I have had times in my life that I just thought it was the worst.
I thought about killing myself at several points in my life, but, then, I turned on my headphones and then the sun came up.
My worst depression was when my older brother dropped dead from a clot in his brain.
I mean, I talked to him at 8am when I got to work, he said the back of his head was killing him so, he was going to the Dr.
My mom called me at 1 pm to tell me the Dr. called an ambulance and she would call me later.
4:00 pm - My mom called me to tell me was pronounced dead and was on a life support machine.
If I could have took the blood clot for him, I would have.
I was 28 at the time, he was 30.
I climbed inside of a bottle of Jack Daniels. I took a month off from work.
My dad solved it for me.
My dad came to my house, picked me up off the floor, threw me in the shower, poured all the liquor down the drain and shook me back to reality.
He told me I had a mortgage to pay, a car payment to make, two dogs and two cats to take care of, a house to keep up and now I had a 5 and 7 year old nephews that would be watching every move I made and copying everything I did.
I don't know your circumstances, but, is there a gay resouce center near you? They always have things for volunteers. Here in Dallas, they have a soup kitchen for HIV+ people that I volunteer at when I have some time on my hands, you can help serve food or wash dishes or clean up and they always have groups that get together, no matter what your age group.
Have you thought about a part time job doing something you like?
I got a job at Barnes and Noble just for fun on the weekends, I did'nt do shit there but cruise guys and listen to music and read books.
I can't tell you how much I got laid at that mall.
Don't give up kid. Believe me, it get better.
Keep yo' head up....
If all else fails and you are bored. Pick up a set of barbells and pump until you can't pump anymore.
You're young, and belive me you have a lot to look forward too, from money, work and guys you would not believe.
DON'T GIVE UP!