Worried About Teroh

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    Oct 18, 2014 4:13 AM GMT
    Teroh made this comment tonight "I'm still taking a dangerous combination of pills and hoping it kills me." I immediately sent him an email asking how he was doing. He opened the email but then deleted his profile before responding. I got the distinct impression his self esteem was low when I talked to him a couple of weeks ago but I had no idea he was this down. He's such a sweet guy and I hate the thought that he's in this much pain. Does anyone know an alternative way to reach him?
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    Oct 18, 2014 4:18 AM GMT
    man that sucks, I like the guy. I dont know any other way to reach him, anyone?
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    Oct 18, 2014 4:34 AM GMT
    If he's just hidden his profile, can he still read this?
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    Oct 18, 2014 4:39 AM GMT
    Well, if you can read this Teroh, please let us know you're okay. Or just send me a private message. I've felt like I didn't want to live many times myself but it always passes. I'd really like to talk to you. Please just send me an email, okay?
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    Oct 18, 2014 4:44 AM GMT
    If you send him a PM and it gives you a message saying Invalid Realjock member name(s) it means he deleted himself.
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    Oct 18, 2014 4:51 AM GMT
    Im getting Invalid member. Maybe he deleted his profile but still reading this, so dont do nothing stupid OK Thero youre a cool guy you know what I think about you.
  • Unnamed6

    Posts: 1134

    Oct 18, 2014 5:16 AM GMT
    Scruffypup saidTeroh made this comment tonight "I'm still taking a dangerous combination of pills and hoping it kills me." I immediately sent him an email asking how he was doing. It opened the email but then deleted his profile before responding. Does anyone know an alternative way to reach him? He's such a sweet guy and I hate the thought that he's in this much pain.


    My understanding of "suicidal thoughts" is that it's a mental state, or a mental state of mind, however temporary, frequent or constant it is for the people who have it, where one is overwhelmed with an intense sense of hopelessness and isolation which progresses to thoughts of suicide. What I'm trying to say is that this is something Teroh can "snap out of" but it's going to take some time in the next couple of hours or days for him to do so. He's likely alone while he experiences this mental state but if he can somehow contact a very understanding friend or relative (or a suicide hotline), they can surely distract and ease him out of this state. When people experience various moods, psychological states, or whatever, including the state of "suicidal thoughts", it's very hard for them to sense that they are in a state of mind where things are processed and perceived in a such a way that isn't normal for them, but that such moods and states feel quite natural, where one's mind, so to speak, is going with the flow (it's sort of like having sex hormones activated and somehow then being inclined towards sex) and not something that one could "snap out of" or diminish somehow. If Teroh and others understand "suicidal thoughts" in this way then it's possible to get a handle on it when it occurs and the state can be over as soon as it occurs. One shouldn't necessarily force one's mind to think in terms of anti-suicidal thoughts as a way to combat naturally occurring suicidal thoughts, but if one has to force oneself to think of something, they should try to think of something pleasant to them so it can then begin a process of otherwise diminishing and deactivating those neuroreceptors responsible for the state. However, being able to handle the state and end it as soon as it occurs is much different than preventing the state from occurring in the first place. But right now we are all concern over Teroh's current ability to handle his thoughts and I hope I said enough to help him for the time being.
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1114

    Oct 18, 2014 6:13 AM GMT
    I've dealt with a BF who suffered from suicidal thoughts, and all I can say is that NOT ONCE did I ever reprimanded him for having those thoughts, or even brought the subject of suicide or at him for being suicidal. Instead what I did was to always install self validation, and positive thoughts constantly in his presence on a daily basis.

    People that are suicidal DO NOT be so much reminded of it, as much as giving them a sense of purpose, validation, and especially for us to understand what is it that is making them feel that way?

    I want anyone to tell me how they feel when they are depressed, and what do you want to hear to help you get out of that state mind?

    Depression is a deeply embedded oppression from not being validated, accepted, understood, and loved for who you are. Most people who suffer from depression feel excluded, shunned upon, ridiculed, criticized, misunderstood,lonely, unloved, and so forth! maybe if the psychologically well adjusted individuals are more compassionate and less critical of depression, people who live with it will start feeling much much less conscious of it!
  • jockdude

    Posts: 93

    Oct 18, 2014 7:05 AM GMT
    I sent him a message as well, he lives near me so if anybody has his phone number or anything I can call him to make sure he's ok.

