Do you keep friends who have opposing values as yours?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 15, 2009 9:07 AM GMT
    Say for example, if you're into safe sex, do you have friends who are into barebacking? Sorry I couldn't think of any... I'm not touching on religious or political, thank you very much.
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    Jan 15, 2009 2:22 PM GMT


    Wow, that's a pretty extreme example of opposing views. Yes, we have friends with opposing views. It's how those views are discussed or presented that determines the success of friendships. It also determines the quality and degree of friendship. As long as everyone can be civil about differences, then all's well. One big thing about friendship is the ability to learn from each other, whether it's from their or our perspectives or behaviours - right or wrong.


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    Jan 15, 2009 2:27 PM GMT
    Opposing views are fine. Even in political and religious difference are fine. I do draw the line when they oppse my basic equal rights to exsist, or to other rights like marriage. So no I dont have any mormon friends and no chatholic friends (at least practicing).

    Also I have very few gay couple friends. Because so many are out thier either cheating or in and open relationship. Both are fine for them, but I just don't like being around such poor moral behavior.
  • EricPrado

    Posts: 206

    Jan 15, 2009 2:29 PM GMT
    Yup. Not everyone you meet will always have the same views as you do and certainly not all your friends will agree with you on everything. I think it keeps things interesting. Depending on who your friends are, it can even be kinda fun. I like to have little debates sometimes icon_biggrin.gif

    Oh, and I don't think I have any friends like that...lol
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    Jan 15, 2009 2:37 PM GMT
    MenInLove, the OP is asking about friends who have "opposing values", not "opposing views".

    I welcome opposing views, in fact I really enjoy talking with people whose views are different to mine - it gives me another set of ideas to think about.

    I believe that when the original poster asked about opposing values, we are now into different territory.

    To be friends with someone whose values are completely different to yours enters you into a moral dilemma.
    Do you put up with the differing values or stick to your guns? Do you try to push your ideas onto your friend? Do you accept when they point out your uptight-ness? Do you consider your values to be so important to you that you should not continue your friendship with this person for fear of being undermined etc etc.

    And why are you being friends with someone who doesn't share your values anyway?

    It's more complex than it sounds.
    I think, as long as your friend knows where you stand about your personal values, and you are able to listen to his, then you have an olive branch to reach across and accept each other for the differences that actually make you friends.

    xx cronker

  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Jan 15, 2009 2:45 PM GMT
    Yes and no.

    Some values are top priorities in life that I would not associate with someone if it wasn't the same for them. But most values are personal in nature and are permissable to act if they do not infringe on other people or their property.

    The bottom line is if your values are based on empathy for others, then you and I will get along.
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    Jan 15, 2009 3:05 PM GMT
    Well my best friend (Ashley) and I have basically the same views; her husband (John) though is into politics... literally... and is a stanch Republican. I enjoy politics and sway between Democrat and Independent.

    One time though, all three of us got in a huge fight... or rather me against my best friend and her husband.

    Over: THE DEATH PENALTY!

    Me: Anyone who knows me even a little bit probably would guess that I am against the death penalty--they would be right

    John: He is for the death penalty... despite being religious and "pro-life" (In my eyes you are not pro-life if ur against abortion yet for capital punishment)

    Ashley: A psychology major, is also against the death penalty. Why? Because it is not cruel enough... it is too quick. Killers, rapist, pedophiles should all be tortured to the extreme before they are finally killed.


    YIKES!!

    We were all yelling at each other... and I kind of lost a little respect for them. I could smell hatred in the air lol.


    That is really the only opposing view i share with her.
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    Jan 15, 2009 3:23 PM GMT


    Whups! Good call, cronker. We both, though, think of our views and others' as representative of our and their values.

    Opposing values. Well yes, what we said holds true to this, too. Values do change as we learn and grow, hopefully. And learn and grow from each other, hopefully.

    -Doug of meninlove
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 15, 2009 3:26 PM GMT
    Hmmm. This might be an orginal thread.

    Yeah. I have friends with oppossing views and values. Personally spoeaking it's one of the things that gravitates me towards them as friends. It's definately a learning experience and on some level I value their independent thoughts out of respect.

    I don't necessarily agree with them but then again they don't agree with me either. I would say we have a mutual understanding and I know how far I can a conversation befoere things get a bit touchy.

    Certainly keeps me on my toes and challenges the mind that for sure. Tehir views don't drastically change how I feel about them but I do raise the occassional eyebrow and I'm like "WTF!"
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    Jan 15, 2009 4:40 PM GMT
    Definitely, who'd want a world where everyone was the same?
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    Jan 15, 2009 4:50 PM GMT
    Yes!
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    Jan 15, 2009 4:57 PM GMT
    I love to hate one friend who, to me, lacks any values. His values center on how he looks, how someone else looks, and all things pop culture. He doesn't believe in much of anything.

