Male Sexual Assault.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 12, 2014 10:05 PM GMT
    Good afternoon everyone!

    Sorry to bring up such a downer topic. But it's one that hits close to home for me. Since this happened at my high school in Texas too when i played football.

    7 Football players were accused of sexual assault. This is the full story here. http://www.nj.com/middlesex/index.ssf/2014/10/why_seven_sayreville_parent_explains_role_of_each_in_sexual_assault.html

    I love football... I played football in high school. And lord knows there's already enough bad press among football players right now. But i have to honest here... this shit does happen In football (And fraternities as well) thing's that could very well be seen as sexual assault.

    Older members sometimes haze the younger members. It happened to me when i was a freshman as well. Nothing too extreme ever happened to me. And yes, guys do horse around int he locker room. But there's a difference between horsing around and harassing.


    And there's definitely some inappropriate touching that happens. And some violence, manipulation, and intimation. If one of the guys who's bigger than a freshman member. Does something like touching private parts or punching a kid around. It's seen as ''initiation'' or ''a kid learning respect'' it's just been told to man up about it and learn from it.

    Some guys are completely helpless in these situations. And are even forced to do degrading things in front of other players.

    Male sexual assaults do happen. And a lot of males are just told ''man up and deal with it. It's not a big deal'' especially if it's another guy who does the inappropriate touching. Even if the other guy intimidates him and forces him to do it without reason.

    Do y'all feel male sexual assault is still very taboo? and not taken very seriously?
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    Oct 12, 2014 10:10 PM GMT
    pazzy saidyou're from jersey, fam??? i thought you were from texas?


    Oh no! i just mean it happened at my high school in Texas. But no one ever had charges brought to them for it.
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    Oct 12, 2014 10:15 PM GMT
    pazzy saidyou're from jersey, fam??? i thought you were from texas? ain't know you was from those parts.

    but male sexual assault is like one of those things that happens a lot but people are quiet about it. plus the police are fucked up too where they don't care. my high school actually had some shit go down there too with some female teacher where she raped like 5 male students.


    im not saying it's impossible, but im just not sure how 5 students were raped by the same teacher.

    i mean, it must be something said and done in extreme privacy, but like, in my school experience everywhere in the school is public.
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    Oct 12, 2014 10:16 PM GMT
    also to OP i don't read enough on this topic when it is between sports team and maybe frat guys touching other guys, but it could be a bunch of deeply closeted homo's or bi's with some curiosity for same sex but ashamed to be open.

    and then you have this thing where men are supposed to not whine about being touched because women do that, or something?

    IDK.

    #this is a mouth load of I don't know. I'll just read silently.
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    Oct 12, 2014 10:59 PM GMT
    pazzy said
    leafgreen said
    pazzy saidyou're from jersey, fam??? i thought you were from texas? ain't know you was from those parts.

    but male sexual assault is like one of those things that happens a lot but people are quiet about it. plus the police are fucked up too where they don't care. my high school actually had some shit go down there too with some female teacher where she raped like 5 male students.


    im not saying it's impossible, but im just not sure how 5 students were raped by the same teacher.

    i mean, it must be something said and done in extreme privacy, but like, in my school experience everywhere in the school is public.


    it's very possible. that's another thing too about rape especially when the rapist is a woman. it becomes a "he wanted it" type of thing. icon_sad.gif sad enough, folks will be like "oh...... he rejected her advances. he's gay. he's getting every man's dream. why did he tell his parents that his teacher gave him a blowjob?". basically, people in general homophobic undertones to a guy that doesn't want that shit. if they were strongarmed by another guy, then they're viewed as weak where folks are clowning them like... "why didn't he fight back? he should have fought back."

    the most twisted thing that i never understood is how guys who've been sexually assaulted, molested, raped and etc try to say that they wanted it or that what happened to them was "great" especially if it's a woman that did it to them. really?? i've seen some gay men doing that shit where they act like it's normal. hell even if they were one of those "sexually curious" children, that still doesn't mean that they understood wtf was going on, were aware or that it was fine. guess it's a way of denying something traumatic that happened to them. that shit is fucked up anyways. hell, even if another kid fucking did that to them where they put their hands on their private parts or whatever, it still ain't right. it's just sad how male sexual assault victims aren't taken seriously when they should be. talking about this shit is making me cringe. i apologize if i offended some folks out there who might be offended at what i said but just saying....