    Is there anything I can do if we can't get ahold of him?
    I think the admin should be able to provide his IP address to authorities in a situation like this, but although I know that the police and the hospital are supposed to help people who are suicidal being put on suicide watch in a psych ward is usually the last thing a suicidal person wants to be subjected to.
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    Oct 18, 2014 8:40 AM GMT
    LEANDRO_NJ saidI've dealt with a BF who suffered from suicidal thoughts, and all I can say is that NOT ONCE did I ever reprimanded him for having those thoughts, or even brought the subject of suicide or at him for being suicidal. Instead what I did was to always install self validation, and positive thoughts constantly in his presence on a daily basis.

    People that are suicidal DO NOT be so much reminded of it, as much as giving them a sense of purpose, validation, and especially for us to understand what is it that is making them feel that way?

    I want anyone to tell me how they feel when they are depressed, and what do you want to hear to help you get out of that state mind?

    Depression is a deeply embedded oppression from not being validated, accepted, understood, and loved for who you are. Most people who suffer from depression feel excluded, shunned upon, ridiculed, criticized, misunderstood,lonely, unloved, and so forth! maybe if the psychologically well adjusted individuals are more compassionate and less critical of depression, people who live with it will start feeling much much less conscious of it!


    I've seen no one here criticize Teroh for his feelings. Pretending someone has not just threatened to kill themselves is a horrible tactic in my opinion. There's no therapist in the world who would suggest such a tactic. I simply sent him an email asking how he was doing to start a conversation to get him talking.
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    Oct 18, 2014 8:43 AM GMT
    jockdude saidI sent him a message as well, he lives near me so if anybody has his phone number or anything I can call him to make sure he's ok.

    Is there anything I can do if we can't get ahold of him?
    I think the admin should be able to provide his IP address to authorities in a situation like this, but although I know that the police and the hospital are supposed to help people who are suicidal being put on suicide watch in a psych ward is usually the last thing a suicidal person wants to be subjected to.


    If you read his words carefully, he's already displayed intent to kill himself. If this isn't the time to contact the authorities, I don't know what would be.
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1114

    Oct 18, 2014 11:56 AM GMT
    Scruffypup said
    LEANDRO_NJ saidI've dealt with a BF who suffered from suicidal thoughts, and all I can say is that NOT ONCE did I ever reprimanded him for having those thoughts, or even brought the subject of suicide or at him for being suicidal. Instead what I did was to always install self validation, and positive thoughts constantly in his presence on a daily basis.

    People that are suicidal DO NOT be so much reminded of it, as much as giving them a sense of purpose, validation, and especially for us to understand what is it that is making them feel that way?

    I want anyone to tell me how they feel when they are depressed, and what do you want to hear to help you get out of that state mind?

    Depression is a deeply embedded oppression from not being validated, accepted, understood, and loved for who you are. Most people who suffer from depression feel excluded, shunned upon, ridiculed, criticized, misunderstood,lonely, unloved, and so forth! maybe if the psychologically well adjusted individuals are more compassionate and less critical of depression, people who live with it will start feeling much much less conscious of it!


    I've seen no one here criticize Teroh for his feelings. Pretending someone has not just threatened to kill themselves is a horrible tactic in my opinion. There's no therapist in the world who would suggest such a tactic. I simply sent him an email asking how he was doing to start a conversation to get him talking.


    I don't know teroh that well. But when I know someone as some of you claim to know about him? if his condition worsens my primary reaction would be to make him aware of his good qualities and his positive contributions to the forum; in other words concentrate on giving him a sense of validation and self worth. Not bring out his suicidal or negative feelings, that I am sure he is very much aware of and is probably struggling to stay away from.

    The point I am trying to convey, is quite simple! when a person suffers from severe depression they need to hear the positive side of life, and in the case of teroh, the positive side of his personality and of his contributions to this site forums and topics! Lets hope he is ok, and I have the gut feeling he is! I was glad to thank him for his insightful and courteous contribution in a topic I posted on the dating/relationships forum. Perhaps he got turn off and discouraged, and so decided to exclude himself from reading that type of feedback as some of you did by bringing up the suicidal thing.
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    Oct 18, 2014 2:14 PM GMT
    LEANDRO_NJ said
    Scruffypup said
    LEANDRO_NJ saidI've dealt with a BF who suffered from suicidal thoughts, and all I can say is that NOT ONCE did I ever reprimanded him for having those thoughts, or even brought the subject of suicide or at him for being suicidal. Instead what I did was to always install self validation, and positive thoughts constantly in his presence on a daily basis.