    Thank God for him, otherwise I might have a stick shoved up my ass.
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    Jan 15, 2009 5:04 PM GMT
    As long as they dont do anything that takes away my rights. I pretty much dropped all my religious friends who voted for Virginia;s constitutional amendment to forbid same sex marriage. Funny thing is they still act like I was being all dramatic for hating them for it.
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    Jan 15, 2009 5:18 PM GMT
    It depends on the values so it is hard to answer. I value treating people with as much respect as I can muster, so I probably would not be able to have a friendship with a virulent racist for example.
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    Jan 15, 2009 5:22 PM GMT
    I imagine those who keep opposing values to mine are in jail, or at risk for getting thrown in jail, so no, I do not keep these folks as friends.

    But I do have friends with different values than mine. Otherwise, I'd lose my perspective.

    I take issue with the wording of the OP. Why do so many people these days think everything has to be X or Y?! Is this our enduring cultural gift from the Bush administration? I had no idea statements like "Either you're with us or against us" would resonate so deeply with so many people.

  • Sayrnas

    Posts: 847

    Jan 15, 2009 5:28 PM GMT
    Cha! Good discussions are great! Of course, we wouldn't be friends if we couldn't have a discussion or they were more of arguments.
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    Jan 15, 2009 5:46 PM GMT
    But of course...that's the spice of life. Why hang around with people who have the same values as you all the time? If you do so, you're not keeping an open mind to a vast experience.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 15, 2009 6:34 PM GMT
    Yes, I have friends with opposing views. They fight alot. icon_twisted.gif
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    Jan 15, 2009 6:47 PM GMT
    Yeah, some of my best friends have opposing views. One of my very good friends is Republican (I know we weren't getting political, but it was worth mentioning that we argue briefly then give it a rest and talk about American Idol instead ;) )

    I think it's healthy to have diverse friends. Would be boring without them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 15, 2009 7:02 PM GMT
    It depends on the subject. There is no way I can give a definite yes or no on this. Somethings yes we can have a disagreement on other things definitely not.
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    Jan 15, 2009 7:02 PM GMT
    I have many friends who differ in values/ views/ opinions. As long as everybody is respectful then it's never a problem.
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    Jan 15, 2009 7:08 PM GMT
    I find it difficult to have friends whose basic values are in opposition to mine. There's a large space within a person's value-set in which friends can have widely different views, but for a person to have an opposing set of values to mine I don't think is possible. That's not to say that they can't have different values, but if those values are in opposition to mine, I don't see much space for friendship.

    I say this because my values are of great importance to me. I value fairness; I value equality; I value honesty; I value life; I value forgiveness. Now, within all these different, basic values, there's a huge space for disagreement on how they're interpreted. I say that I value life, and while another friend may also value it, we may differ on what the context of that value means. But if a person did not value life, or he did not value honesty, I don't see where a friendship can thrive. After all, my friends are my friends because they share my same values.

    Let me give another example. For several years I had a friend in college who was, and is, a staunch Republican. He's also a brother in my fraternity. We got along well for several years, until I realized that he didn't share many of the same values that I shared, in particular the value of equality. I had gone through a period of intense scrutiny of my values, and their importance to my life, and after realizing that this friend did not, and would never, truly value me as an equal person, and therefore didn't value equality, I realized that we could no longer be friends.

    I think people must adhere strongly to their values, though always with an open mind that accepts that they may be wrong in valuing a certain thing; but, until someone with an opposing value to mine is able to convince me of the rightness of her value, I would find it hard to be friends with her.
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    Jan 15, 2009 7:13 PM GMT
    Yea I have friends with opposing views. If I were to hang around people with the same views as I, how would I grow as a person? Besides, how can I ask people with opposing views to accept me for who I am, if I can't do the same.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 15, 2009 7:13 PM GMT
    Yes, if I ended a friendship or avoided getting to know someone because of a different point of view, I would be missing out on knowing some of the greatest people I have ever known.
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    Jan 15, 2009 7:25 PM GMT
    Not really sure there is anyone in our generations who don't hang out with people with different views of life. (unless ur in a cult) Being around people who are opposite helps us grow..

    My best friend Paul is a complete opposite, hes always quick to get into a fight at a bar, and I'm a one to talk things through. (Usually talking him out of kicking someone in the face)

    But we work well together, now he's starting to talk things through (not all the time) and i've learn how to kick someone in the face. a perfect partner ship.