    or same could go for why didn't she fight back.

    do people really assume that people just stand there and let their body be touched? Im sure there are people who fought back, doesn'e mean they're successful, though.

    no comment on second paragraph
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    Oct 13, 2014 1:39 AM GMT
    The more homophobic a group of people are, the more likely there will be unreported sexual assault against males, because nobody wants to be labeled as gay.

    The less homophobic a group of people are, the more likely cases of sexual abuse will be reported, because the violated guys aren't concerned with what others will think of them.

    This is exactly why so many people like to keep homosexuality taboo...so they can assault other guys with impunity.
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    Oct 13, 2014 1:52 AM GMT
    To the OP
    did you have any openly gay guys on your team?

    To pile on top of Paul(if he puts the snake away)...The more open dudes there are in the locker room the less gay it will be.
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    Oct 13, 2014 2:57 AM GMT
    Pretty much had the same experience on my football team also. Wasn't too much sexual stuff except one time as a freshman I remember our captain was weird and wanted to feel me up kind of but I didn't really think much of it. Then I remember this one senior used to come in our locker room after every practice and beat the shit out of me because I made travel team and he said it was his job to toughen me up more.
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    Oct 13, 2014 4:13 PM GMT
    Men (developing men included) like sex and power and not necessarily in that order. When you get to combine them the outcome isn't very pretty. The dynamics of sports teams and fraternities are quite similar in the dynamic that takes place in male prisons.

    I'm glad I haven't experienced either.
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    Oct 13, 2014 4:35 PM GMT
    Dominant/sexish behaviour has always happened in highschools, in the locker rooms and even class rooms. I remember we would pick 1 guy, put him against the teacher desk or wall and 6, 7 or 8 humping him at the same time LOL. Not saying its right but it was funny and harmless, and it wasn't necessarily a homosexual thing either, its more like a power thing mixed with hormones. After that the target would man up and do the same to somebody else the next day lol. I know its fucked up but that's how things work at that age.

    Now, that thing that happened in your school is fucked up because it was a serious thing, not a teenage joke, they totally crossed the line there.
  • coolarmydude

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    Oct 13, 2014 4:39 PM GMT
    Remember, sexual assault and rape is not about sex. It's about abusive power by means of sexual degradation, violence, and intimidation.
  • coolarmydude

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    Oct 13, 2014 4:42 PM GMT
    lifeduringwartime23 said
    Male sexual assaults do happen. And a lot of males are just told ''man up and deal with it. It's not a big deal'' especially if it's another guy who does the inappropriate touching. Even if the other guy intimidates him and forces him to do it without reason.

    Do y'all feel male sexual assault is still very taboo? and not taken very seriously?


    The same is true in heterosexual sexual assaults and rapes. There is a lot of stigma because of the way society (and media) subtly and overtly blames the victim when something is reported.
  • coolarmydude

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    Oct 13, 2014 4:46 PM GMT
    Back in 2011 in Afghanistan, there was a married team leader in my battalion that got into trouble for sexually assaulting his team members (infantry unit). The Squad Leader, even though not directly involved, told everyone to keep their mouths shut, for whatever reason (if there was one). Everything came out into the open when one of the abused sought mental health while downrange and told everything. From there an investigation began.

    It was about power tripping. It's twisted and deviant and needs to be dealt with publicly, swiftly and harshly and most importantly persistently. That's the only way you're going to remove the society stigma.

    It is not a phase.
    It is not hazing.
    It is not a guy-thing.
    It is not a manly thing to do or to endure.

