, assist them to establish themselves, set a good example for them. There's are several young guys right now with whom I'm doing a little mentoring. In a way it's not so much WHAT I'm doing for them, but that somebody is taking an interest in their welfare that I think may benefit them most. (And please gentlemen, I'm not a predator or a chicken hawk, I wouldn't touch a 20-something sexually if you served him to me with a side order)

    This one particular guy is so innocent, and seems genuinely surprised that anyone would worry about him. I wonder if he's had a tough life, which also might include not a few gay "patrons" who DID have ulterior motives. Well, anyway, I hope we can get this kid up and running. So that he realizes he's not alone, has friends, and he can become happy, stable and successful, just like our contemporary friends are.

    Leading me to my closing observation, that maybe some of these perceived gay problems have nothing to do internally with BEING a gay man, but rather with LIVING as a gay man in our society. Which is why younger gays, being less experienced, vulnerable, and having fewer resources, are susceptible to societal harm. Whereas older guys like me and our friends are more immune, more able to brush aside the hostility of some straights and the system they control, and instead thrive and revel in being gay. And love our musicals, shop all day, and have a good time. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 30, 2014 1:26 PM GMT
    dont know about this Obama thingy but as much as it can be important to me,
    maybe only moderate or less:

    i would look forward to the new more affirming homes squeezing out a better finer population.
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    Sep 30, 2014 1:47 PM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    Jms31 saidJust intrigued and have often wondered about this.

    Being gay is often portrayed as this super happy existence where we all love musicals, shopping and having a good time. It's much different under the façade of glitter and muscles.

    It seems most of us are caught up in a world of depression, social anxiety and feelings of insecurity. So many of us seem to be addicted to drugs, alcohol or sex. I hear of guys with eating disorders and extreme BDD, too.

    Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but compared to the straight population, the ratio of people with problems is far higher in the gay community.

    Is homosexuality synonymous with self destruction?

    I don't know if there are hard facts about this, backed with good research. This may be mostly subjective opinion, which is all I can offer, too.

    I can tell you that within my own circle of gay friends all are very happy, stable, successful. A few eccentricities here and there, but nothing seriously neurotic. They would compare favorably to any group of straight guys, maybe even be MORE normal, if there's any accepted standard for that. But then we're older, too.

    I do see some turmoil among younger gays. Which is why I try to help them out, assist them to establish themselves, set a good example for them. There's are several young guys right now with whom I'm doing a little mentoring. In a way it's not so much WHAT I'm doing for them, but that somebody is taking an interest in their welfare that I think may benefit them most. (And please gentlemen, I'm not a predator or a chicken hawk, I wouldn't touch a 20-something sexually if you served him to me with a side order)

    This one particular guy is so innocent, and seems genuinely surprised that anyone would worry about him. I wonder if he's had a tough life, which also might include not a few gay "patrons" who DID have ulterior motives. Well, anyway, I hope we can get this kid up and running. So that he realizes he's not alone, has friends, and he can become happy, stable and successful, just like our contemporary friends are.

    Leading me to my closing observation, that maybe some of these perceived gay problems have nothing to do internally with BEING a gay man, but rather with LIVING as a gay man in our society. Which is why younger gays, being less experienced, vulnerable, and having fewer resources, are susceptible to societal harm. Whereas older guys like me and our friends are more immune, more able to brush aside the hostility of some straights and the system they control, and instead thrive and revel in being gay. And love our musicals, shop all day, and have a good time. icon_biggrin.gif


    I respect what you just described but read what you described again because if you look at it from an angle that straight people go through the same thing. I KNOW you hate me for saying this but yes man and I know it as a fact... We make choices sexually on our environment. Nobody is a victim here at least not anymore. Procreation is the real devil in the gay community... Not the right religionists or the parents that gave birth to you. We are different, I can accept that part... But we owe it to our parents to carry on the best way we know how. Nothing wrong with stopping procreation if that is what you believe in. I personally believe that too. But in the end it is about what you stood for... Was it Gay rights, manipulating the tax system, allowing gay men to have sex in public nowhere NEAR like straight people behave themselves... Look at the truth man. It is all around you. You live in a tiny world of "happy gay marriages" and it is totally superficial in light of the drastic progress straight marriage has made on the face of this planet. Honestly, and I never said this before but I do not believe in either gay or straight marriage the way it looks right now in america. Marriage is you sitting out on whatever beach or mountain or desert and proclaiming your love to the universe which IS God I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt. Paperwork does not go with you when you die.
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    Sep 30, 2014 2:16 PM GMT
    Jms31 saidJust intrigued and have often wondered about this.