    People that are suicidal DO NOT be so much reminded of it, as much as giving them a sense of purpose, validation, and especially for us to understand what is it that is making them feel that way?

    I want anyone to tell me how they feel when they are depressed, and what do you want to hear to help you get out of that state mind?

    Depression is a deeply embedded oppression from not being validated, accepted, understood, and loved for who you are. Most people who suffer from depression feel excluded, shunned upon, ridiculed, criticized, misunderstood,lonely, unloved, and so forth! maybe if the psychologically well adjusted individuals are more compassionate and less critical of depression, people who live with it will start feeling much much less conscious of it!


    I've seen no one here criticize Teroh for his feelings. Pretending someone has not just threatened to kill themselves is a horrible tactic in my opinion. There's no therapist in the world who would suggest such a tactic. I simply sent him an email asking how he was doing to start a conversation to get him talking.


    I don't know teroh that well. But when I know someone as some of you claim to know about him? if his condition worsens my primary reaction would be to make him aware of his good qualities and his positive contributions to the forum; in other words concentrate on giving him a sense of validation and self worth. Not bring out his suicidal or negative feelings, that I am sure he is very much aware of and is probably struggling to stay away from.

    The point I am trying to convey, is quite simple! when a person suffers from severe depression they need to hear the positive side of life, and in the case of teroh, the positive side of his personality and of his contributions to this site forums and topics! Lets hope he is ok, and I have the gut feeling he is! I was glad to thank him for his insightful and courteous contribution in a topic I posted on the dating/relationships forum. Perhaps he got turn off and discouraged, and so decided to exclude himself from reading that type of feedback as some of you did by bringing up the suicidal thing.


    I'm not going to argue about this but HE brought up suicide....no one else. And all of my interactions with him have been very positive. Again, there is no mental health professional in the world that would agree with this approach of ignoring someone that just threatened to kill themselves and give them compliments instead. That might be one way of dealing with someone who is simply down, but once suicide is mentioned it must be taken seriously.
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1114

    Oct 18, 2014 3:16 PM GMT
    Scruffypup said
    LEANDRO_NJ said
    Scruffypup said
    LEANDRO_NJ saidI've dealt with a BF who suffered from suicidal thoughts, and all I can say is that NOT ONCE did I ever reprimanded him for having those thoughts, or even brought the subject of suicide or at him for being suicidal. Instead what I did was to always install self validation, and positive thoughts constantly in his presence on a daily basis.

    People that are suicidal DO NOT be so much reminded of it, as much as giving them a sense of purpose, validation, and especially for us to understand what is it that is making them feel that way?

    I want anyone to tell me how they feel when they are depressed, and what do you want to hear to help you get out of that state mind?

    Depression is a deeply embedded oppression from not being validated, accepted, understood, and loved for who you are. Most people who suffer from depression feel excluded, shunned upon, ridiculed, criticized, misunderstood,lonely, unloved, and so forth! maybe if the psychologically well adjusted individuals are more compassionate and less critical of depression, people who live with it will start feeling much much less conscious of it!


    I've seen no one here criticize Teroh for his feelings. Pretending someone has not just threatened to kill themselves is a horrible tactic in my opinion. There's no therapist in the world who would suggest such a tactic. I simply sent him an email asking how he was doing to start a conversation to get him talking.


    I don't know teroh that well. But when I know someone as some of you claim to know about him? if his condition worsens my primary reaction would be to make him aware of his good qualities and his positive contributions to the forum; in other words concentrate on giving him a sense of validation and self worth. Not bring out his suicidal or negative feelings, that I am sure he is very much aware of and is probably struggling to stay away from.

    The point I am trying to convey, is quite simple! when a person suffers from severe depression they need to hear the positive side of life, and in the case of teroh, the positive side of his personality and of his contributions to this site forums and topics! Lets hope he is ok, and I have the gut feeling he is! I was glad to thank him for his insightful and courteous contribution in a topic I posted on the dating/relationships forum. Perhaps he got turn off and discouraged, and so decided to exclude himself from reading that type of feedback as some of you did by bringing up the suicidal thing.


    I'm not going to argue about this but HE brought up suicide....no one else. And all of my interactions with him have been very positive. Again, there is no mental health professional in the world that would agree with this approach of ignoring someone that just threatened to kill themselves and give them compliments instead. That might be one way of dealing with someone who is simply down, but once suicide is mentioned it must be taken seriously.