    It is corrosive.
    It is abuse.
    It is hideous.
    It is wrong.
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    Oct 13, 2014 4:59 PM GMT
    leafgreen said
    pazzy said
    leafgreen said
    pazzy said
    my high school actually had some shit go down there too with some female teacher where she raped like 5 male students.

    im not saying it's impossible, but im just not sure how 5 students were raped by the same teacher.


    it's very possible. that's another thing too about rape especially when the rapist is a woman. it becomes a "he wanted it" type of thing. icon_sad.gif

    As to women "raping" men/boys - I simply don't buy it. Unless the guy is tied down and she is using a dildo or other penis-substitute, it can't reasonably be called "rape," no matter how many PC commentators say so. To call a woman on man sexual interaction a "rape" is BS. Boys are not the same as girls - they get sexual interests at an earlier age. And if a 15 year old boy has sex with a teacher, it is because he wants it - and yes - he is living the dream of a lot of other 15 year olds. Not all illegal sexual touchings are "rapes."
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    Oct 13, 2014 6:18 PM GMT
    pazzy said
    Puppenjunge said
    leafgreen said
    pazzy said
    leafgreen said
    pazzy said
    my high school actually had some shit go down there too with some female teacher where she raped like 5 male students.

    im not saying it's impossible, but im just not sure how 5 students were raped by the same teacher.


    it's very possible. that's another thing too about rape especially when the rapist is a woman. it becomes a "he wanted it" type of thing. icon_sad.gif

    As to women "raping" men/boys - I simply don't buy it. Unless the guy is tied down and she is using a dildo or other penis-substitute, it can't reasonably be called "rape," no matter how many PC commentators say so. To call a woman on man sexual interaction a "rape" is BS. Boys are not the same as girls - they get sexual interests at an earlier age. And if a 15 year old boy has sex with a teacher, it is because he wants it - and yes - he is living the dream of a lot of other 15 year olds. Not all illegal sexual touchings are "rapes."


    stop trolling. save that bullshit for some other forum because it's not funny and it's really lame especially with a serious subject that affects many folks. no need to victimize rape victims twice.


    Seriously, what an ass.

    When a woman is raped her vagina will lubricate and she may even orgasm. Does that mean she enjoyed it and wanted it? Young men can get an erection with just a cool breeze caressing his cock. What do you think will happen if a woman starts fondling him? If he is underage it is statutory rape whether he wanted it or not and she should be punished as severely as men are for raping women.
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    Oct 13, 2014 6:35 PM GMT
    Puppenjunge said
    leafgreen said
    pazzy said
    leafgreen said
    pazzy said
    my high school actually had some shit go down there too with some female teacher where she raped like 5 male students.

    im not saying it's impossible, but im just not sure how 5 students were raped by the same teacher.


    it's very possible. that's another thing too about rape especially when the rapist is a woman. it becomes a "he wanted it" type of thing. icon_sad.gif

    As to women "raping" men/boys - I simply don't buy it. Unless the guy is tied down and she is using a dildo or other penis-substitute, it can't reasonably be called "rape," no matter how many PC commentators say so. To call a woman on man sexual interaction a "rape" is BS. Boys are not the same as girls - they get sexual interests at an earlier age. And if a 15 year old boy has sex with a teacher, it is because he wants it - and yes - he is living the dream of a lot of other 15 year olds. Not all illegal sexual touchings are "rapes."


    are you implying girls are asexual beings unless aroused by a boy physically? girls can, and do, get interest in boys too. LOLOL

    also why do we assume that every 15 year old boy wants a decently attractive female teacher? not everyone realize their sexuality or their type at young age.
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    Oct 13, 2014 6:57 PM GMT
    I recall from the Air Force that male rape was always something that was joked about and never taken seriously.

    I recall an instance when I was deploying to Iraq, and the joke was 'don't get caught out alone on Thursdays without a battle buddy or you're gonna get raped in the ass....unless you like that thing.'

    Things like that happened in units I was assigned too all the time. I'm honestly not surprised it's a semitic issue in the military.

    GO magazine also covered this issue in the military in the big fall issue.
  • Suetonius

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    Oct 13, 2014 7:10 PM GMT
    Riko_sal saidI recall from the Air Force that male rape was always something that was joked about and never taken seriously.

    I recall an instance when I was deploying to Iraq, and the joke was 'don't get caught out alone on Thursdays without a battle buddy or you're gonna get raped in the ass....unless you like that thing.'

