double-booking dates?

  • craycraydoesd...

    Posts: 596

    Oct 14, 2014 4:22 AM GMT
    I've been stood up enough, and have wasted enough weekend nights at home, to have started the practice of double-booking prospective first dates. This Saturday, I invited a guy for drinks at 9:30, then go to the club together. Another guy I gave the same invite, but at a late-enough time to make him propose just meeting at the club.

    When the first guy and I got to the club, I went to "the washroom" long enough greet the second guy and get the incriminating initial conversation out of the way, so that when the 3 of us inevitably end up together, either guy will assume the other is just a friend I've run into.

    I half-expected either or both of them would have enough gay friends around to be weaving in and out of the picture, but both turn out to be completely new to the scene, didn't dance at all, and stuck by me the whole time... so I think it was obvious what I did. First guy and I agreed on a 2nd date, mostly due to a shared sport/interests (I'm not really attracted to him), but the second guy didn't seem interested (maybe he's just shy)

    Knowing this forum, I know I'm gonna get shit for this, but honestly would my behavior be a deal-breaker for you? Is it really that bad taste to see 2 guys in one night? Keep in mind sex is like the furthest thing from my mind at this point.
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    Oct 14, 2014 5:05 AM GMT
    What are your intentions in dating? Are you looking for a fling/casual/hookup? Or do you want to fall in love and be in a monogamous LTR?

    This is just screwed up on a million levels.
    First off, why would you have a first date at a club? A first date is supposed to be getting to know each other one-on-one. A club is loud and has tons of people.
    Two, if I were the first guy, I would be offended if you disappeared for any length of time longer than to take a leak (ie maybe 5 minutes tops!) and probably go find you and if there wasn't a valid explanation for your absence (valid meaning: you got a call from your mom/boss/someone important that you had to take, or there was a line for the rest room, or there was a wait at the bar). Also, since on a first date you're supposed to be together for the duration of the time, I would ask where you're going when you went to to meet your other friend. And if you said you were going to meet you're friend, I would leave immediately...because the first date is a time when you're supposed to be alone together to see if you're compatible for a long term relationship and to see if you could fall in love with that person, you could meet up with other people on nights when you arebt interviewing me as a potential life partner (purpose of first date). And if you lied and said you were going to the bathroom or something and I found out later in the night, I would tell you off and leave because lying isn't a good first impression and it's a sign of a lack of character/serious intentions. It would be one thing if you bumped into a friend at the club, but even then, the interaction should "hey nice to see you! this is my date (name here). how are you? that's good, well it was good talking I'll call you sometime, bye!" followed by an apology to your date for the interruption. Anything more is rude enough for me to leave on the spot.
    Third, If I was date # 2, I wouldn't "meet you at the club" you're supposed to go together on a date. If we were arriving separately, I would expect whoever arrived first to wait outside for the other..
    Fourth, the fact that you're surprised that your two "dates" (more like victims of deceit if you ask me) "clung" to you the whole time is ridiculous. I would be bothered if my date didn't spend the whole date with me, because that's what a date is...SPENDING TIME TOGETHER!!
    Why did you assume that just because they're gay that they're so connected to the scene that they would see a bunch of people they knew at a nightclub? I'm gay and have plenty of friends that go to clubs. I don't go that often cause I dislike the atmosphere but when I have gone, I don't think I've ever bumped into someone I knew, except for the people that accompanied me to the club...and even if I did...I would think it would be rude to the people I went with to do anything more than wave a passing hello to the people I bumped into, when you attend a place with someone: whether it be a club, bar, concert, restaurant, hockey game etc. you're there to spend time with the people you went with...

    Maybe you get stood up because people realize that you're not dating material, and you're rude af.

    Not only would this behavior be a deal breaker...I would probably curse you out.
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    Oct 14, 2014 5:10 AM GMT
    In addition, if sex were the furthest thing from your mind... You would've met each guy separately, and spent the entirety of the night focusing on them and not left their presence for any extended period of time..
    The purpose of dating as an adult is to see if the person that you're seeing is the kind of person you'd like to spend the REST OF YOUR LIFE with...a double-booked club date is not a good way to figure that out.

    You wanted some ass but were unsure who would put out so you decided to meet two guys to better your odds... I call BS on the fact that you weren't thinking about sex

    EDIT: your profile says you're in an open relationship, so you're not dating cause you've already found love if you're in a relationship, even though it's open which isn't really a relationship IMO. You're looking for side booty, unless you're polyamorous or something, which is disgusting in my book.
  • craycraydoesd...

    Posts: 596

    Oct 14, 2014 5:16 AM GMT
    Wrong, I was thinking that I have a high chance of being stood up as always if I only made plans with one guy. Instead of one proper date, I figure I'll just interact with 1 or more guys in a low-pressure setting like a club. If I wanted sex, I could have picked up some cute airhead from the club. I've only started messaging these 2 guys a few days prior, so there isn't really any emotional investment from their parts either at this point.
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    Oct 14, 2014 5:34 AM GMT
    Well, are you looking for an emotional investment? That's the whole point of dating, to meet someone and form an emotional connection and hopefully become a couple after a few dates.
    Would rather take 50/50 chance of getting stood up or find the man I will grow old with.

    Also, why does getting stood up mean the night is wasted?
    How about this, schedule your date for a normal time to go on a date (i.e. Before 6pm), that way if he doesn't show up by 6:30 or 7 you still have the whole night to do whatever it is that you do.

    And a club isn't a low pressure setting, it's an innapropriate, over-sexual, loud, intense environment that isn't really set up for any interaction further than arranging getting a blow job later in the evening.
    Next time, take a guy to dinner.
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    Oct 14, 2014 9:11 AM GMT
    A pro double books dates either adjacent to each other, cancels on one or books them for the same time then pushes one back icon_lol.gif
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    Oct 18, 2014 5:55 AM GMT
    JuanPablomv89 saidTake both of them to your bed.


    Are you a troll? You act like a troll.
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    Oct 18, 2014 8:50 PM GMT
    You are utterly bonkers, and yes this is a deal-breaker. It was a deal breaker on Saved by the Bell in 1995 and it's a deal-breaker now.
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    Oct 18, 2014 9:29 PM GMT
    Yes, that would be a deal breaker for me, if I found myself put into that situation.