First time 'gay clubbing' advice


  • Oct 03, 2014 10:09 PM GMT
    Hi everyone.

    Despite having come out ~ two years ago, when I was 16, I've never quite managed to grow the confidence to go to a gay club/bar/pub/whatever.

    Now I'm about to head off for uni in a couple of days, and during freshers' week (if you didn't know, it's a week before uni in the uk in which nothing is done apart from basically drinking and partying)on one of the nights there is a 'gay night' event at a bar/club which I was informed about via facebook.

    Now I think it would be a great idea for me to go to it, especially as I only had a couple of gay friends at my old school, neither of whom I was particularly close with. I figure in order to have the best chance of finding someone I really like and could settle down with, I should expand the number of gay guys I know, and this event is the perfect way to do so.

    Thing is, I still feel insanely nervous at the idea of it, especially as I basically only know two other gay people. I occasionally have panic attacks, and they tend to happen when I'm amoung huge groups of strangers. I generally feel like everything I do, say or wear is being judged by everyone around me, which in the past has scared me sufficiently such that I never go to a gay club.

    I suppose I'm here looking for advice. Any ideas to share?

    Thanks a lot for reading, and in advance for your responses! icon_smile.gif

  • Oct 03, 2014 11:05 PM GMT
    silver_phoenix saidPreload to stop nerves, but then make sure you don't get trashed at the event and make a fool of yourself.

    If there is a good turn out it should be fun. It will be a meat market too.icon_twisted.gif



    Haha predrinking is a good idea. That also means I'll go when everything's more in the swing and stuff.

    Haha it being a meat market is exactly what I'm afraid of :p
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    Oct 03, 2014 11:12 PM GMT
    Always use a condom.
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    Oct 03, 2014 11:55 PM GMT
    Recent_on_the_scene said I generally feel like everything I do, say or wear is being judged by everyone around me, which in the past has scared me sufficiently such that I never go to a gay club.

    Only too true.
    On the other hand, the exact same scrutiny will be felt by every other guy there.
    Relax and try to think of it as a common bond you share with your potential new friends.

  • Oct 04, 2014 1:53 AM GMT
    David3K saidAlways use a condom.


    I have no intention of hooking up with anybody.

  • Oct 04, 2014 1:54 AM GMT
    TexDef07 said
    Recent_on_the_scene said I generally feel like everything I do, say or wear is being judged by everyone around me, which in the past has scared me sufficiently such that I never go to a gay club.

    Only too true.
    On the other hand, the exact same scrutiny will be felt by every other guy there.
    Relax and try to think of it as a common bond you share with your potential new friends.


    Maybe that's true.

    It's just...I don't know, I get the impression most gay guys my age are experienced enough at it that they've been hardened and don't care what people think, which is definitely not my mindset at the moment.
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    Oct 04, 2014 2:37 AM GMT
    Recent_on_the_scene said
    David3K saidAlways use a condom.


    I have no intention of hooking up with anybody.


    definitely watch the alcohol then. if someone tries to keep pushing it on you, ask for a bottled water instead.

    it'll probably just be a bunch of people standing around trying to have a good time. by which i mean scoping for hookups. but just focus on the first part in your case. and do something active if you can, play billiards, dance, whatever. try to make friends if you aren't a total introvert.

    have fun icon_smile.gif
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    Oct 04, 2014 11:30 PM GMT
    Join the LGB society. I never did and it was a mistake not to really. One of my friends found her wife there.
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    Oct 04, 2014 11:35 PM GMT
    silver_phoenix saidPreload to stop nerves, but then make sure you don't get trashed at the event and make a fool of yourself.

    If there is a good turn out it should be fun. It will be a meat market too.icon_twisted.gif



    You're disgusting. You call out gay people for being sluts and now say this?
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    Oct 04, 2014 11:46 PM GMT
    Recent_on_the_scene said
    David3K saidAlways use a condom.

    I have no intention of hooking up with anybody.

    Good plan. Not sure what the UK gay scene is like, but beware of drinking too much. Your judgment goes out the window, and some guys will take advantage of that.

    But I never found our US gay scene unmanageable, usually much tamer than you might think, to the point of boredom. But an insurance plan might be to attend with a "wingman" you trust. He'll also give you confidence and lessen anxiety. Do you have someone? Can you bring a friend who isn't at uni with you?
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    Oct 05, 2014 12:02 AM GMT
    No matter what happens, keep your shirt on.
    If you wanna look hot, just wear something that highlights your body in a subtle way; and not some deep ass V neck tee that implies permanent nip slips.









    Kinda like that :

    fBxgFy.jpg
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    Oct 05, 2014 3:35 PM GMT
    Go with a criend. Clubs are always more fun with someone to hang with. If u find someone there great. But the prrssures off if u dont. And get out there and dance! Look at the guys out there. U dont need to be self concious.
    Meat market or nit, you define tour situatiin by your actions. I rarely hook up at clubs or circuit parties. Its not a rule that u have to.

  • Oct 06, 2014 6:27 AM GMT
    At any club, whether gay or straight, making lasting connections doesn't happen often. I've met some guys who I kept talking to long after because we really had a connection on the dance floor. But those are rare.

    Just be friendly, have a few drinks to calm the nerves, and dance with your friends. You normally have a better chance at talking to people in the patio, or some other open space (many clubs have that where people just go get fresh air).
    Also, expect to get your ass slapped or something like that, but don't make a big fuzz about it, just ignore it.

    I hope that helps and I hope you have a great time! =D
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    Oct 06, 2014 9:46 AM GMT
    Wish i had read this post before i went out to a club in Miami, i let my excitement get the better of me...acted like an idiot. I think bear in mind that some guys are there with the same purpose (make friends etc) so dont be too shy. And if it doesnt work out, the chances of you ever meeting that same guy are slim, so the risk is also low. Just have fun and be respectful. icon_wink.gificon_wink.gif
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    Oct 06, 2014 3:52 PM GMT
    So????

    and
    Then what happen????