    Things like that happened in units I was assigned too all the time. I'm honestly not surprised it's a semitic issue in the military.

    GO magazine also covered this issue in the military in the big fall issue.


    Thursdays ? ?
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    Oct 13, 2014 7:54 PM GMT
    @Suetonius I didn't truly believe it, however intel was on Thursday was a day that men could let out their sexual frustrations on other men. Both consensual and non-consensually.
  • coolarmydude

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    Oct 13, 2014 8:53 PM GMT
    Riko_sal said@Suetonius I didn't truly believe it, however intel was on Thursday was a day that men could let out their sexual frustrations on other men. Both consensual and non-consensually.


    In Afghanistan as well. It's normal in Middle Eastern culture that two men held hands as it was a display of best friends, non-sexually, but we called Thursdays "man-love Thursdays" because it was true that men did their thing on Thursdays. Working at the Kabul Military Training Center (Afghanistan military equivalent for basic training) there was a case where a young recruit was gang raped by older Afghan men.

    There is a strong streak of tribal norms where pedophilia is accepted as well, although it's not universal in Afghanistan.
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    Oct 13, 2014 11:51 PM GMT
    coolarmydude said
    Riko_sal said@Suetonius I didn't truly believe it, however intel was on Thursday was a day that men could let out their sexual frustrations on other men. Both consensual and non-consensually.


    In Afghanistan as well. It's normal in Middle Eastern culture that two men held hands as it was a display of best friends, non-sexually, but we called Thursdays "man-love Thursdays" because it was true that men did their thing on Thursdays. Working at the Kabul Military Training Center (Afghanistan military equivalent for basic training) there was a case where a young recruit was gang raped by older Afghan men.

    There is a strong streak of tribal norms where pedophilia is accepted as well, although it's not universal in Afghanistan.


    Perhaps it was true indeed... interesting
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    Oct 14, 2014 12:25 AM GMT
    The power dynamic that some of you mentioned. Hits the nail right on the spot for a lot of these. It's about power and dominance over everything else.

    A lot of guys like to show power over someone. And make them ''respect'' them whether it's violent, sexual, or mental.

    I'm a big guy so i know how that goes. A lot of guys over the years have fucked with me. People always assume because I'm big that ''no one will mess with you man'' but that's far beyond the truth. Guys like to show their insecurities. And try to start fights with someone bigger than them to seem more powerful.

    Same with picking on someone smaller than them. They know they can have someone live in fear over them. And that makes them feel like more of a man.

    The whole thing is just a mess.
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    Oct 14, 2014 12:29 AM GMT
    Riko_sal said
    coolarmydude said
    Riko_sal said@Suetonius I didn't truly believe it, however intel was on Thursday was a day that men could let out their sexual frustrations on other men. Both consensual and non-consensually.


    In Afghanistan as well. It's normal in Middle Eastern culture that two men held hands as it was a display of best friends, non-sexually, but we called Thursdays "man-love Thursdays" because it was true that men did their thing on Thursdays. Working at the Kabul Military Training Center (Afghanistan military equivalent for basic training) there was a case where a young recruit was gang raped by older Afghan men.

    There is a strong streak of tribal norms where pedophilia is accepted as well, although it's not universal in Afghanistan.


    Perhaps it was true indeed... interesting


    A friend of mine in the military mentioned this. He served in Afghanistan for 2 years. But he just told this to me as a joke. Never told me crazy it was on this man-love day icon_eek.gif
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    Oct 14, 2014 10:25 PM GMT
    Puppenjunge said
    leafgreen said
    pazzy said
    leafgreen said
    pazzy said
    my high school actually had some shit go down there too with some female teacher where she raped like 5 male students.

    im not saying it's impossible, but im just not sure how 5 students were raped by the same teacher.


    it's very possible. that's another thing too about rape especially when the rapist is a woman. it becomes a "he wanted it" type of thing. icon_sad.gif

    As to women "raping" men/boys - I simply don't buy it. Unless the guy is tied down and she is using a dildo or other penis-substitute, it can't reasonably be called "rape," no matter how many PC commentators say so. To call a woman on man sexual interaction a "rape" is BS. Boys are not the same as girls - they get sexual interests at an earlier age. And if a 15 year old boy has sex with a teacher, it is because he wants it - and yes - he is living the dream of a lot of other 15 year olds. Not all illegal sexual touchings are "rapes."