    You just confirmed my saying so! I AM NOT A PSYCHOLOGIST OR PSYCHIATRIST NEITHER IS YOU OR ANYONE ELSE ON THIS WEBSITE,and even if there was one on here, none of us can even suggest what is the best treatment for his state of mind. NONE OF US KNOW FOR SURE WHAT IS THE CAUSE OF HIS DEEP DEPRESSION!?

    The only thing you,others, and I can do for Teroh and many others who are suffering from depression, is by us creating a sense of brotherhood and harmony among ALL OF US in this forum, but sadly I am sorry to say most, not all, of the participants on this website don't even care nor seem to want to!? a gay person who participates on this website doesn't have to be physically fit, but who may also suffer from an unfit mind. This is not just a website for the arrogant physically fit and healthy gay man.

    We should all stop labeling and alienating people just because they don't fit into the norm of what this website stands for? our job is to make everyone feel good about themselves, regardless of what they are or what they may be going through!! let start by creating an environment where visitors can momentarily scape from what they are already suffering from. Unfortunately sorry to say this website is one of the worse places to feel that sense of safety, guidance, and harmony for a person who suffers from deep depression!
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    Oct 18, 2014 3:35 PM GMT
    Prayer to St. Jude:

    Here's his prayer

    O most holy apostle, Saint Jude, faithful servant and friend of Jesus, the Church honoureth and invoketh thee universally, as the patron of hopeless cases, and of things almost despaired of.

    Pray for me, who am so miserable. Make use, I implore thee, of that particular privilege accorded to thee, to bring visible and speedy help where help was almost despaired of.

    Come to mine assistance in this great need, that I may receive the consolation and succor of Heaven in all my necessities, tribulations, and sufferings, particularly (here make your request) and that I may praise God with thee and all the elect throughout eternity.

    I promise thee, O blessed Jude, to be ever mindful of this great favour, to always honour thee as my special and powerful patron, and to gratefully encourage devotion to thee.

    Amen.


    Prayer to St. Michael, if something other than yourself is bringing you to ruin. Here is his prayer (short version). I've changed it slightly to be more encompassing.

    Saint Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle, be our protection against the malice and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him we humbly pray; and do thou, O Prince of the Heavenly host, by the power of God, thrust into hell Satan and all which is in the world for the ruin of souls. Amen.

    Finally, give yourself to Jesus, which simply means gives yourself over to being saved (from despair and ruin, yes, but whatever more).

    Here's a Jesus prayer my minister taught us:

    "Lord, make haste to help me. Lord make speed to save me."
  • jockdude

    Posts: 93

    Oct 18, 2014 9:56 PM GMT
    Scruffypup said
    jockdude saidI sent him a message as well, he lives near me so if anybody has his phone number or anything I can call him to make sure he's ok.

    Is there anything I can do if we can't get ahold of him?
    I think the admin should be able to provide his IP address to authorities in a situation like this, but although I know that the police and the hospital are supposed to help people who are suicidal being put on suicide watch in a psych ward is usually the last thing a suicidal person wants to be subjected to.
    If you read his words carefully, he's already displayed intent to kill himself. If this isn't the time to contact the authorities, I don't know what would be.
    Okay but what am I supposed to do?
    I don't know his address, his phone number, or even his name. The only thing I can think of would be to contact the admin to have him contact the police himself so that he can provide Teroh's IP address to them.
    Website admins are not obligated to share that type of information with anybody except the proper authorities.

    So you could simply message the admin and handle it yourself instead of berating us about how we're all handling it wrong.
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    Oct 19, 2014 12:57 AM GMT
    jockdude said
    Scruffypup said
    jockdude saidI sent him a message as well, he lives near me so if anybody has his phone number or anything I can call him to make sure he's ok.

    Is there anything I can do if we can't get ahold of him?
    I think the admin should be able to provide his IP address to authorities in a situation like this, but although I know that the police and the hospital are supposed to help people who are suicidal being put on suicide watch in a psych ward is usually the last thing a suicidal person wants to be subjected to.
    If you read his words carefully, he's already displayed intent to kill himself. If this isn't the time to contact the authorities, I don't know what would be.
    Okay but what am I supposed to do?
    I don't know his address, his phone number, or even his name. The only thing I can think of would be to contact the admin to have him contact the police himself so that he can provide Teroh's IP address to them.
    Website admins are not obligated to share that type of information with anybody except the proper authorities.

    So you could simply message the admin and handle it yourself instead of berating us about how we're all handling it wrong.


