Residual internalized homophobia?!

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    Oct 01, 2014 10:09 PM GMT
    Any of you guys still dealing with being gay?? Sadly, I still do altho I have come a long way from pretending if was just a phase...a completely different person...or that I was bi.
    I came out to a couple friends already and did lose some as a result & added the fact that I can seem to be able to create/maintain a relationship with guys or the way gay guys are negatively portrayed in the media + treat each other really irks me. Deep down I still feel less than or flawed as a result. Although things definitely got better.
    I have had this obession with control & perfection for as long as I can remember & feel like being gay automatically makes me flawed somehow.
    Any advice or insight ?! Thanks a bunch.
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    Oct 02, 2014 1:09 AM GMT
    BillyBrown saidAny of you guys still dealing with being gay?? Sadly, I still do altho I have come a long way from pretending if was just a phase...a completely different person...or that I was bi.
    I came out to a couple friends already and did lose some as a result & added the fact that I can seem to be able to create/maintain a relationship with guys or the way gay guys are negatively portrayed in the media + treat each other really irks me. Deep down I still feel less than or flawed as a result. Although things definitely got better.
    I have had this obession with control & perfection for as long as I can remember & feel like being gay automatically makes me flawed somehow.
    Any advice or insight ?! Thanks a bunch.

    In my opinion, dealing with your sexuality does not equate to internal homophobia. If you're gay and you're angry about it and you refuse to accept it, being critical of other gays, then I'd say you're internalizing your homophobia but just struggling with who you are is probably better stated as struggling to accept what isn't accepted socially yet. It's better and depends on where you live, your environment and religion.

    You're accepting who you are and looking for support. I think you have a lot to learn, about being gay and about yourself and about accepting who you are regardless of what others think. You're fine...just keep learning, talking and finding those that support you as your support system.
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    Oct 02, 2014 4:18 AM GMT
    BillyBrown saidAny of you guys still dealing with being gay?? Sadly, I still do altho I have come a long way from pretending if was just a phase...a completely different person...or that I was bi.
    I came out to a couple friends already and did lose some as a result & added the fact that I can seem to be able to create/maintain a relationship with guys or the way gay guys are negatively portrayed in the media + treat each other really irks me. Deep down I still feel less than or flawed as a result. Although things definitely got better.
    I have had this obession with control & perfection for as long as I can remember & feel like being gay automatically makes me flawed somehow.
    Any advice or insight ?! Thanks a bunch.


    I still have lingering regrets over my attitudes and time lost (and still getting a few laughs at my own expense over the "bi" thing icon_biggrin.gif), and still having trouble figuring out who to tell and how (told the people I cared about as opportunities presented themselves) as well as how to socialize more.

    All in all, though, "dealing" has been mostly good sides. Every day has new meaning to me now that I know who I am, and I feel I can appreciate people in a way I never could before. Even if I die alone (and I'll be damned if I'm going to let that happen icon_evil.gif ) I will have lived finally knowing who I really am, and am very grateful for that.

    Feel free to laugh at (or judge) me for this, but I found a little porn went a long way to help me get over any residual illusions of inferiority of attraction between men. Seeing other guys who aren't burdened by those misconceptions made it a lot easier to feel confident in the fact that there is nothing wrong with the way I am wired, and that it is perfectly natural, even if it is uncommon.
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    Oct 02, 2014 4:54 AM GMT
    yetanotherphil said
    Feel free to laugh at (or judge) me for this, but I found a little porn went a long way to help me get over any residual illusions of inferiority of attraction between men. Seeing other guys who aren't burdened by those misconceptions made it a lot easier to feel confident in the fact that there is nothing wrong with the way I am wired, and that it is perfectly natural, even if it is uncommon.


    Actually gay porn helped me too. My homophobic family and friends always joked about gays and I grew up calling gays faggot when it was Pride or something.. Till I was 16-17 I thought all of them put cucumbers in their butts and fistfuck each other. :-( Then I realized they (we) are usual people just like anybody else. Almost anybodyicon_rolleyes.gif Ever since I started to watch not extreme gay porn I'm all good with myself, I have no problems about it, I just accept I won't fell in love with women but men and probably never have kids otherwise I'm just a typical dude.
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    Oct 02, 2014 4:58 AM GMT
    GrumpyGabe saidI thought all of them put cucumbers in their butts and fistfuck each other. :-( Then I realized they (we) are usual people just like anybody else.


    you mean everyone doesn't do that? icon_eek.gif
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    Oct 02, 2014 5:42 AM GMT
    JackBoneTX said
    GrumpyGabe saidI thought all of them put cucumbers in their butts and fistfuck each other. :-( Then I realized they (we) are usual people just like anybody else.


    you mean everyone doesn't do that? icon_eek.gif


    Of course not silly! That is so 2013... We use traffic cones now!
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    Oct 02, 2014 4:15 PM GMT
    Ahahaha, I totes saw that. I was like well damn, what's next? A traffic light?! icon_surprised.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif
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    Oct 02, 2014 4:50 PM GMT
    BillyBrown saidI have had this obession with control & perfection for as long as I can remember & feel like being gay automatically makes me flawed somehow.
    Any advice or insight ?! Thanks a bunch.


    You're not flawed, you're perfect! Remember, sexuality doesn't define who you are. It's a very small part of you as a person.

    I think the only thing you can do is give yourself time. Being comfortable with yourself doesn't happen over night, but at least if you're surrounded by positive people, you'll feel good in yourself.
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    Oct 02, 2014 8:56 PM GMT
    Do not lose sight of who you are as a person. Where you come from, your background, experiences and values. This is part of your learning experience what helps to define you and ground you.

    Some people want to distance themselves and go into different directions but you can't run away from who you are and where you come from. It remains a part of who you are.

    Internalized homophobia is a struggle. It can be especially difficult if you come from a religious background that does not accept homosexuals. We have to ask ourselves naturally why we are the way we are. We can choose to blame ourselves and to hate ourselves for it.

    You will not always have all the answers. You can choose not to blame yourself or hate yourself for it. It is not your fault. Learn to live with your circumstances the best way you can. What you can do is move on and try to live a happy life.

    What defines you whether you are gay or not is the type of person you are. Do the best you can do for yourself and the people you care about around you. Making the choices that are good for you and right for you.