    ^This exactly. It is, however, a "statutory rape," namely an activity proscribed for whatever reasons by a legislative body.
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    Oct 16, 2014 8:01 AM GMT
    A Small update.

    http://www.npr.org/2014/10/15/356302577/football-players-in-sayreville-n-j-charged-with-sexual-assault?utm_medium=RSS&utm_campaign=sports



    Seven football players at Sayreville War Memorial High School have been charged in connection with criminal sexual contact involving younger players. The state may charge them as adults.

    Copyright © 2014 NPR. For personal, noncommercial use only. See Terms of Use. For other uses, prior permission required.

    STEVE INSKEEP, HOST:

    Sayreville, New Jersey would rather be known for almost anything other than what the town is known for right now. It's an industrial city by the Raritan River. It has a history of making bricks and making gunpowder. Instead, Sayreville is known for a scandal notorious enough that we need to warn you, you may not want children to hear this report, which is about three minutes long. Sayreville is trying to come to terms with allegations that teenage football players carried out hazing rituals that included sexual assault of teammates. Sarah Gonzales of member station WNYC has more.

    SARAH GONZALES, BYLINE: The Sayreville Bombers have won three sectional football titles in the past 40 years. They are a source of pride for residents, like Tony Consolo and Christine Render.

    TONY CONSOLO: Oh, they got a good team. They got a real good team.

    CHRISTINE RENDER: I graduated in 1978 from the high school. And we still go to the football games.

    CONSOLO: They had some good teams. Yeah, they were pretty hot.

    GONZALES: Just four games into this high school football season, Superintendent Richard Labbe abruptly canceled the remainder of the season, freshman, JV and varsity. At the time, he said it was because football players were harassing, intimidating and bullying each other. He said it was happening a lot and that football players knew about it. His decision divided much of the community.

    (SOUNDBITE OF MEETING NOISE)

    GONZALES: At a school board meeting last week, parents and community members complained that punishing the entire team was an overreaction and that some of their kids futures depended on football. That was before details emerged that the alleged harassment at Sayreville was sexual. Now parents like Phelarn Curry say protecting students needs to be the priority, not football.

    PHELARN CURRY: I adore the program, you know, myself. But in light of what's going on, something needs to happen. And you've got to stop and look at what you have before you can go on and move forward.

    GONZALES: The state's primary print and online news outlet, NJ Advance Media, published a story based on a parent's description of a harrowing locker room ritual. Upperclassman would allegedly make a howling noise, and the lights would go off. According to that parent, older team members would pick up his son, a freshman, and pin him down. The attacks allegedly involve penetration of a sexual nature. Seven players, ages 15 to 17, have been arrested for assault on four members of the team. The charges include aggravated criminal sexual assault and criminal sexual contact and hazing, for engaging in an act of sexual penetration.

    SHEILA BROWN: To me, hazing was what hazing was when we were in school.

    GONZALES: Sheila Brown lives in Sayreville.

    BROWN: You threw a kid in the shower or you made fun of them or something like that. This, to me, is beyond hazing. It's beyond comprehension.

    GONZALES: She supports the superintendent's decision to shut down the football program.

    BROWN: I find it hard to believe that the football team as a whole didn't know what was going on. And as long as that's the case, he was absolutely, absolutely right in canceling the season.

    (SOUNDBITE OF NOISE OUTSIDE OF SCHOOL)

    GONZALES: Outside of Sayreville High School, students are still wearing football sweaters and T-shirts in Sayreville blue and gray. Many say, first, figure out what really happened, and punish the ones who are responsible, not everyone. They say it's not fair. It's unclear whether any adults at the school were aware of the alleged assaults. The state gets 30 days to decide whether it will pursue charging the 17-age students as adults themselves. For NPR News, I'm Sarah Gonzales in New York.