    I think you have me confused with LEANDRO_NJ. He's the one who was saying you and I were handling it wrong. I sent him a message just like you did.

    I also sent the administration an email late last night but Jeff has not been taking his job seriously for months now so I doubt I will get a response. I don't know what else to do at this point.
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    Oct 19, 2014 4:47 AM GMT
    This isn't the first time an RJ member has been publicly despondent and worried other members by referencing or threatening suicide, legit or not. As to admin's responsibility like it or not they have their own liability to consider:

    SUICIDE THREATS MADE IN A FORUM:
    http://www.forumdr.com/suicide-threats-made-in-a-forum/1150/
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    Oct 19, 2014 5:18 AM GMT
    I know AOL would once respond to concerns about such online statements, as I personally learned for myself.

    Back in 2005 I living alone after my partner's death. I was online chatting in an AOL room for gays one afternoon. I began having the onset of an epileptic seizure. Realizing it, I left the computer and got into my bed.

    But not before I had evidently typed some gibberish in a chat room, as I started to become incoherent, as I can become with my form of epilepsy. Which can be mistaken for drunkenness or drugs, one of the reasons I wear an "Epileptic" medic alert bracelet, so hopefully responders will know the true cause of my condition.

    So about 2 hours later I'm awoken in my bed, and see 2 uniformed police officers standing next to me! That episode itself makes for another complete story.

    But pertinent to this thread, what brought the police there was some gays panicking at my last online posts. Where they thought I was exhibiting suicidal thoughts. Which I wasn't. I went back and reviewed the room, I was just posting misspelled gibberish, very unlike me.

    But these panicked gays contacted AOL, and told them I was suicidal. Or maybe they did it because they thought that would get AOL to more likely take some action, I dunno.

    In any case, using my account info AOL contacted the local police, who responded. And got my townhouse key from our property manager. I was finally able to convince them that I was not suicidal, just epileptic. and didn't need to be forcibly taken to a hospital for a mental evaluation as they initially said was going to be done.

    So I dunno about these online things. When should you take some kind of action regarding a post, and when are you overreacting? A tough call.

    And BTW, I have no contact info regarding Teroh. But I hope this is also not a true emergency.
  • jockdude

    Posts: 93

    Oct 19, 2014 7:04 AM GMT
    Scruffypup saidI think you have me confused with LEANDRO_NJ. He's the one who was saying you and I were handling it wrong. I sent him a message just like you did.

    I also sent the administration an email late last night but Jeff has not been taking his job seriously for months now so I doubt I will get a response. I don't know what else to do at this point.
    The only thing I can think to do is for one of us to contact the authorities and explain the situation to them so that they can then contact Admin. They would be able to track him down if he doesn't reply so he would be obligated to co-operate.
    I could contact them because I live close to Teroh (2 towns away), but I just need is some instruction on what to do and say. Let me know what you think is best.
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    Oct 19, 2014 7:17 AM GMT
    Is Teroh still an active RJ account? I'm not finding it. Where does he live?
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    Oct 19, 2014 7:33 AM GMT
    jockdude said
    Scruffypup saidI think you have me confused with LEANDRO_NJ. He's the one who was saying you and I were handling it wrong. I sent him a message just like you did.

    I also sent the administration an email late last night but Jeff has not been taking his job seriously for months now so I doubt I will get a response. I don't know what else to do at this point.
    The only thing I can think to do is for one of us to contact the authorities and explain the situation to them so that they can then contact Admin. They would be able to track him down if he doesn't reply so he would be obligated to co-operate.
    I could contact them because I live close to Teroh (2 towns away), but I just need is some instruction on what to do and say. Let me know what you think is best.



    I really don't know. Maybe if you called them they could give you some advice as to how to proceed?
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    Oct 19, 2014 7:33 AM GMT
    Art_Deco saidIs Teroh still an active RJ account? I'm not finding it. Where does he live?


    As I said in my OP, he made the suicide threat then deleted his account.
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    Oct 19, 2014 7:44 AM GMT
    I dont want to be a downer or create panic but dont you think its weird Teroh hasnt replied this thread yet with a "thanks guys Im ok" ? I mean he knew he were concerned thats why he deleted his account in the first place right? After Scruffy wrote to him.
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    Oct 19, 2014 5:21 PM GMT
    Deleting one's account after threatening suicide could be considered trollish but seems highly probable to me, especially prior to an attempt, as does ripping out phone lines and deleting browser histories. Those actions are the dead calm of reason before the storm. It may already be too late.