How do I tell my sister that I secretly

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 09, 2014 5:29 AM GMT
    Wanna die. I swear I am one of the coolest people in the world and funny. But I like robin Williams am severely depressed. I was diagnosed with hiv. And can't walk. But I throw those pills away. If I die so let it be.

    Still in a nursing home. With way to much of a lengthy anecdote of why I'm still here.


    I feel like I live outside of existence. When I look at people I observe them thinking wow they can run they can walk. Amazing. I wake up sometimes after a dream where I'm walking only to disappointment.

    My lil sister loves the hell out of me.I will never tell her because she has real bad anxiety issues. I'm betwixt because I don't wanna hurt her. I'm not gonna kill my self per se. I just see nothing in my minds eye.
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    Oct 09, 2014 5:46 AM GMT
    Why cant you walk?
    HIV can be controlled and you can live a fairly normal life , you only have to make sure you go to the doc and take your meds.
    Depression is fairly comon nowadays go to the doc i think your gonna be fine
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    Oct 09, 2014 4:50 PM GMT
    You should fight for the sake of your sister !!
    Don't be a coward and face your ailment head first .
    Think of how your loved ones will be distraught if you pass on .
    Wake up mate !!
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    Oct 09, 2014 6:00 PM GMT
    Dont fear. U will make it. HIV now is not like the HIV 20 years ago. Stay positive and you will make it
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    Oct 10, 2014 12:41 AM GMT
    I am not afraid of HIV. I hate the fact that I can't walk. I had encephalitis. Spinal cord injury. Technically I should be dead.my sister is 5 yrs younger but she looks exact like me. Acts just like me. Laughs her hardest at me. I'm a comical as hell.I'm very rigid.very strong. I'm facing these alone with the aide of God. Its taxing on me.
  • 1blind_dog

    Posts: 376

    Oct 10, 2014 1:54 AM GMT
    neffa saidYou should fight for the sake of your sister !!
    Don't be a coward and face your ailment head first .
    Think of how your loved ones will be distraught if you pass on .
    Wake up mate !!


    Please, please, please, for fuck sake, don't ever throw someones depression and suicidal thoughts back in someone's face, make them feel guilty, and bring them down more because you think it's "selfish". I don't know if you've been through it, but someone who has wouldn't be so naive to do that. NO ONE has the right to judge if they've never truly been there.
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    Oct 10, 2014 2:27 AM GMT
    It's easier than you think once you start talking. Chances are, she's had moments where she wanted to die. It's perfectly normal.

    In the meantime, here's something that non-walkers can do to combat those boring moments when they wish they could walk:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AUUVfPy0UgI

    BTW, that video is also something I wish I could do, walker or not. icon_wink.gif
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    Oct 10, 2014 2:56 AM GMT
    There is no way I would tell het. I've seen her spaz out if I didnt respond. My phone was turned off because. I was was charging it.
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    Oct 10, 2014 3:05 AM GMT
    Well, think about this. Maybe you don't really wanna die. What you want is to have less pain/burden in your life. You want the pain to go away. Because when you're happy, you don't wanna die, right? But when you're in deep pain, now that's when those thoughts surface.
    Logically, there are two possible things that you can do. People who want to kill himself usually mean the pain/burden outweigh their ability and resources to cope. So either you lose some of your pain/burden/responsibility in your life, or try to get more resources or help for you to cope.
    Talking about it to someone you trust usually help. of course I would suggest a therapist.
    Good luck, man!
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    Oct 10, 2014 3:40 AM GMT
    Your absolutely right. Won't go to a therapist because here at the nursing home I've talked to some and they talk to ya like they've never has a problem a day in their life, I'm a realist and plus I'm smart. I said to one of the counselor...I said, "You ever get depressed?" She told me no. I said "Yeah right, you're a human being". Plus the minute you tell them you've been feeling depressed they wanna throw ya own meds. I have my qualms with this old archaic healthcare system. It totally disregards natural remedies. Only because it threatens their profits.

    But I digress.