Favourite comebacks

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 11, 2014 7:18 AM GMT
    What are they? Include your own ;)

    ----------------------------------

    Who pissed in your Cheerios?
    I've been called worse by better
    I've had snappier comebacks in a bowl of Rice Crispies

    ...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 11, 2014 7:26 AM GMT
    My favorite comeback usually involves punching the other person in the face.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 11, 2014 7:31 AM GMT
    A guy arguing with a girl; "If I want any lip from you I'll scrape it off my zipper."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 11, 2014 7:33 AM GMT
    I know this is not the answer you want to hear but the best ones occur suddenly as a result to a certain circumstance eg someone showing hypocrisy.

    Having said that one I use regularly on public transport is "excuse me, would your bag mind if I sat down?"

    Another one is "what did your last slave die of?" "Disobedience".
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 11, 2014 8:41 AM GMT
    When I was a kid I had a book called "Mad Magazine's Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions" The part I remember was a cartoon of a man and a woman entering a restaurant and the host asks "Table for how many?"

    The suggested responses included:

    --- 10, my wife and I like to change seats every few minutes.
    --- 1, my wife will sit on my head.
    --- I can't count that high either.

    This was hysterically funny when I was 10 years old.

    Another one was "Mind if I smoke?"

    Suggested responses:

    --- No. Mind if I fart?

    or

    --- Why? Are you on fire?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 11, 2014 9:13 AM GMT
    When I as a kid, this annoying boy at my class who always bothered me said this, "if you were a girl, I would date you."
    I shouted back, "If I were a girl, I would never date you."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 11, 2014 10:18 AM GMT
    The old school classics:
    -Your mum or your mum's ______
    -Your face is _____
    -Up yours _____

    Examples:
    Person 1: You're an idiot
    Person 2: Your mum! ... or ... Your mum's an idiot

    Person 1: You're an idiot
    Person 2: You're face is an idiot

    Person 1: You're an idiot
    Person 2: Up yours (insert bitch, c*nt, motherf*cker etc)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 11, 2014 8:27 PM GMT
    Tranny - you're the odd one out in this club!
    Me - your face is the odd one out in this club.


    Someone who annoys me - Hey whats up?
    Me - Your blood sugar fatty.




  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 11, 2014 10:11 PM GMT
    "Perhaps if you were to remove your head from your ass you could actually see what you are doing?"

    Or the short version:

    Step 1) Remove head from ass.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 12, 2014 12:47 AM GMT
    Sungod17 said"Perhaps if you were to remove your head from your ass you could actually see what you are doing?"

    Or the short version:

    Step 1) Remove head from ass.

    Cranial rectumitis.

  • Oct 12, 2014 3:48 AM GMT
    I am 6'6" tall. Because I'm tall people always ask "do you play basketball?". I reply "Sure, do you play miniature golf?".
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Oct 12, 2014 3:52 AM GMT
    I make em' up as I go along
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 12, 2014 6:39 AM GMT
    One of my favorites:

    “Lady Nancy Astor: Winston, if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea.

    Churchill: Nancy, if I were your husband, I'd drink it.”
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 12, 2014 12:24 PM GMT
    The smartest thing to come out of your mouth was a penis. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 12, 2014 6:51 PM GMT
    bon_pan saidOne of my favorites:

    “Lady Nancy Astor: Winston, if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea.

    Churchill: Nancy, if I were your husband, I'd drink it.”

    Churchill had many. One of my favorites was when some lady accosted him for being drunk;

    Lady: Sir, you are drunk!

    Churchill: That is true. But you are ugly, and in the morning I will be sober but you will still be ugly.
  • Buddha

    Posts: 1767

    Oct 12, 2014 7:06 PM GMT
    "your mom" is the best comeback for everything. Even if someone is just asking what time it is.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 12, 2014 7:45 PM GMT
    Best comeback is indifference and silence. Most people HATE being ignored.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 13, 2014 4:57 AM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidI make em' up as I go along


    I think you borrowed that from the president.
  • Fullhouse

    Posts: 122

    Oct 14, 2014 1:54 AM GMT
    "Bringing Sexy Back."

    It works for a lot of things: "what are you doing this weekend?" "What are you doing for dinner?" "What's your major?" "What's your job?" "What's your plan?"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 14, 2014 1:57 AM GMT
    You better comeback with a goddamn sandwich.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 14, 2014 9:18 AM GMT
    I'm a __________ and a ___________ - Yes, And?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 16, 2014 10:05 PM GMT
    giphy.gif

    nazibonpan_zpsb0de1430.gif

    bonnazi_zpsca365da7.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 17, 2014 12:05 PM GMT
    Fullhouse said"Bringing Sexy Back."




    "I hope you kept the receipt."

    just joking
    icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 17, 2014 3:30 PM GMT
    On time someone said that, at that moment, I sounded like Eeyore, the mopey donkey from Winnie the Pooh who had to have his tail reattached. Without missing a beat, I dryly retorted with, "Well I'm sure he's had his ass nailed more recently than I have!"

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nOlhYGPZLvE