WHY

  • dustinj4mes

    Posts: 29

    Oct 08, 2014 7:39 PM GMT
    Why are relationships so complicated?
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Oct 08, 2014 7:48 PM GMT
    Sounds like you are both on the verge of alcoholism and you reinforce each others' destructive habits. You can break up and find someone who will help you not drink to the point of personality change (a sure sign of alcoholism) or you two can face it together. Or you can break up and just keep drinking to oblivion until something goes terribly wrong. Sounds like he's figured this out and you haven't. But the fact that he's still thinking suggests he cares for you. Why not talk it out? But you'd better be truthful or next time he will just walk and you'll never hear from him again.
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    Oct 08, 2014 8:01 PM GMT
    Stop drinking. No more than 1 beer a day, with a meal, and that's it.
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    Oct 08, 2014 8:42 PM GMT
    dustinj4mes saidThe thing is is that I have told him that I want to take a long break from alcohol, and that the relationship is more important to me! I needed to do this for myself, also, but I wanted him to know that this is what the root of our problem really is.

    communication always seems to be the answers to a lot of problems. If you already told him all that then there's nothing you can do except to wait for him to make up his mind.
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    Oct 09, 2014 4:58 AM GMT
    dustinj4mes saidSo, I have been seeing this guy for almost 4 months. I really like him and I think we get along great... when we are sober. We have fought on and off since seeing each other, and usually this occurs when we are wasted or altogether black out drunk. We got into a fight Sunday night and the next day he said he doesn't want to give up on the relationship, he likes me a lot, but he needs time to think about the relationship. I've had pretty bad anxiety the last few days because we haven't communicated and I don't know how much time I should give him until I just need to suck it up and move on? What should I do?


    How the hell do you have a fight when you're blacked out from being drunk? Anyways....

    I agree with Destin and Lumpy. Stop consuming alcohol. Your health is more important than your relationship. If you decide to stay in alcohol's path, then you'll end up in the same situation as my patients in the ICU.
  • MarvelBoy23

    Posts: 279

    Oct 09, 2014 6:13 PM GMT
    Alcohol is pure evil. If that's how you both behave when drinking, it seems like an incredibly toxic situation that will likely only get worse. It's hard to stop destructive behavior, especially when you think you are having fun.

    I lived with an alcoholic for years (and recently had a serious issue with my husband over alcohol) and that shit is NOT easy. It's emotionally and physically draining, it's feels never ending. It traps you and holds on damn tight.

    My advice would be to handle the situation solo regarding alcohol (and obviously that means being single). It may seem easier to handle the situation with someone by your side, but if he has the same issue, you are both likely to self-destruct. Causing more pain and anguish won't really help anyone in the long or short term.

  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Oct 09, 2014 6:19 PM GMT
    dustinj4mes saidThe thing is is that I have told him that I want to take a long break from alcohol, and that the relationship is more important to me! I needed to do this for myself, also, but I wanted him to know that this is what the root of our problem really is.

    Ah, well, then I had it backwards. Can you drink without getting feisty? One thing I know from personal experience, even if you aren't alcoholic, you can't fix it for the other one. They've got to do it for themselves and by themselves. And relationships seldom survive the change. Ultimately they blame you no matter what their AA mantra says.
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    Oct 10, 2014 12:18 AM GMT
    damage has already been done. You know the problem already. So wen he is ready to talk to u again after thinking about things. (wait and be patient for this) .. then u know what to do to start working on ur relationship at least. give it a month or something and see if he approaches u about it first.. n if he doesnt.. u msg him just to see where he is at. if theres no salvaging the relationship after that .. move on!
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    Oct 10, 2014 9:48 PM GMT
    Sit down and talk to him, period. Everything else on here doesn't matter, your partner should have a say in this matter.
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    Nov 17, 2014 6:03 PM GMT
    They are because everyone wants to get their own way eventually, and this leads to conflict.
    Politics 101
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Nov 17, 2014 6:37 PM GMT
    One thing I learned when married to an alcoholic, and all addictive types share the same profile, is that things were always ALWAYS in a state of chaos. I'm not talking about periods of drunkenness or anything obvious about what was wrong, it was simply that things never, ever, got calm and, well, good. I couldn't figure out why. Now I know. Head's up, buddy.