How to deal with a new boyfriend who is heavy. Advice. Thanks.

  • jnick91776

    Posts: 30

    Oct 03, 2014 12:24 AM GMT
    I met a man and I think it can get serious. My problem is I have seen pictures of him from a year or two ago where he is thin. It's only been within a year where he gained weight. From 170 to 200. He even admits it also and says he can lose it.
    How do I deal with the issue? He is a great guy and I think he could be the one. Advice please.
    Thank you
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 03, 2014 1:11 AM GMT
    So he was using old pictures of himself instead of current ones?

    It really is up to him if he wants to lose weight. I myself, have no problem with overweight people (had a crush on John Candy who passed away). However, if he deceived you by using old pictures, I just don't know. Being deceived isn't cool.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 03, 2014 2:26 AM GMT
    Wait! So at 170 he's thin but after a 30 lb weight gain, he's considered heavy? Hmm....this thread reminds me of the shallowness thread.
  • Iota

    Posts: 55

    Oct 03, 2014 6:07 AM GMT
    Does he make you happy? Over time looks will fade, I like older guys but I have a line where I no longer find them attractive, everyone will get older and everyone will not look as good as they did...so i think its important to find someone who makes you happy...their looks will fade, their soul needs to be what makes you want them....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 03, 2014 12:00 PM GMT
    I think what first amazed me was finding out that you are 49. I wrongly assumed this self absorbed vanity was the delusional ranting of some recently post pubescent twink. "How do you deal with this issue?" ! Good lord, take a step back from your life and assess what is really important. Looks will fade, we all get old and ugly. Find someone who makes you happy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 03, 2014 1:38 PM GMT
    +1
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 03, 2014 3:12 PM GMT
    pasfu31 saidI think what first amazed me was finding out that you are 49. I wrongly assumed this self absorbed vanity was the delusional ranting of some recently post pubescent twink. "How do you deal with this issue?" ! Good lord, take a step back from your life and assess what is really important. Looks will fade, we all get old and ugly. Find someone who makes you happy.


    He's from Los Angeles, Calif., a place with the highest concentration of superficial people in the world.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 03, 2014 3:23 PM GMT
    Well you could invite him to take part in physical activities with you, or cook healthy meals for him. There is a nice way to go about that, and a nasty way. The nice way is better.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 03, 2014 3:47 PM GMT
    If he's a new boyfriend do him a favor and let him go before he invests too much time in you and possibly breaks his heart by diving into your shallow ass.

    Or take the high road and do what Ohno suggests.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 03, 2014 5:02 PM GMT
    What is the problem? It sounds like if you hadn't seen these pics you would've never had a complaint.

    Who cares what he used to look like?

    (This thread is, on some level, confusing to dudes like me who think, "A dude PLUS 30 lbs? Hell yeah!" But I get we're not all after poundage, and each man can pursue his own likes--but it doesn't make sense that you'd like him as he is then become worried because of what he was.)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 03, 2014 6:03 PM GMT
    There was a really groovy guy who I met.
    He was 55.
    I saw a picture of him when he was 25.
    I told him that he was much better looking when he was 25.
    He said that he would try to lose the extra 30 years.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9CdVTCDdEwI
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Oct 03, 2014 7:42 PM GMT
    If you can't love him as he is now, then do him the courtesy of letting him go.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 03, 2014 8:00 PM GMT
    Bunjamon saidIf you can't love him as he is now, then do him the courtesy of letting him go.


    Exactly ... he's not a fixer-upper.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 03, 2014 8:17 PM GMT
    I like my guys a little beefy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 03, 2014 8:53 PM GMT
    Don't be a hater, dude.

    You fell for him with the weight on...not when he was skinny.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 03, 2014 11:21 PM GMT
    You can ask him to join the gym, but if you don't like your guy to be chubby and he's happy with that. Then part way and move on, I think you should either accept him or you don't.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Oct 03, 2014 11:47 PM GMT
    LAXWill10 saidYou can ask him to join the gym, but if you don't like your guy to be chubby and he's happy with that. Then part way and move on, I think you should either accept him or you don't.


    This here. I'll be honest in saying I really am not physically attracted to overweight men. I can't help it but it's just the way I am. However, if I met a man who wanted to lose weight and we got along great, I'd definitely consider giving it a try. We could even do physical activities together. With that said, I would never lead a guy on in hopes that I could change him. That would be foolish and selfish.

    If you really can't accept him overweight and he doesn't mind or even prefers how he currently looks, you should not pursue him because you'll just break his heart in the end.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 04, 2014 12:22 AM GMT
    pasfu31 saidI think what first amazed me was finding out that you are 49. I wrongly assumed this self absorbed vanity was the delusional ranting of some recently post pubescent twink. "How do you deal with this issue?" ! Good lord, take a step back from your life and assess what is really important. Looks will fade, we all get old and ugly. Find someone who makes you happy.


    +1

    I find it's amazing..that...at 49...some pictureless guy is on Real Jock complaining about the looks of his boyfriend.

    Being overweight is sympton of other underlying issue: no discipline, emotional baggage, laziness, ignorance...etc.

    While physical attraction is important, only YOU get to decide what you want. YOU WORRY ABOUT YOU. If he knows he's overweight, then you have three choices. 1. Walk away. 2. Trust he will lose the weight. 3. Learn to live with his body. (At least he wasn't pictureless. LOL)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 04, 2014 1:11 AM GMT
    Ohno saidWell you could invite him to take part in physical activities with you, or cook healthy meals for him. There is a nice way to go about that, and a nasty way. The nice way is better.


    I agree with this statement.

    I also agree with your concern. Because I have experienced this, sort of. I ended up being friends with the guy in the end. I could see myself falling for him but the physical attraction wasn't there, which can cause problems for bedroom intimacy.

    So if it were me in this situation I would get into fitness together and make a goal for both people. Kind of a like a gym buddy thing. Or else he really has to be willing to drop the weight and get to his desired fitness goal. I think anyways.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 04, 2014 1:57 AM GMT
    Why is everyone so quick to pull the "shallow" card? If someone is thin their entire life then gains 30lbs in a year, it's concerning. Ask him what's going on in his life and make working out something to do together.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 04, 2014 12:32 PM GMT
    I'm assuming you have met in person, so if you both want to live healthy lifestyles why don't you go to the gym together or go for jogs/hikes together?
    If this is a huge issue for you don't waste your time or his.. it will only cause problems down the road.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 04, 2014 5:27 PM GMT
    So shallow, and so offensive to us on here. Clearly this isnt an issue for any of us here.. us with the muscles, and the torsos, and the perfect bodies, and the bathroom selfies...isn't it obvious none of us would be that shallow. So offended right now.... oh wait.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 04, 2014 7:59 PM GMT
    Ohno saidWell you could invite him to take part in physical activities with you, or cook healthy meals for him. There is a nice way to go about that, and a nasty way. The nice way is better.


    nasty way X_X ?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 04, 2014 8:20 PM GMT
    Let him go if his weigbt bothers you. No point in trying to change someone who is content with themselves.

    Reminds me of my bf who always complains about his appearance but doesnt bother to do anything about it even though I encourge him to eat betyer and exercise with me. Anyways a person will only change once theyre ready to.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 04, 2014 10:54 PM GMT
    Advice.

    You tell to him: "Great guy, I have a problem."

    " I have seen pictures of you where you are thin. "

    "Fix it, like you say."

    You're welcome.