    Being gay is often portrayed as this super happy existence where we all love musicals, shopping and having a good time. It's much different under the façade of glitter and muscles.

    It seems most of us are caught up in a world of depression, social anxiety and feelings of insecurity. So many of us seem to be addicted to drugs, alcohol or sex. I hear of guys with eating disorders and extreme BDD, too.

    Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but compared to the straight population, the ratio of people with problems is far higher in the gay community.

    Is homosexuality synonymous with self destruction?


    I think being gay and knowing it younger can in a sense be a "gateway drug" that leads to other issues.
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    Sep 30, 2014 2:27 PM GMT
    field123 saidA lot of destructive and neurotic behavior can result from any type of self-hate and shame. You don't even have to consciously realize you feel that way about yourself to act out on it. I think a lot of adult behavior stems from these feelings, which are instilled in many gay guys early in life.

    So yeah, gays do tend to have more "issues", but it's probably not because of some inherent gene or something.


    You need to be a little careful with that because instead of saying "due to gay gene" you're saying "due to self-hate" when it is due to the world treating us like crap.

    If we've issues--and by substance abuse, suicides, etc., seems we do--that doesn't originate from anything innate to us or that we purposely do to ourselves.

    We've lived under 1000s of years of the oppression of the world telling us that we are less than human. That would fuck anyone up. And simply gaining our rights in a few western countries isn't going to fix us entirely. Within those societies, that will likely take generations to wash out the stench of such oppression. And even as we work on it ourselves, even as we gain rights, we are still inflicted with knowing that we are abused elsewhere in the world.

    Great, you can marry, but your gay cousin in the middle east just had his head chopped off or got caned for being gay. That just might effect the mood of your wedding.

    So my point would be that we need to recognize that we've got some issues so that we know to work on it, but that the fucked up parts of us don't derive from us, not physically, not psychologically, not socially. We need to be working on our issues, not adding an extra.

    Calling out your oppressor is not playing the victim.

    So does being gay and having issues go hand in hand? No. But being oppressed and having issues do.
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    Sep 30, 2014 2:36 PM GMT
    Yeah, but so does being human. So it's nothing to be surprised about.
  • Unnamed6

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    Sep 30, 2014 3:00 PM GMT
    Jms31 saidJust intrigued and have often wondered about this.

    Being gay is often portrayed as this super happy existence where we all love musicals, shopping and having a good time. It's much different under the façade of glitter and muscles.

    It seems most of us are caught up in a world of depression, social anxiety and feelings of insecurity. So many of us seem to be addicted to drugs, alcohol or sex. I hear of guys with eating disorders and extreme BDD, too.

    Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but compared to the straight population, the ratio of people with problems is far higher in the gay community.

    Is homosexuality synonymous with self destruction?


    Perhaps I'll explain this much later, but one can see gay males as compromised people, and how this happens I could speculate later. And if I had to guess as well, and would have to explain later, a good percentage of so-called straight males would follow suit, and perhaps much of society as well will become compromised. Perhaps religion will again become important to most people, but not religion as available today for most people (religion perhaps being more on the level of Alcoholics Anonymous in the future, but who really knows?...I'm guessing), and it could become a stabilizer for many individuals and within society, and those professing atheism now may become religious later in their lives, as many do before death in Europe.
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    Sep 30, 2014 3:15 PM GMT
    How were they there for each other?
    Well, when I came out the man who introduced me to myself has been my steadfast friend since moment one. Wgen i left to go home he said " This is not the last time you will hear my voice." I went home he went back to Montreal. We have been txting and skyping ever since. Shared two vacations and are the best of friends. The second guy is a real caregiver, always there for his friends and was instermental in showing me the gay scene is not scarry. But it is what u make it. The third has been my rock in the moral sence challenging my motivations and aspirations as a gay man and as a man on general. Most of the peopke assosiated with theis friends are kind warm and accepting. Do they have faults yes, do i? Hell yes. Are we horrible people no.
    While being in denial for most my adult life i largly felt like socioty waa to blame for my misery. Once i accepted myself and was mostly free of that i foubd people to be good. Alit of our perceptions are us progecting what we feel outward.