Open relationship - am I overreacting?

  • jp112

    Posts: 1

    Oct 01, 2014 10:08 AM GMT
    I'm having a little bit of a relationship dilema with my boyfriend at the moment. My bf moved in a couple of months ago and things are going well - although we've had a few more disagreements than we ever normally had. I've just turned 23 and he's 27. He's my first serious relationship and I'm the first person he's been with for over 7 months.

    Anyway, my bf asked me unexpectedly whether I'd like some kind of open relationship/threesome. From what I've heard this is pretty common with gay guys.

    I was pretty shocked to be honest. Of-course I like other guys, and I'd be lying if I said that physically that wouldn't be a fun thing to do, but a part of me thinks that it's sort of the whole point of being in a relationship is to be with that person. I know that lots of gay men do it but it sort of makes me question everything in our relationship - especially since we have lots of sex.

    It will be 2yrs in January that we've been together, and I love him, and he says he really loves me, and he said if I wasn't comfortable with it then it's a definite no. But a big part of me feels insecure and not really sure where I want to go from here with us.

    I spoke to a friend and she said If you love someone you'd never ask them to do that period, and that if someone wants this they're just not happy in their relationship. I think that might be a little idealistic and I wonder if I'm overreacting but at the same time I think that if I say no then I'm denying him something he'd like and creating problems down the line. He always talks about not seeing himself with anyone else, but I just think if that was the case then why would you be up for this? I think I just don't have enough experience of actual serious relationships to sort of make sense of it all really and I'm just not that sure how common or successful that can be for long term LGBT relationships. Even though he says he won't do it, and that it's not a big deal, the whole thing just makes me question whether we really should be together.

    Any advice would be appreciatedicon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 01, 2014 10:17 AM GMT
    Look this is really up to you and what you're okay with personally. There will be dime a dozen of gay guys telling you to open it up because a lot of them believe it's the new way to have relationships now and monogamy is ancient and not human nature and blah blah blah.

    It's really up to you but understand that once you open it up like that, the dynamic will be very different and most likely permanently.
    If in your heart you know that monogamy is what you ultimately want, then I'd say don't do it because once the fun fades you'll just be left hurt, especially if he has no intention of making it monogamous again once it's been 'opened' up.

    Only you can decide whether or not you feel like you will still be happy and fulfilled being in an open relationship from thereafter with this guy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 01, 2014 10:17 AM GMT
    I don't share my man. I own his ass icon_evil.gif
  • SFTraveler

    Posts: 171

    Oct 01, 2014 11:29 PM GMT
    I am in an open relationship and it works fine.
    We both understand that sex with others is just sex and will never undermine the love we have for each other.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 02, 2014 4:22 AM GMT
    It can work but I think you'd have to have been together for several years before going that route. Even then, as MartyredNeons said, it's really up to you and how you feel about it.
  • Iota

    Posts: 55

    Oct 03, 2014 5:57 AM GMT
    I think it depends on the people in the relationship. my partner and I have had the same talk several times, and we agree that it would be fun, and interesting but we also think that it would lead to jealousy and negative feelings down the line. Its not for us, I also know some couples who love having 3somes and it works well for them. Its really what you are okay with. also some things to think about is what is going to happen and who is going to play what role, if your the bottom and you have to bottom for two tops, that might be more then what you are up for, or if all three of you want to top, then someone will have to bottom....just some extra things to think about...