First Love Strikes Again

  • xy28

    Posts: 19

    Oct 16, 2014 3:04 AM GMT
    Long story but I met a guy 2 years ago everything was great. Three months later I came out to my family and moved in with him. Everything was great we had one fight during our first year. He dumped me after a year because he said he was unhappy.

    We talked and saw each other for the 1 month that we were broken up and then we got back together for another year until he dumped me again. He was unhappy again. This time we also saw each other throughout the break up but I ended it because I had to move on. I still love him and I told him I would always love him no matter what. I have been ignoring him for the past 6 months but he won't give up. He wants me back. He realized it was the biggest mistake of his life he says. I haven't responded.

    I'm 22 and he is 24. After he dumped me the second time he came out to his family which was hard for us when we were together although I met his family we had to act as if we were just friends.

    He messaged me last night after 6 months and he wants to know where we stand? Apparently he loves me and wants to show me how much I mean to him and he is sorry for the pain he has caused me.

    I still love him more than anything in this world. I am at the point where I am still thinking about him everyday but I don't look at his social media anymore. I am getting accustomed to life without him. I don't want to know what he is doing because i can't fathom seeing him with anyone but myself. I think he is struggling mentally and doesn't know what he wants but I can't put myself through another heart ache and my trust is gone. Friends are out of the picture for me because like I said I just wouldn't be able to live with myself.

    He is really upset apparently and I hate when he is sad and upset because I love him. He is unhappy with himself.

    What would you do?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 16, 2014 8:07 AM GMT
    Stick to him regardless
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    Oct 16, 2014 11:35 AM GMT
    People always tell me to go with my gut feeling, because it usually is right. What's your gut telling you (and NOT your heart or your dick)?
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    Oct 16, 2014 11:54 AM GMT
    One breakup might be fixable but not two.
    You are 22. He seems all that to you (in spite of dumping you twice) mainly because you have nothing else to compare him to.
    You need to get out there and meet and experience different personality types. This will help you better understand what your emotional needs are and how to make a relationship work long-term.
    This guy was your first love and an integral part of your coming-out drama so he will always have a place in your heart. But he is too unstable, too unsure of himself, to be relationship material at this stage.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Oct 16, 2014 5:20 PM GMT
    A bit surprising that you don't understand him better after living with him for two years. Or maybe you just didn't say in the posting. What was he unhappy about? I actually think his coming out after the second breakup says a lot. If his unhappiness was just that he didn't want to be gay and now he's learning to accept himself and like himself, well, maybe there's a possible future for you two. 24 is still young and he was 22 or21 when you first met. Guys grow and change a lot during those years. It is all part of growing up and perfectly natural. Why not just sit down with him in a public place over a very slow dinner and chat? Agree up front that talk is all you will do. And that you will not be going home with him after. See what he says...
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    Oct 16, 2014 5:30 PM GMT
    TexDef07 saidOne breakup might be fixable but not two.
    You are 22. He seems all that to you (in spite of dumping you twice) mainly because you have nothing else to compare him to.
    You need to get out there and meet and experience different personality types. This will help you better understand what your emotional needs are and how to make a relationship work long-term.
    This guy was your first love and an integral part of your coming-out drama so he will always have a place in your heart. But he is too unstable, too unsure of himself, to be relationship material at this stage.


    I agree with this. What you're describing sounds more like unhealthy dependency than love.
  • xy28

    Posts: 19

    Oct 16, 2014 6:09 PM GMT
    Thanks guys. I really don't have too many gay friends so it means a lot to me that you have all taken the time to offer some great advice. He never actually told me what he was unhappy about (both times). I begged him to tell me but in this email that he sent me a few days ago he said he was unhappy with himself.

    I know him very well. Actually I would complete his sentences sometimes and I just think mentally he was struggling with his identity and also his life. He was just finishing grad school at time and he was very stressed about moving back home, being unemployed after countless resumes...etc. Whereas I was happy with myself, in school and working two jobs. I was having the best time of my life.

    I think I will meet up with him and chat and see how things are and take it from there. BUT If I give him another chance I am either letting myself get hurt again OR it will last this time.

    As TexDef07 said I have nothing to compare him to because he is my first love. When we broke up the second time I made a list of 10 things I didn't like about him but I couldn't even come up with 5. I came up with 3 and I was able to overlook them because he means the world to me and he knows that. icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Oct 16, 2014 6:31 PM GMT
    Good luck, man.
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    Oct 17, 2014 12:38 PM GMT
    This is the reason why I'm so glad I'm indifferent and able to disconnect from people almost immediately.
    He's dumped you twice. Let bygones be bygones and just move on and forget about him. He seems very unstable and you coming back to him will show him that he can always get you back if he wants to, and in the end you'll end up coming apart at the seams when it becomes the third time being dumped, or the fourth etc.
    Fool you once shame on him; fool you twice shame on you.
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    Oct 17, 2014 12:38 PM GMT
    You need to decide whether you've given too much for it to work. Depending on your answer you should be able to figure out if you owe it to yourself to try. Good luck in whatever you go with (:
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    Oct 17, 2014 1:01 PM GMT
    dont think he is gay enough yet.
    still coming out to your families even in round two.

    do what you want but dont move in.